Desperate potty training advice

[palmtreegirl]

My DS is 3.5 years old and is not potty trained. He's been in pulls ups for months but they don't help he just goes in them like a diaper. I backed off for a few months thinking he'd just decide to go on his own but he didn't. My DD was so easy to train but DS- UGH! He wakes up dry every morning and I know it's just a power struggle with him.

Today I put him in real underwear for the first time. First few hours he did great, no accidents and went twice after I had him sit and try. But since then he's had 3 accidents, 2 happened as he was trying to get to the potty.

Any advice?

 

[Barb D]

None of my kids was potty trained before 3, and all of them are now. I suspect that some kids just have their own time tables.

That said, maybe your DS just needs the right kind of "encouragement." How about trying underwear plus plastic pants? They'll be hot and uncomfortable when wet, so maybe that would give him the motivation to try harder. Just don't make a big deal of it if he has an accident -- have him change himself -- so that he doesn't see it as a power issue.

 

[pkasbohm]

my advice would be to keep him in undies. He will get it--it just might take him a couple of days to a couple of weeks. Don't go back to pull-ups unless at night--it will only confuse him. If he knows that his underwear will make him wet he might be more willing to make it to the potty. Stick to the underwear!!! It might get messy, but it will take less time then going back and forth from undies to diapers!!!

Pam

 

[ZebraStripes]

My best advice....hang in there...he'll get it. My DD8 was 4 by the time she was fully trained. I thought it would never happen. We tried rewards, praise, pullups, everything. Nothing worked. Ok, we did do a few toilet cheers when she went and she loved that! Had to listen to my mother quote Dr. Rosemond (I think it was him) on how kids should be trained by 2. That I must be doing something wrong. She did it when she was ready and only when she was ready (hmmmm...she's still that way too!) All I can say is keep doing what you are doing.

 

[Otto's Doll]

Maybe you should leave him alone a bit longer. My DS was closer to 4 when he was trained, but he did it in a few days once he decided he was ready. My DD was just over 3, but she took a bit longer. Don't worry, he won't go to college in diapers. Here is a , I know how frustrating it can be!

 

[Skywalker]

I completely agree with pkasbohm. My youngest was stubborn for potty training too (and my husband was ready to blow his top over it!), but we found that just putting on the real underwear and not putting on pull-ups did the trick. Yes, he had many accidents but within about three days he remembering to go the bathroom! I think he kind of got lazy with the pull-ups but with real underwear he could feel the consequences and didn't like it too much, I guess! We put him in pull-ups at night only. This method can be a little messy but if you stay on top of it, it seems to work pretty quickly.

 

[mcnuss]

Have you tried the toilet targets? I have some friends who swore by them with their boys. Also, I know it's not PC, but I bribed DD with the one thing in the world which at 2 was verboten - candy. She was rewarded for every successful potty trip. Sad to say, it worked like a charm, but weaning her from the rewards was as bad as getting her off the binky!

 

[Pembo]

My ds was over 3. If I had waited until he was ready, we'd still be waiting. (he's 8). We got up one day and I told him we were out of diapers and if he had an accident he would have to clean it up. He had a lot of them that day but he also had to change his clothes, put a towel on the floor, and take his clothes down to the laundry room. The next day, he had a few accidents but after all that work, he started using the potty.

Be very matter of fact. Don't let your emotions show around him. (I kept calling my mom to vent!!) And be prepared to clean your carpets.

Stay strong, he'll do it!

 

[palmtreegirl]

Thanks everyone for the tips!

I haven't tried the targets because he won't stand up to go, the only way I get him to try is for him to sit down.

All 3 times he had an accident he tried to go get changed without me seeing but I knew he was up to something. I knew that he had them on the way to the potty because he left a trail. lol

This is so frustrating, don't you wish they had someone you could hire to teach them? j/k

Keep the tips coming please, I'm going to try them all!

 

[Pembo]

Just thought of another one, do you have one of those little potties? I put mine in the living room for ds #2. He always waited until the last possible moment to go. So I put it in the room he spent the most time in.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

My DD has been potty trianed since right after she turned 2. She has regressed a couple of times though (once when I had a miscarriage and once when I was dealing with it 5 months later.) Both times I was not at my best to take care of her and she knew it.

What worked best for DD was a potty chart. She LOVES stickers. Every time she went on the potty she got to go to my special drawer and pick 1 sticker for Pee 2 for pee and poop. Then she would put them on a small piece of poster board I had hanging on the fridge.

The other thing that worked was for us to stop trying so hard. When she had an accident we didn't get upset with her (that seems to make it worse.) We just kept telling her that we go pee pee in the potty.

We also cut out pull-ups all together. I think they make things worse.

My Nephew was hard to train. He would go and hide. My Sister would ALWAYS have to watch him to see if he was sneaking to go in his pants. It took a lot of repitition with him, but he finally got it.

Just keep taking him all the time. Even if he says he doesn't have to go.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by Pembo
Just thought of another one, do you have one of those little potties? I put mine in the living room for ds #2. He always waited until the last possible moment to go. So I put it in the room he spent the most time in.

My DD used to go into the bathroom. Get her potty. Take it to the living room. And then go in it.

The last thing that has really worked for DD was to get one of those Blue's Clue's seats that fit over a regular toilet. She think she is all that because she goes on the big potty. It also helped when we would go out because she was scared of the big toilets in the bathrooms. Now she goes no problem.

 

[momm2four]

I will have to say that I agree with the posters who say not to stress about it. I have four boys....first two potty trained at 3 yrs 3 months. I pretty much forced the issue with them and "made" them use the toilet. My third son was 3 yrs. 7 months and just decided on his own that he was ready to wear underwear. No accidents at all. Now with my fourth son (who is 3 yrs 3 months), I am not pushing him at all, and I'll tell you my reasoning.

My first two, who I pretty much forced into potty training, still wet the bed. My oldest who is 8 1/2 wets EVERY night no matter what we try and my 7 year old wets about 60% of the time. My third son, who is 4 1/2, picked when he was ready and NEVER has an accident, day or nighttime.

This may be totally coincidental, but I'll not taking any chances. I'll just let Matthew pick when he's ready (unless he waits until he's 4 1/2 and then we'll have to talk, since we're going on our Disney Cruise then, lol)


I do feel your pain, but my advice is not to worry about it. Less stress on you and your DS.

Lori P.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Here's a different approach than what is popular these days-letting the child do his own thing...http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...f=sr_1_1/002-8521711-8649622?v=glance&s=books

DS6 was 4 years and still not potty trained. I was following the advice of the "experts" that say when he is ready, he will do it. ( I now feel that they are doing mothers a disservice by convincing them to wait, and wait, and wait...) Well, little Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky could have cared less about using the potty. What did he care, he had all his needs taken care of! My pediatrician told me about this book, so I checked into it. It was written back in the 70's when it was ok for the parent to decide when it was time for a child to do certain things. This approach combines firmness with love, and IT REALLY WORKS! Yep, less than a day. We worked on it all morning, he took a nap, and when he got up from the nap, went into the bathroom and went! It was remarkable. The book was originally written to teach mentally impaired adults to toilet train. Then they started to use it on children. Warning, though. It is a very long, intense day. But it is SO worth it. Used it on DS4 when he was 3, took 2 hours with him.....

There is NO physical or emotional punishment involved with this method, even though it sounds like (what we called it) Potty boot camp! It can seem overwhelming while reading the book, but it did work for us...(I admit, DS4 was a lot easier than DS6)

Good luck with whatever you do, I know how frustrating this is.....

 

[DebbieB]

I have a friend who has a son turning 4 this month, he finally mastered "poops on the potty" (as he calls it). He had some kind of fear of sitting on it. He had no problem with pee but sitting on it was another story. Finally when she saw signs he had to go, she forced him to sit on the potty and held him while he tried to go, accompanied by encouraging words. It took alot of patience but he finally has conquered his fear and hasn't had an accident for awhile.

 

[N.Bailey]

I agree, don't stress about it. This could add stress that your son doesn't need now too.

My son was 3 before he was trained too. What I did and it was on accident that it happened to us, but you could maybe plan it? I took my son shopping, and he LOVES to shop. Did even at that age. It was only over town, I might have went for more protection if we were going any real distance away, but I just used panties on him. He had an accident while we were out and I had to take him home to get him cleaned up and changed. He was sooooo upset having to go home. He didn't care if I left him in wet pants, he wanted to stay. I explained as best you can to a 3 year old that you can't just do that. Well, I took him home and got him all cleaned, then I took him back to the store and he was sooooooooo happy!! After that, he just went on his own without any accidents from that day on. Maybe I got lucky, but it sure did work!

 

[keirgrey]

Here's a fast way that was recommended by a friend of mine. My wife and I have used this method with some success too. Pick a couple of days when no one is coming over. Strip him nude. No clothes at all. Let him run around for a couple of days without the comford of having something to go into, except a potty. You may have to clean up a couple of messes, but they get the idea much quicker. Good luck!

 

[mom42860]

I agree with no Pullups, it's a pain but it is just too comfortable for them. Take a week to just hang at home (hard but worth it) leave him naked or just cloth undies. Also bring the potty into the LR or whatever room he is in the most, even outside, in the car, etc. Nothing is more important than the potty! Be aware of the signs, the dance, pulling at himself, don't ask just bring the potty to him. Read him potty stories and watch the videos, (Bear in the Big Blue House is too funny). Once he is without that bulky diaper and dry he will not want to go back. Persistance and patience!

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Originally posted by keirgrey

Here's a fast way that was recommended by a friend of mine. My wife and I have used this method with some success too. Pick a couple of days when no one is coming over. Strip him nude. No clothes at all. Let him run around for a couple of days without the comford of having something to go into, except a potty. You may have to clean up a couple of messes, but they get the idea much quicker. Good luck!

I'm going to do the same thing but I'm taking him outside in long t-shirt so that he will know what the sensation feels like. On the second day I will bring him inside and work some more with the potty. I've heard this works well.

Lori

 

[orvilleair]

Going to start our 3 year DD since DW is out of school later this week. Some things that we'll try.

1. Bought a Dora the Explorer potty seat that fits over the regular commode. She's pretty jazzed up about it. She likes it more than the little potty chair.

2. Read. I think it's called "Once upon a Potty."

3. Undies during the day, and pull ups at night.

4. Sitting her on the potty every few hours.

5. Try to get her older sister to encourage her.

5. Reward. Trained DD5 by promising her a visit to Chuckie Cheese.

By the way, went to the library and rented a Bear in the Big Blue House video about potty training. Although my three year old didn't like it, the rest of us thought the video was hilarious. They even have songs about going potty and the 5 year old was singing for weeks. "Potty, P-P-P-Potty"

Hope it works out for you. We're going through the same thing as you are. DD3 is more stubborn than her older sister so we'll see.