Do both dd and ddil like sweaters? Did they enjoy and wear the ones that you purchased before? (I know you posted that dd did, what about ddil?)
I know that in some families it is a tradition to get new pajamas or robes every year--even when grown--and some get the same, others tailor colors/style to suit each person.
My mil used to get identical gifts for me and sil and the same for both of our husbands--her sons. Usually it was something that one had put on her list or she knew one of us would like. While we enjoy similar things, we have more differences than similarities in dress, decoration, interests, etc. It used to be the joke among the four of us as to who could get our list to her first so the gift would be what we wanted for that year!
She would do the same with the grandkids. They would give her a list and she would not go by it at all. She would give them similar type items and got so caught up in them having the same number of items that they would get things that didn't suit them at all. Of course, we were all gracious about our gifts as were the grandkids.
I guess my point is that the gifts do not have to be the same for your dil to feel that she is being treated like your child. I would ask you this, when your children were little, did you get them the same exact gift? Or did you get them gifts that were on their lists or that suited each child? Don't get hung up in the "if it is not the exact same thing, she will think we don't love her as much" mindset. That is not true. One year my mil actually got each of us items that fit us. It was like that until she started giving money several years ago, but even now we each get one small gift that is chosen for each of us.
You mentioned that you are not giving your one daughter a sweater. Will that make her feel any less loved? Of course not! Her gift will be different. So you can get gifts alike because you think they will suit the recepients or you can have each gift be different to suit the person receiving it. Don't worry about the "equality" thing. Sometimes people get way to caught up in it.
If you purchased the sweaters because you like them, know the dd and dil will like them, then give them the sweaters. Enclose a note that personalizes the gift--mention that you thought of her the minute you saw the sweater in the catalog, etc.
