DISappearing Peeps...A fastpass to THIN!

[Disneyfreak92]

OHhhh, didn't anybody tell you? You needed to post a full body bikini picture since it's your first week...we ALL had to do it.... ((JUST kidding))

You can KISS those numbers goodbye and good riddance! You will NEVER EVER EVER weigh that much again, forever! In fact, you actually look slimmer to me!

I'm just not sure as to how much you actually lost??? Is it .8? Can we just say 1? Let me know!

OK, I say count it as 1 please! I need it today. I didn't get to check back in last night because following dinner I decided to talk to DH again about something that has been bothering me, and it was NOT a good night. I'll get to that in a minute. First, my totals for yesterday...

B: oatmeal and yogurt - 220 calories
S: half a chocolate donut - approx. 150 calories
L: SBD wraps and Jello and about 3 bites of coconut cream pie- approx. 280 calories
S: 1 brownie - approx. 400 calories
D: chips and salsa and a dinner salad w/ no fat honey mustard dressing at Chili's - approx: 470 calories

TOTAL: approx. 1520 calories
And I drank at least 96 oz. of water! I am SO OK with that!

Now then, I am going to take a turn at getting a bit personal, but I will try to keep this short-ish. I debated whether I should talk about this here or not. But the truth is, this will have a major impact on my weight loss mission, so I feel like it is relevant. So, last night after dinner, I brought up the topic of having children with DH. This is something I have been thinking about a LOT lately, and I feel that I am ready for them once I drop some weight and get healthier. DH is not ready and it seems highly unlikely that he ever will be. (This is not the first discussion we have had on the subject.) I have had a much better relationship with my parents, particularly my mom, than he has had with his. I understand everything he is saying and why he feels the way he does. I just wish he felt differently. Part of me feels that I should try to come to terms with the idea that he won't change his mind. But part of me refuses to give up on the hope that we will have kids one day because I honestly can't imagine not ever having them, or at least trying to. We will be talking again tonight or tomorrow, depending on what time he gets home from work. Basically, I am telling you all this because it is a challenge for me not to turn to food in this situation. I have not felt this way since I lost my father and grandfather 3 years ago, within 2 weeks of each other. At that time, I kind of said to myself, "Screw it. Eat whatever you want!" That is a big part of what got me where I am today weight-wise. I will NOT do that again! I love my DH dearly, and there is nothing that we can't work through together. I told him last night that I might need to seek counseling because of this, and now I am thinking that us going together might be better. However, I am sure there is not time for that until next month because of his schedule at work for their January sale. So, we will have to work through it on our own until then. I can't help but wonder if we were settled in Florida (We are planning on moving there in a couple of years.), and our career plans were panning out successfully, if he might feel differently, but neither of us can know that now. And I am now 33 years old and worried that 4-5 years from now, when all that will hopefully have happened, that I may not be able to have kids any longer. Heck, who know if I can have them now? My mom tried for several years (I believe 8.) before she finally had me when she was 29, and she has had both breast cancer and a hystorectomy (because of anemia and other issues) since then. Besides, I want a child now. I am all about compromise, and I can wait, but 4-5 years seems like a very long time, especially when I have no way of knowing if things will actually change at that time. I have always thought that if we tried to have kids and were not able to do so, that I would be OK with that. It would be hard, but I have a great relationship with DH, and we would be happy just the two of us. It is a lot harder to think about never trying to have kids in the first place. Anyway, this is what I am dealing with. And when I think about food, I am telling myself that it will not solve my problems. In fact, it will only make them worse. So, I am glad I have you all to both be accountable to and to turn to for support. So, wish me luck in both my future conversations with DH and those conversations with myself about making healthy choices.

I have a couple of girlfriends coming over later to do a belated Christmas exchange and celebrate my birthday. We are going to go do something girlie, I think. Maybe dinner and a chick flick. I WILL be good! Maybe we'll eat at Chili's again. I like their healthy choices.

So, love to you all. Have a skinny day!

 

[S.Poppins]

Lynda, this is a tough issue. I have a friend who went through the same thing. She had no idea until after they were married that her DH did not want children. Did you know before you got married that your DH was not sure about kids. I am not sure if you are a Christian or not, but prayer works. It is good that you are able to talk about it honestly. Keep talking. There is never a perfect time to have kids.

Lindsey - I love your Sawyer signature! We got hooked on Lost during Christmas. I am all caught up now and ready for the rest of season 3.

 

[pixie dust 112]

OK, I say count it as 1 please! I need it today. I didn't get to check back in last night because following dinner I decided to talk to DH again about something that has been bothering me, and it was NOT a good night. I'll get to that in a minute. First, my totals for yesterday...

B: oatmeal and yogurt - 220 calories
S: half a chocolate donut - approx. 150 calories
L: SBD wraps and Jello and about 3 bites of coconut cream pie- approx. 280 calories
S: 1 brownie - approx. 400 calories
D: chips and salsa and a dinner salad w/ no fat honey mustard dressing at Chili's - approx: 470 calories

TOTAL: approx. 1520 calories
And I drank at least 96 oz. of water! I am SO OK with that!

Now then, I am going to take a turn at getting a bit personal, but I will try to keep this short-ish. I debated whether I should talk about this here or not. But the truth is, this will have a major impact on my weight loss mission, so I feel like it is relevant. So, last night after dinner, I brought up the topic of having children with DH. This is something I have been thinking about a LOT lately, and I feel that I am ready for them once I drop some weight and get healthier. DH is not ready and it seems highly unlikely that he ever will be. (This is not the first discussion we have had on the subject.) I have had a much better relationship with my parents, particularly my mom, than he has had with his. I understand everything he is saying and why he feels the way he does. I just wish he felt differently. Part of me feels that I should try to come to terms with the idea that he won't change his mind. But part of me refuses to give up on the hope that we will have kids one day because I honestly can't imagine not ever having them, or at least trying to. We will be talking again tonight or tomorrow, depending on what time he gets home from work. Basically, I am telling you all this because it is a challenge for me not to turn to food in this situation. I have not felt this way since I lost my father and grandfather 3 years ago, within 2 weeks of each other. At that time, I kind of said to myself, "Screw it. Eat whatever you want!" That is a big part of what got me where I am today weight-wise. I will NOT do that again! I love my DH dearly, and there is nothing that we can't work through together. I told him last night that I might need to seek counseling because of this, and now I am thinking that us going together might be better. However, I am sure there is not time for that until next month because of his schedule at work for their January sale. So, we will have to work through it on our own until then. I can't help but wonder if we were settled in Florida (We are planning on moving there in a couple of years.), and our career plans were panning out successfully, if he might feel differently, but neither of us can know that now. And I am now 33 years old and worried that 4-5 years from now, when all that will hopefully have happened, that I may not be able to have kids any longer. Heck, who know if I can have them now? My mom tried for several years (I believe 8.) before she finally had me when she was 29, and she has had both breast cancer and a hystorectomy (because of anemia and other issues) since then. Besides, I want a child now. I am all about compromise, and I can wait, but 4-5 years seems like a very long time, especially when I have no way of knowing if things will actually change at that time. I have always thought that if we tried to have kids and were not able to do so, that I would be OK with that. It would be hard, but I have a great relationship with DH, and we would be happy just the two of us. It is a lot harder to think about never trying to have kids in the first place. Anyway, this is what I am dealing with. And when I think about food, I am telling myself that it will not solve my problems. In fact, it will only make them worse. So, I am glad I have you all to both be accountable to and to turn to for support. So, wish me luck in both my future conversations with DH and those conversations with myself about making healthy choices.

I have a couple of girlfriends coming over later to do a belated Christmas exchange and celebrate my birthday. We are going to go do something girlie, I think. Maybe dinner and a chick flick. I WILL be good! Maybe we'll eat at Chili's again. I like their healthy choices.

So, love to you all. Have a skinny day!

What a tough thing to disagree about! I'll be keeping you in my prayers. Here's some for you!

 

[aries1980]

Lynda, keeping in my thoughts and prayers wishing all the luck i can..

 

[eeyore45]

Bee that was beautiful - thank you for sharing your grandma with us - mine also was an amazing woman!! Go Grandmas!!

Lynda I remember (as does dh!) the discussions we had, he also was determined to wait... and I was pushing... 30 aaack! (and to be clear, my mom had me at 18, my closest friends and relatives all started having kids around the age of 20!! ) One night when my sister/cousin were over, I remember thinking, this is it. I'm drawing a line in the sand... and the dear man FELL ASLEEP!! Right in the middle of the discussion (OK so we were in bed!!) I was so angry... (this he remembers!!) I grabbed him by the leg and squeezed real hard and nearly screeched I'm sure... "I NEED< WANT HAVE to have a baby NOW"

That woke him up!!

and prayers and

 

[Bee]

Bee that was beautiful - thank you for sharing your grandma with us - mine also was an amazing woman!! Go Grandmas!!

Lynda I remember (as does dh!) the discussions we had, he also was determined to wait... and I was pushing... 30 aaack! (and to be clear, my mom had me at 18, my closest friends and relatives all started having kids around the age of 20!! ) One night when my sister/cousin were over, I remember thinking, this is it. I'm drawing a line in the sand... and the dear man FELL ASLEEP!! Right in the middle of the discussion (OK so we were in bed!!) I was so angry... (this he remembers!!) I grabbed him by the leg and squeezed real hard and nearly screeched I'm sure... "I NEED< WANT HAVE to have a baby NOW"

That woke him up!!

and prayers and

First.. I want to thank you for your kind words.. but, I want to point out just how special this relationship was.. she was my greatgrandmother.. She was my mothers grandmother.. I was so blessed to be so close to someone that was that far generation wise from me.. She was cool too.. ok-short story about my g-grandmother. She raised 3 of her 4 grandchildren as well. Well, when my Uncle was a teenager my g-grandmother was doing wash and she found "rubbers" (not the kind you wear on your feet ) in his pocket. Instead of confronting him she just turned on the record turntable and placed it on there.. so he knew she knew... but, never said a word! how funny. I have so many stories.

Lynda- I am sorry to hear about the baby situation. I will be sending

 

[S.Poppins]

How do I take a pic from photobucket and make it into my avatar?

 

[lexmelinda]

How do I take a pic from photobucket and make it into my avatar?

Stacey....Go into edit and then click on "resize". Resize it to "avatar".

 

[dwheatl]

Love you all. Sorry for the heartache and struggles some are going through. I took Mom to the dr. yesterday, and they had missed a serious injury after her car accident last week. Long story short-I'm taking her 2X a day to have a wound cleaned and dressed. Big worry because she's DIABETIC (for all of us worried about our healthy weight). Please pray for her to keep her leg.

Alright, on the up side, thanks to Wheat Thin for his comments (that really should be my name when I get the weight off, ya know). Here's one for the tag fairy-DH thinks I'm booty-licious. So my worries are all about the health. I don't want my kids to have to worry about me like I worry about my mom. Keep slimming, and make healthy choices.

 

[Disneyfreak92]

Lynda, this is a tough issue. I have a friend who went through the same thing. She had no idea until after they were married that her DH did not want children. Did you know before you got married that your DH was not sure about kids. I am not sure if you are a Christian or not, but prayer works. It is good that you are able to talk about it honestly. Keep talking. There is never a perfect time to have kids.

Before we were married, he DID want children. Since we have been married, many things have changed. We are in a place financially where we never thought we would be. Because of his promotion to finance manager, we have been able to get new furniture for our living room, join DVC, take multiple trips to WDW, finance my photography hobby that will hopefully turn into a career, and save up for a move to Florida. We have a lot of freedom both financially and with our time because we don't have kids, and he admits that while selfish, he is not willing to make the sacrifices that having a kid requires at this time, and he is not sure if and when that will change. His parents were very young when they had him (16 and 19) and were divorced before he was 2, I think. He has had some issues with his father, which I think have become worse since we have been married in the sense that our marriage has taken time away from his dad (and his father can be very immature about that), and I think Josh has matured a lot since we have been together and sees his dad a little bit differently. Not to mention the fact that he now sees the relationship I have with my mom (which is pretty good), so he has something to compare his to now. Also, (and this is the part I have some control over, if I am right) he has concerns about what it would do to our relationship. All the changes that have occurred since we have been together have made me a rather stressed out, absent-minded person. I have some plans to get back control of various things in my life (my weight for example), and I think that may have an impact on how he looks at it. It will have a positive impact on our relationship at the very least. I have been thinking a lot today, and I think that we will be having many future conversations about the subject. I feel much better right now than I did this morning. I'll just have to see if that continues after we talk again.

Thanks all!

 

[Disneyfreak92]

Oh! I almost forgot! I am a Christian, and yes, I have been praying and will be doing a lot more, I am sure! Thank you all for keeping me in yours. You all will be in mine as well!

 

[pixie dust 112]

Hi peeps! I'm just back from purchasing the Birthday elliptical machine. DH has to put it together and then I'll be good to go! (Not sure how long this will take tho!)

Of course, on the other hand, my neighbor just took my order for 8 boxes of Girl Scout cookies! Oh well you only get about 2 to a box and I know the kids and Dh will eat most of them. They have a sugar free brownie cookie this year so I ordered two boxes of those for DM (dear me!)

Danielle ~ prayers and for your mom!

 

[eeyore45]

Bee I can only imagine what a strong, amazing woman your ggrandma was - I loved the 'rubber' story!! I know my brother totally respect our grandma, I was a Senior in hs, and my dad was locked in at work ( a strike!) my mom was on a "girls only retreat" 2 states away... and my Freshman brother was going to have a pot/beer party... I got on the phone to our grandma (from Texas, we were in IN) and I dont know what she said, but it made him cry... and he was SOOOooo mad at me.... but he didnt ever think of having a party at our house again!! Gotta love those women!! I do try and raise our kids based on that love.... its not easy!

Lynda in your next talk to your dh, be sure and affirm his position, and ask if he can see your needs. Then, let it go until after your affirmation with the health/weight/peep meet!! I'm not sure if you were down for the 5K Jan '08, but maybe if he can see your love and determination, and know that in your heart there's room, God makes room.... Its just a feeling I got from your post, to have your talk really really focus on all the positive things in your relationship, (and you have posted a lot of positive - your relationship could've gone a much different way, but look how much love got you through...) and then let him watch you... let him observe... and I'll just bet his hardened heart will start to melt like the fat on my behind!!!

 

[the Fidge]

Linyda - My prayers and hopes are with you! I was told many moons ago I could not conceive, it ws very hard to hear and decided to go full force at my careeer and gorw old with my cats!

God, on the other hand had a wonderfully different plan...MY DH!! I was scheduled to have knee surgery and had to get blood work prior to admissions to have the Dr call and say go back they must have made an error they have you as preganant and he was as shocked as I was to learn sruegery would be cancelled I was preganant! The dr had tehm run 4 tests, he was shocked! This was a long standing and a diagnosis given by more than 4 specialists in NY!

To my joy I gave birth to that wonderful DS10 who has filled my life with joy beyonds my wildest dreams! Dh and I had resided to the idea that adoption would be our option but God had another plan! My Ds is a constant daily remeinder of Gods great miracles!

I on the other hand became greddy and lost all 6 pregnancies after my DS I ate away my pain so no one could see the pain inside and put on a happy face! My pain caught up with me when I faced the fact I was not cherishing the miracles every day of my son but being a bit distant to everyone just enough to keep me thinking at night when everyone was snugggled in for the night. I would think of what I DID NOT HAVE rahter than what I did have. The gift of my husband the gift of my son and how I yearned and longed for what I did not have.

I am finally on the otherside of this and am in full swing menapuase Yiippee and faced my truth that I got greedy!!!! So this year I have promised myself to recommit to giving my family back the woman that my husband fell in love with and my son's mother back.

I pray you will know God's will for you and and it will be what you want too! I now have kids, I drive for school the handicapped and volunteer and if all goes well I am being interviewed for an asssitant job with the challenged students in school...will see what God thinks of that idea.

I have meet along my journey with this many ladies who have conceived when all drs stand scratching their heads but we know who is really in charge of that!!!

The strangest of all is to learn that most of our struggles are for us to teach and show someone else God's mercy! I can say that today I coudl not say that 3 years ago I last miscarried on my birthday begging and praying for God's mercy and thought he did not hear me. Today, I know he heard me and gave me all his love and lets me heal too!

I know it takes a great love of God and huamnity and a speacial perosn who craves to give their love to a child. God Bless you ! Ok I promised myself not to cry or get all emotional writing this..............NOT!!! Sorry...


OK UM I utterly refuse to pose in a bikini do you how many young men boys and children could be scared for life if I did!!! Well on the upside we could use that a suggested form of birth control!!!!

ok I will turning 43 on June 24th and would love to wear a bathying suit in public by then!!!

Have a great day all!!!

Duh I forgot to tell you the most important part....DH was not keen on the adoption idea nad told me later he was just happy to be toethger just the tow of us and said it just to keep the peace!!

Oh and EEYORE... I would love to participate for that 5k if you could squeeze my bum in their!!! Hopefully it will be much smaller by then!

 

[eeyore45]

Pixiedust - you are smokin now!! look out minnies, she's gonna overtake us in NO time!!

I stayed on point so far!! I passed all those nasty fast food joints, healthy or not... they're gone... and I've got a crock pot going with Beef Barley Soup - mostly broth and leftover rib roast bones!!

But the water, while out looking at more scrapbook stuff... I know where all the potties are and I'm not pregnant!!!

so have you lifted your arms behind your back yet??? hmmm??? come on, get rid of that flab under those arms!!!

 

[UtahMama]

OK, I say count it as 1 please! I need it today. I didn't get to check back in last night because following dinner I decided to talk to DH again about something that has been bothering me, and it was NOT a good night. I'll get to that in a minute. First, my totals for yesterday...

B: oatmeal and yogurt - 220 calories
S: half a chocolate donut - approx. 150 calories
L: SBD wraps and Jello and about 3 bites of coconut cream pie- approx. 280 calories
S: 1 brownie - approx. 400 calories
D: chips and salsa and a dinner salad w/ no fat honey mustard dressing at Chili's - approx: 470 calories

TOTAL: approx. 1520 calories
And I drank at least 96 oz. of water! I am SO OK with that!

Now then, I am going to take a turn at getting a bit personal, but I will try to keep this short-ish. I debated whether I should talk about this here or not. But the truth is, this will have a major impact on my weight loss mission, so I feel like it is relevant. So, last night after dinner, I brought up the topic of having children with DH. This is something I have been thinking about a LOT lately, and I feel that I am ready for them once I drop some weight and get healthier. DH is not ready and it seems highly unlikely that he ever will be. (This is not the first discussion we have had on the subject.) I have had a much better relationship with my parents, particularly my mom, than he has had with his. I understand everything he is saying and why he feels the way he does. I just wish he felt differently. Part of me feels that I should try to come to terms with the idea that he won't change his mind. But part of me refuses to give up on the hope that we will have kids one day because I honestly can't imagine not ever having them, or at least trying to. We will be talking again tonight or tomorrow, depending on what time he gets home from work. Basically, I am telling you all this because it is a challenge for me not to turn to food in this situation. I have not felt this way since I lost my father and grandfather 3 years ago, within 2 weeks of each other. At that time, I kind of said to myself, "Screw it. Eat whatever you want!" That is a big part of what got me where I am today weight-wise. I will NOT do that again! I love my DH dearly, and there is nothing that we can't work through together. I told him last night that I might need to seek counseling because of this, and now I am thinking that us going together might be better. However, I am sure there is not time for that until next month because of his schedule at work for their January sale. So, we will have to work through it on our own until then. I can't help but wonder if we were settled in Florida (We are planning on moving there in a couple of years.), and our career plans were panning out successfully, if he might feel differently, but neither of us can know that now. And I am now 33 years old and worried that 4-5 years from now, when all that will hopefully have happened, that I may not be able to have kids any longer. Heck, who know if I can have them now? My mom tried for several years (I believe 8.) before she finally had me when she was 29, and she has had both breast cancer and a hystorectomy (because of anemia and other issues) since then. Besides, I want a child now. I am all about compromise, and I can wait, but 4-5 years seems like a very long time, especially when I have no way of knowing if things will actually change at that time. I have always thought that if we tried to have kids and were not able to do so, that I would be OK with that. It would be hard, but I have a great relationship with DH, and we would be happy just the two of us. It is a lot harder to think about never trying to have kids in the first place. Anyway, this is what I am dealing with. And when I think about food, I am telling myself that it will not solve my problems. In fact, it will only make them worse. So, I am glad I have you all to both be accountable to and to turn to for support. So, wish me luck in both my future conversations with DH and those conversations with myself about making healthy choices.

I have a couple of girlfriends coming over later to do a belated Christmas exchange and celebrate my birthday. We are going to go do something girlie, I think. Maybe dinner and a chick flick. I WILL be good! Maybe we'll eat at Chili's again. I like their healthy choices.

So, love to you all. Have a skinny day!

Wow! Thank you for sharing! When I look at your DH, I see major wonderful daddy material! Look at him! He's a great big kid He's probably just scared of not being good enough or able to support a family etc. It seems like most guys are that way. If you wait till you live in a certain spot, or make more money or graduate school or get a promotion (etc) you'll be 50 years old. Give him time. He's awesome, I can tell (not really, he just looks nice and huggy). I hope you'll pray with him for guidance. Maybe his heart will soften in time. Meanwhile, dont do what I did and start buying baby stuff just to save...and moping when I passed by baby clothes at the store! THAT wasn't my best moment. Future daddy's are funny. My DH would instantly go into "we dont have enough money mode" when I'd either tell him I wanted a baby or (worse) when it was a surprise (my last little one). BUT, all that is melted away when they hold that little soft bundle in the hospital. For some reason, God just takes care of things.

 

[the Fidge]

ok will go and sit queitly in corner have a nice day!

 

[winkers]

GRRRRRR! I just spent 1/2 hour typing a long "true confession" and finally figuring out how to put up a picture.......thanks Melinda! And then my computer had a glitch, and I lost everything.

Bee, thanks for sharing about your great grandma! I've had some amazing women in my life too. Grandma's rock!

Lynda, I can't imagine how frustrated you must feel. Wether or not to have kids never was a problem for me since even tho I was on bc I got pregnant 3 months after we were married. So I became a mom at the ripe ol age of 19! Hang in there!

Thanks to wheathins I was thinking about why I realy want to loose weight and that could take hours to explain in full. Mostly I just want to feel good about myself on the outside, and there is alot of diabetes in my family. I've seen all of the side effects and I've sworn I'm going to beet it! My other issue is with how I feel with my family. I was always the ugly duckling growing up, and a few years ago my dad even admited that yes I was. OUCH! That one hurt. Anyways my sisters and mom are all beautifull skiny minnies who could eat whatever they wanted. Then there was me with an extra 10lbs no matter what I did. I was a whopping size 10 when I graduated and thought I was gigantic. Oh to be that huge now!! So I'm tired of going home and feeling like daughterzilla when I hug my mom, and feeling horrible when I see family pictures. Anyhoo, here's a pictue of my lil sis, mom and I last April, when I was there for a visit..............................

 

[summersk]

Lynda I am so sorry that you are going through this, but you are doing the right thing talking about it with your DH. Having open non argumental conversations about things that deeply affect the two of you are SO important. Having emotional struggles definately affects your weight loss, I know that on a really bad day I have to pull my will power with all my might and sometimes it's still not enough. You'll make it through and be healthier and happier, just remind yourself that the food that you are thinking of eating will NOT ease the pain and can actually make it worse when you think about it later (or at least it does for me). What about thinking about seeing someone (therapist) for yourself now, and DH joining you when he can after the sale? Good Luck, vent here anytime (I sure do )

I worked out today peeps!!! I WILL be a SKINNY MINNIE! (and I'll always be a protein I guess lol, although if you are what you eat I guess I am a soybean) 1 hour taekwon do, with a Bo staff training follow up (training with a 6 foot stick ) 30 minutes running on the TM, and some light weight lifting & stretching afterwards

I do need to eat though. So far I have eaten:

BF: Apple & H20
Snack H20
Lunch: 100 calorie mini popcorn bag w/some butter buds sprinkles (10 calories worth )
H20
2 veggie crackers at the grocery store (WHY do they have to put out samples?)
Dinner: Unknown at this point I need a shower worse than I need a meal I do want to binge eat as my oldest DD just called to tell me all about the new things Daddy bought her and her little sis (he's buying them new toys, ect EVERYTIME he sees them now ) Oh, well at least she's excited that it's a new video game that she can play with me when she gets home tomorrow

I know that I am WAY low on calories, but I have been so busy today shaking the that I haven't had time, now if I can just be resonable tonight when I am all alone

Wheathins: Thanks for explaining! No harm done. You are welcome to join us we'll try to keep the estrogen under control

Untill later,
summers

Oh yeah I almost forgot: BIRTHDAY NOVEMBER 5th 1977
And I'm tagless to. My old user name summersfam4 had like 565 posts and was also tagless

 

[eeyore45]

Linyda - My prayers and hopes are with you! I was told many moons ago I could not conceive, it ws very hard to hear and decided to go full force at my careeer and gorw old with my cats!

God, on the other hand had a wonderfully different plan...MY DH!! I was scheduled to have knee surgery and had to get blood work prior to admissions to have the Dr call and say go back they must have made an error they have you as preganant and he was as shocked as I was to learn sruegery would be cancelled I was preganant! The dr had tehm run 4 tests, he was shocked! This was a long standing and a diagnosis given by more than 4 specialists in NY!

To my joy I gave birth to that wonderful DS10 who has filled my life with joy beyonds my wildest dreams! Dh and I had resided to the idea that adoption would be our option but God had another plan! My Ds is a constant daily remeinder of Gods great miracles!

I on the other hand became greddy and lost all 6 pregnancies after my DS I ate away my pain so no one could see the pain inside and put on a happy face! My pain caught up with me when I faced the fact I was not cherishing the miracles every day of my son but being a bit distant to everyone just enough to keep me thinking at night when everyone was snugggled in for the night. I would think of what I DID NOT HAVE rahter than what I did have. The gift of my husband the gift of my son and how I yearned and longed for what I did not have.

I am finally on the otherside of this and am in full swing menapuase Yiippee and faced my truth that I got greedy!!!! So this year I have promised myself to recommit to giving my family back the woman that my husband fell in love with and my son's mother back.

I pray you will know God's will for you and and it will be what you want too! I now have kids, I drive for school the handicapped and volunteer and if all goes well I am being interviewed for an asssitant job with the challenged students in school...will see what God thinks of that idea.

I have meet along my journey with this many ladies who have conceived when all drs stand scratching their heads but we know who is really in charge of that!!!

The strangest of all is to learn that most of our struggles are for us to teach and show someone else God's mercy! I can say that today I coudl not say that 3 years ago I last miscarried on my birthday begging and praying for God's mercy and thought he did not hear me. Today, I know he heard me and gave me all his love and lets me heal too!

I know it takes a great love of God and huamnity and a speacial perosn who craves to give their love to a child. God Bless you ! Ok I promised myself not to cry or get all emotional writing this..............NOT!!! Sorry...


OK UM I utterly refuse to pose in a bikini do you how many young men boys and children could be scared for life if I did!!! Well on the upside we could use that a suggested form of birth control!!!!

ok I will turning 43 on June 24th and would love to wear a bathying suit in public by then!!!

Have a great day all!!!

Duh I forgot to tell you the most important part....DH was not keen on the adoption idea nad told me later he was just happy to be toethger just the tow of us and said it just to keep the peace!!

Oh and EEYORE... I would love to participate for that 5k if you could squeeze my bum in their!!! Hopefully it will be much smaller by then!

Thank you for taking the time to share!! Sometimes I forget that higher power - God does have a plan, trying to figure it out sometimes, or sometimes I run from it, and feel like Jonah being swallowed by the whale!!

I too suffered a few miscarriages, and an ectopic pregnancy... how dd came to be -its truly God's plan!! (I have a 21 and 18 DS - and then DD!!)

Hope you're having a great day!!