A couple of DD's friends were around this weekend and the subject casually turned to "when my dad used to beat me". I was right there, in the conversations over dinner, and I nearly choked on that one!
They could tell that I was shocked and both guys quickly added that they used to get hit until they got big and decided to hit back. After one defensive action, both of their dads stopped.
I asked them if they had ever considered asking for help. They both laughed and said, "We'd have to go right back home and things would have been worse!" One indicated that his dad still gets drunk and is aggressive toward his mom (not enough details for me to take any action; an implication of harsh words). The other states that his dad still drinks and gets an ugly personality, but no more hitting or threats. Sometimes they destroy property but are not physically aggressive toward people.
I told them that my DH and I would immediately support them and report any abuse. In my DH's profession, he is well versed in what is reportable and what is not. (It is very important to understand what is not because we had a past situation where we suspected it, reported it, and things were not as they seem.) They proceeded to talk about other peers who had or had not reported actions and the various outcomes. They also told me that they knew they were safe to talk to us because our DD had told them that that was not a part of our family life.
DH was raised by a physically abusive dad (toward his mom and stepmom) and he has broken the cycle. His dad hit him once as a teen, DH fought back, and it never happened again. I see the scars he carries to this day from the destructive relationship.
I was shocked at:
1) the normalcy of their conversations
2) at these "nice" families
3) at their interpretation of getting help
4) how I can already see the scars that they will carry for the rest of their lives.
I took heart at the fact that they continued to open up, even after I made it clear that I would not keep quiet if they were ever in jeopardy again.
Make no mistake, I will be on my toes for any problems and will not hesitate to make the necessary calls. I have spoken with a friend at church, who is one to intercede in her job, and she agrees that I don't have enough to make the call, especially since it is so long ago.
Just didn't expect to hear this from these guys........
They could tell that I was shocked and both guys quickly added that they used to get hit until they got big and decided to hit back. After one defensive action, both of their dads stopped.
I asked them if they had ever considered asking for help. They both laughed and said, "We'd have to go right back home and things would have been worse!" One indicated that his dad still gets drunk and is aggressive toward his mom (not enough details for me to take any action; an implication of harsh words). The other states that his dad still drinks and gets an ugly personality, but no more hitting or threats. Sometimes they destroy property but are not physically aggressive toward people.
I told them that my DH and I would immediately support them and report any abuse. In my DH's profession, he is well versed in what is reportable and what is not. (It is very important to understand what is not because we had a past situation where we suspected it, reported it, and things were not as they seem.) They proceeded to talk about other peers who had or had not reported actions and the various outcomes. They also told me that they knew they were safe to talk to us because our DD had told them that that was not a part of our family life.
DH was raised by a physically abusive dad (toward his mom and stepmom) and he has broken the cycle. His dad hit him once as a teen, DH fought back, and it never happened again. I see the scars he carries to this day from the destructive relationship.
I was shocked at:
1) the normalcy of their conversations
2) at these "nice" families
3) at their interpretation of getting help
4) how I can already see the scars that they will carry for the rest of their lives.
I took heart at the fact that they continued to open up, even after I made it clear that I would not keep quiet if they were ever in jeopardy again.
Make no mistake, I will be on my toes for any problems and will not hesitate to make the necessary calls. I have spoken with a friend at church, who is one to intercede in her job, and she agrees that I don't have enough to make the call, especially since it is so long ago.
Just didn't expect to hear this from these guys........
Am I weird because this is making me smile?
What? Like it all stopped in the '60's? Talk about being out of touch 
I was telling him... come on, don't you hear about kids getting molested or killed by their parents all the time? That's much worse than this, and it 'still' happens.
