destination wedding

[Sagginit]

total budget killer, i just found out someone i know is getting married and its a destination wedding. i can drive there so i will do that instead of flying but still its at a super expensive inn (we may not even be able to get rooms there oddly enough). although there is a possibility they booked a block for us, but then we are locked into paying whatever price the inn wants. for those who have done these how did you deal with paying for the travel, lodging, meals, and then the gift? i seriously feel like me being there is the gift b/c it will end up being so expensive. i can not miss it since its close family, but there are many of my family members that will not be able to go which is really sad.

what is the etiquette on this one, do you still need to give a gift or is being there enough for the couple? it honestly would not be such a big deal but this is the fourth wedding this year for me plus showers/bachelorettes so its starting to kill me. i need furniture still for my apt and i swear im about to register at ikea and tell my friends im marrying myself.

 

[ah1126]

Are you going by yourself? Is there another family member that you might be able to share a room with?

We didn't really have a destination wedding, but got married 16 hours from where we live. (We got married in my hometown) We had a few close friends and family that did make the trip. I was happy for them to come. I think they all gave us a gift, but just being there was enough for us. I personally feel that your gift should be something you want to give the couple and something you can afford.

Is there something you can make them?

 

[Gigi22]

When DSis got married, her wedding was in the city where she was working. Our entire family had to take rooms at the rather pricy hotel where the reception was held. But, as an enticement to book there, the hotel offered a considerable discount on the rooms to all the wedding guests, not just immediate family. I suggest you call the inn and find out what their offer (if any) is for wedding guests, then price it out using a hotel discount website. You may be pleasantly surprised!
Reading your email--we also gave gifts, as did most of the guests who had to travel to the wedding.

 

[bumbershoot]

When my friend from your state got married, I flew, paid for hotel and rental car, and gift. When I got married in Oregon, she flew, stayed, and gifted. I would just treat it like that.

When hotels do a block for wedding guests, it's generally the best price you're going to get, fwiw. So definitely see what rates you can get on your own, but dont forgetto call the events people at the hotel to see what the price for the rooms in the block are.

Or just stay nearby!

As for gifts, of course they are never something you absolutely have to give, I would...

 

[TnTWalter]

total budget killer, but still its at a super expensive inn (we may not even be able to get rooms there oddly enough). although there is a possibility they booked a block for us, but then we are locked into paying whatever price the inn wants. :

You don't have to stay in the hotel they've suggested. We are going to a destination wedding end of this month where the rooms are $1k per night. No thank you very much. We are about 5 minutes away at a lil b&b for $200 a night. [it's an expensive place so $200 was a deal].

Hopefully you're somewhere where you can find a less expensive option or even priceline? Good luck.

And I would still buy a gift.

 

[scrapquitler]

total budget killer, i just found out someone i know is getting married and its a destination wedding. i can drive there so i will do that instead of flying but still its at a super expensive inn (we may not even be able to get rooms there oddly enough). although there is a possibility they booked a block for us, but then we are locked into paying whatever price the inn wants. for those who have done these how did you deal with paying for the travel, lodging, meals, and then the gift? i seriously feel like me being there is the gift b/c it will end up being so expensive. i can not miss it since its close family, but there are many of my family members that will not be able to go which is really sad.

what is the etiquette on this one, do you still need to give a gift or is being there enough for the couple? it honestly would not be such a big deal but this is the fourth wedding this year for me plus showers/bachelorettes so its starting to kill me. i need furniture still for my apt and i swear im about to register at ikea and tell my friends im marrying myself.

How about staying somewhere else (less expensive) but nearby? If that is an option, I would definitely look into that. I've never gone to a destination wedding, but if I did, I would most likely give less of a gift because of the cost of getting to the wedding, and honestly, I think that MOST couples getting married would understand that. If they can't understand that, I'd be ready to not go to the wedding if necessary.

Give a gift that is within your budget. If that means a bottle of wine and a card, so be it.

 

[java]

You don't have to stay in the hotel they've suggested. We are going to a destination wedding end of this month where the rooms are $1k per night. No thank you very much. We are about 5 minutes away at a lil b&b for $200 a night. [it's an expensive place so $200 was a deal].

Hopefully you're somewhere where you can find a less expensive option or even priceline? Good luck.

And I would still buy a gift.

Whose wedding is that a Kardashian's?

I too would just stay somewhere else nearby. My out there one was when my cousin got married on a cruise ship- it was a 10 day cruise out of miami in October. (They were getting married on the ship- I had thought I could just fly in to whatever island they were getting married at and attend that way- but nope had to do the cruise) We didn't go. I thought his wife was nuts to push for this kind of wedding. They did have about 25 people go though. (parents, and retirees none of their friends could afford it)

 

[TnTWalter]

LOL...they're getting married at the Calistoga Ranch Napa Valley.... very swanky! $1k per night is a deal.... thank goodness for the Southwest Visa airline deal [we paid $120 total after annual fee + 911 $10 pp fee for 2 r/t tix]. We are still spending just over $1k for 4 nights in San Fran and Napa. CRAZY! And buying a gift....and I 'need' a new dress....


DH's best friend got married in Hawaii...we were knee deep in Dave Ramsey and had lil ones....the cheapest it would have been was $3k and that was barley being there. The biggest problem was the TIME though because of flights etc... and not being able to leave kids for long.

We sent a nice gift but wished they had gotten married in Mexico so we could have gone for 2-3 days and spent less.

I see the appeal...in my next life I'm barefoot on a beach in Tulum in a sun dress.....maybe our 20 year vow renewal....

 

[MrsPete]

When people get married far from home, they have to know that some people who'd attend "in town" won't be able to make it so far away.

You're under no obligation to stay in "their hotel". You don't even have to let them know your plans (beyond attending the reception, obviously - you should RSVP for that). If you're driving up and back the same day, that's your own business.

 

[Pigeon]

I wouldn't attend anybody's destination wedding, not even my own sister.

 

[okeydokey]

If you have a destination wedding, you have to understand the financial burden it puts on your guests. I hope they understand that many people cannot come and that those that do had to pay a fortune to be there. I say get them a small token gift and don't feel bad about it.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just stay at another hotel, if this one is booked, or too expensive. Every time I've attended a wedding out of state, there has always been a block of rooms booked for the event, at the best possible rate. I've only been to one destination wedding that I had to fly to, but have been to many that incurred a hotel cost. Of course I gave a gift. I think it would be rare for someone to have a wedding where everyone invited lived in town.

 

[Good Morning Dewdrop]

I wouldn't attend anybody's destination wedding, not even my own sister.

ditto - one of my brothers (for his 2nd marriage) wanted to do a destination wedding. I told him point blank we wouldn't be there but we wished them well. They apparently heard this from a lot of people and changed their plans and decided to get married in Raleigh (we still had to travel but managed to stay with family).

I think you going is a gift but not knowing your friend I don't know if they'd think about it that way. Good luck!

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

I'm with the others, do what you can afford and if they aren't happy with it, oh well. To me being there would be the most important.

DH and I got an ear full from his mother when we moved our wedding up from April 2002 to Dec 2001 ( I had wanted a Christmas wedding anyway, but chose Spring/Easter since my grandmother was sick, but she passed away in July 2001), they had 4 months notice, and it was all of his family coming in from out of town, my family was here, so it was only a destination for his family. The people she was fussing at us about weren't going to come anyway. They didn't give us a gift either.

 

[SC Minnie]

DH's brother is having a destination wedding next summer in Mexico. We are going down 2 days early to have a couple of days vacation before the wedding- but most of his family will be there at the same time so not much of a vacation for me. The all inclusive resort the wedding where the wedding is being held is kind of expensive and the flights down there are over $600 per ticket. DH wants to stay at the resort since that's where all his family will be. He has been asked to be the best man so we find of have to go. This wedding is going to cost us well over $3000 to attend before gift. And what do you get 2 people in their late 40's who already have 2 households to combine???

Another of DH's brothers was asked to be a groomsman and said yes, only to send an email a couple of weeks later saying he wouldn't be going.

 

[a1tinkfans]

total budget killer, i just found out someone i know is getting married and its a destination wedding. i can drive there so i will do that instead of flying but still its at a super expensive inn (we may not even be able to get rooms there oddly enough). although there is a possibility they booked a block for us, but then we are locked into paying whatever price the inn wants. for those who have done these how did you deal with paying for the travel, lodging, meals, and then the gift? i seriously feel like me being there is the gift b/c it will end up being so expensive. i can not miss it since its close family, but there are many of my family members that will not be able to go which is really sad.

what is the etiquette on this one, do you still need to give a gift or is being there enough for the couple? it honestly would not be such a big deal but this is the fourth wedding this year for me plus showers/bachelorettes so its starting to kill me. i need furniture still for my apt and i swear im about to register at ikea and tell my friends im marrying myself.

I hear ya...was in the same position last year...a destination wedding, we thought we were gonna all go to turks or even the bahamas, and we went to FLORIDA instead (we're all in the ne so it was still a big trip)
I think you should go with your Gut, we siblings decided that we'd chip in and "gift" the couple onboard credit thru their cruise line...they did a med cruise, were gone almost three weeks, amazing beautiful trip, They LOVED it....it was less expensive as a group than each of us giving $$$ indiv.

anyhoo, we all flew our families and then we all paid the rooms and it was a wedding weekend so the couple paid for a meal and we all paid for the rest of everything....it added up to be plenty....But we decided to extend our stay and I got an Xtra trip in...to Disney, so it worked out, but that whole trip overall was quite expensive.
Some may feel their "gift" is their presence, and I think that is acceptable if thats what you can afford (and I think most couples would understand that)

However, You mentioned it is close family, so Id say that IF you can afford/squeeze it, Id def Buy a gift rather than give nothing, but thats just me.
Meanwhile your comment about Ikea and saying you're married had me laughing
Good Luck and I hope your getaway is an amazing experience!

 

[C.Ann]

DD had a destination wedding - and they specifically requested NO gifts.. Everyone obliged.. The wedding was followed up by a beautiful sit-down dinner for those who were able to attend - in a gorgeous hotel overlooking the ocean.. Many who attended chose to make it a weekend vacation - arriving early Friday and not leaving until Sunday night or Monday morning..

A week after that we held a large local wedding reception (with a video of the oceanside wedding ceremony) for those who could not attend the destination wedding.. (Again - no gifts were requested, but they did receive quite a few anyhow).. Some people attended both - some attended only one or the other.. (No one gave "two" gifts - nor did anyone expect them to.)

I think when couples choose to have a destination wedding they take into consideration that not everyone is able (or even willing) to attend and find that perfectly acceptable.. If they don't - and throw a hissy fit - then maybe they're not mature enough to get married to begin with..

 

[mjkacmom]

I have a family member who I wish had a destination wedding! She got married where she lives, in the middle of nowhere. Both her family, and the groom's family, live 1000 miles away. Flights were $400+ for everyone! DH went alone with his siblings (they left their families behind), and they stayed 3 nights - and there was NOTHING within a hundred miles to do.

Now, if she had a FUN destination wedding, we would've made a vacation out of it, but there is no way we are spending thousands on airfare, hotel, and van rental (2 hours from the airport) to go to east bumblexxxx!

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

I have to concur with a PP. I wouldn't go to ANY destination wedding, for ANYBODY. But that's just me. I am going to use my vacation money to go on real vacations. I think weddings are overrated anyway. I think ppl should save the THOUSANDS of dollars they spend on the wedding and just go on a really awesome honeymoon and use the rest to, OH I dunno..BUY A CAR or something.

 

[TinkPirateMom]

We had a destination wedding at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica (well the ceremony was on the beach at the resort but we rented out an off-site restaurant for the reception). We sent out over 80 invitations and thought maybe 20-30 guests would be able to attend. We did not expect many gifts or any at all. To our surprise, we ended up having 60 guests and everyone gave generous gifts including many guests that could not make it. That was in 2007 and everyone that went still talks about what a great time it was and keep asking us to renew our vows so we can do it all again. I'm glad that my fun-loving family and friends made the trip and had an awesome time and those that thought of my wedding as a burden stayed home. I did not want to burden anyone and knew that many would have to decline. We had had to accept this as a couple when making the decision to have a DW so there were no hard feelings when guests did decline and we were super surprised and grateful to all who made the trip.