Did I miss something? It's now acceptable to have a baby shower for the second baby?

[TreslovesWDW]

I would like to say that in most cases the mother is not giving the shower so how can she be held responsible.If family and friends want to throw her a shower then go ahead.I had 3 showers for my first daughter my side ,husbands side , and at work,when I had the baby everyone bought another gift when they came to see the baby.Two years later had 2nd daughter and my mother in law bought me alot of things diapers, wipes,formula,clothes,and again everyone gave a gift when the came to visit.next year got pregnant and found out I was having a boy,my family gave me a shower and mostly got boys clothes and double stroller that would now be needed ,again everyone who visited me after I had the baby gave a gift. I never asked for all of this stuff ,I guess I just have a family that loves to celebrate each baby,and I did grow up thinking you only have a shower for your first baby.But I do think to register for another shower only 2 years later is a little crazy,she should not need any big items anyway,unless something happened to all her things and maybe her family knows that and is giving a shower to help her out.Sometimes maybe it's just a reason to get together and enjoy each others company ,parties bring family and friends together so think of that and not just the reason for the party.

 

[Mandy_in_NC]

I am a proud Southern Woman. Born and bred in NC. I have 2 girls. They are almost 2 years apart. I was given baby showers with both of my kids. I even had the baby shower with the 2nd child after she was born( she was a little inpatient She was born 18 days early). I did not ask anybody to throw me any showers. I was only told when and were it was going to be and I had better be there. All of my showers were small with just family and close friends. My best friend has a daughter who is 8 months older than my first daughter so I got a lot of hand me downs with her. Also I had started giving my baby clothes away and then I found out I was pregnant again. I have always thought that every baby got a shower. My best friend has 3 kids and I gave her a shower with all 3. I even gave her a baby shower when she had her 1st child and we were still in high school. I have never thought anything about somebody have more than 1 baby shower.

 

[calie_j]

I don't know if it's tacky or not but I've heard the rule of baby shower for the 1st baby only and I've been invited to showers for baby #5 & 6 which I did attend and brought a gift (I also didn't know these friends when they had their other babies). I do know that a friend of mine who just had baby #2 will not be getting a gift from me if she has a shower because I already bought her a gift and gave it to her when the baby was born so I wouldn't buy another (and she doesn't expect it and has told me that).

I never had a shower for any of my kids; #1 was a boy first grandson on my side of the family, #2 boy 18 months later, or #3 a girl 6 yrs later so I'm jealous of anyone who's even had one baby shower .

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Wow. I thought gifts were given because it makes the giver happy to do something for another person. I never give a gift because it is expected. I give when I want to give because it makes me happy to do something nice for someone else. How sad to think that gifts are given because a person feels it is expected. I'd rather never receive another gift in my life if it is given because the giver feels they must rather than because they want to.

Sorry You feel your way, I'll feel mine. I said IMOP!

Sometimes, not always people feel getting married a second time or having a 2nd or third baby is a time to get all new things, that they didn't get the first time around. I have friends who actually told me this.

Of all my friends, my DH and I are the only ones that are still married. Some of my friends are going on their 2nd and third marriages. Thats fine if that floats your boat. But when you had a huge affair your 1st time around, white dress, limo, 300 people. I feel its tacky to do the same thing the 2nd and even third time around. I feel a small family event is most tasteful. I understand if its the groom or brides 1st time vs the others 2nd time(does that make sense), thats different too. But even then, it has to be taken into account that some of these people could have been there the 1st time around, gave gifts, been in the wedding. Sorry but I think its tacky to do the whole big wedding thing AGAIN! I've dished out alot of money for friends weddings, sometimes a thousand or so after dress, gift shower and such only for them to get divorced and expect it again, 2-3 years later.

DH and I joke around that maybe we should have a get-together a hey we're still married get-together. I can use some new towels and dishes.

Getting off the subject, with babies small showers OK. I had a small one with my 2nd child. She was a DD vs DS the 1st time and they are 5 1/2 years apart. But the 2nd shower was at my cousin's house with about 15 close family and friends vs the 60 people I had at the 1st one.

But like I said before, its just my opinion!

 

[calie_j]

Sorry meant to put this in a new post

 

[DMRick]

DH and I joke around that maybe we should have a get-together a hey we're still married get-together. I can use some new towels and dishes.

We did..it was called our 25th wedding anniversary 14 years ago. I can't wait til the 40th,my towells are wearing out again!
We had a wonderful time. My daughters gave us a great barbeque at a campground. Some people brought RV's and tents, and we had a grand old time. I got new towels, and pots and pans, and even some naughty nighties!

 

[Belle5]

Here goes mine:

DS born in 1986 --2 showers (one back east where we were from and one out west where were living)

DS born in 1988--no shower but lots of presents (hardly knew anyone in Texas anyway so most gifts were from the east or west)

DS born in 1990--no shower--some gifts

DS born in 1992--neighborhood ladies threw a shower at a restaurant (maybe ten ladies and clothing type gifts were given)

Five years pass...

DS born in 1997--friend gave a shower at her home with about eight ladies attending--received clothing and some handmade quilt items--all attending were close friends who wanted to welcome the little one and celebrate his coming!

Six years pass

DS born in 2003--two friends hosted tea at a hotel to celebrate the coming arrival of our 6th son. This was attended by mostly the same crowd as the last one. The gifts were a swing, jump-swing, clothing, bath tub, etc. (Remember, I started having babies when Mr. Rogers was hot with kids...)Through the mail we received an unbelievable amount of gifts from back east and out west and relatives and friends from all over the place. A lot of things were received from people who hadn't sent gifts for the last several babies. I was so touched...I think I cried upon receiving each gift!



I did not want the last two showers but my friends would have been seriously offended. Now I am glad I had them. They were great memories.

 

[tinah159]

I dont think its acceptable to have a shower after the first child. If I get an invitation for a shower and the mom has already had one for her first birth, I ignore it.

 

[ginna74]

I think it is just fine to have a second baby shower. I don't think it is ok to ignore an invitation. I think that is rude to me. I always RSVP. If you don't think it is ok that is fine, but to me, not responding might be more tacky lol

 

[Julia M]

I have hosted baby showers for 1st babies. I have also hosted one for a friend who was having her third child in 4 years, but it was a boy (her first two were girls) The guests (basically play group friends and her sisters and mom) mostly gave little boy outfits. Not pricey gifts, just fun.

I also helped host a party for a friend having her 4th baby. Her older three were 14, 12 and 10. She had NO baby stuff left. We were very joyous, and there were some big time gifts.

I tend to agree that showers with the same group of people, for a 2nd or third invitation is a bit tacky.

So, if you don't think it's right, or don't approve, it's fine to RSVP that you can't attend. You don't owe an excuse, or a gift.

Julia

 

[KarenAylwood]

I think it is just fine to have a second baby shower. I don't think it is ok to ignore an invitation. I think that is rude to me. I always RSVP. If you don't think it is ok that is fine, but to me, not responding might be more tacky lol

Ditto.

 

[KimRaye]

But her kids will be 10 years apart!!!

Mine are also. I was given TWO showers for my 2nd child as well (2nd husband). Given by family, both sides, not asked for by me, but MUCH NEEDED and APPRECIATED! Heck, I gave everything I had to family, they could've just given me back my stuff and I'd have been happy! But, it WAS greatly appreciated!

 

[LisaNJ25]

I had showers with 3 out of my 4 but my kids are very spaced out. For a 2 year gap I cannot see having a shower.

 

[sarahsmom73]

I am pg with my second child and my school gave me a beautiful shower for my 1st DD in 2001... They tried to do the same for this baby also a girl due in a couple of weeks or so . I specifically asked NOT to have a shower as I feel they had already given me one... I also hate being the center of attention. They all got together and bought our family a gift certificate to have family portraits done by a professional photographer instead... It was such a nice gesture and so much more appropriate in my situtuation.. A shower in my view was not!

 

[bellarella]

I think it is a regional thing. Where I used to live, every child was worth celebrating. Second (or third or fourth) baby showers were common and were not a "grab for gifts." They were parties and a good excuse for friends to get together. Small items were given (a pack of diapers, some crafty ladies made things, maybe an outfit) and the people invited were all ones that would have given a token gift after the baby was born anyway (and thus, did not give a gift afterwards). There were no registries, etc. and it was fine to show up without a gift. It was a celebration with good food and good friends.

I think a lot of the "generational" difference is that "back in the day" showers really were designed 100% to set up a young couple (or parents) with household goods (in the case of weddings) or baby things. Now a days, I think this has been greatly dilluted. Many young people consider showers (especially baby showers) to be celebratory events --- really just another party, with gifts being much more optional, and more of the "token" variety.

I have to say it always makes me a bit sad to see posts like this. It seems like we have become such a "me first" society that people seem to always be on the look out either for a way to get more stuff from others, or on the flip side, certain that invitations are all about them and they should be offended by them. I'm sure some people do give out invitations with the hopes of extracting the maximum amount of gifts, but IRL, just about everyone I know instead agonizes over guest lists with the difficult goal of not offending people because they didn't send an inviation and also not offending people because they think they are going for a gift. Unfortunately, most of the people I know who would be offended by an invitation would also be offended to have not received one. I always give people the benefit of the doubt and assume it is my presence and not my presents that are being requested. If I don't care to attend an event, I don't and send a card of congratulations. If the person who invited me is put out, that is theirs to deal with and not mine.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So should the bride not wear white on her wedding day?--if we're going to get all persnickety here.

 

[jennifer293]

So should the bride not wear white on her wedding day?--if we're going to get all persnickety here.

If you wanna get really technical about it there are a TON of bride's who have NO BUSINESS wearing white on the first marriage much less the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th etc...according to "THE RULES"....

I was one of them....

Whoever came up with the "rules of etiquette" can kiss my big ol' butt!!!

 

[Jams421]

I don't think the issue is totally black and white. The trend here is to have a announcement party around three months and then a baby shower a few weeks before the baby is due. I think that is tacky, just as tacky as the couple that has 4+ parties for their upcoming wedding, which also seems to be the new trend. Or including where you are registered with the wedding invite (that rubs me the wrong way, one bride to be asked for clothing for herself , I always thought you registered for housewares )

At some point it just seems like people are begging for gifts. I will give my friends a little something for each child they have. I will even give an engagement gift, a bridal shower gift, and a wedding gift, but no more than that.

Side note: I think they need to offer Emily Post 101 at colleges, I think everyone from my generation needs to learn some manners.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If you wanna get really technical about it there are a TON of bride's who have NO BUSINESS wearing white on the first marriage much less the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th etc...according to "THE RULES"....

I was one of them....

Whoever came up with the "rules of etiquette" can kiss my big ol' butt!!!

I wore white. I ain't saying if I should have or not, though.

But I sure did look purdy in it.

 

[jennifer293]

I wore white. I ain't saying if I should have or not, though.

But I sure did look purdy in it.