Debra Lafave - Double Standard in Teen Sex Case?

[poohandwendy]

He was obviously consenting..it never mentioned rape did it?

You do realize that the vast majority of molestation cases involving people the victims knows and trusts (of even very young children) are 'consentual' in the fact that they are talked into it and not physically forced to be molested? That it is not uncommon for the victim to feel emotional and physical gratification from it (from the attention, from the stimulation) ...even though they are often being severely psychologically damaged, many times for a lifetime?

And am I to assume you would feel the same exact way if your 14 yo DD had a sexual relationship with her male teacher? That is wasn't a horrible crime, that is was just a relationship?

 

[dadto1]

Yes, I think it is a total double standard.

It is alarming that much of society views a female pedophile in a different light than a male. It is seen every single time a woman teacher is charged with having sex with a student, it is romanticized instead of condemned. Ie "the boy probably loved it...it was a romantic, consentual may/december relationship"...as opposed to "he is a pervert using his power and authority to take advantage of a poor defenseless girl."

Well said, all you have to do is read up a few posts in this thread and you see the exact attitude displayed!!

 

[Patch'sD]

Any male teacher that had consented sex with a 16 year old girl, would have been sentinced to significant jail time. Even if the girl did not testify. There is a double standard this woman should be serving time. House arrest, really. What message was just sent to others who are like this woman, Hey don't worry about it.

 

[poohandwendy]

did he hang around her room everyday, what did he say, was he complimenting her and telling her things she, as a woman, would love to hear?

Wow, I don't even know what to say to that. The victim (child) made me (adult) do it...unbelieveable.

Let all of your kids know, if they hang out around the classroom or compliment their teachers, they are ripe for the picking. The adult teacher cannot help it if you are saying things they crave hearing.

 

[mrsltg]

I don't think this is a "child molestor" in a true sense of the word. yes what she did was unacceptable but how old was she when this happened? I believe she's 25 or so now and how old was the boy? Not that the age or anything makes it right but I guess abuse in the sense of "authority" but we don't know all the facts...did he hang around her room everyday, what did he say, was he complimenting her and telling her things she, as a woman, would love to hear? He was obviously consenting..it never mentioned rape did it? She did a bad thing but I just don't see it as she waited by the playground, picking out young boys and all the rest you see in/on the news everyday.

He can't consent - he was 14. He was raped. This isn't a grey area. Our society does not allow adults to have sex with children - with good reason. I have to say, this opinion is mind-boggling. Would you say the same thing about a male teacher and a female student? Teachers have a responsibility of protection, not harm. Yes, a 14 year old, boy or girl, will be harmed from inappropriate contact with a trusted adult.

I find the lack of punishment infuriating.

 

[luvdzne]

I don't think this is a "child molestor" in a true sense of the word. yes what she did was unacceptable but how old was she when this happened? I believe she's 25 or so now and how old was the boy? Not that the age or anything makes it right but I guess abuse in the sense of "authority" but we don't know all the facts...did he hang around her room everyday, what did he say, was he complimenting her and telling her things she, as a woman, would love to hear? He was obviously consenting..it never mentioned rape did it? She did a bad thing but I just don't see it as she waited by the playground, picking out young boys and all the rest you see in/on the news everyday.
QUOTE]

She didn't have to wait on the playground, she did it in her classroom. I believe she even admited that she had sex with him in the classroom.

I don't think it matters what her age is or was. She was in the position of authority, she knew better. Having sex with a minor is a crime period!
It doesn't matter if the child said it was o.k. or not! How would that make it right?

 

[VSL]

Yes, I think it is a total double standard.

ITA

 

[lillygator]

Wow, I don't even know what to say to that. The victim (child) made me (adult) do it...unbelieveable.

Let all of your kids know, if they hang out around the classroom or compliment their teachers, they are ripe for the picking. The adult teacher cannot help it if you are saying things they crave hearing.

I didn't mean it like that - I guess I didn't finish - if she is truly mental than maybe she thought she was in love, etc. My only point was I guess I view molestors as viciously going after children etc....we/I don't know all the facts regarding this.
Yes, she is a person of authority and trust and is ruined her and maybe his life and she should have never done this.
They talk about this on the radio all the time esp 98 rock you would not believe the amount of men who call in who felt they would have loved to be with one of their teachers.....makes you wonder.

I wasn't meaning to imply I thought what she did was ok or right, I guess I just don't see her as a normal molestor if there is such a thing.

 

[VSL]

What if it was a male teacher and he thought that he was in love with one of his students..?

A child molester is a child molester. I admit that in some cases I can 'get my head around it', but it doesn't matter - the law is the law.

 

[lillygator]

Let all of your kids know, if they hang out around the classroom or compliment their teachers, they are ripe for the picking. The adult teacher cannot help it if you are saying things they crave hearing.

Oh please...I was not trying to say that at all, I guess I just don't have a great way with written words.

 

[dadto1]

I didn't mean it like that - I guess I didn't finish - if she is truly mental than maybe she thought she was in love, etc. My only point was I guess I view molestors as viciously going after children etc....we/I don't know all the facts regarding this.
Yes, she is a person of authority and trust and is ruined her and maybe his life and she should have never done this.
They talk about this on the radio all the time esp 98 rock you would not believe the amount of men who call in who felt they would have loved to be with one of their teachers.....makes you wonder.

I wasn't meaning to imply I thought what she did was ok or right, I guess I just don't see her as a normal molestor if there is such a thing.

A molestor is a molestor, whether she is a hot blond or not. Adults can't legally have sex with minors. End of story.

 

[poohandwendy]

My only point was I guess I view molestors as viciously going after children etc....

You and too many others. What people do not understand is that acquaintance molestation, which makes up the vast majority of the cases, is almost always a crime of convenience and not people wo are 'viciously going after victims'. The damage can be even more severe because the victim feels responsible for their own abuse, feels powerless and shame, has a relationship with the abuser, experiences sexual confusion often lasting a lifetime and because it is usually not even discovered/ reported they are isolated with their unreconciled feelings...maybe their whole life long.

It's not just sex, it's not just physical...it's not just about consent. It is about emotionally messing up a person who cannot make adult decisions or reason things out like an adult.

If it were as simple as just a romantic relationship between people of difference ages, we would not have laws protecting children from this sort of crime.

She is actually exactly what a normal molester is, if there is one...a person who abused her authority and circumstances to form a sexual relationship with a minor. The only thing that makes her stand out from any other molester is that she is young, female and pretty.

 

[lillygator]

dup! ....

 

[lillygator]

A molestor is a molestor, whether she is a hot blond or not. Adults can't legally have sex with minors. End of story.

isn't that called rape? ETA - I guess I don't know the (law) difference to speak with any authority as to the difference between the two.

 

[lillygator]

I have to say, this opinion is mind-boggling. Would you say the same thing about a male teacher and a female student? Teachers have a responsibility of protection, not harm. Yes, a 14 year old, boy or girl, will be harmed from inappropriate contact with a trusted adult.

teachers do have a responsibilty and should be able to be trusted...what she did was not right. I was simply saying I do not view her in the same light as Jessica Lundy's molestor nor Carlie Brucia's molestor.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I think there is something wrong, but I don't think it is just a male/female teacher.

I think it is yet another sign of the way society is going. Sex is good. As long as everyone is happy you can have all the sex you want, when ever you want it with who ever. Just as long as both people want it there isn't any other rules.

This isn't true. There are consequnces to sex, both physical and mental.

However movies, T.V. books and other media keeps showing a differnt story for kids (and adults) today. It rarely shows people waiting until they are in love and in commited relationships (let along marriage) before engaging in sex.

I would be mad if it is was my 14 year old son or daughter. The thing is I would be mad if it was a teacher, or another student.

If the women is bipolar, then she has been doing things like this since the unset. Maybe college, maybe much sooner.

I might be a prude, but if the lines are so blury, no wonder kids are confused.

 

[poohandwendy]

teachers do have a responsibilty and should be able to be trusted...what she did was not right. I was simply saying I do not view her in the same light as Jessica Lundy's molestor nor Carlie Brucia's molestor.

Well of course there is a difference, they were both murdered as well as raped. 2 separate crimes.

The fact that you could have done worse to a child does not make it less a crime to that child. I mean, putting cigarettes out in a childs back is abusive and criminal, murdering a child is a different crime. Is the kid with the cigarette burns going to say, "No big deal, it could have been worse, I wasn't killed." ?

 

[lillygator]

Well of course there is a difference, they were both murdered as well as raped. 2 separate crimes.

The fact that you could have done worse to a child does not make it less a crime to that child. I mean, putting cigarettes out in a childs back is abusive and criminal, murdering a child is a different crime. Is the kid with the cigarette burns going to say, "No big deal, it could have been worse, I wasn't killed." ?

but they were molestors prior to those cases...who knows what else they did.

Debra should have known better...from the outside one would have thought she had it all. Pretty, newly married, steady job....I feel for all parties involved and hope they can all find help. I am not sure what punishment would be completely satisfactory to everyone?

I do think there is a double standard - as is most everything these days...being pretty can go a long way. I wonder if she was very homely if that would have made a difference?

 

[poohandwendy]

For the record, I know 3 people very intimately who were molested as children (one being male who was molested by a female adult). They were not murdered, bound and gagged...they were not screaming and begging for help, they were primed by a trusted adult and used sexually.

They were told they were 'loved' by these molesters and that what they were doing was just a secret because other people would not understand their 'special relationship'.

They were told that this 'secret' would damage everyone if they told. That their parents would make them move, that they would be 'in trouble' if they told. All three of them admit experiencing physical pleasure at times and enjoying the personal attention because they craved it. That is probably the most damaging thing of all...the confusion they felt, the shame they felt. The responsibility that was thrust on them before they could handle it or understand the implications.

They were scarred deeply and it has affected their adult relationships and self esteem greatly, even today many, many years later.

That is why it is illegal. That is why it is wrong.

 

[Nancy]

I don't think it matters what her age is or was. She was in the position of authority, she knew better. Having sex with a minor is a crime period!
It doesn't matter if the child said it was o.k. or not! How would that make it right?

ITA! I have a 13 yr old DD...IF she were a boy and a female teacher made advances towards him, you can bet i'd be pressing charges. It many states it is statuatory rape to have relations with someone under the age of 18 if you are over 18. To have a teacher..regardless of age/sex...do this is unacceptable. What if it was male/male or female/female..how would those that feel there is no double standard feel about that?