Deployment / Christmas party?

[Silent1CB]

First of all, yes I know its the end of July. For some reason, I started thinking about this today.

We host Thanksgiving for my family. Well, really, we all go out to eat, then come back here. We have 2 that sleep over instead of driving home.

Christmas, same deal, except I cook & it usually turns into those 2 sleeping over 2 nights. Also, we usually add in DH's side of the family.

So today, realized a deployment send-off needs to happen year-end or beginning of January. A bit before he actually leaves. With everyones crazy holiday schedules that people usually have if you include New Years in there, it just sounds hectic, for them & us, to throw a deployment send off in the mix too.

So, a deployment Christmas party? Weird?

Its something DH wants. Close relatives & a few close friends. We are talking people in there 40's to 80's, with a about 3 teens, so its not a wild party anyway.

Just keep it Christmas themed?
What types of things have people done for their soldier as a send off. This will give me plenty of time to work on or make things. I would like to get his military scrapbook somewhat up to date, but that requires his help. That's why its so far behind.

I also bought a shadow box previously that I've had every intention of filling with insignia & ribbons....... same story.

I have a digital photo frame that I usually fill with pics from the year & let run at holidays. I could fill with more military pics if I can get my hands on enough.

A cake perhaps?

What ideas could I use to include others in some sort of gift to him?
I read maybe have everyone sign a t-shirt (with short message) with sharpie for him to take with him.

I think I should change up my usual Xmas dinner to make it something I do not have to spend nearly as much time in the kitchen, so I can spend time with him & family.

Thoughts?
Then I can put this back on the back burner. I think of the strangest stuff at times.

 

[jsmith]

My suggestion based on experience would be-Don't change up your family Christmas routine-do what you usually do-if he is leaving shortly after the first of the year do the deployment send off as a seperate event ( that keeps you from associating sadness with Christmas if you have to do the holiday alone next year and allows you to not split focus) Do it after New Years if you can. Also-try NOT to to focus Christmas gifts on deployment needs.
Have a seperate family pre deployment get together-leave your holiday decorations if you choose-focus the food on his favorites and the things he will not have and you can not send him for the next year-let it be a time for friends and family to wish him well-and enjoy each others company -just relax and wish him the best-gifts can be optional-but taking photos to fill the digital frame would be a good idea. The biggest thing is to give him the gift of time to spend with the people he will miss while he is away.
Save the shadow box for post deployment-the contents will grow when they have their post deployment freedom salute. I know my husband would not think the t-shirt thing was cool -but everyone is different.

 

[Ceila]

I think I should change up my usual Xmas dinner to make it something I do not have to spend nearly as much time in the kitchen, so I can spend time with him & family.

YES to this part for sure!! Order trays from a favorite restaurant or platters from a grocery store and enjoy the day! Take it a step further and buy really nice disposable plates and utensils so you don't have to do much clean-up, too.

I like the idea of the t-shirt. You can get fabric markers from a craft store instead of sharpies. Just follow the directions on the box to set the ink (usually ironing or tossing in the dryer is all you need to do).

How about asking everyone to give you the name of a song that has some kind of meaning to them in relation to your husband, and you could download them to an MP3 player for him to take with him.

 

[Hutchy]

Completely agree with Jsmith. In 2008 my husband left on Jan 8th. We went home for Christmas and did the normal routine just like we always do. That was also the last time he saw everyone before he left. If you want to have a party do it separately if there will be people there that wouldn't normally be invited for Christmas. As far as a send off gift we never do anything like that and he's gone on his third deployment now. One thing he did like though was we took pics of him with everyone in the family so he can look back at them later and have good memories. Maybe you could take the pics and either make a small scrap book or put them in a photo frame. I'm not sure if this is his first deployment but they don't have a lot of room for extra stuff and my husband hates taking stuff that he has to bring back like a bigger scrapbook or something like that. Oh and I wouldn't give him anything the day of leaving to take with him. They have to carry SOOOO much crap with them that every single pocket is filled and his bags are heavy enough.

Think about having the party the week after Christmas and maybe make a rule that no one talks about the deployment until that party. I know my husband always hates all the focus on his up coming deployments over the holidays. He just wants to relax and enjoy time with family instead of answering constant questions.

Good luck. I HATE HATE HATE the build up to the deployment. I think it's worse than once they actually leave and I hate it even more when it's hanging over you right during the holidays. blah.

 

[Silent1CB]

Well, I was trying to get out of having to be the host for both holiday AND a party all within 1.5 mths of each other. I figured I would be stressed enough myself, that I thought combining would be easier. I do see your points though.

Maybe we can get someone else to do Christmas. Or at least for his family. My side can't do it anywhere except here. Which is why we always just end up doing it for both sides & just having to do it once.

And I need to find out if his mother is planning on flying up here or do we need to find time to squeeze a trip in to go see her.

January is going to be super busy I guess if I do the party then.

 

[Cooky]

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[Hutchy]

How about if the going away party is a pot luck? Maybe everyone bring the dish they know is your husband's favorite? I do understand not wanting to host that many things because costs add up. Is this his first deployment? If his mom is the only one you would see in her area I would ask her to come up. All of our family lives within 30 mins of each other (we were high school sweethearts) so it's easier for us to just go home and see everyone at one time, but if you are only traveling to see 1 person that wouldn't be worth it to me with all the other craziness that you have to deal with leading up to a deployment. We did go home over Valentines day to see family for the last time before he left in the middle of March this year but again all of our family is in the same place and we can't really ask all of them to come up and see us because then we would never have any alone time with family every weekend. I'm a little curious what unit your husband is in, the guys coming in to replace my husband should be leaving out in Jan/Feb of next year. As much as you are dreading him leaving I'm counting down the minutes. Evil cycle, these damn deployments.

 

[Silent1CB]

How about if the going away party is a pot luck? Maybe everyone bring the dish they know is your husband's favorite? I do understand not wanting to host that many things because costs add up. Is this his first deployment? If his mom is the only one you would see in her area I would ask her to come up. All of our family lives within 30 mins of each other (we were high school sweethearts) so it's easier for us to just go home and see everyone at one time, but if you are only traveling to see 1 person that wouldn't be worth it to me with all the other craziness that you have to deal with leading up to a deployment. We did go home over Valentines day to see family for the last time before he left in the middle of March this year but again all of our family is in the same place and we can't really ask all of them to come up and see us because then we would never have any alone time with family every weekend. I'm a little curious what unit your husband is in, the guys coming in to replace my husband should be leaving out in Jan/Feb of next year. As much as you are dreading him leaving I'm counting down the minutes. Evil cycle, these damn deployments.

Yes his first. 27+ yrs served. I don't think I'm allowed to say what unit or exactly when they are leaving. Sorry.

I emailed his mom tonight sort of just asking if she had given any thought to heading up this way for holidays. Tossed the subject out there of a send-off. So I'm hoping she gets that yeah, its going to be crazy enough that it would be nice if we didn't have to travel just to see one person.

Another thought is that would been I would now have another house guest for the length of her stay. Oh well. I already expect we will be stressed. He'll be acting different - just don't know how yet. And we'll probably be fighting a bit. That's what everyone says to expect. The let's get it started so it over stuff.

I'll just get my brain back later.

 

[CruiserMom]

Don't mean to hijack...but I have a similar question.

My DH is deploying in November. Has anyone celebrated Christmas early before a deployment?

 

[Hutchy]

I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you to tell me, just commenting on it. And wow first in over 27 years, that's amazing! We're on our 3rd in 6 years! Yeah.... You may be surprised though, not everyone fights and not everyone acts differently. It is good to go ahead and watch for the signs though. The only way mine really acts differently is he is a big more emotional, he knows how much he's going to miss me and he dreads that, he spends a lot of time making sure I'm ok and not freaking out. At this point though I'm so jaded by it all it takes a lot to phase me. I think that makes it a little easier.

It is hard to get everything worked out and settled before they leave, believe me I do understand that. If you want to talk feel free to pm me. My husband is in aviation so I'm much more familiar with that than other jobs but I can answer simple questions about the area or thoughts on care packages.

 

[Silent1CB]

Don't mean to hijack...but I have a similar question.

My DH is deploying in November. Has anyone celebrated Christmas early before a deployment?

Don't mind at all.
I would. That's a great idea.

Related for both of us.....just how many weeks before deployment is good time for party to avoid everything else that will be going on near d-day.

 

[Hutchy]

Don't mean to hijack...but I have a similar question.

My DH is deploying in November. Has anyone celebrated Christmas early before a deployment?

Absolutely! I know plenty of people that have! As I said in the other thread about having the Christmas tree up, I've set my tree and decorations up in Jan before because that's when he was coming home and I wanted him to still have Christmas! I would celebrate before he leave in a heart beat especially if you have kids!


Silent, I would say that's up to you. In my experience the last month before the deployment is *usually* pretty slow with half days and 4 day weekend because the office is packed and everything is gone. Can't do a whole lot if the stuff isn't there to do anything with you know. Plus they do try to give them as much free time to be with family as possible. Like I said before we went home over Valentines because it was a 4 day and then it still gave us 3 more free weekends before he left. He was good seeing his family for the last time then instead of closer to the actual leave date. It really comes down to works best for your family. I will say that the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas might be pretty busy depending on when they are packing their stuff up, it's normally done a month to 6 weeks before the deployment is scheduled to start to give everything time to be shipped over. But again this is just in my experience with our 3 deployments, different posts may do things completely differently and the area he's heading to might have an effect on when things are packed ect.

 

[Silent1CB]

I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you to tell me, just commenting on it. And wow first in over 27 years, that's amazing! We're on our 3rd in 6 years! Yeah.... You may be surprised though, not everyone fights and not everyone acts differently. It is good to go ahead and watch for the signs though. The only way mine really acts differently is he is a big more emotional, he knows how much he's going to miss me and he dreads that, he spends a lot of time making sure I'm ok and not freaking out. At this point though I'm so jaded by it all it takes a lot to phase me. I think that makes it a little easier.

It is hard to get everything worked out and settled before they leave, believe me I do understand that. If you want to talk feel free to pm me. My husband is in aviation so I'm much more familiar with that than other jobs but I can answer simple questions about the area or thoughts on care packages.

Yes, amazing on the first deployment...almost to the point of embarrassment sometimes when you tell people. He was with a non-deployable unit, but he was recently re-assigned (like most everyone in his unit has been over time) to a unit that needed him that was going. So, new unit to him & all new stuff for him to experience. He tried volunteering last summer to go with a unit he used to be assigned to at one time ( rather than this unit now), but his unit had too many guys already gone & couldn't afford to let him go at the same time.

 

[Silent1CB]

Absolutely! I know plenty of people that have! As I said in the other thread about having the Christmas tree up, I've set my tree and decorations up in Jan before because that's when he was coming home and I wanted him to still have Christmas! I would celebrate before he leave in a heart beat especially if you have kids!

Cool idea leaving the tree up. I could use that on the other end of this experience.

 

[Hutchy]

I edited my earlier post with most stuff. But hey, yeah it does happen for people to just end up not going for a while. We however ended up at one of the highest OPTEMP deploying units in the Army! The only other 2 that deploy as often are Bragg and Hood. What can you do! I wish we had been able to have more time between deployments, we had planned for the Army to be his career but at this point we've literally spent half our marriage apart and it's not a lifestyle either of us can continue so when he gets home next year we will be leaving the Army. I think 3 full year deployment plus almost 8 months of out of state TDY time in 6 years is ridiculous.

 

[Silent1CB]

I edited my earlier post with most stuff. But hey, yeah it does happen for people to just end up not going for a while. We however ended up at one of the highest OPTEMP deploying units in the Army! The only other 2 that deploy as often are Bragg and Hood. What can you do! I wish we had been able to have more time between deployments, we had planned for the Army to be his career but at this point we've literally spent half our marriage apart and it's not a lifestyle either of us can continue so when he gets home next year we will be leaving the Army. I think 3 full year deployment plus almost 8 months of out of state TDY time in 6 years is ridiculous.

I completely agree! Wow.

 

[Stephanie218]

In my experience the last month before the deployment is *usually* pretty slow with half days and 4 day weekend because the office is packed and everything is gone. Can't do a whole lot if the stuff isn't there to do anything with you know. Plus they do try to give them as much free time to be with family as possible.

Ugh, I wish that had been our experience. Both deployments so far he was absolutely crazy busy and working long hours right before he left. Usually the units he's gone with only deploy a percentage of them at once though, so it's not like everyone's leaving.

OP, I would keep Christmas as normal as possible and just ask your husband what he would prefer to do. My husband would never have wanted a party to begin with - he hates it when people make a big deal out of deployments. This time, we didn't even go home and see his parents for pre-deployment leave - we decided it was better for us to concentrate on spending our time together because it is really few and far between. Obviously everyone's different though, and your husband may want to see everyone at a party.

CruiserMom - a bunch of my friend's husbands are leaving with the next rotation this fall, and they all just celebrated a Christmas in July party. That way, they did their Christmas, but it wasn't close enough to deployment to get too upset about.

 

[quasar4legs]

I don't have any personal experience with this situation but I would keep Christmas the same, those traditions are important.

I was thinking a BBQ would be a good easy idea for a deployment party but I'm an aussie and we fire up the barbie at any time of the year.

It must be tough having to make these plans.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I would sit and talk to your husband about what he really wants. I would leave Christmas the same and try to keep life normal but that's my husband's preference. He doesn't like the whole fuss and honestly his family or at least his mom wouldn't have been able to handle emotionally a going away party.

The weeks leading up to our deployments are hell. My husband is usually in his office 20 hours a day or more and for a few days on lock down and the only way I could see him is when I'm bringing food and sitting down in his office.

All units are different and it also depends on your husband's job. I will also say the month before the deployment is more stress than anything you can imagine and I wouldn't even be able to host family at the house. I wanted to have whatever time he had free but I am selfish that way.

If you do a going away gathering, go out for dinner and then maybe have dessert at your house. Trust me I think it would be less awkward and easier on the emotions somewhat.

As for going away presents, my husband takes his portable dvd player, ipod, a very loaded phone card and some junk food and he is good. The amount of crap that they will probably never use is overwhelming. One thing you could do is have everyone write on postcards some favorite moment with your husband and you periodically throw one in a goody box. It's always good to have something from home and to know that someone you love is thinking of you.

My biggest tip is do everything that will make your and your husband's life the easiest. The emotional build up and stress and the unknown is horrible and adding undue stress can just make it worse.

The first deployment is the worse. You are handling it so very well.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If your dh wants a deployment Christmas party then I would go for it. Then again I am not big on "Christmas" and could do away with it all together.