Did I make a mistake?

[marlasmom]

I just ordered Christmas gifts from the Lands End overstock catalog - cashmere sweaters for my daughter, son-in-law and daughter-in-law. A good buy, but expensive nonetheless. The sweaters for my daughter and dil are identical even as to color - both girls should look good in that color. However, it just occured to me that I did that a couple of years ago (although not from the sale catalog-but also cashmere sweaters) and my dil upon opening hers said "Oh Sarah and I can be twins." They live 700 miles apart and don't have the same friends. I had been hoping that my dil would see that I treated her and my own daughter the same - but now I am wondering if I hurt her feelings somehow. Walking a thin line here. What do you think?

 

[Cruisin]

Tough call with this one.

Maybe it would be best to get them in different colors.

Because of the previous comment, perhaps something totally different would be a better option.

 

[Traumawolves]

Get them different colors and let them know it's okay to exchange colors if they'd rather have the other.

 

[marlasmom]

Can't really change colors - it's an overstock and limited and the other colors available would not be good on either of them.

Would you be insulted if you got the same present as your sister-in-law living far apart from you? My own daughter won't care at all. I thought my DIL would be pleased that we are treating her identically to our own daughter.

 

[Swimnoid]

It is a lovely gift and she shouldnt be bothered. And maybe she wasnt....it just came out kind of that way. I would be happy with any kind of gift, just because someone thought of me!

 

[TigerBear]

It sounds like a great gift - as long as they don't work together or have the same group of friends.

 

[CEDmom]

I doubt your DIL expects to be treated exactly like you treat your own DD. I know my mom treats my SILs well but honestly I'd be ticked if she treated them the same as me. Your DILs have their own moms to treat them like that. Who knows why your DIL made that comment. Perhaps she felt like you didn't try at all to get her a gift she'd like but just bought whatever you got your DD. This year maybe ask you DIL what she'd like as a gift. BTW, if they don't want the Lands End sweaters you can send them my way .

 

[dis4me]

they should be gracious for whatever you get them. How ridiculous I think that is very thoughtful of you to thik of your DIL the same you think of your daughter

 

[Yardbird]

I don't see it as a problem. I wouldn't be insulted at all. Maybe your dil's comment was made in a light hearted way.

Edited to say: I have a very good friend who lives in the same area as I, and we have several items of clothing that are exactly the same. We shop at the same store, and our tastes are similar. So far, we haven't dressed alike yet.

 

[Poohnatic]

Personally, I'd rather something else. I would be thinking that my MIL just cookie cuttered my gift and didn't take the time to get something that was unique to me.

That said, my ex's mom was good at finding the worst gifts-until he and I split. Then she got me things she KNEW I liked (favorite perfumes). Current MIL prefers to send me a check and explained that she'd rather that I treat myself to exactly what I want.

suzanne

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Honestly, I know this is small-minded, but I wouldn't give them the same gift. I'm one of 3 daughters and my mom always gives us the same things for Christmas. Usually she gives us different colors and I don't mind, but a part of me feels that the gifts are not personally chosen for each of us.

I know, I know, I'm ungrateful. I always enjoy my presents but there is that little part of me that knows she bought it because it was on sale.

That being said, she doesn't buy my SIL the same gifts, I don't think. I've never noticed her gifts.

 

[LisaR]

Are they going to be together when the gifts are opened?

Lisa

 

[sleepyone]

Eh, I wouldn't care in the least. I may have said we could dress as twins too but, I'd mean it in a good way. What was her tone of voice when she said it? If you get her something else, could you send the cashmere my way? I'll gladly be twins with your daughter...I don't have any siblings and I'd love a twin. You could keep one for yourself or give it to someone else...maybe???

 

[Tink123]

Same sweater, maybe different collors, or don't give it to them at the same time.
My MIL buys all the DD, DIL's all the same thing in the same color. We are all very different personalities and sizes, I hate it. She also buys for all the GD's that are about the same age the same things. There again different personalities, my DD always gets a doll and she does not play with dolls.
Good, luck as my DH says it does not matter what his DM gets me she is doomed. Which is not true, I am wearing a new pair of pj's that she bought me and I love them!

 

[C.Ann]

Can't really change colors - it's an overstock and limited and the other colors available would not be good on either of them.

Would you be insulted if you got the same present as your sister-in-law living far apart from you? My own daughter won't care at all. I thought my DIL would be pleased that we are treating her identically to our own daughter.

--------------

Not at all.. Maybe DIL didn't mean it in a "negative" way.. And being so far apart, I don't see where it would make any difference whatsoever..

Nice gifts!

 

[marlasmom]

Sometimes I think us poor MILs are doomed no matter what. The last time I bought them cashmere sweaters (they all got a trip to Disney that December as well) it was because it was a beautiful sweater and really kind of unique. My dd said not too long ago that she always gets compliments whenever she wears it. I saw it, loved it, and also thought DIL would be pleased that we were treating her exactly the same. Sarah opened hers in Orlando because we would not be seeing them at Christmas and Michelle opened hers at home and obviously remembered Sarah's.

This year when I saw them it was oh-wow - $140 sweater for $60. They seem so nice I thought I'd get one for each of them. I'd get one for my other daughter as well but I don't think it would fit her. But maybe, depending on the replies I get, I'll give her the one I intended for DIL. My own daughter is the one who told her bridesmaids she didn't care what shoes they wore - if they wanted to wear Birks it was fine with her. She really won't care.

My budget is limited this year. I have to buy gifts for the men - and obviously the children. The children are the fun part. Last year I found a dress for my dgd with a matching doll outfit at American Girl. This year I don't know - I would think she is now in a size 7 and I can't find anything and at last count she had 43 dolls. My 14 year old grandson may well get cash.

 

[JVL1018]

I think anyone who would be offended that they got the same lovely sweater as someone who lives 700 miles away anyway is ungrateful.
I think it's totally fine, and like you said, you think that both of them would look good in that color so I see nothing wrong with it.

 

[SDFgirl]

Hmmm...I think if I made the "twins" comment, it would be light-hearted and friendly? Are you sure it hurt her feelings?

It would NEVER hurt my feelings if my MIL bought me the same item as my SIL. It's not about being reated the same or differently - it's about being thankful someone thought of you in the spirit of the season. I think it's a little petty to get miffed about that.

 

[marlasmom]

I honestly don't know if she was kidding or not. It's a slippery slope with her. The will both get additional gifts.

 

[Disney Doll]

Was the twins comment said in a sarcastic or lighthearted way??? Does your DIL tend to be fussy or pretty easy-going?

My MIL would occasionally buy her daughters and I similar things and it never offended me. I think it was her way of showing that she thought of me as "one of her own". Actually, a few times when she did it, all 3 of us joked that we would be triplets, but it was meant in a fun, light-hearted way.

Without knowing your DIL, it's hard to say. I can only say that my late DMIL may have done that because she'd be thinking along the lines of "Oh, this is so pretty I'll get one for all the girls"...certainly not anything I'd get offended by.

I have a friend and we tend to do this unintentionally. Our tastes are siimilar and we are close friends, so we sometimes show up toigether wearing the exact same shirt without either one knowing the other was going to be wearing it.

Kind of freaky.