Hello friends, and sorry I've been away for a little bit. I reason is three fold, but I will explain.
I know that others have expressed this concern as well: money! It really is the root of all evil. Now, DH and I have been killing ourselves so that we can go on this vacation and still cover our bills while we are away (I wont have a paycheck while were away so I have been figuring and refiguring to make sure we will be okay) So sucky that your bills dont even have enough care and consideration to stop when you go to Disney. What the hell is that about!?!?! Okay, so anyway emergencies happen, and life happens and that the whole reason we all have savings right. Well I started to get worried when we had to dip into savings a little more than what made me comfortable, and of course being the way I am I started to get myself into a ridiculous worried mess. DH is great when I have these episodes, he is the sounding body of reason. It all comes down to this: Im making a lot less than I was this time last year, like double digits before the comma, less. Now that the final Disney payment is due in less than a month Ive driven myself nuts for almost no reason. I guess mainly because I fear what could happen, I know so silly. We have the money to pay for our trip, we have the money for spending, and we have the money to cover everything while were away. But my mind goes into these silly places, like OMG what if something happens and we need to use all that money for something!! I hate to say it, and we dont really make a practice of this, but thats why we have a credit card with a high balance and low interest: that card is specifically the EMERGENCY CARD. But of course I need my DH to remind me of this, because its easier to get nervous and flip out than actually remember that we (meaning me) are smart enough to have an emergency back up plan. Also, DH reminded me, that we unearthed some more old things collecting dust to be sold on ebay or craigslist (included a mac mini which has already been sold and my old pole) Okay long story short, I used to take pole dancing lessons. It really is purely and fitness thing and I did really get in shape for my wedding with it and used to sweat like a pig. It was tons of fun but not sexy at all the way a man would think a woman taking pole dancing lessons is, and no we never had anyone that did it as a living in the classes. This was purely everyday women and lots of moms that did this because it was something fun for themselves. Anyway, so when we had lots of disposable income DH bought me my own pole to use at home and of course I used it like 5 times. SO it was like $400 ish with shipping and such and I listed it at $300 and already have an interested buyer. Thus proving one mans trash is another mans treasure.
Numero dos: The people downstairs from us are chain smokers. Now, I understand that smoking is a choice, but I choose not to, yet still need to breathe in the cancerous smog that is expelled from their cigarettes Yes, I am very dramatic about this and if I am insulting any smoker I apologize. I dont have a problem with you smoking, I have a problem with me having to smell it. I have never smoked, DH has never smoked and we have never had to live with anyone smoking. So we have four chain smokers. When we first moved in (we are upstairs) we had smoke seeping through every open orifice (that is so not spelled the way I thought it would be). So when we moved it I sealed every open hole with expanding hole filler. The holes for the pipes under the sink, for the baseboard heat, every hole I could find; filled. But its not fool proof and now that its cool, nice window open weather it just comes right though the windows. I have found that candles help, however we sleep with a window fan, which just draws all that smokey smell into our bedroom. Now Im a light sleeper and I have a sensitive nose (and hearing too, I think its because I have terrible eyesight) and the past few weeks this smell has been waking me up. And then Im just up for the rest of the night. On nights when it doesnt, my mind races and then Im just up all night. Now, I kind of see how this can be seen as me being a baby and a little over dramatic. And I get that, but after two weeks of not really sleeping and dealing with this smell since we moved in in February (which I swear comes through our heating ducts in the winter) I just had enough. The other night I had a nightmare that one of them left one lit and their apartment caught fire and spread to our apartment leaving us with nothing (probably sort of linked to my worries of us having just in case money, and lots of it). But seriously I am so tired and cranky at this point the second I smell it I just loose it!
Okay, so part three: as I have mentioned I ended up getting a little office clerk job. Nowhere near what I was making, but certainly more than unemployment which is what really mattered. So the job was offered to me because the owner of DHs company knew a guy that needed someone. Well, this company is right next door to DHs company. They are in such close proximity to each other that the two companies share a kitchen and bathroom. At first it was good because I didnt have to spend any money on a commute, DH already came here everyday so I would just piggybacked on the ride. It was a little better because we switch off driving. But now, since I have been doing this since May, I feel myself slowly loosing sanity more and more each day. I love DH, but this is A LOT of together time. I used to love my commute. It was a time to relax, unwind, listen to music and just be with my own thoughts. Now, if I spend 5 minutes not talking: What wrong, why arent you talking, whatcha thinking about. Hes such a chick like that sometimes. I did tell him how I felt and he has been better, however it still is not my alone time. So last night between everything I had my fill and I needed to get out. Ive actually perfected the art of window-shopping. I think it is because we have the huge wonderful trip ahead of us and I know a dollar saved here is another dollar to spend there. But there was a time when I could not get out of Target under $50 and I would never come back home from anywhere empty handed and usually more than one bag per hand.
The epiphany: So last night I said to myself I need to get out of here, I need some time by myself and I need to get a hold of myself. So I told DH I was going to the craft store to find us some smelly options. So on my way there I decided that there was nothing I could do about the smoke but to combat it however possible. We cant move unless we pay to break our lease. It isnt constant, just every once in while well smell it. So the solution was my candles, but while I love Yankee candle that place is somewhat of a rip off. I use tart burners because they seem to have better smelly and staying power because they are more concentrated. I got the craft store version, which was two for $1 instead of one for $2. Next I picked up some smelly pinecones to put in my foyer so when I walk in my apartment I am greeted with the scent of cinnamon and not stale cigarettes. Next was to search for some essential oils for my oil diffusers (the kind you heat with a tea light and dilute the oil with a little water). Essential oils are a super smelly bang for your buck, theyre pretty cheap and you get a lot out of them. So the craft store had none, pier one had none, next stop the mall because I know GNC has them. I didnt mind having to stop, I had a nice little visit with myself and was able to calm down and gather my thoughts and wits. At which point I decided to help my fear of fire we would invest in some renters insurance. I know it is pretty reasonable, definitely something we can swing once a month and that way if we did loose something we would have that.
So I get my essential oils (orange for the kitchen and lavender for the bedroom) and on my way out I passed by the
Disney store, and it was completely empty!!!! So I decided to go in and just take a stroll. First I noticed that they have Kermit t-shirts!!!! (yes s as in plural, more than one to choose from 3 to be exact.) I LOVE THE MUPPETS!!! But I remained dollar savvy and said I would come back with my husband. One because I couldnt decide which one I wanted and two because they were 2 for $20 and I did not need 2 and that way DH can get one too. Then I came across this giant stuffed Mickey. Mickey is my favorite (DH favorite is Pluto) so I picked up this giant Mickey and was hugging it like a little kid and I started to cry. It was like this release, like I was beginning to understand why we were going through this trouble and I was beginning to sort of, a little bit understand how happy this trip is going to make me. Some times I get so caught up in life, I forget. And also its hard to be on all the time. I stood there hugging Mickey and I suddenly had this image of a CM sweeping the streets of my mind. I realized that I should probably have this CM visit more often. He was sweeping away all those silly little things that I end up letting pile on me. At this point I vowed to myself to calm down, do whatever I can to fix the things I can fix, and the rest would have a way of working its way out. I looked at Mickeys smiling face and thought, Man, you are one wise mouse!! So I bid Mickey ado, told him I would see him real soon and went home. I didnt sleep through the night, but I sleep better than I had been. Baby steps, right? Plus DH and I are reaching our 1 year so I am going to do my best and focus on making a wonderful dinner for us. I do well when I have big things to tackle and distract me. (Disney is the present, but the dinner will mark the occasion.)
Thank you all for reading. Sorry that this was so long, and sorry if you just think Im complaining, but it felt good to get it off my chest and to let you all know how a stuffed Mickey changed my life.
Have a magical day!
Yeah, I leave that same person at home too! At the moment i'm feeling like the holiday is too near and that I havent got enough time to get everything done, but maybe in a few weeks i'll start feeling the opposite and will feel like its ages away 
Money truly is the root of ALL evil!! You have no idea how much the nasty stuff has caused heartache in my life - and I think its awful the way that something that is 'printed' can lead to so much pain and suffering and can lead to people being homeless etc... 
I think it's so selfish of him and I worry about my mum too 
(Now I just need to learn to take my own advice 
)
Glad you worked it all out for yourself...but here's a big Dishug to let you know we are here for support!
!!! Okay quick story. I love the banana, I just think it's so funny. Anyone who watches Family Guy might know why, and if not I'm just the nut that thinks the banana is funny. "IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!!!"
now we buy whole bean and grind it ourselves, and 2lbs last us about a month is it comes to about $4.50 a week, or about $18 a month
