Debt Dumpers - 2019

[Tygerlilly]

*googles Colonial Williamsburg*

*adds to list of trip ideas*

Same! I'm planning a family trip to Washington DC in a couple years. Might have to add this into our vacation plan bank.

 

[amalone1013]

Same! I'm planning a family trip to Washington DC in a couple years. Might have to add this into our vacation plan bank.

As I was exploring further, I realized I can easily convince DH due to Busch Gardens being there too But neither of us have really been that way before.

 

[Tygerlilly]

I haven't tried the consumer credit counseling service yet. I have been trying to look at all my different options, and I don't really think that bankruptcy is one. At this point, it is not really a matter of my credit use, it's a matter of my (static) income (and loss of income from deadbeat SO) vs escalating expenses. If I just pay my mortgage, utilities, car payment and insurance, and estimated gas to work each month it is about $1000 more than my net pay. That does not include food, medical visits, medicine, or any extras. Since my utilities are "levelized" they will eventually go down now that I have gotten rid of the several people who were living in my house and not helping any, but it will take a full year. If I could find 2 or 3 people to rent the extra rooms in my house that would actually pay rent would be ideal, but at this point I'm extremely leery. I've been burned on that too many times already. There are pinpoints of light visible. Some of my service / utility contracts will end soon, and I can cancel them without having to pay the early termination penalty. So, that will lessen the monthly deficit. Not significantly at first, but I'm thinking in snowball terms. It'll add up eventually. I hope.



I've been looking at the website, and it all seems straight forward. I just am not sure I have enough of an online social presence to spread far enough to do any good, or (and this is the mental health issues speaking) that I and my situation would be deemed "worthy of help" by enough people to make a difference overall. I'm normally not fearless, but I'm also not usually this fearful of trying something.

Can I ask if your in-laws were successful with their campaign? and what was it for?

So, I'm going to probably sound like a bit of an ***, and I'm sorry ahead of time, but I've been in a similar situation with a significant other.

I think you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with him. He's been wishywashy with his employment for months now it seems (unless I missed an update somewhere). It seems like he isn't doing anything to help you mentally, physically, or financially. I know you had been planning a wedding, but is this the type of behavior you're willing to deal with for life? You used the word "deadbeat" in your post, which says a lot.

I really don't mean to sound harsh, but it seems like he's fully taking advantage of you at this point, relationship or not.

 

[Eureka]

As I was exploring further, I realized I can easily convince DH due to Busch Gardens being there too But neither of us have really been that way before.

Yeah, Busch Gardens is there and King's Dominion (an amusement park) is not far. I went to BG as a kid but haven't been back in years, although DS15 went on a band field/performing trip there. I have never been to KD though.

 

[Eureka]

So, I'm going to probably sound like a bit of an ***, and I'm sorry ahead of time, but I've been in a similar situation with a significant other.

I think you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with him. He's been wishywashy with his employment for months now it seems (unless I missed an update somewhere). It seems like he isn't doing anything to help you mentally, physically, or financially. I know you had been planning a wedding, but is this the type of behavior you're willing to deal with for life? You used the word "deadbeat" in your post, which says a lot.

I really don't mean to sound harsh, but it seems like he's fully taking advantage of you at this point, relationship or not.

I thought the deadbeat SO was an ex, and the fiance is a new guy, but I could be wrong. I'm sorry you're having trouble right now Dave.

 

[dayvewc]

Since you say your not sure if you have a big enough online presence for it, is it possible to maybe spread the word where you work?

I kind of anticipate that one of several things will occur when/if I publish a campaign. I'm friends with several people from work on different social media platforms, so I expect it will get spread through the workplace pretty quickly. It's a small school district, less than 100 people. I figure that I will either face a crowd of disapproving people (including administration - which scares me. My contract actually contains a clause that includes personal fiscal accountability as grounds for dismissal) that I "didn't manage myself well", or I will be greeted by a crowd of people that will tell me that they didn't realize how bad things were. As much as I like my work family, I just really don't know them well enough to truly know how they will react.

I'm not entirely sure that the gofundme is completely appropriate. It's not like I'm exactly looking at a single one-time goal. I'm looking at needing to generate an ongoing monthly minimum for at least a year OR a large enough amount to just pay off the "big debts" (house and car) in a single lump sum. Off the top of my head, that would bring the total under my net income, but just barely.

So, I'm going to probably sound like a bit of an ***, and I'm sorry ahead of time, but I've been in a similar situation with a significant other.

I think you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with him. He's been wishywashy with his employment for months now it seems (unless I missed an update somewhere). It seems like he isn't doing anything to help you mentally, physically, or financially. I know you had been planning a wedding, but is this the type of behavior you're willing to deal with for life? You used the word "deadbeat" in your post, which says a lot.

I really don't mean to sound harsh, but it seems like he's fully taking advantage of you at this point, relationship or not.

Not sounding harsh or like an @$$ or anything at all.

We've had several come to Jesus meetings. You haven't missed any updates. He's doing a lot at this point for my mental, physical, and financial states. It's just all negative. The wedding had been being planned, but it is all but cancelled.
I am not willing to deal with this behavior any longer. Honestly, this is why I'm looking at something like the gofundme, I've given up on him ever actually getting a job. And yeah, he has been. That has been his relationship. He takes advantage, and I don't stand up for myself.

I thought the deadbeat SO was an ex, and the fiance is a new guy, but I could be wrong. I'm sorry you're having trouble right now Dave.

Yes on both accounts. The ex was a deadbeat. The fiance is a new guy. but also a deadbeat. Sad part is, the new guy is such a deadbeat I miss the ex. Wow, never EVER thought I'd utter THOSE words.

 

[Tygerlilly]

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. Are you able to move into a one bedroom apartment and essentially start over? Maybe an income based one?

 

[dayvewc]

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. Are you able to move into a one bedroom apartment and essentially start over? Maybe an income based one?

I honestly have no idea. I doubt that I would qualify for an income based apartment. On paper, I make a decent income for this geographic area. I think that would knock me out of any income based housing. The bigger issue is that I am/was trying to purchase my house. I don't know if I can just stop paying and walk away from it. I mean, yeah, I guess I could. If I did, that would be a huge chunk of the difference each month on what I can't pay. The sad part of that is that the biggest part of the payment is to escrow because of insurance mistakes. Doesn't help when the mortgage payment almost doubles to pay for escrow shortage.

 

[DLgal]

I honestly have no idea. I doubt that I would qualify for an income based apartment. On paper, I make a decent income for this geographic area. I think that would knock me out of any income based housing. The bigger issue is that I am/was trying to purchase my house. I don't know if I can just stop paying and walk away from it. I mean, yeah, I guess I could. If I did, that would be a huge chunk of the difference each month on what I can't pay. The sad part of that is that the biggest part of the payment is to escrow because of insurance mistakes. Doesn't help when the mortgage payment almost doubles to pay for escrow shortage.

What do you mean you are trying to buy your house? Aren't you already paying a mortgage?

My suggestion is, sell the house or yeah, walk away from it if you don't own it yet. Find someone locally who is looking for a roommate and share an apartment (maybe someone who already has an apartment and needs a roommate). Ditch the SO. Let him figure things out on his own. You need to do one of two things: get a second job or drastically cut your living expenses. The choice is yours. I don't agree with using Go Fund Me in this circumstance. You are spending more than you make and there are only way two ways to reverse that, long term.

 

[Sarah'sMomfrom PA]

You need to get the deadbeat SO out of your house if he is living there for free and not working. Honestly, this guy has a great living arrangement with not working and living there for free. Is there any way that you could walk away from your house and move in with your mom (not sure if she lives by you or not)? Is there any way that you could sell some of your DVC contracts because I know that you go to Disney quite a bit. Not sure how you would do with a Go Fund me page because you might run the risk of them saying that you had travelled to Disney several times a year and you should have saved your money (I am no way judging you). I wish you well in whatever you choose to do. Is there anyone at your school that might be looking for a roommate and you could just walk away from your house. This may ruin your credit rating but in the long run, this might actually help your cause. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

 

[dayvewc]

What do you mean you are trying to buy your house? Aren't you already paying a mortgage?

My suggestion is, sell the house or yeah, walk away from it if you don't own it yet. Find someone locally who is looking for a roommate and share an apartment (maybe someone who already has an apartment and needs a roommate). Ditch the SO. Let him figure things out on his own. You need to do one of two things: get a second job or drastically cut your living expenses. The choice is yours. I don't agree with using Go Fund Me in this circumstance. You are spending more than you make and there are only way two ways to reverse that, long term.

Yes, I am paying a mortgage. That's what I mean by trying to buy my house. I'm still paying the mortgage.

I have thought of selling the house, but I'm not really sure that it is worth it. The past year especially, it has been treated way rough. Much rougher than I liked. I guess I need a better spine. I know I wouldn't get out what I've spent on it, I am not sure I'd get out enough to break even with what I owe.

I worked 2-4 jobs at a time up until 4 years ago when I dislocated the lower vertebrae in my back. Between the continuing chronic pain treatments and deteriorating mobility issues, finding another part-time job has been difficult. With the diagnosis of COPD last summer, and some other additional health issues I am not sure an extra job is an option any longer. Drastically cutting living expenses is the next option, and one I'm strongly in favor of. The problem is most of the expenses are either fixed or levelized. Getting rid of some of the useless roommates will cut back on the use of electricity, but the electric bill will take several months to reflect that they are gone. Likewise, I could cancel the security system, but the likelihood that I'd come home and find there to be absolutely nothing would increase to pretty close to 100% within a week. Hmmm, I guess I could always try to claim there was that original signed copy of the Mona Lisa tucked away in my closet. ;-)

I am not a great fan of the Go Fund Me in my circumstance either. I just am not seeing (and it might be me being blind) many options.

You need to get the deadbeat SO out of your house if he is living there for free and not working. Honestly, this guy has a great living arrangement with not working and living there for free. Is there any way that you could walk away from your house and move in with your mom (not sure if she lives by you or not)? Is there any way that you could sell some of your DVC contracts because I know that you go to Disney quite a bit. Not sure how you would do with a Go Fund me page because you might run the risk of them saying that you had travelled to Disney several times a year and you should have saved your money (I am no way judging you). I wish you well in whatever you choose to do. Is there anyone at your school that might be looking for a roommate and you could just walk away from your house. This may ruin your credit rating but in the long run, this might actually help your cause. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

I'm really not sure, and you raised some good points.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Yes, I am paying a mortgage. That's what I mean by trying to buy my house. I'm still paying the mortgage.

I have thought of selling the house, but I'm not really sure that it is worth it. The past year especially, it has been treated way rough. Much rougher than I liked. I guess I need a better spine. I know I wouldn't get out what I've spent on it, I am not sure I'd get out enough to break even with what I owe.

I worked 2-4 jobs at a time up until 4 years ago when I dislocated the lower vertebrae in my back. Between the continuing chronic pain treatments and deteriorating mobility issues, finding another part-time job has been difficult. With the diagnosis of COPD last summer, and some other additional health issues I am not sure an extra job is an option any longer. Drastically cutting living expenses is the next option, and one I'm strongly in favor of. The problem is most of the expenses are either fixed or levelized. Getting rid of some of the useless roommates will cut back on the use of electricity, but the electric bill will take several months to reflect that they are gone. Likewise, I could cancel the security system, but the likelihood that I'd come home and find there to be absolutely nothing would increase to pretty close to 100% within a week. Hmmm, I guess I could always try to claim there was that original signed copy of the Mona Lisa tucked away in my closet. ;-)

I am not a great fan of the Go Fund Me in my circumstance either. I just am not seeing (and it might be me being blind) many options.



I'm really not sure, and you raised some good points.

Pardon my interruption. I know I'm not an active thread person. Dayvewc, aren't you a vet? Do you have an open case with your VA? Have you discussed your recent diagnosis with anyone at the VA to see about tacking it back to your service time? I would contact your county veteran service officer if you don't have a VA facility close by and discuss the options with that person about the diagnosis. It could possible increase your disability rating and you start to get some VA pay because of it.
Also, if you have the option of VA care at this point, have you thought about transferring your care to them? It would reduce your out of pocket dramatically.

Last, this just my opinion, you don't run a half way house. Start to learn to love yourself enough to want more than just anyone staying in your house. They don't care and they won't be there at your funeral should you die tomorrow. You're someone to take advantage of and there will be someone else down the road they could find instead.

 

[amalone1013]

Arghhhh this is exactly what I mean

 

[dayvewc]

Pardon my interruption. I know I'm not an active thread person. Dayvewc, aren't you a vet? Do you have an open case with your VA? Have you discussed your recent diagnosis with anyone at the VA to see about tacking it back to your service time? I would contact your county veteran service officer if you don't have a VA facility close by and discuss the options with that person about the diagnosis. It could possible increase your disability rating and you start to get some VA pay because of it.
Also, if you have the option of VA care at this point, have you thought about transferring your care to them? It would reduce your out of pocket dramatically.

Last, this just my opinion, you don't run a half way house. Start to learn to love yourself enough to want more than just anyone staying in your house. They don't care and they won't be there at your funeral should you die tomorrow. You're someone to take advantage of and there will be someone else down the road they could find instead.

I am a vet, but I've never been able to get evaluation. There was a miscommunication when I was discharged, and whether it was intentional or not, I missed the initial window with the VA. I've since tried to contact them and see about filing, but it's never gotten anywhere. I've tried contacting county service officers - no response. I've tried contacting service organization service officers and get referred to the county service officers and get no response. I did manage to get a copy of my service medical file, but my PCP refuses to look it over to write an opinion as to whether any current issues might be related. I did get that much from the service organization contact.

I'm not eligible for VA care since ii have private insurance. If I lose lose my job along with everything else, then the VA will pick up the medical. If I can get to them at that point.

 

[jen7233]

I honestly have no idea. I doubt that I would qualify for an income based apartment. On paper, I make a decent income for this geographic area. I think that would knock me out of any income based housing. The bigger issue is that I am/was trying to purchase my house. I don't know if I can just stop paying and walk away from it. I mean, yeah, I guess I could. If I did, that would be a huge chunk of the difference each month on what I can't pay. The sad part of that is that the biggest part of the payment is to escrow because of insurance mistakes. Doesn't help when the mortgage payment almost doubles to pay for escrow shortage.

If you could somehow get it back to a situation where you can have the place back to yourself and you can advertise and screen for roommates would be the better option. They are definitely out, right? People with a work history that just are looking for a room to rent so they can save a bunch on housing, or if you live in a college town some older responsible students with a focus? I'm sorry, I may have missed this but I'm assuming your name is on the hook for the mortgage? I should probably look back through.

 

[DIS_MERI]

I am a vet, but I've never been able to get evaluation. There was a miscommunication when I was discharged, and whether it was intentional or not, I missed the initial window with the VA. I've since tried to contact them and see about filing, but it's never gotten anywhere. I've tried contacting county service officers - no response. I've tried contacting service organization service officers and get referred to the county service officers and get no response. I did manage to get a copy of my service medical file, but my PCP refuses to look it over to write an opinion as to whether any current issues might be related. I did get that much from the service organization contact.

I'm not eligible for VA care since ii have private insurance. If I lose lose my job along with everything else, then the VA will pick up the medical. If I can get to them at that point.

You can file a claim with the VA without the county service officers. And it doesn't matter if you have private insurance, if you have service connected disabilities, then the VA will pay for that care. If you are rated high enough (and it sounds like you could be for some, especially the COPD), then they will cover all care.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I am a vet, but I've never been able to get evaluation. There was a miscommunication when I was discharged, and whether it was intentional or not, I missed the initial window with the VA. I've since tried to contact them and see about filing, but it's never gotten anywhere. I've tried contacting county service officers - no response. I've tried contacting service organization service officers and get referred to the county service officers and get no response. I did manage to get a copy of my service medical file, but my PCP refuses to look it over to write an opinion as to whether any current issues might be related. I did get that much from the service organization contact.

I'm not eligible for VA care since ii have private insurance. If I lose lose my job along with everything else, then the VA will pick up the medical. If I can get to them at that point.

Did you serve in the reserve/guard component or the active? Did you deploy to a combat zone? That will make a big difference about the VA stuff.
However, if you are eligible for VA services you can be seen by the VA for care. It would likely be on a sliding scale fee depending upon financial situation. My husband is retired military now and eligible for VA services but would have to pay for about $30 for his appointments and sliding scale for meds.

I recommend you find a Family Assistance Specialist (FAS) in your area. This person is contract to work in national guard armories but work with any veteran that has DD214. Also, look into a Transition Assistant Specialist. This person is also contracted to help with people that are/have transitioned from the military. They have contacts within the VA typically and the FAS is tied into community resources to possibly be of help.

Good luck

 

[bababear_50]

dayvewc
Hi Hon
I want you to know that you have some positives here Hon,,,You have and will continue to be one of the people who posts here that I admire and respect.
A few years ago I went through some pretty awful medical stuff--things looked pretty dark back then.
There is always hope Hon,,you will make it.

You know what is best for yourself regarding your relationships. You have the strength to do the right thing,no judgements here.

Yes I do think credit counselling will help because you need a clear picture of where your finances are and if keeping the house will end up with you losing it in the end.
When I decided for my well being and health to go half days it meant re-evaluating everything in my life.
My relationships ,medical insurance,daily budget,fun money,housing,DVC ownership,,everything changed,,but not all for the worst.

You have always prided yourself on providing for yourself and you can do it ,,but your focus must be on just YOURSELF first.
I work for a Board of Education and I can tell you they are all talk when it comes to *we will be there for you*,,,I would never trust them.
HR tried to convince otherwise, but thank goodness a co worker explained how they are totally *Conflict of interest* in their dealings.

Keep posting and know we care about you

Regards
Mel in Canada

 

[dayvewc]

If you could somehow get it back to a situation where you can have the place back to yourself and you can advertise and screen for roommates would be the better option. They are definitely out, right? People with a work history that just are looking for a room to rent so they can save a bunch on housing, or if you live in a college town some older responsible students with a focus? I'm sorry, I may have missed this but I'm assuming your name is on the hook for the mortgage? I should probably look back through.

If I could find renters like that yes it would be good. But really small rural town, no nearby colleges, no real job opportunities, no real renters. And yeah. It's my name on the paperwork.

You can file a claim with the VA without the county service officers. And it doesn't matter if you have private insurance, if you have service connected disabilities, then the VA will pay for that care. If you are rated high enough (and it sounds like you could be for some, especially the COPD), then they will cover all care.

When I checked, I was told that with private insurance I was low priority to be seen, and that their priority was for service related issues anyway. I can be seen at the VA by choice, but I'll be charged for it, was my understanding. I know I don't need a service officer to file. I've actually filled 3 times on my own. All 3 times it was canceled as incomplete because I didn't have everything I needed. I think I need a service officer just to make sure I have it all this time.

Did you serve in the reserve/guard component or the active? Did you deploy to a combat zone? That will make a big difference about the VA stuff.
However, if you are eligible for VA services you can be seen by the VA for care. It would likely be on a sliding scale fee depending upon financial situation. My husband is retired military now and eligible for VA services but would have to pay for about $30 for his appointments and sliding scale for meds.

I recommend you find a Family Assistance Specialist (FAS) in your area. This person is contract to work in national guard armories but work with any veteran that has DD214. Also, look into a Transition Assistant Specialist. This person is also contracted to help with people that are/have transitioned from the military. They have contacts within the VA typically and the FAS is tied into community resources to possibly be of help.

Good luck

I was active, but not deployed to combat zone. I spent 3 years in Korea. Thanks for the info on the FAS and TAS. I'll have to look and see if I can find one around here.

dayvewc
Hi Hon
I want you to know that you have some positives here Hon,,,You have and will continue to be one of the people who posts here that I admire and respect.
A few years ago I went through some pretty awful medical stuff--things looked pretty dark back then.
There is always hope Hon,,you will make it.

You know what is best for yourself regarding your relationships. You have the strength to do the right thing,no judgements here.

Yes I do think credit counselling will help because you need a clear picture of where your finances are and if keeping the house will end up with you losing it in the end.
When I decided for my well being and health to go half days it meant re-evaluating everything in my life.
My relationships ,medical insurance,daily budget,fun money,housing,DVC ownership,,everything changed,,but not all for the worst.

You have always prided yourself on providing for yourself and you can do it ,,but your focus must be on just YOURSELF first.
I work for a Board of Education and I can tell you they are all talk when it comes to *we will be there for you*,,,I would never trust them.
HR tried to convince otherwise, but thank goodness a co worker explained how they are totally *Conflict of interest* in their dealings.

Keep posting and know we care about you

Regards
Mel in Canada

Thanks. This means a lot to me.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Yes, I am paying a mortgage. That's what I mean by trying to buy my house. I'm still paying the mortgage.

I have thought of selling the house, but I'm not really sure that it is worth it. The past year especially, it has been treated way rough. Much rougher than I liked. I guess I need a better spine. I know I wouldn't get out what I've spent on it, I am not sure I'd get out enough to break even with what I owe.

I worked 2-4 jobs at a time up until 4 years ago when I dislocated the lower vertebrae in my back. Between the continuing chronic pain treatments and deteriorating mobility issues, finding another part-time job has been difficult. With the diagnosis of COPD last summer, and some other additional health issues I am not sure an extra job is an option any longer. Drastically cutting living expenses is the next option, and one I'm strongly in favor of. The problem is most of the expenses are either fixed or levelized. Getting rid of some of the useless roommates will cut back on the use of electricity, but the electric bill will take several months to reflect that they are gone. Likewise, I could cancel the security system, but the likelihood that I'd come home and find there to be absolutely nothing would increase to pretty close to 100% within a week. Hmmm, I guess I could always try to claim there was that original signed copy of the Mona Lisa tucked away in my closet. ;-)

I am not a great fan of the Go Fund Me in my circumstance either. I just am not seeing (and it might be me being blind) many options.



I'm really not sure, and you raised some good points.

To me, it's not just a matter of how much their electricity adds to your bill; it's more about letting others take advantage of your kindness. It's also about the fact that you're straining hard trying, but unable to make ends meet, and they're not doing anything to help you. This isn't how caring people treat someone. You may think this is sounding selfish but you really need to focus on yourself and what's good for YOU, and you only. If you want to be able to keep your house, pay for medicines, pay utilities & food, etc. you need to trim the fat from somewhere in your cost of living. I agree with pp about having a long sit-down with a fine-tooth comb of every expense you have and eliminate anything that is not an absolute basic need: food, water, heat, shelter, clothing, transportation and medicines.

I know it sounds sacrilegious but selling your DVC contracts would probably give you a good cushion to get you back on your feet. In the grand scheme of things, DVC is an optional, luxury item. Those annual dues are not cheap. It doesn't mean you can't ever go to a Disney park again. It simply means you would be shopping for discounts like the rest of us, without any commitment. Nothing wrong with that.

To own DVC and not be able to afford to buy necessary, life-saving medication? Which is more important? To me, this is your Mona Lisa.


ETA: I truly don't intend to sound condescending. It's just heartbreaking to see you're such a nice guy and deserve someone who will love and respect you and care about you, not take advantage of your kindness.