Did any of you planning a wedding/already married NOT get proposed to?

[Pezalicious]

Oops! I had multiple tabs open and replied to the wrong thread!

 

[Bouncy bounce]

I think this is more common then alot of people think. From the first week of dating we knew we would get married. My DF didnt want to propose and announce anything to the family until after 1 year because he didnt want them to say it's crazy. We were a year on may 30th and he propose 8/8/07 and we are getting married 8/28/08.

We did plan before the proposal. My DF put a ring on layaway in Fed and in June I contacted disney.

 

[SanFranciscan]

I have been married for 22 years. I am a pretty modern woman, but we do need courtship rituals that make things clear. Reading your posts makes that even more clear to me.

I did get a proposal, but it was after I decided to move on because I wasn't getting clear signals. I began to suspect that our engagement was just a means of getting gift money out of his friends, and I was not going to be pimped like that. When he asked what about us, I had the same question so I decided that until we decided upon an answer I was going to date other people. I stayed with him while we were homeless and he was drinking heavily (he's alcoholic) so I do understand loyalty. Would I have have made that kind of commitment to someone I wasn't married to? Oh, God, no. If he is keeping his options open ladies, you make sure you do the same. Don't be putting any deposits on catering halls in the meantime.

 

[mla1977]

Don't worry about me at least. We've bought a house together, but I'm not scheduling anything until I have a ring.

A question for everyone. My college BFF and her mom are traditional superstitious New Englanders. I've told them about my plans to go with my HS BFF to try on dresses when she is here in a few weeks. I'm not planning on buying anything when I am there. I don't get to see my HS BFF often and this will be the first time she is visiting me here in over 3 years. I thought I would take advantage of it and go look since I don't know when she will be able to visit again.

Colleged BFF and her mom both think that doing that would jinx any potential proposal. HS BFF doesn't think it is a big deal.

What do you guys think?

 

[Pezalicious]

Go for it! You know it's only a matter of time, so I don't see what it could jinx. I'm not superstitious at all, though.

 

[dislovr]

I used to be the girl that was planning her wedding before engaged. Not anymore! I am now engaged (2 weeds now) and not planning.
I really wanted the wedding sooner than we could realistically have it and now that I am auctually engaged i've been slapped in the face with realism and must wait to have "the big day". So since we are about 3 years out (for many different reasons) I have sworn off any planning. However, that still dosn't mean I won't be visiting all of you on the these boards! I LOVE you guys!

 

[PrincessBride07]

I guess the real question is the "formal" proposal important to you? I didn't have the traditional/formal getting down on one knee with a ring proposal. In fact no question was asked at all. For me it wasn't important to have all that. He and I were ready; that is all that mattered.

 

[SanFranciscan]

I guess the real question is the "formal" proposal important to you? I didn't have the traditional/formal getting down on one knee with a ring proposal. In fact no question was asked at all. For me it wasn't important to have all that. He and I were ready; that is all that mattered.

In a world of famine, war, etc. "formal" proposals may seem petty. The very existence of this thread says that there are a number of women who find this important. Someone here suggested that the woman ask the man. In theory that is fine too. However, I think we have more than just social expectations preventing that. Eggs just don't chase sperm.

While we went past the wedding pavilion on the monorail at WDW last month, my husband showed interest in it and said about an hour later than he wished that he could see the inside. We have been married 22 years so I think men get more interested in relationships and marriage when they realize they are aging because lately he has been talking much more about the time when he won't be here anymore.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

Count me in as a non-engaged planner!

I read so many of the threads on this board, but my internet is so wonky that usually by the time I am done reading a thread, I'm disconnected and can't post a reply!

That being said...I read everything and can't wait for my own Disney wedding! I already have DBF convinced. We've been dating since halfway through college, and are now out of school and in our first teaching jobs...living in apartments across the hall from eachother! We both know the engagement is coming, and it's both of our faults that it hasn't happened yet! Mine because I told him i wanted to lose 50 lbs before he proposed (long story) and his because...with student loans, it's taking him a while to save the money! We both want the formal thing with a ring, and are willing to wait till we're a bit more steady. We had a couple friends get married right out of college, and are happy that we've waited.

We will be together 3 years this December, and I see a proposal less than a year away! At least that gives me a lot of time to plan...

Wow, that was long, LOL. I'm just happy to see that I'm not the only pre-planner here! Thanks to all of the brides who post their wonderful planning journals and trip reports that give the rest of us something to really look forward to!

 

[AdventureGuru]

And I thought I was the only one out there...It is nice to be amongst all of you planners ...Lately there has been more talk about starting our life together wedding, kids, etc. I try not to get my hopes up...but that doesn't mean that I don't have a secret little notebook-hidden in my car with all of the particulars. (he know what the particulars are-I just don't want to see that I have taken notes!) He even knows what his grooms gift is going to be!

I'm hoping for 2010...and when I told him this I explained that "b/c in 2011 we will be married 1 year." He got a strange look on his face and asked if I could give him a little credit...he kind of walked away in a huff and then came back seconds later and said, "ok well maybe I don't deserve it."

Now it's just a waiting game. I try not to plan too much b/c I don't want to jinx it all. But here's to hoping!

 

[WE<3MICKEY]

Whew! i feel better! I thought I was the only one making plans before a proposal....its just that I cannot wait.... We have been together so long... almost 10 years, but we were both very young when we got together, so we both wanted to wait till we were more stable in life. Well... we just bought and moved into our dream house, so we are pretty much settled and we are leaving for WDW on Sat!!!! Can't wait.... and I really am hoping that he will propose there, but what happens if he doesn't? I am so nervous...I have been dreaming of being proposed to in Disney since we started planning this years trip... and I know no matter how wonderful the trip is, I am going to be super disappointed if he doesnt propose. How can I get over this and just enjoy the trip? I want to talk to him about it, but if he does have anything planned, i dont want to ruin it.....

 

[sajilunni]

I'm kind of unsure by what exactly a "proposal" means to most of you. Does it mean deciding that you two WILL get married, or does it mean getting an engagement ring? Those are two vastly different concepts. If your BF has shown no indication of wanting to actually get married, then I think planning the wedding is jumping the gun. If the decision has already been made, then planning a wedding without a ring is absolutely no big deal. The whole surprise proposal concept was marketing propaganda conceived by DeBeers Diamonds in the 1920's. Before that a sudden engagement ring was practically nonexistant.

As for me I met my husband when I was 25 and knew within 6 weeks that he was "The One and Only", although I had dated tons, he was my first real boyfriend, and he was well worth the wait. I told him that I thought "I love you" was a sentiment that has become practically useless because it is used so often between people and then taken back. I told him that I didn't want him to say "I love you." unless it means that he wants to marry me, will never love anyone else besides me, will only have children if they are with me, and if I break up with him, he will never marry anyone else and continue to pine for me (and no I hadn't read "Love in the Time of Cholera"-- I'm just intense, lol). That was a pretty tall order, so he waited for 3 months before he absolutely knew that those were demands that he WANTED to meet. So after he said it, we had to get our parents on board and figure out the logistics of the massive wedding THEY wanted (750 guests and 2 religious ceremonies!). The the church, temple, and hall were booked months before I got an engagement ring (and then only because my MIL insisted, I didn't want one).

Although I knew it was True Love for me before he did, I would not have started planning the wedding without an absolutely clear indication from him that I wasn't being delusional. As a lawyer I know how few legal protections there are for committed-but-unmarried couples. I would never let myself get into that vulnerable a position. For any of those girls who are living with their BF's but unsure if it will lead to marriage, I would recommend looking into your state's code regarding property and contractual divisions, because quite often, it's the unmarried female that is left in a lurch without the protection that marriage can legally provide.

Jil

 

[mla1977]

Thank you for you sentiments Jil. I can tell you that I for one know where I stand with DBF. Marriage may or may not be in our future, but I know that we will be together. Unlike with relationships I've had in the past, I have never been afraid of making long-term plans with him. With past relationships, I hated making plans more than two weeks out because things were always so uncertain that I didn't know if we would be together.

I too am a lawyer and I know all of the legal aspects of non-married, living together couples. I have advised DBF of what he needs to do in terms of a will for me and I am in the process of re-writing my will so that he is covered. Before we ever bought our house together, I advised him on a will because neither of us wanted to see his brother lose out on everything since his mom is so irresponsible and unstable.

I also know that I am not booking anything or paying for anything until we say "yes we are getting married on X day".

Why don't you just let some of us live the fantasy while we can? Once the question is asked and the wedding is done we will no longer be able to dream about what if, and can only dream about what was.

Oh yes, and I'm sorry that your family was so controlling that you needed to have 750 people at your wedding. The only good thing about that many people would be the gifts.

 

[jasonandlisa]

Another "no proposal" here. We just "decided" to get married, after we'd only been dating for about 5 months. Our wedding was less than a year later (this past September.) We picked out my engagement ring within a couple months of the non-proposal.

 

[cseca]

Whew! i feel better! I thought I was the only one making plans before a proposal....its just that I cannot wait.... We have been together so long... almost 10 years, but we were both very young when we got together, so we both wanted to wait till we were more stable in life. Well... we just bought and moved into our dream house, so we are pretty much settled and we are leaving for WDW on Sat!!!! Can't wait.... and I really am hoping that he will propose there, but what happens if he doesn't? I am so nervous...I have been dreaming of being proposed to in Disney since we started planning this years trip... and I know no matter how wonderful the trip is, I am going to be super disappointed if he doesnt propose. How can I get over this and just enjoy the trip? I want to talk to him about it, but if he does have anything planned, i dont want to ruin it.....

Hi there,
I just want to lend you my story... I was on the same boat as you on the proposal story. I wanted it so badly to be proposed at WDW/DCL but my dbf (now df) has a very limited amt of romantic bones in his body (but he loves me so I'll forgive him on that... )... so we talked about getting engaged and I hinted on that.
But as life has it... his logical side won and he ended up proposing to me right after I came out of the shower, hair dripping wet while we were trying to get ready to go to WDW/DCL trip...
The ring was wrapped up in a pretty blue box and he didn't want the security people at the airport to open it and since it's not insured yet he definitely didn't want to put it in the luggage.
Well of course I said yes BUT...... I made him promise that he has to ask me again during our trip...

And the second time around he did great.
After wishes fireworks last saturday we walked through the path on the right side of the castle and stopped at Cinderella's wishing well (which is weird because this is the first time I've ever seen this place... and I've been to WDW over 20 times)... It was perfect... MK was so packed with people but nobody was in that area. It was almost we had MK all by ourselves... so he asked me under the prettiest night sky with the castle lit up in front of us... it was perfect.

Sooo.... I guess what I'm saying is if he didn't ask you at WDW the first time, ask him to ask you again when you're at WDW... it will still be magical... trust me...

 

[WE<3MICKEY]

aww, i like your story... congratulations! Thats exactly what I want- to be near the castle, somewhere kind of quiet, with the fireworks.... I'll keep dreaming... in a week and a half, the suspense as to whether hes gonna do it or not will be over

 

[helloirishkitty]

aww, i like your story... congratulations! Thats exactly what I want- to be near the castle, somewhere kind of quiet, with the fireworks.... I'll keep dreaming... in a week and a half, the suspense as to whether hes gonna do it or not will be over

Aw I hope your dream comes true!

Add me to the list of "planning before the engagement". We both knew we'd be with each other in the end, so I did a little (ok A LOT) of research. We didn't set a date until there was a ring on my finger, and now that there is, I think I'm getting annoying with all my wedding talk

 

[Ember]

A formal proposal is only important if it's important to you. The sentiment behind getting married is what counts. However, if it is important to you (and there is NOTHING wrong with that) then you need to talk about it. Some people don't need to pomp and ceremony of getting engaged, others want it. I don't think there's anything wrong with either way. Wanting a formal proposal doesn't make you greedy or selfish, anymore than wanting a Disney dream wedding makes you those things.

In our case it was him who wanted to "officially" propose. We had been together 8 years and he was sure he wanted to marry me. I wasn't ready earlier. When I finally said, "okay, I'd like to get married" we went shopping for my ring. I wanted to pick it out and he wanted me to have something I adored, so it worked out well. I would have been happy to just wear my ring and be engaged, but he wanted to go all out. So he held the ring for another two months and then proposed in a gazebo with candles, fairly lights, rose petals, and music. Looking back, I wouldn't have traded that moment for anything.

If deep down you're hoping for a proposal, he deserves to know. This is the person who loves you more than anything and him feeling a little silly is nothing if it makes you happy. I know very few men who would really mind if they knew it was desired and would be appreciated.

 

[chell]

Whew, I feel so much better now knowing that I am not the only one. People look at me very strange when we tell them we are planning our Wedding but that we are not officially engaged yet. Larry is having me a special engagement ring made and it will not be ready until the spring so he will not propose until then, but we have already set our date.