Desperate potty training advice

[tar heel]

Throw the pull-ups away NOW if you really want him trained. They feel like a diaper, so he's doing exactly what he's always done in a diaper. I used to teach preschool, and they are the most awful product if potty training is really your goal.

All three of my boys were past three and responded to prizes. This may not work for you, but I had success with it three times. When I did this, we had had a potty in the bathroom for months and had also read Mr. Rogers' potty book many times. (One of my kids insisted that this book be read every time he went for a while -- a small price to pay.) I chose a week when I could devote my time to potty training. Then I took him to Toys R Us and told him that he was a big boy and that it was time for him to start going to the potty. I said that we were going to pick out some prizes and that every time he went, he got one of them. We got things like Hot Wheels cars, bubbles, balls, etc. -- about 20 things in all. It was a mix of tiny things and somewhat more impressive items. In addition, I bought a few things he didn't know about plus some suckers and other small candies. We also chose his underwear. We did NOT buy any toy or treat that he could have then -- there was only one way for him to get any of the things and that was going to the potty. By the time we got home, he couldn't wait to go to the potty. Of course, I gave him something he really wanted that first time and the next couple times. He was going constantly. I chose the prizes and mixed small things and bigger things, so that he continued to want to do it. After about three days, I ran out of prizes and announced that there were no more but that now he deserved something bigger any way. We put a sticker chart in the bathroom with a prize at the end. I don't remember exactly how many stickers, 25 or so. He got a sticker each time he went and the prize at the end. I think I did two sticker charts with one child and only one with the other two. By the time we were finished with that, they were trained.
We continued with diapers at night, but two of the three were dry at night within a couple weeks.

 

[Disfan1]

My DS was almost 4 before he was completely potty-trained. I did the underwear instead of Pull-Ups bit (the underwear had his favorite catoon charcters- he didn't want to get them wet! ) & he went pee in the potty after only 2 days but he refused to do #2 in the potty and would still go in his underwear. I told him that he couldn't go visit Mickey Mouse until he was potty trained because Mickey didn't want smelly kids around so as soon as he went poop in the pot we would go to Disney World. Guess what that rascal son of mine started doing that very same day? If nothing else works, try bribery, I guess. DS was just waiting on the best offer. (And yes, we took him to WDW for the first time a couple of weeks after that!) Good luck!

 

[ZachnElli]

My son was very hard to potty train too. I think I've tried all the tips everyone here gave you including the book disney queen suggested, still have it. None of it worked. It was just a matter of him deciding to do it and his bladder maturing enough. He still wet the bed for another 2 years after he was day trained, so I know for him, it really was and still is a weak bladder. Still to this day, when he has to go, he means NOW! He's 9 years now. He will get it eventually! Good luck!

 

[poohandwendy]

I agree, ditch the pull-ups. I would go a step further and say don't use them at night either. Get a plastic sheet to place under the regular sheet and be prepared to do extra laundry for a while. I think the key with the kids who hold out and have a power struggle is for it to be uncomfortable to THEM when they have an accident. They have to want it more than you do. If they are uncomfortable, they will. My son was tough to PT also. Stay consistent with whatever you decide to do and it will happen. It takes time. Good luck!

 

[Jasminesmommy]

They will go when ready. My son will be 5 in july and just got potty trained in last month. It happened over night it seems. But he was very stubborn he would pee or poop in his pants and not even care. I found out by checking in on him and smelling it. he still wears a pull up at night but at least he is trained during the day.

 

[KNBNESMOM]

I don't have any extra advice for you, just reassurance. After having a DD that potty trained at 2, along came DS who had no interest whatsoever in using a potty. At about 3 and a half I was really starting to get worried. Some people criticized us, others reassured us that he would go in his own time and that he certainly would not go off to kindergarten in a diaper. I have to tell you that I was starting to have my doubts. It was definitely a power struggle thing with him but about 3 months after he turned 4 he just up and started going to the potty one day and never had a problem after that. He is 6 now and I can count on one hand the number of accidents that he has had and he has never wet the bed at night. My DD on the other hand had accidents until after she was 4 and still wets the bed occasionally at 10 yrs old. I have another DD now who will be 2 in August and while I do hope that she does not wait as long as DS did to start going potty, I don't intend to rush her into it either. Good luck to you and please don't give up hope because he will get there sooner or later.

 

[CamColt]

My oldest DS was the same way...he wanted nothing to do with it. Every bribe & trick in the book was useless. He just didnt want to do it, and he wasnt going to until he was ready. He finally did between 3 1/2- 4. The best part was he never had 1 accident once he finally got it.
My youngest was trained before 3 and hes had a few accidents from time to time.
Good luck, I do know how frustrating it is.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I'm an "old" mother (both of my "kids" are older than many of you moms). I used that "Potty Training In a Day" book back in the '70
s, and it does really work, and had no bad side effects. You basically leave the child nude for the day and give them lots to drink. When they use the potty, they get some reward. It doesn't have to be candy. I used pretzls. DS did train in a day at about 18 months old. The book advises that when they are old enough to TELL you, they are old enough to train. DD was quite a bit older than that, because she couldn't tell that young, but both trained very easily.

 

[Ellen aka Snow White]

Another vote to get rid of the pull-ups. They are nothing more than a diaper without velcro.
I have pottied trained over 20 children. Girls are easier than boys! Do not let them see you stress - to some kids that means they are "winning". Do make them clean themselves. Talk about how much easier it is to go on the potty and not have to clean it all up.
I agree that you have to wait until they are ready - some signs are - staying dry through the night, being able to verbally tell you, knowing when they are going(hiding to do their business or squating down). But waiting doesn't mean you just ignore it completely. Talk it up, encourage them to try.
Just be patient. It will happen. Good Luck!

 

[BethanyF]

Im gonna reply before I read all the rest of the replies.

My DS was not fully trained until a month before his 4th birthday. It was getting desperate here since he was outgrowing the largest pull-up and I needed to buy him the more expensiver Overnights pants.

Anyway, what I did was cover my couch with a vinyl tablecloth and a blanket or towel. I put him in underwear and a t-shirt, no pants. I sent him to the bathroom every 15 minutes or so. If he went, great, if not we tried again. If he wet himself or the couch, I had him help me clean up....remove the towel, change the tablecloth, start the laundry, etc. I never yelled or made him feel like he did something bad. I just stayed very matter-of-fact as we did the clean up.

This went on for 3 or 4 days before I ventured out of the house. The first time we ent out I explained to him he was wearing a pull-up, but could not wet them. He didnt. When we got home it was back to underpants and the whole couch thing.

I only felt I had to keep the couch covered for maybe a week. After that he was fully trained.

I have always felt a child will not train until they are ready. Of course, as Sam was approaching 4 I was starting to panic. His doctor reassured me he would train as soon as he was ready. If they are ready, it only takes a couple days. If thye are not ready, it is a battle you could fight for weeks or even months.

 

[GailT]

Originally posted by palmtreegirl
My DS is 3.5 years old and is not potty trained. He's been in pulls ups for months but they don't help he just goes in them like a diaper. I backed off for a few months thinking he'd just decide to go on his own but he didn't. My DD was so easy to train but DS- UGH! He wakes up dry every morning and I know it's just a power struggle with him.

Today I put him in real underwear for the first time. First few hours he did great, no accidents and went twice after I had him sit and try. But since then he's had 3 accidents, 2 happened as he was trying to get to the potty.

Any advice?

My son was 4 but as I used to always say, " By the time he is in college he will be all potty trained". I remeber going to Disney when he was 2 and having to change poopy diapers, we lived through it, your little guy will do it when he is ready, and dont forget, girls are faster in all way which means they potty train faster. Good luck, be patient and it will happen.

 

[stacilee]

Didn't even need to click on the link provided by hrh_disney_queen! I know the book well, was it "toilet training in less than a day" or some title like that. It was based on research that my sister participated in during college- how to teach very handicapped children to toilet themselves. A tough process.

The method though worked for us. Needed a little reinforcement, but the essential idea really was ingrained by the end of day 1. Just make sure that YOU are committed and have the time and attention to devote to DS that day ( and I'd say for a few days after as well) . That means no talking on the phone for long periods, no going out to run errands, no internet surfing, no disboards (sorry). you have to be totally zeroed in on them and their behavioral cues, in your home all day. Take a few days to read the book COMPLETELY before you begin, and make sure you have all necessary supplies.
I used this method very strictly on DS#1.

Son #2 same ideas, less rigidity- but all the key components.

next child #3(a girl) didn't need it. I just said one day, while changing a poopy diaper, lets go to the mall and buy you some fancy underwear today, only you can't peepee or go poopy in them. Hey! SHe's a girl! Shopping anyone?
She picked them out. She had maybe three accidents. EVER.

Child #4 I don't recall even potty training her. Really. Her sister is 21/3 yrs older than her and very motherly. When the little one was showing signs of interest, since she followed her sister around like a little duck anyway, the older would use the potty and then tell the little one to take a turn. I really didn't have to do much but be the monitor. and Say "Good Job!" once in a while.

Today, they are 61/2 and 9. They still go to the bathroom together most times come to think of it, unless it is to" read". Maybe this is where all that "women going to the restroom in groups thing started"!


What it all boils down to is this. It's a power struggle going on there. If your child is bright, then HE KNOWS that this issue is pushing your buttons. You can either ignore EVERYTHING and let him be the last kid in the preschool kid to use the potty. OR you can sit him down and talk to him about how the REAL big guys definitely do NOT go pee & poop in their panties. And that you are going to help him be one of the big guys.
Best wishes to you.

Potty training - although difficult, is still infinitely easier than teaching them to drive.............just keep that in mind.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Originally posted by dianeschlicht
I'm an "old" mother (both of my "kids" are older than many of you moms). I used that "Potty Training In a Day" book back in the '70
s, and it does really work, and had no bad side effects. You basically leave the child nude for the day and give them lots to drink. When they use the potty, they get some reward. It doesn't have to be candy. I used pretzls. DS did train in a day at about 18 months old. The book advises that when they are old enough to TELL you, they are old enough to train. DD was quite a bit older than that, because she couldn't tell that young, but both trained very easily.

You don't really leave the child nude, you put him in a t-shirt (short so it doesnt' get in his way!) and good old fashioned training pants that are loose enough for him to pull up and down. They don't suggest the "nude" way, because part of the routine is to pull the pants down, then up when finished. and they have to feel it when they are wet... Pretzels are a great reward, because they make him thirsty, and drink more... more opportunities for success.

I cried the first time DS4 (at the time) went in his potty, I was so happy, excited, relieved...Good thing he didn't pick up on the tears, that would have REALLY sent a mixed message.


If you do get the book, read it with an open mind. It IS dated, and seems to be demanding of both parent and child. But just think, after one day.....

The day is a very LONG and EXHAUSTING one, but so much better than dragging the process out over weeks, months....


Yes, stacilee, Toilet Training In Less Than A Day..Wow, your sister was part of the making of the greatest book of modern day!(IMHO) Yes, I agree.."normal" kids are hard enough to train, I can't imagine trying it on a mentally impaired child. Or adult, for that matter.. I remember packing that book up with a bunch of consignment stuff. I put it in a bag with about 15 pair of training pants. And a glowing review from me. It sold immediately...

My DS#2 was much easier, also. But he had "big brother" to look up to..

 

[avdeane]

I tried everything with my youngest DS. Him being the youngest of 5 you'd think I'd have had enough experience with it!! But there was no way he wanted to potty train. He was over 4 years old at this point and I didn't know what else to try. Finally I put him in daycare for a couple of half-days by suggestion since he was having other problems as well. Needless to say, within a week he was using the potty most of the time and only had a few accidents the whole time he went. They say being with their peers makes it embarassing if they have an accident.