DH & I are having a DVC argument!

[FreeTime]

You may have seen my complaining (as I have frequently) about the guests that we are taking in Dec. We'll here I go again. 1st they are family. I feel that they are taking advantage of us and treat us like dirt. They presently are not speaking to us. However, they are still planning on taking our generosity, or so they have told another family member, and go on vacation with us. These family members are having financial problems and problems with their kids in school so I really don't think this is a good time to go. Anyways, I told DH we should cancel their 2br and not buy the MVMCP tickets and 2 single day tickets for each of them because they don't have the decency to talk to us, call us, visit, etc. All they do is complain about us to others. He says they are family and I will go and I will suck it up. So how can I ditch them when we get there? Or. should I be as sweet as can be and act like I enjoy their company for the kids sake? Thanks for listening to my complaints! At least there is a shining light, we decide last minute to take a trip to BWV in a few weeks-just the break from that part of the family that we need!

 

[disneydom]

Sorry for your family problems,if I my add my two cents give them a call tell them you all need to sit down and work things out or there is no way you can vacation together . Your being very giving by taking them with you. remember ther's always next year, this is a vacation everyone involved needs to be upbeat and to get along ,and I don't mean faking you feelings that will just take away the fun in it just tell them to grow up or get out

 

[Happy Birthday Cat]

Your husband is a much nicer person than I that's for sure.

If it ends up they go, you should suck it up and not lower yourself to their level but things have to be worked out before you go. But IMHO if it can't be worked out, I would cancel the reservation and not blink an eye. How can you do this much for people who are not speaking to you? Of course if you cancel, they never will again, but will that be so bad?

In the words of Michael Corleone, "Never go against the family". It sounds like they have, so therefore.......

Good luck.

HBC

 

[RoyalCanadian]

How about booking completely different views to ensure as much physical space at the resort itself? You could also book yourself and your family into a secret PS that will give you the opportunity to be away from them -- perhaps even in a different park.

While you can still be a gracious hostess, there is no need for you to be their personal tour guide while at the World.

 

[Doc and Family]

As my MIL used to say:
"Kill 'em with kindness"...it will confuse them to no end, irritate them, and give you the last laugh.

Good Luck,
PS-If that doesn't work for you, just kill 'em and forget about the kindness

 

[dallastxcpa]

Not to be mean, but if my husband told me I had to go and suck it up his bags would be packed. What a miserable thing to go to WDW with someone who makes you wish you were somewhere else. I can say this because back in 2000 for the Milineum celebration I let my daughter talk me in to taking my ex-husband. I felt bad because she said she wanted to go with her Dad. Well, I was the fool because once we got there it was all about him. I couldn't get back to Texas fast enough and get him out of the car. I drove straight through all by myself because suddenly on the day we were leaving he wasn't feeling good.

 

[MommaluvsDis]

Have you ever had a splinter in your finger? The longer you ignore it, the more it hurts! I highly suggest having a one on one with these people. I would make it my mission to find out just what their problem is. Don't be surprised if you find out it is a little green monster called JEALOUSY! If they refuse your invite to air all the problems, then that is their approval to do what you must. You are not a door mat!

Am I correct in assuming this is your DH's family? If so, would he put up with that kind of childish behavior out of your family?JMO!

 

[rocketriter]

Dear Abby and Anne Landers have always made it clear that when one spouse's relatives make trouble, it doesn't fall to the other spouse to straighten things out. All that does is put the second spouse in the middle, where he or she gets ground to shreds. It's the first spouse who must get the relatives to shape up, either through sweet negotiation or tough threats or whatever. Otherwise the solution will never hold together, and the problems will go on and on and on. Your husband needs to be taking your side on this, not theirs. I know that when we got married, our rabbi took us aside (knowing we both have willful families) and told us very sternly that he wouldn't marry us unless we agreed that after the marriage our first commitment would be to each other. Somebody--you, a clergyman, a respected friend who's willing to take the risk--has to get that message through your husband's head. He must stop putting relatives ahead of you. It's wrong even if they're nice, and it's cruel if they're mean to you.

 

[jcanary]

I would first make my DH set up a "get together" to discuss the plans, what has to be brought from home, etc. However I would make sure the first thing that is discussed is the behavior. I would then, not sure how many are in their family, if possible downsize them to a studio, you are way tooooo generous with a 2 bedroom for themselves. I really don't think it is fair that your DH is putting the pressure on you and the kids to put up with these people. I would also make sure that they will be able to afford the additional tickets and not make you feel guilty if they don't have tickets for the kids to enjoy the parks. Also plan so you don't always get stuck with their kids, I am not sure the type of people they are but you are there on your family vacation also and deserve to enjoy your private family time.

 

[kweaver]

Bringing a group such as you described (even if they are family) is not worth ruining *your* family's vacation. I think it's hilarious that while they aren't speaking to you, they assume the trip is still on! I'd consider canceling the planned trip and rebooking for yourselves a week later, just out of spite!

OK...I got the meaness out of my system. You don't say why they are not speaking to you. If they are your DH's family, he needs to bring up the topic with them. I agree with the post about Dear Abby and Anne Landers.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

If they are not speaking to you there is no way in ......... (fill in the blank) that I would still be taking them on vacation. This is not by your choice, they are making it clear they are deciding not to go, through their actions. Dh should not put the blame on you since they are not even being remotely civil themselves by not speaking with you.

For him to expect being treated like dirt is something you should suck up for the sake of family is wrong. I don't know IMO I would cancel the res and if anyone asks tell them exactlky how it is. They don't even have the decency to call you.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

Oh yeah I agree with the other posters. I would not ruin my vacation by taking them! Especially wasting those points on them where your family could get another vacation out of them.

 

[Pa@okw95]

The only thing that I can say that might make you feel a little better is you are not alone. Many DVC owners or anyone that has a timeshare anywhere can have the problems you are having. My worse trip to WDW is some respects was when I had certain members of my family with me. Some of my best times were with other family members. Having guests of any kind fmaily or not, can be a very bad experience. It looks like you know ahead of time your trip is going to be bad. My bad experience with family was a complete surprise to me. I don't know what else to say to you, except you are not alone.

 

[Frozenfingers]

For whatever reason, this trip is important to your hubby. Perhaps you should do as he suggests and "suck it up" by bowing out and letting him enjoy sharing DVC with the guests.
Sure, you don't get to see the mouse, but you won't be looking for ways to "ditch" anyone, there won't be tension (or outright war) between the adults, and the kids will have a great time.

Bottom line though is you are in a no win situation, and regardless of what you do, you will be the bad guy. Best you can hope for is damage control, and not let things get worse. On the upside.. next trip you choose the guest, and if hubby has objections you can encourage him to "suck it up".

good luck, and keep your heart focused on the children.

 

[caracarn]

My suggestion is along the lines of some others but with a twist of personal experience... or should I call it agony.

Work this out with them before you go, or leave them behind. IF not you will regret it. Our family had a similar experience to the previous poster in that our bad experience was a suprise (somewhat) when we took some friends down.

We knew they were difficult, but they have always been very polite and fun to be around. Once down in the world, the guilt piled on. "Can you watch the kids so we can get some free time", "Can your family not go on that ride or buy that item so that my kids won't want to do that." We found ourselves changing our vacation severly to try to make them happy. Near the end my wife and I had both had enough and we finally had a major blow up arguement between our two families one night in the resort. We spent the remaining days apart and it was only then the vacation became enjoyable, but over half of it was done.

We went down expecting maybe a little trouble and got a lot. Don't go down there expecting a lot of trouble, because if your experience mimincs ours you'll get a catostrophic amount.

 

[SoCalKDG]

All they do is complain about us to others. He says they are family and I will go and I will suck it up.

Husband here, so here is my advice. Go to dinner with your husband and see if you can work through this. Find out why he wants you to "suck it up", and let him know you are miserable. Make a decision after a lengthy discussion with him.

Sometimes we men don't completely understand/hear our wives words/thoughts/feelings. A good sit down conversation with him could be very helpful so he understands you perspective, and you his.

If you still end up going, two things.

1) One view for you, another for them.
2) Kill them with kindness

 

[OneMoreTry]

I think rocketriter's post is great. The important issue is not WDW or DVC or even his family members. The important issue is your relationship with your husband.

Once you are united on this I think everything else will become clearer.

 

[FreeTime]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I will try to talk to hubby about it again. I have decide though at 45 days out I will make one attempt to call them and then either cancel or invite someone else. I keep telling myself this will be the last time I invite guests!

 

[disneydom]

never say never, as they say one bad apple in the bunch.
we have invited guests more that once with great results not to say we may have a bad experiance in the future we love to share WDW

 

[CRSNDSNY]

Don't let them take advantage of you and your kindness. If they can't be nice to you, why should you give them something in return? You are positively reinforcing their bad behavior.

Don't be a doormat.
I agree with a previous poster -- you need to sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel about this. Why should YOUR vacation be ruined because of selfish, rude and inconsiderate people -- family or not family. Doesn't matter.

I truly sincerely hope this works out for you.