dilema - Freshmen Football or Vacation??

[golfgal]

My DS15 doesn't play football, but he IS in the band, and they start practicing at the beginning of August (the second week, I believe). Band (ours anyway) is a big deal here. My DS would not want to miss it for anything.

That said, when he was a freshman, I wouldn't let him miss any of the practices because he was new and didn't know anything yet.

Now that he is an "upperclassman" and knows how things run, I may feel differently about him missing a few days, but he still would not want to miss. The directors strongly encourage parents to plan vacations accordingly, but they would never kick a kid out of band for missing a couple of days of summer band practice. I'm not so sure that football runs the same way...something tells me that your son might sit on the bench.

I'd try to change your dates.

Our band starts practicing in mid-July. Unexcused absences, which a family vacation would be, could very well get you kicked out of the band here. The band schedule for next summer will be out within the next couple weeks (if isn't already, I haven't checked) and vacations are not considered an acceptable excuse to miss. Everyone in the band knows pretty much when stuff happens (band camp, drill camp, etc.) so even without the schedule you know NOT to schedule any vacations after mid-July.

 

[golfgal]

I'm sorry, I disagree. It sends a message that if you sign up for something you stick with it even if that means sacrificing other things.

Exactly, you signed up to play football (or whatever) you made a commitment to that activity and accepted the schedule and demands of that commitment. It is kind of like having a JOB, you can't just take off whenever you want.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The virtual temper tantrum you feel like throwing (per your own post)--leads me to this point...

If you feel that you would want to have a fit when things don't go your way, take that as a sign that you are possibly asking too much.

If he wants to play football, then let him play.

My parents let me make a decision freshman year about colorguard or something else I wanted to participate. It wasn't a whole family thing, but it required dropping colorguard . I regret making that decision. Completely!

If he really wants to play--compromising that over a vacation would be dumb. Years from now, he isn't going to say "gee, I'm glad I skipped summer practices and ultimately got dropped from the team so that I could go to Disney world (and eat for free)".

Place yourself in his shoes.

Make the change to a more convenient date, even if it costs money, or simply--go without him.

Again--the fact that you stated that you feel like stomping your feet over this--weighs heavily on my response. I do feel you are being unreasonable regardless of how long you have planned this.

 

[marcyinPA]

Our band starts practicing in mid-July. Unexcused absences, which a family vacation would be, could very well get you kicked out of the band here. The band schedule for next summer will be out within the next couple weeks (if isn't already, I haven't checked) and vacations are not considered an acceptable excuse to miss. Everyone in the band knows pretty much when stuff happens (band camp, drill camp, etc.) so even without the schedule you know NOT to schedule any vacations after mid-July.

I would say that 99% of the band parents do not plan vacations during summer band. But our directors are fair, and if that is the ONLY time a family can go away, then they make it work.

Now that I think of it, my DS did miss two days of summer band practice his freshman year because we had a family wedding out of state. The directors were wonderful...my DS tends to be high strung about stuff like that and was worried sick about missing band. The directors told him to go and have fun. And the band was still FABULOUS.

I do think that our band is different from yours though...we are more of a regimental band and not a "show" band. We do field shows, but we don't have all the intricacies of a drum and bugle corps type of band. And we don't have band front. We have bagpipes and majorettes. Our band is internationally renowned because of the style of band we are, but I know that marching band here is NOT what it is in the mid-west!

Back to football....her son will be benched if he doesn't attend practice.

 

[tlbwriter]

welcome to football, I am surprised you didnt realize this sooner.

Since the OP is divorced, maybe this information made it to the dad or stepmom but not to mom. It happens.

OP, if you were surprised to learn this about football, I was twice as surprised to learn that marching band is the same way. Things were a lot more laid back in my day! Thank goodness I have friends with older kids in band so I know what to expect.

 

[njmom47]

We were on the other end of the stick, although it did not involve a vacation.
My son committed to freshman football (he had not played football, he's a life-long baseball player, pretty good athlete, 6'1 180 at age 14) but attended EVERY practice, played 5 downs the entire season. There was a day when a football game was to be made up (too much rain), and the baseball fall ball playoffs were going on, where he opted to play football! When he mentioned to the football coach he might have to play in the baseball playoffs (seriously, the same kids he's been with since age 9) the coach gave him the "committment" speech. Ok, he could not have been more dedicated to football IMO but what did the coach want from him? To suit up and stand on the sidelines for nothing (again)? We were lucky in the fact the baseball field was too wet to play, so that game was rescheduled.
Totally different attitudes between the sports...so I would agree, they would cut him or severely penalize him if he missed any time of camp or practice.

ETA and that is why all our vacations are travel baseball tournaments!!

 

[Hannathy]

I'm sorry, I disagree. It sends a message that if you sign up for something you stick with it even if that means sacrificing other things.

And as others have said it isn't just football. Band, Theater are the same way. Try getting a part in a play/musical your first year and then missing a week of rehearsal and see if you are still in the show OR are ever in more than the chorus or extra for the rest of your HS career if that.

Plus the kids develop a camaraderie that you just don't do that to each other.

 

[debster812]

I think once you hit HS sports, it's pretty much the same.

DS was given a great opportunity this year to be allowed to try out for, and play with the HS JV soccer team as an 8th grader. Once he decided he was going to go for it, he REALLY threw himself into it.

There were captain's practices all summer, 3x a week, 4 days of tryouts, then a week of coaches' practice before school started. He did not miss a single session.

He started about 1/2 the games, most of the time over upperclassmen (Freshman & Sophomores), the coaches told him it was as much for his skill as it was for his effort, work rate, and dedication.

We understand this process now, and realize that as long as he continues at this school, in this program, this is what his summers will be like.

 

[undertheradar]

Here in CA the teams are able to workout and do team activities year round. We have a 3 week mandated "quiet" period, otherwise the activity takes place. During the 3 week period, participants are expected to take part in conditioning drills if they are in town. These drills are run by trainers, no coaches are allowed during the "quiet" period. The band and drill team were there every day of the summer, putting in every bit as much work.
If your son wants to play, you will need to change your plans.

 

[HM]

I'd think you would have to cancel the vacation.
My DD play HS tennis and they start tryouts 1st week of Aug (school doesn't start until 25th). We can't do vacation in August anymore.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

OP, I feel your pain. We have gone the last week of August (right before school starts here) for free dining for our last two trips. I would love to take advantage of free dining again, as well, but between the older two kids with school/football/baseball and band/guard, we just can't. We'll be sucking it up and paying rack rate for the first time and going for Thanksgiving week this year. It's either that or go Christmas/New Year's. We literally have no other free time to go all year-travel baseball runs right into fall football. Face it, there *is* a reason why there are non-peak times and free dining. It's because these dates don't work for MOST people- you are not alone!

I think either making him stay home or making him not play football aren't really fair options for him. It's only fair to reschedule so the whole family can go.

 

[Colleen27]

There were captain's practices all summer, 3x a week, 4 days of tryouts, then a week of coaches' practice before school started. He did not miss a single session.

Here in CA the teams are able to workout and do team activities year round. We have a 3 week mandated "quiet" period, otherwise the activity takes place. During the 3 week period, participants are expected to take part in conditioning drills if they are in town. These drills are run by trainers, no coaches are allowed during the "quiet" period. The band and drill team were there every day of the summer, putting in every bit as much work.
If your son wants to play, you will need to change your plans.

Well, I guess I should stop complaining about DS's schedule. Here, the state high school athletic association has limits on when practices can start, so at least we have from the time school gets out in June until the second week of August for family vacations. We won't do Disney that time of year, but we can still manage to fit in a family trip somewhere.

I really don't think I'd be inclined to accommodate year-round sports expectations. It is perfectly reasonable to expect athletes to be available for practices for the duration of the season, but expecting them to be available for practices for their entire 4 years of high school is absurd. They'll have enough years of people placing those kinds of demands on their time when they're working; a sport just isn't worth it to me.

 

[Mkrop]

Since the OP is divorced, maybe this information made it to the dad or stepmom but not to mom. It happens.

OP, if you were surprised to learn this about football, I was twice as surprised to learn that marching band is the same way. Things were a lot more laid back in my day! Thank goodness I have friends with older kids in band so I know what to expect.

I guess in a divorce situation this could happen but wouldnt his dad know what the commitment entails, and tell the OP before she booked a trip. We always go over our calendars before we book a trip anywhere, whether it is sports or school related, weddings etc. Some things we are willing to sacrifice and other things we know we cant.

Football is a different animal all together, the commitment is very high, and all that condtioning and practice that takes up sooooo much time, even in the summer, is to keep the players safe.

 

[VickiVM]

I urge anyone who cannot get the package they want w/WDW because of prior commitments please go to the "We Love Bonnet Creek Resort" thread:

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2114303

There ARE other options that can still save you tons of money and give you a top notch vacation. This coming from someone who ONLY stayed on-site 7 times until last August.

 

[dawson5]

We haven't taken a proper vacation in three years. Our youngest plays travel baseball and they both play football (and basketball, wrestling and track). One ends and the next begins, usually back to back. It's a commitment that they are willing to make and they know what they are giving up. We do try to go for mini-vacations to Cedar Point instead. We've taken a weekend early in summer to Louisville. We've learned to work around it. If they are willing to put the time and commitment into it, we're willing to help them succeed in their endeavors.

They do know that we put a high value on education and do not take them out of school for vacations. That was never an option.

ETA: My son is a freshman this year. They were given info on freshman football requirements and time commitment at the end of the 8th grade football banquet. There was another flyer given out around January to all former football players, giving a timeline of the upcoming time commitments, what was required and what was urged.

 

[tlbwriter]

I guess in a divorce situation this could happen but wouldnt his dad know what the commitment entails, and tell the OP before she booked a trip.

Do you not know any divorced people?

Yes, somebody should know. The child himself should know. But things happen. Information gets missed or forgotten.

 

[Mkrop]

Do you not know any divorced people?

Yes, somebody should know. The child himself should know. But things happen. Information gets missed or forgotten.

Plenty but the parents also seem to know what their own child's commitments are...

 

[shortbun]

I'm sorry, I disagree. It sends a message that if you sign up for something you stick with it even if that means sacrificing other things.

That's not what I'm talking about at all. It's the jockhead mentality that some schools have-all you have to do is be eligible, grades are not important, family is not important. Talk about commitment...what about the commitment to family? And-I have seen some ridiculous coaching mistakes. This year, our football team was practicing on the field next to the soccer team. There was a tornado spotted about 6 miles west of the school and the sirens went off. I went to get my son from soccer because I knew they'd be in and we only live 3 blocks from school. The soccer team was in and in the hall, away from glass and protected as best the coaches could. The football team was still practicing. The coaches made the call. The winds came, the sirens continued to go off...the football team stayed on the field and practiced. This is the type of thing the football programs all over our country do and get away with. I've seen it for years and it's dangerous. Kids dropping from heat exhaustion-the boy code-footballers thinking they can bully anyone because they are the footballers... and parents and coaches who think that football is to be worshipped-more important than family-are just sending these kids into an unreal world. Yes, you commit to something-you stick with it but geesh, people, pay some attention to what your children are being asked to do. It's no wonder we, as a country, are in huge trouble when people place so much importance on high school football. And before you say I don't get it....oh, I get it very clearly.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I urge anyone who cannot get the package they want w/WDW because of prior commitments please go to the "We Love Bonnet Creek Resort" thread:

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2114303

There ARE other options that can still save you tons of money and give you a top notch vacation. This coming from someone who ONLY stayed on-site 7 times until last August.

Agree. You can tweak your vacation times and where you stay to accommodate older kids. It is doable OP.

To quote Tim Gunn....."Make it Work".

 

[minkydog]

As for the whole team thing... If he intends to commit to the football program (and others), be prepared for him to miss a lot of stuff.

This bears repeating. When each of my kids hit 9th grade I understood that some of my plans were going to have to change. When they join a team or dance troupe, your whole family takes on teh obligation to have them there for every practice and event. Yeah, i know a lot of people will say "No, MY kid will go on vacation when I say they will." Certainly that;s your choice.

We did our last big family vacation when DD17 was between 8th and 9th grade. She had made the school's show choir, which required her to participate in a summer dance camp at the end of July. We had planned a cross-country trip for the entire duration of their summer vacation. Too bad. DD had to be home by July 29. So, we made sure we made it back in the nick of time. She's a senior now and on some levels I can't wait until this year is over. But mostly, I'm realizing how fast the time passes. We're going to take the kids on a cruise this spring, during her spring break. We make our vacation plans around her dance & theater productions. I would never put her in a position of having to choose between her family and her other obligations.