Disney with a difficult teen

[Dawnlight]

One of my boys is very difficult these days, full of this attitude that the world needs to bow and bend to his full service, pain in the rear towards his siblings (and parents!), always finding the negative and complaining loudly about things.

I'm worried how he'll be at Disney. He doesn't know yet that we're going; we'll be telling them at Thanksgiving, but I have a feeling that he'll suck the joy right out of the surprise and vacation by complaining how stupid it is, how awful to have to wait in lines, and on and on.

Any survival tips from parents who've been there with a family member who's a complete pill?

 

[Lynne G]

Yep, if he has a cell phone, tell him this is what we are doing, if you don't want to, you can do something else, but must check in with us at .... time and you must tell me what you will be doing.

Made a much happier time for all of us. I only demanded one meal with all of us. I also let him sleep in and meet up later. My DS was 16 2 months shy of 17 when we went this August.

 

[RookieLady]

I threatened to leave them in the hotel.

We have been many times and this was a real threat. I told him that I wanted them to go which is why they were invited and that I wanted to spend time with them. However, no downers. I didn't want fighting, negativity or general meanness. I told them that their behavior had ruined my last Disney vacation (the last several were constant bickering between siblings and husband). If and when it started, I was leaving them. I told them that I didn't care that the oldest was 13, I would hire a sitter and he could sit in the hotel room humiliated by the presence of an adult (the hotels provide local sitter information and I actually used it once when my son was 2).

Every once in a while, the negativity would begin to start, and I would just say is it time to part company? They wanted to be with me, so they stopped.

Also, I made a point to allow for things they wanted to do, split up some, etc.

My son is 13 and very mouthy and picks on his little brother. But, for whatever reason, the threat worked this trip. It was a very pleasant trip.

 

[beffiegirl]

Sounds like your talking about my son! He is almost 14. He is sick of Disney since we go every year. We are going back in three days to go to the MNSSHP. He is not going! He is staying home with hubby(poor hubby). I'm taking my two younger kids, so we can enjoy it. Though sometimes my hubby even complains about crowds and annoys me. We usually go on a cruise every year too, and that suits him better. I don't know how old your son is but maybe he can go back to the room if he gets bored or annoyed. Sometimes they just don't want to be coped up with the younger kids to long. Thats what my DS says. He doesn't want to hang out with the family all day and night. Just some insight.

 

[NinaBella]

I went to Disney in 9th grade while visiting my uncle who lived in Florida (we lived out of state at that time). I got so bored walking around and riding "baby" rides with my small cousins. Finally my dad let me go off on my own. No cell phone (I'm 40). LoL. So I was just told where to meet back and at what time. I had the best time after that. I purchased pink ice ring walking around and still have that ring to this day.

Now fast forward my kids are currently 22, 20, 12, and 11. I stopped taking the older boys years ago once they started working and said they didn't want to go; but when they were younger teen boys 12-16 years old I let them go off on their own. They enjoyed walking around on their own much more than hanging out with their younger siblings riding things they liked.

Most family trips I don't even include them into anymore (older boys). I tell them about it and ask if they are interested in going but usually they say no. Saves me money in the long run.

 

[MandiC]

Does he have to go?
Honestly if I thought one of my kids would take away from the experience of the other kids I would not hesitate leaving them home. In fact, we did. Complete opposite situation but we left our then 2 and 4 year olds home when we went on our trip this winter. We wanted to really let our girls lead the way since they had never been and we knew the younger two would likely put a kink in some of the things they would enjoy most...not to mention we weren't sure about tantrums/tired kids, ect. So, we left them with grandma and grandpa for the week. They weren't old enough to really realize they were missing anything. My 4 year old asks to go *now* but he didn't feel like a week with grandma and grandpa was any less great than a week at Disney at the time

 

[Dawnlight]

Thanks for the replies so far.

This trip is a gift from my mother, who'll also be joining us. My kids have never been, and it's been over 20 years since dh and I went pre-kids. It's a once-in-a-lifetime trip for our family, and my mother has gone to great expense to provide this vacation for us, so I really want it to be pleasant and enjoyed by all.

He's 13, and while I've been to this teenage rodeo twice with my older boys, this one is something else. Middle child syndrome? Who knows, but he's wearing me thin!

He does not have a phone of his own, but there's a possibility that we could get him a cheapy for use on the trip. I'm not even sure his older brothers would want to go off together with him and leave us adults and 3 younger kids to got about seeing what we want.

I'll have to keep in mind the sitter idea!

I don't plan on doing many of the younger kid rides, but will do a couple of the classics here and there. Thankfully, all of my kids meet the height requirements for all of the rides, so our focus will be on rides that everyone will enjoy.

Keep those tips coming!

 

[mjkacmom]

The last time we went, my oldest was 11, and the definition of tween angst. She tortured her younger siblings, eye rolled everything, and I didn't like her very much at the time. Our trip was a surprise. She was a totally different person on that trip! Was happy to wear the Disney shirt and lanyard I got her, traded pins, didn't fight with her siblings, put down her cellphone...

The hard part was coming home, but I'm glad I got those 10 days. She's in college now, and almost back to normal.

BTW, I don't think it's a middle child thing. My middle is 13 1/2, and my stepford kid - has never talked back, thanks me for meals, always tells me she loves us... To this date, not one of them, even ds16, has come close to being as miserable as my oldest.

 

[disney world dreamer]

i wouldn't be taking him.
why waste money if he thinks everything is "stupid"?
i suggest you talk with your family and see if you can work it out so he stays with someone while you and the rest of the group goes.
i'd rather pay money for someone to babysit him than end up with a miserable trip.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

One of my boys is very difficult these days, full of this attitude that the world needs to bow and bend to his full service, pain in the rear towards his siblings (and parents!), always finding the negative and complaining loudly about things.

I'm worried how he'll be at Disney. He doesn't know yet that we're going; we'll be telling them at Thanksgiving, but I have a feeling that he'll suck the joy right out of the surprise and vacation by complaining how stupid it is, how awful to have to wait in lines, and on and on.

Any survival tips from parents who've been there with a family member who's a complete pill?

Not that I want to "reward"'pill behavior--we plan on having a cheap cell phone for my older kids and letting them roam.

I was allowed to roam the parks as a teen. We loved Disney--but my mom wasn't a morning person and she would eventually be disabled. At the time, we didn't know--but she needed to rest a lot and just didn't have stamina.


We loved the "baby" rides and just general freedom of exploration.

I say let the 2 older ones go off alone under set parameters and enjoy. If they abuse the privilege, they lose the privilege.


We have done some trial separations in one land and my girls had a blast. So next trip is to definitely allow more park freedom.

 

[4HOLIDAYS]

We just came back from week long trip and we go several times a year usually. This last year my DS16 had decided he is a little bored with it and def got an attitude right before we left and when we first got ther.

He was rtold after the first incident that if he was any more difficult there would be serious repercussions when we got home-no pc, no xbox...told him he needed to suck it up as this was about the family spending time together, it was only for a week, and sometimes you have to do things you don't want so make the best of it.

He was fine for the most part the rest of the time. We skipped things they did not care about, did water parks, movie, mini golf...not every am was early(2 teen boys ) and we had a good time.

 

[jcano]

Lay down the ground rules before you go. Make sure he realizes the lengths that grandma has gone to for this trip, and that you will not tolerate his attitude ruining it for everyone. Spell out what will happen if it starts - either a babysitter at the hotel or consequences at home, and stick to it.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'd suggest leaving him at Grandma's, but that won't work if she's going


Definitely send him off by himself if he becomes a pain.

 

[tor29c]

Of course I know nothing about your family but I would suggest bringing the problem child in on the secret (assuming they can be trusted to keep the secret). Ask him for his help in planning days, meals, how to reveal the secret to the rest of the family. I would much rather start at a place of fun and adventure rather than reminding him how many different punishments can be doled out if he doesn't cooperate. Just my 2 cents. Have a wonderful time!

 

[DisneyRegulars]

Of course I know nothing about your family but I would suggest bringing the problem child in on the secret (assuming they can be trusted to keep the secret). Ask him for his help in planning days, meals, how to reveal the secret to the rest of the family. I would much rather start at a place of fun and adventure rather than reminding him how many different punishments can be doled out if he doesn't cooperate. Just my 2 cents. Have a wonderful time!

I think this us such a cool idea!

 

[bennifer]

Of course I know nothing about your family but I would suggest bringing the problem child in on the secret (assuming they can be trusted to keep the secret). Ask him for his help in planning days, meals, how to reveal the secret to the rest of the family. I would much rather start at a place of fun and adventure rather than reminding him how many different punishments can be doled out if he doesn't cooperate. Just my 2 cents. Have a wonderful time!

I agree with this! My older DS was the definition of teen angst from 12-15! We did continue to go to Disney and even tho he complained about going every day leading up to the vacations once we got there, he usually was able to enjoy it with minimal eye rolls, etc. I always asked him for input on ADRs, any "extras" like parties, Cirque, a water park (we never do this at WDW) or a tour. When he complained about helping, I told him that he could either help plan or not complain at all if I chose everything, including a princess meal! That usually worked. Good luck OP!

 

[MSSANDRA]

Of course I know nothing about your family but I would suggest bringing the problem child in on the secret (assuming they can be trusted to keep the secret). Ask him for his help in planning days, meals, how to reveal the secret to the rest of the family. I would much rather start at a place of fun and adventure rather than reminding him how many different punishments can be doled out if he doesn't cooperate. Just my 2 cents. Have a wonderful time!

I love this idea. I am however the one that does not like surprise trips and I would NOT wait til Thanksgiving to tell any of the kids, and defiantly not the teens. They can easily make other plans that they might want to change. I do however love making him your personal planning assistance. Let him help choose places to eat and maybe surprises for everyone. I also agree to use positive force instead of threats, BUT if you get there and he acts like a crazy teen kid, let him know the consequences and stick to it. At that age they can get delayed consequences so I would do something like a day of grounding when you get back home for each time you have to intervene on his behavior. Or maybe part of his allowance lost. You can simply say, that is one more day, or another dollar. I would try very hard to let a lot of the stuff just roll off your back. If he is complaining about where you stop to eat, just say, "that's ok, we are going to enjoy our lunch, you can just sit and watch." Same for complaints about going on rides.
I would make him prove his maturity and attitude are at a point where you can allow him to go off without you. Not fair to his brothers to have to deal with his issues or other guest to do the same if he is being awful in the parks.
One other thought is to have your mom address the issues. Kids respond to grandparents very differently sometimes.

 

[ponyboy]

Do you have a stun gun? Also, how good are you at tying knots?

 

[set1208]

Of course I know nothing about your family but I would suggest bringing the problem child in on the secret (assuming they can be trusted to keep the secret). Ask him for his help in planning days, meals, how to reveal the secret to the rest of the family. I would much rather start at a place of fun and adventure rather than reminding him how many different punishments can be doled out if he doesn't cooperate. Just my 2 cents. Have a wonderful time!

That sounds like a smart idea! Have some info ahead of time about certain things that would appeal to him before he can complain about it being babyish. Maybe a day on his own over at Disney Quest, or fill him in on the fact that there are some great thrill rides he might like.

I've got a DD14 who is the same way. Her younger siblings are 4,6,8 so the age gap is huge and she frequently gets reeled into doing little-kid stuff. Our last family trip was fun bc I took the little three on my own a lot and my DD and DH took off to do roller coasters.

They've got those Disney for Teens books. Maybe he can scope out a couple things that'll Internet him.

Good luck!

 

[crisi]

Do you have a stun gun? Also, how good are you at tying knots?

Duct tape.

Our troublesome teen spent most of our last WDW vacation in the hotel room. And most of our last cruise in the stateroom. With difficult kids that age, you negotiate for what you can get - decide which battles are important enough to fight.

Give up on the idea of magical perfection. It won't happen. And if you get my experience, consequences won't matter - the idea is to make you mad now, what happens when he gets home is next week, too far away...and having to stay in the hotel room with endless TV is preferable to having to wander around the MK with Grandma and his family.

ETA: Our negotiation was dinner - he ate dinner with us every night. Some days he was with us for most of the day, sometimes not. We had an advantage though over you - our kids - like a lot of Disboard kids - have grown up at WDW - my kid can take a bus and meet us anywhere at WDW at 13 and 14 and not get lost. I'm not sure I'd do the same with a pouty teenager who wasn't WDW literate.