DH left...

[MNSusan]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

 

[MaryPA]

Hang in there. You can do it!

 

[Beth76]

I'm so sorry all of this is going on.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

First I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Second, talk to your DD and tell her this was NOT her fault! Kids can get some wierd thinking going when life is in crisis. If she was in trouble and you told Daddy to go she may later think it was her fault. I understand completely that it is not ... but you need to be sure that she understands 2 things.

1. Daddy leaving had nothing to do with school or her.

2. You will not get so mad at her that you would leave EVER!!!! I don't want to be overdramamic but I think this is an important moment.

Try not to worry, there will be better times ahead.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

I'm sorry.
Maybe house sharing with another Mom eventually? Two women i know did that after they were divorced to afford to live here. Each had only one child.
My brother rented a room in the SF Bay area from an elderly couple.Housing is so expensive.

 

['Canes Fan]

I thought it was just a car accident. I had no idea it had more complexity to it. interview the best attorneys in your area quickly so they can't represent him out of conflict of interest. let him move out of the house. set up implied visitations for the kids on a regular schedule. they're the most important thing right now.

then as much as it sucks, dig deep inside. my bet is he's going to see through the divorce procedure that he's going to step back and take a look at the family he's leaving behind and try to make amends. will you be willing, or is this the end?

trust me on this. I was once your husband.

 

[sweet angel]

A couple things come to mind:

1) If you don't want to move the money, at least go online and print out a statement showing what's in there today. You may want to be the nice guy, but he may not and that "joint" money may be gone tomorrow. At least that would give you backup to what you claim was in there.

2) There are ways to keep the house if you so choose. However, be careful what you wish for. Your DD (and you) may be more comfortable in the long-run starting out somewhere fresh and new. Also, keep in mind struggling to keep it in the short-term may not be worth losing it in the long-term. Might be more cost effective to downsize.

3) Do you work? If so, start hoarding money now. If not, do you have skills? Hook yourself up with an agency and start mailing resumes and making calls.

4) Try not to badmouth him to anyone (except your lawyer ) -- it can and most likely will come back to bite you.

5) If you don't work or make substantially less than he does, don't be afraid to get EVERYTHING you're entitled to...be it child support, alimony, pension, etc.

Good luck.

 

[cabmom]

Sorry you have to go thru all this! You'll come out a much stronger person.
Good luck with your decisions!

 

[Honu]

If you are not comfortable moving the entire sum, please move at least half into an account in your name only. You need to protect yourself and your children. You can open an Ing account online tonight and transfer the money now. Leave the other half in the joint, but I wouldn't give him access without a court order.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I understand you wanting to remain as civil as possible, but you've just found out some things about him that lead me to believe he's not the man you thought you married. You need to think about what else he may be capable of.

to you and your kids

 

[Buckalew11]

Good advice here.

I just want to share with you that 2 years ago and friend went through a horrific divorce (more horrible than Hollywood divorces or anything I have ever read about). 2 weekends ago she remarried. She is very happy. I do believe at one time we all wondered (including her) whether she would ever, ever find happiness again.

My heart goes out to you and your DD.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

I work, but he does make a bit more (20k) than I do. He also has a substantial 401(k) and pension.

I've changed the password for our banking account to some random numbers/letters.

I'm in PA. Housing is slightly more affordable here than elsewhere and we'd make good money if we sold the house. The house across the street sold for $50 K more than we bought it for 10 months ago.

I will talk to DD tomorrow about it and see about couseling. That makes me think - I am on his benefits (as are the kids). Can he drop me immediately (he's the benefits manager for his company)?

 

[Lyn5]

you need a great lawyer. Talk to any of your friends who went through a divorce in your area, if they say something like, "my ex-husband's lawyer helped him get everything"...that is the lawyer you want to call. I haven't been through this myself, but I think that you are entitled to a portion of his 401K. As far as the benifits, I would find that out really fast, you and your DD shouldn't be without medical. Good luck.

 

['Canes Fan]

the court is going to rule that he maintain benefits on the kids for now. he can't just drop you guys from the plan without a court order. it's regarded as a 'change of life'.

 

[Honu]

He has to file for legal separation and then he can cancel your coverage and his company will offer you COBRA. He would be insane to do this, it can really hurt him in the divorce proceedings.

I would guess his employer is going to be none to happy about this new relationship with his assistant though. It's not unthinkable that he will be politely asked to leave.

 

[Aimeedyan]

 

[mom23boys]

To you and your DD.

I am sorry you are going through this.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

I would guess his employer is going to be none to happy about this new relationship with his assistant though. It's not unthinkable that he will be politely asked to leave.

That's what I've been thinking too. So stupid.

 

[4nana]

I am sorry and feel so sad for what you and your daughter are going through. I really hope everything works out for you and please know that prayers for strength and hope are headed your way.

 

['Canes Fan]

I would guess his employer is going to be none to happy about this new relationship with his assistant though. It's not unthinkable that he will be politely asked to leave.

his assistant would be the first one out the door.

 

[Wishing on a star]

HUGS!!!!!!!

Sounds like this is the culmination of the inevitable... PLEASE take the advice of others... and move at least half those assets. As others mentioned, you could wake up tomorrow to find all your accounts completely empty!!!

And, I wanted to say something really positive here... about your DD... Hey, I don't think that what she did was so bad... Just typical 5 year old behavior!!!! I am assuming that the other child was the accomplice. (surely she did not just up and assault another child with a pair of scissors.) Sounds like an unfortunate game of 'let's play Cosmetology' to me!!!

more HUGS!!!!