Did you struggle when your kids were young?

[Rekenna]

Again, to the OP-sorry, but I just totally feel your pain and am praying for you and you are on my mind...

I know this is not DR approved but, have you thought about seeing if you can get a forebearance on your student loans? What this does is suspend your student loan payments for an amount of time, the interest continues to be charged to your account and capitalizes to the principal-so adding to the total amount to be paid off. But, this might buy you some breathing room until you are reasonably able to start making student loan payments again.

Also, you said you have medical bills. Have you contacted the billing office to see if you can have lower monthly payments? I have had to do this in the past and typically they are pretty good about it as long as you make the payment on time consistently.

Just a thought. It could help you with the day to day stuff and to create an emergency savings possibly (what I am trying to do now).

Again, best wishes!

 

[nunzia]

YEP!! For YEARS! and it taught us alot and our kids never remember that we were poor. (dinner once a week was the 'fancy' cereal we could get with a coupon that was too good for breakfast, and made even more special with bananas on top..ooohhh other dinners: can of bean soup with pack of ramen mixed in or box of macaroni with can of pork and beans mixed in)... and this was while DH had a solid job with the city..I stayed at home and did part time things and clay sculptures that eventually sold wholesale throughout the southwest. Then DH got fired (after 13 years with no write ups..hmm..odd how only the union folks got laid off...just super) and he cashed out his retirement to move to Alpine Texas to get his Vet tech degree, leaving me home with the 3 kids and no income except for extras from the retirement and the 5 part time jobs I held..he came home once a month..it was tough. We do great now..still no higher than average income but we sure know how to live cheap and none the worse for wear.
I hope things get better for you and the best way for that to happen is to change your thought porcesses..if DH has been out of a job for 27 months I don't think that job is coming back. School is great and so much can be done online..also there are ways for him to make money while you are home so you don't have childcare..pizza delivery, paper routes, any thing that brings in any amount of money is helpful in your budget. Even an extra $50 week selling stuff on Ebay or something can ease the pressure. Sometimes you just have to turn away from the norm and get creative..I agree maybe he could find an interest of his and turn it into a business..so many options that don't include just trudging to work in a traditional way.

 

[threecrazykids]

Oh trust me...I feel your pain. My husband has been unemployed since November and it's been very VERY tough only on my income. We have called every credit card, mortgage, etc and basically gave the ultimatum just a couple of months ago "work with us or we file BK". And believe me, after me getting very hard headed with them it finally worked. I basically said "you take your pick...either work with us and don't give me the run-around or we file". I was done playing games and I wasn't kidding about filing. They are working with us and I have closed all but 1 card and are paying them all off and will be DONE with the stupid cards.

It was NOT what I ever thought we would be saying, but it was the cold hard truth. We juuuuuust make it every month, and yes some months we come up short, but we're doing what we can. I do NOT want to file BK so we are doing everything possible not to...but some months I feel like we are just delaying the inevitable. I'm praying DH can find a job soon. He's been refinishing furniture and selling it, which has helped.

I understand where you're at, as many others are right there with ya. It can be very frustrating sometimes when people talk about how to get ahead. You have to have even minimal extra cash to get ahead. When you are literally coming up short or just breaking even there is no end in sight. But it will happen...blessings will come and it will get better.

 

[mom2princesss]

It does get better! There are months where we just barely make it. It's hard but with 3 under 8 and one being in infant in daipers it just is how it is.

I totally agree about contacting your student loan company and talk about suspending your payments. Also, if you have several separate loans, consolidte them so you have one lower payment. I did that when DH graduated and it made a huge difference in the amount we had going out every month. Medical bills can be negociated as well.

I'd also make a spread sheet and keep track daily of every penny you spend. That will really help you see where your money is going. Cut back anywhere you can - cable, cell phone plans, eating out, etc.

It will get better! I used to feel like we were drowning every month but finally feel like while it is tight, our heads are at least above water.

 

[torinsmom]

Been there, done that. When I was married and my son was young, we lived month to month. My ex worked two low paying jobs, and I babysat in our apartment during the day and did a paper route at night. We really struggled. I think together our income was around $20K in 1997. Then, my ex got tired of being married and left. So, then I was a single mom babysitting during the day, and taking my son(3 at the time)with me at night to deliver papers, because I couldn't pay for a babysitter. My ex did not pay child support for 6 months, until the state took him to court. I refused to go on welfare and busted my butt to pay the bills. I finally got a job as an assistant teacher($16K/yr) and put my son in that preschool. I went back to school a few classes at a time online and in the evenings to become a teacher. That was 10 years ago, and my income has more than tripled since then. I think the struggle made me appreciate what I have now. The truth is, many people would look at my income and how we live now and say we are still struggling. I still babysit in the afternoon after my teaching job, and have to scrimp and save to afford our budget trips. But...I can pay all my bills, all of what we need and many things that we want, I am buying a house instead of renting, I have some money in savings as well as in a retirement account, and we are happy.

 

[StitchBuddy]

Yes, it will get better. But, it can get worse again too. I decided to stay home after my DD was born. Money was very tight, we went down to the last penny every month. I remember going to garage sales for her clothing and toys. We only ate out once a month. Boy did we enjoy it. My husband is in an industry that goes up and down. He has been laid-off 3 times. But we have survived and you will too! One nice thing about young children is you can entertain them just by taking them to the park or turning on the sprinkler. It is your time they want. We use to have game night quite often. My DD who is 14 now still talks about how she loved game night.

 

[Marionnette]

I feel like we are struggling right now. My DH has been unemployed for about 27 months and he is looking but we live in a state with one of the highest unemployment rates. We can not sell b/c were upside down like everyone.

I am fortunate I have a job with benefits that cover us but it is like every month we barley make it. The thread about could you find 2,000$ on another board was totally me. DH's unemployment has drained everything and while I work we have taken pay cuts the last 2 years.

We have 2 kids so a job has to pay somewhat decent to make it worth it. I try to tell myself that doing things with my kids(both under 5) is important and we do a lot of cheap things like bake a cake, go to the park and splash park and library all free.

I don't know what I am asking, maybe just commiseration that it doesn't last forever. I am paying debt down(student loan and medical for the most part) as I can and am looking into Dave Ramsey..it just seems like how can you pay down debt when you barley can pay day to day expenses.

And before I get flamed, I have not been to WDW since 2005, my honeymoon, so no trips planned. Vacations are driving to the inlaws in another state..

We never struggled when the kids were little but maybe that's because we delayed having children until after we owned a house and were well established in our careers. We were also fortunate to begin our childraising in the '90s when the economy was booming.

Money became much tighter as the kids entered their upper teen years (bigger appetites, car insurance, college tuition, etc.) and the economy declined. We're not struggling but we are feeling the pinch.

I know that many of you with younger kids would like to think that it gets better. I don't think that it does. It just gets different.

 

[southern_redhead]

It will get better. I remember, in the not so distant past, when all three of our kids were young (I had 3 kids in 4 years ) and DH's older son was still in Elem school. Oh, my, how we struggled. We were barely making it as it was and then DH left his job and moved us all to our hometown because my stepson was having issues. Our town is tiny and the job market is non existant. DH's years of special training in technology was useless, the only job available was in a furniture factory. I try hard not to resent those years but it's hard, there were days where I wanted to walk away from it all.

BUT DH finally wised up and realized he had to go back on the road to work. He's making more now than he ever has, the kids and I travel to many of the places he goes to work so my kids are seeing so much, and I have really learned how to budget so many things that seemed impossible.

I remember wondering which bills to pay, and I remember living without a phone and without cable (actually, that helped us save more than anything else - the kids watched videos and saw NO commercials so they had NO "gimmies" LOL), If I could go back, the one thing I would do would be to start family vacations earlier. It never seemed we could afford them but, I think, if we'd juggled a little differently we could have. Those vacations have made us much closer, it gives us something to look forward to instead of plodding day to day and then wondering where the year went. I went back to work when my youngest was 8 months but it only lasted about 18 months. I ended up in the ER in a full blown panic attack. I was working long hours and, still, some months had to "borrow" from DH's check to pay the childcare on two of the kids. It was ridiculous. But, I wanted them to have somewhere to go and play with other kids since no one does playgroups here like they did where we moved from, and (sad but true) I knew it helped them to be away from me. I was really struggling with sadness and anger at the situation we were in.

The good thing is, though, that once the youngest was old enough for full time school I went back to work. I didn't double our income but I get a nice little chunk that I have designated the "kid" fund. I buy most of their clothing and christmas/birthday, I cover our family health insurance (I get it at 1/3 of what DH would have to pay and the coverage is waaay better), and I put a lot of it up this year for a "whiz bang" vacation to Disney. It's "budget" I'm sure to some on the board but, for us, it's more extravagant than the beach vacations we've gotten used to.

It does get better, in the mean time I would encourage you to keep doing inexpensive and free things with your kids. Look for other moms that might be in a similar bind - could you form a playgroup swap so the kids could play at one house one week and another the next? It would give you a "free day" to concentrate on you, sometimes taking care of yourself gets pushed so far back it's off the stove but it is SO important. Encourage your DH to stop looking for his old job and start looking for ANY job. Even weekends at a fast food place or retail store would bring in some money. As someone else said, if he knows sports "umping" can pay pretty well. I think it gets $60 or $75 a game here for PEE WEE because these people take their sports seriously LOL One bit of advice I've heard from Dave Ramsey (we aren't really followers but I've caught his show a time or two) is to look around your home and see what REALLY gets used. If it's just sitting there, it has no value to you at all (as in, it wasn't something you inherited or something given to you that holds a strong sentimental attachment) SELL IT. I actually did this last fall and made about $400 just by getting rid of pieces of old furniture we had sitting in our basement. I knew we weren't going to use them again so I had DH haul them to the carport, cleaned them up, took pictures and posted them to craigslist. Bunk beds the kids had outgrown - gone, old entertainment center that we had no room for anymore - gone, toys that the kids no longer played with but weren't important enough to save for "when they have their own kids" - GONE! So, it did two things. First I got $400 of "found" money that I tossed into the Christmas fund and, second, I reclaimed a chunk of space in our house. Everytime I go to the basement and don't see a pile of junk in the corner, I feel better

 

[Rekenna]

I know that many of you with younger kids would like to think that it gets better. I don't think that it does. It just gets different.

Not having to pay daycare would make all the difference in the world.

 

[Marionnette]

Not having to pay daycare would make all the difference in the world.

I'll trade college tuition for daycare costs any time you want!

 

[disneychic2]

OP, I think almost everyone goes through what you are going through. It was true even when the economy was better. That's sort of the nature of the beast. My Dad said something to the effect that when they really needed the money (when we kids were little) they didn't have it to spare. Now he enjoys taking our families out to eat or to do something special b/c now they can afford it. Enjoy these years as best you can, they will fly by and your kids will be all grown up. Continue to make those memories that are free. Most kids will tell you (when they get older) your time is the most precious thing you can give them. Keep up the good work!

 

[momx2]

We never struggled when the kids were little but maybe that's because we delayed having children until after we owned a house and were well established in our careers. We were also fortunate to begin our childraising in the '90s when the economy was booming.

Money became much tighter as the kids entered their upper teen years (bigger appetites, car insurance, college tuition, etc.) and the economy declined. We're not struggling but we are feeling the pinch.

I know that many of you with younger kids would like to think that it gets better. I don't think that it does. It just gets different.

Thank you, ITA!! I have been trying to explain this to my friend/co-worker and he just doesn't get it.

I'll trade college tuition for daycare costs any time you want!

Exactly, kind of....I don't have tuition yet, but I know exactly what you mean. I thought when my 2 got out of daycare, it would feel like I hit the lottery. Then it happened and it didn't feel much different. Actually, I feel we are struggling now as they get older and have more unplanned and planned activities.

I have been trying to explain this to my friend and he just keeps saying, "not paying X amount in daycare each month has got to make a difference." I thought the same thing until they reached school age. I guess it got a bit better for a few years, nothing drastic, but now uuuugggggg.....

The cost of everything is going up and my paycheck has gotten smaller and they need/want more. And sometimes the expenses just happen and you can't say no. Example, my DD 13 was selected for an honors Leadership class. Got a letter one Monday saying they need $260 by Friday for the expense of the class. I couldn't say "No honey, that wasn't in the budget." I guess I could of, but wasn't going to unless it meant not eating. It is more of a struggle now than when they were younger and I was paying daycare.

 

[Declan2]

Some excellent support from previous posters. We have a good midle class life and are going to Disney this summer but I grew up with very little. I have worked since I was 12 and held two jobs to pay back student loans after university. I and my husband want to really instill a value system in our kids. They get very little in the way of "stuff" one nice gift for birthdays (50 -100 dollars) same at xmas. We do as many free things as possible library, biking, park, kite flying, skating, sledding. Money doesn't make it always fun. We go to the movies once or twice a year and eat out about the same. I could spend but chose not to. we have education funds for the kids so they don't struggle as badly as I did. I do not feel guilty that they receive so little because they get so much in the ways that count. Your attitude to the situation will set the course for change in your life. Believe in yourself.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Dealing with long term job loss is a struggle for anyone, and young children are expensive. It does get easier, IMO. You learn to plan and watch out for the hidden expenses like soccer or college, lol.

You might try simplifying, and costsaving programs. Don't get pulled into the crazy clothes, and vacation competitions. Little ones are amazingly easy to satisfy. my advice. Ymmv.

Eta: we did struggle. We had great jobs, were older, etc. But I was all about having and doing with he first!! He went to ca several times in his first year alone just so my dad could see him!! Luckily u settled down!!!

 

[zurgswife]

Wasn't bad when the kids were young....Now that there older our life is a mess. DH was layed off 14 months ago. I was a nursing student for the last 2 yrs. We have only had unemployment income for the last 12 months. Living basically on student loans. I hope to pass the NCLEX in July and then try to find a job. Yet, nursing jobs in our area are difficult to find....so I may need to have a long commute for a while.

I do feel that things willl work them out and things will be better in 5yrs so currently that is my mental goal. Getting the current debt from unemployement and high medical bills paid off in the next 5 yrs.

DH has started a master's program in a different field that will hopefully give him a fresh start in the next 12mos while he job hunts. 2 incomes in the next 12-24 m would really turn our lives around.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Zurgswife, I hope you are able to find a local job. Unemployment is crazy on the heart and budget.

 

[Jerseymomof2]

I have the same problem here. I have been unemployed for 20 months. My benefits are about to run out and my saving will be gone soon after that too. I keep going for job but all I keep hearing is that I am overqualified. Well there is no job like what I used to do in my area and if I have to travel too far it's not worth it with the cost of commuting these days. SO things are going to get really tight around here very quick. I hope that what everyone is saying is true and that things will get better because they are getting pretty dark around my house.
BTW the 2 vacation listed in my siggy are paid for by my parents. so they aren't costing me anything,

 

[crjack]

I feel like we are struggling right now. My DH has been unemployed for about 27 months and he is looking but we live in a state with one of the highest unemployment rates. We can not sell b/c were upside down like everyone.

I am fortunate I have a job with benefits that cover us but it is like every month we barley make it. The thread about could you find 2,000$ on another board was totally me. DH's unemployment has drained everything and while I work we have taken pay cuts the last 2 years.

We have 2 kids so a job has to pay somewhat decent to make it worth it. I try to tell myself that doing things with my kids(both under 5) is important and we do a lot of cheap things like bake a cake, go to the park and splash park and library all free.

I don't know what I am asking, maybe just commiseration that it doesn't last forever. I am paying debt down(student loan and medical for the most part) as I can and am looking into Dave Ramsey..it just seems like how can you pay down debt when you barley can pay day to day expenses.

And before I get flamed, I have not been to WDW since 2005, my honeymoon, so no trips planned. Vacations are driving to the inlaws in another state..

We started off ok, like a typical newly married couple, but boy we struggled after our second child was born. Our two are only 18 months apart and the second childcare bill was huge. (Seems long ago as they are both teens now)

We were both working but daycare in our area is very high. We cut everything we could and still had a hard time making it every month. We were fortunate to have some savings to dip into but that wouldnt have lasted very long. We crossed our fingers and prayed that the car would last another month, etc.

It does get better. You have had it very hard, like so many families, dealing with job loss. Your children are young and what they will remember is being loved and enjoying time together.

Once you have two incomes again, stick with the budget habits you have developed and you will be in good shape down the road.

Best of luck.

 

[Colleen27]

Absolutely. I left my job to stay home with the kids in '99 and in the following years DH lost one job to a layoff, two due to the companies folding, and ultimately took a retail position at a significant pay cut because it was at a steady paycheck and close to home. We have always been very careful with money/debt and that allowed us to keep our heads above water but our kids were 4 & 7 before we really had any breathing room in the budget much less the ability to take them on vacations that weren't to visit (and stay with) family.

Just hang in there, and remember the most unlikely things can lead to improvement. My DH took that crappy retail job in 2002 and it ended up being the turning point for us. The job itself was basically dead-end but that's where he made the contacts that eventually led to becoming a licensed builder and starting his own business.

And if I had to choose "lean" years those were the best - our kids were young and never felt "poor", entertaining them was as easy as an afternoon at the park or a walk to the beach or decorating cookies in the kitchen, and winter outings to the McDonalds play-place were the ultimate in "luxury" in their minds. Now that they're older and the sports, camp, activity fees come one after another, the grocery bill is ever-expanding, and everything they need costs more it would be a lot harder to squeeze the pennies and make it work.

 

[Kitzka]

DD 13 was the best accident ever. DH and I were engaged but i was still in college. i was finishing up the 2nd semester of my senior year when i found out i was pregnant. We did not get married right away, but when DD was first born i was not working, DH was working but making $7.50 an hour and was begging for shifts so he could continue to qualify for benefits (if he had more than 2 weeks of going below 30 hours he no longer qualified for benefits and it was paramount that he and DD have benefits)

I did start working part time and made $6 an hour. we made just enough to pay our bills. we would ahve about $20 left over a week to feed and clothe all 3 of us. (also the kicker? DD never took to breast feeding). We did not go on welfare, though in hindsight we probably shopuld ahve.

We did rack up a good sized chunk of credit card debt. but once we wised up we stopped using them and worked on paying it down. it took 8 years but we now make a very decent living, paid off everything except my student loans (10 more payments!) and our morrtgage.

we had ruined credit ratings and a lot of debt but we scrimped and scraped and did it.

it will get better. one thing that did help was to put my loans in forbearance for a month or two at a time. we didn't do it all the time but when we could.

i will also tell you that your children will remember the family times. not what toy they didn't get. DD is 13 now and when she was about 4 and wanted to go to the movies or whatever. we couldn't afford it so we started having "Family fun nights" it was always friday and we each got a turn deciding what to do. at 4 we sometimes colored for hours (not DH's favorite), played games, watched a movie from the library or blockbuster, etc. we always had a ton of fun.

now that she is 13 every friday is still family fun night. we have been doing it for 9 years and have only missed a handful due to illness, school events etc. this week we are having a picnic in the living room. we turn off the tv, move the furniture and are going to sit on the floor and eat (a big treat since i am big on eating in the dining room with utencils). it really built a family bond and i don't even know if DD knows if we have money now or not.

good luck

Lara