okay, now imma share something personal.... cause y'all are my 'puter friends. Those who have been here since the first thread know that my 4 daughters are all adopted (from my husbasnds 5th cousin once removed.) You also know that there are 8 other siblings we do not have. My oldest is 8 and is ADHD, ODD, OCD, bi-polar, depressed with high anxiety, has sensory issues, propreoceptive and vistibular delays and is LD. She is being medicated for the ADHD, and the bi-polar (I know some of you don't believe in medication children - please don't get upset with me untill you've walked a mile in my shoes) If some of you remember me sharing the story of her (around 2 months ago) thinking worms were invading her body. (frequent baths, wash hands 15 tiems a day, change bedding daily, picking skin, pulling out hair - its better, but not gone now.) Well last night the babysitter calls us and tells us that she took a knife and was threatning to kill herself with it. My sitter had to straddle her and pull the knife from her - OFF HER CHEST! We made it home in lightning speed. Anyway....about 3 months ago she was cutting her wrist with sharp pencils (this happened twice in school)...so our counselor has been working with us on everything. We see a counselor every other week, a psycologist once a month or every 2 weeks (depends on how things are going) we also see a ocupational theyrapis every other week, and have a group setting every other week. SO, meds are not alone, we are constantally learning how to deal with thought, emotions, and other ways of coping. I don't want any sympathy, just some prayers. I need to stay strong. It gets so hard. I also have 4 year old twins - one is special needs, and a 7 year old. It is so hard to give them all the time they need when i have my 8 year old needing me also. My Husband travels Monday- Friday and he took a vacation for this week comming up (thank god!) But I swear, Im gonna loose it. Im so sick of crying. My 8 year old says things like "Im going to live with my birth mom" "you don't love me" "call the Police, I hate it here". I've had her since she was 13 months old. It tears me up to hear these things. I just don't know what to do. I walk on pins and needles and try not to set her off. I hate calling my monm and/or sister for support when my husband is out of town, but I do. Please, just pray for me some strength, and pray for my baby to be okay. I don't want to take her to rescue crisis and have her admitted. I know she needs us right now. When she is not haveing an "eppisode" she is such a good kid, and can be so kind and gentle.

But anyhow, thanks for letting me talk about this, its so much better when I get it out.