Dear MIL...

[luvsJack]

Dear MIL, Thank you so much for your love and care. Thank you for holding this huge family together after it went through so much loss in 2 years. Even though you were mourning your husband, son and grandson; you managed to still be there for all of us. Thank you for raising such fine sons that works so hard to provide for their families and show so much love to them. Thank you for loving each of your 5 daughters in law as your own and showing all 20 grandkids the same love and attention.

Yes, she sometimes gives gifts that would be better left undone. She can't spend a lot because she wants everyone to have a gift, so some gifts are small and some are downright cheap. But maybe we should remember its not about what's under the tree? Even for our kids. Food item and toiletries can be donated to those less fortunate. A toy your kid doesn't want? Try the Red Cross, they can give it to that child whose home just burned and who last all his/her toys. The mil that refuses to travel or pay attention to her grandkids or whatever, I get that, I really do and I understand the need to vent about it. But a Christmas gift?



I would also like to add:

Dear Mom, Thank you so much for last Christmas. We had such fun going shopping again after so many years. We shopped and laughed and enjoyed lunch together. I didn't know it would be your last Christmas. I will hold that Christmas memory in my heart forever.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

Wow really? I think its horrible that you are judging people based on a light hearted thread on an anonymous message board. You need to lighten up, no poster here has said anything truly unkind and even if they did its not like they are saying it directly to the face of their MIL. I'm sure if we wanted we could go back through your posts and find some unkind words about people in your life, but that doesn't make you yourself unkind.
And I loved my MIL, she was an amazing person and I miss her every day. I wish she was here so I could "vent" about some of the things she did. She' probably even laugh about them herself.

Exactly. That's the point. We all have little stupid annoyances that we need to air. It does not make anyone a bad person or not appreciate what we have. You should hear half the stuff I keep to myself. You would call me worse then evil.

 

[Vijoge]

I'm a MIL. I try really hard. I hope none of my gifts are laughed at. The best thing ever is that my smart DIL created an Amazon wish list. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy

I wish my son and DIL would do this. I'm never sure what to buy, what they've bought, what the kids already have, etc. I ask, but I never really seem to get an answer,

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Spouses die. Parents die. Children die. I'm sorry to be blunt.

This doesn't mean that people can't vent about or make jokes about their relatives.

If you choose not to participate...great. But no need for a guilt trip for those who want to share a light hearted frustration about an in-law. Trust us, none of us are wishing they were dead.

 

[Jhaberlein]

Dear MIL,
Thank you for realizing you put us in quite the pickle last year when you asked the boys directly what they asked Santa for.... immediately after DH told you we'd get lists to you. When we gave you the lists within that same weekend, imagine our surprise when you told DH you already had the lists and had already purchased Every. Single. Item.
When you declined to swap
any of them for other gifts we had, we had an interesting time spinning quite the tale as to why all of the toys they asked Santa for came from Grammie, not The Big Man himself. Thank you for apologizing Christmas morning after hearing the complicated tale we had to spin.
We know we tried to explain the whole Santa piece, but you admitted you didn't realize what the big deal was until you saw it unfold. I truly can't wait until the boys are older and we can share the memory... it was frustrating at the time, but it will go down lovingly as a hilarious moment in family history.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Thank You, LuvsJack,

While many of us might have had negative and troubling inlaws/parents....
And a little venting is all fine and well!!!!

This is the time of year where we should all focus on the good things that we have had and do have!!!!!

 

[Hikergirl]

I'm just fine. Thank you for your concern. You don't it's rude to throw away a gift just because it's from the dollar store. It's funny to.me you complain that I'm judging but aren't you judging me?

I'm calling out your judgmental attitude towards some posters here who are just having some fun. You admonishing them says alot more about the kind of person you are than it does about those you judge so harshly. Remember they aren't saying anything to their MIL, they are writing it here. Where as you, are telling them directly. So who is the one who is being unkind?
Happy Holidays.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Already tried that, but if my ILs would come to our house for Christmas (or any holiday, they do come on many other occasions), then the burden for us to go up there on Christmas (and generally Thanksgiving, Easter, and a smattering of lesser holidays) would be greatly reduced.

That might be true. But, with all due respect, and with only the best of intentions...
Coming from another DISer who has BTDT.... Truly... Some here might remember and be familiar.
You really and truly do not have an inlaw issue. You have a marriage issue.

You should not have to go thru your MIL.
She should not be the one that you hope can tell your husband that you are not an evil witch. Your husband's love and respect should not have to be 'granted' thru your MIL.

I am many more years down the road, now, than when I was in your situation.
My son is grown.
His lack of memories of holidays/weekends/occasions being about anything other than 'sitting at Grandma's/Grandpa's is no small matter, even today.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

Fwiw I spoke to my sil about the socks and underwear thing. And she said if that's what she wants to spend her money on, let her. So we disagree on this but there is no hate. It's just underwear, not a battle she's willing to fight.

 

[blana]

Dear MIL,
Please quit buying the kids tons of little things that will never be played with because that's "what they picked when you took them shopping". They also showed you a couple of nicer things, but you said no to them because they were too expensive or you didn't like them. Yet you spent far more than those items cost on the little things.

And stop asking for lists to buy for the kids only to then insist that you can't find anything on the list & that you need to take the kids with you to find the items. Only to then complain that it's too hard to take the kids out shopping.

But, don't worry, I will sit in my corner of the festivities as always with a smile plastered on & not say anything that will rock the boat.

 

[luvsJack]

Spouses die. Parents die. Children die. I'm sorry to be blunt.

This doesn't mean that people can't vent about or make jokes about their relatives.

If you choose not to participate...great. But no need for a guilt trip for those who want to share a light hearted frustration about an in-law. Trust us, none of us are wishing they were dead.

If a gift is that important to you, by all means vent away. And no guilt trip was intended, is it not ok for me to post what I have actually said to my mil? Or is it only negative stuff that is allowed? If you feel guilty, that's on you not me.

And yes people die every day, but you have no idea what my mil went through. I don't think its so wrong to remind some people what is and isn't important. People are, gifts are not.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm fairly certain there is no perfect in-law and I'm not just speaking about parents. I've ranted before about my in-laws it happens. They aren't perfect but neither am I. I'm also in a different perspective given that I am the daughter-in-law. I'm under no illusion that when the time comes when we actually have children and they grow and get married that I will be perfect in their significant other's eyes.

So Dear mother-in-law:

You've been pretty great about adjusting traditions when I came into the family. You tried working around when my family gets together and eats. For the first 4 or 5 years of knowing your son it was a bit rough even though the first 2 years I came over on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas and your son and I just met up later on on Christmas. The pressure to stay longer and longer at your house was really hard. I only have my mom's side of the family and I may only see them twice a year (Thanksgiving and Christmas and some I only see for Christmas) but I'd like to spend more than 2 hrs there. When you said all the time "oh...you're leaving already???" it really made me feel bad because my family deserves just as much time as yours. We're already under enough pressure to see everyone. It did ease up a bit after your son and I got engaged and then when we married and since we've been married you've gotten better and better.

We love and appreciate all the gifts but please know it's not how much you spend on the gifts..we're 28 and 27 we don't expect gifts. Heck the thing we honestly love the most is Home Depot gift cards. We were able to build our master closet shelves, buy landscape rock, buy drainage pipes, buy hoses and sprinkler stuff, help buy our lawn mower, build various other small things with lumber, etc. THOSE things are what we remember and appreciate the most. I also understand you are one of those people who hates buying gift cards for people..even if that is what they truly want..because you want them to open up something..so yes I appreciate all the gifts you give us even when we don't need them or expect them (given our age); ETA: and admittedly you've gotten some great gifts for us over the years though some fell flat. BTW I just started using that butter keeper thingie you put in the stocking stuffer a few years ago..so I guess that ended up working out..but unfortunately I don't have any usage for the salad dressing travel thingie yet.

I could do other dear in-laws too but for the sake of this thread I'll stick with mother-in-law.

 

[mom2rtk]

Dear MIL,
Thank you for realizing you put us in quite the pickle last year when you asked the boys directly what they asked Santa for.... immediately after DH told you we'd get lists to you. When we gave you the lists within that same weekend, imagine our surprise when you told DH you already had the lists and had already purchased Every. Single. Item.
When you declined to swap
any of them for other gifts we had, we had an interesting time spinning quite the tale as to why all of the toys they asked Santa for came from Grammie, not The Big Man himself. Thank you for apologizing Christmas morning after hearing the complicated tale we had to spin.
We know we tried to explain the whole Santa piece, but you admitted you didn't realize what the big deal was until you saw it unfold. I truly can't wait until the boys are older and we can share the memory... it was frustrating at the time, but it will go down lovingly as a hilarious moment in family history.

That's obnoxious.

 

[Heidict]

I get it, we all need to vent. I know I have done my fair share of it. But dang, some on this thread. That's not venting, that's just pure hate. I'm sure there is a back story that would better explain the reason for it because I would sure hope that a cheap gift or a slight over Christmas would not garner that much anger in someone.

 

[DisneyElite4]

Dear MIL,

You are an amazing woman and I admire you greatly. Thank you for being an excellent mother to my husband and grandmother to my children. I appreciate all the many things you do for us and love having you in my life. Sure you annoy me sometimes - but I bet I annoy you just as much!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Dear MIL,
Thank you for realizing you put us in quite the pickle last year when you asked the boys directly what they asked Santa for.... immediately after DH told you we'd get lists to you. When we gave you the lists within that same weekend, imagine our surprise when you told DH you already had the lists and had already purchased Every. Single. Item.
When you declined to swap
any of them for other gifts we had, we had an interesting time spinning quite the tale as to why all of the toys they asked Santa for came from Grammie, not The Big Man himself. Thank you for apologizing Christmas morning after hearing the complicated tale we had to spin.
We know we tried to explain the whole Santa piece, but you admitted you didn't realize what the big deal was until you saw it unfold. I truly can't wait until the boys are older and we can share the memory... it was frustrating at the time, but it will go down lovingly as a hilarious moment in family history.

My sister in law did that. My son had asked for the Playmobil Police Station. We told my sister in law Santa was getting it for him (I don't know if you're familiar with Playmobil, but the bigger items can get quite pricey). In our house, Santa only brings one toy - usually the most wanted and often the most expensive. Sadly, we opened presents at my MIL's (with sister in law) on Christmas Eve. We were shocked when he opened his "Santa gift" from my sister in law. The only store open was a Walgreens. They had very little. We ended up getting him a cheap shooting range thing and a giant stuffed dog. Not what he asked Santa for. We said Santa probably saw him open up the police station the night before so got him something else.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

If a gift is that important to you, by all means vent away. And no guilt trip was intended, is it not ok for me to post what I have actually said to my mil? Or is it only negative stuff that is allowed? If you feel guilty, that's on you not me.

And yes people die every day, but you have no idea what my mil went through. I don't think its so wrong to remind some people what is and isn't important. People are, gifts are not.

First off, I didn't even read your post before I posted mine, so my post is not a response to what you posted. I had to go back and read it.

I don't see any "rules" to this post anywhere, regarding negative or positive replies, but the general intent was for people to post their Christmas related in-law vents here. People are free to post whatever type of letter they would like. The intent of my post was that it seemed like some posters were hinting at that because their in-law had passed away, we are all awful people to post anything negative about an in-law because at least ours are still alive and we should just be grateful for that.

Personally, I didn't even post about a gift--I posted about hoping my step MIL doesn't comment on the size of my "baby bump" AGAIN at Christmas and ask me for the fourth time if I'm sure I'm not having twins.

I think it's perfectly acceptable for people to post little grievances here (I've had a good laugh at many!) about gifts or what-not from in-laws.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

First off, I didn't even read your post before I posted mine, so my post is not a response to what you posted. I had to go back and read it.

I don't see any "rules" to this post anywhere, regarding negative or positive replies, but the general intent was for people to post their Christmas related in-law vents here. People are free to post whatever type of letter they would like. The intent of my post was that it seemed like some posters were hinting at that because their in-law had passed away, we are all awful people to post anything negative about an in-law because at least ours are still alive and we should just be grateful for that.

Personally, I didn't even post about a gift--I posted about hoping my step MIL doesn't comment on the size of my "baby bump" AGAIN at Christmas and ask me for the fourth time if I'm sure I'm not having twins.

I think it's perfectly acceptable for people to post little grievances here (I've had a good laugh at many!) about gifts or what-not from in-laws.

Yep.

My MIL is living. But when she dies, that won't make her a saint. The bad things she has done, she still did.

And yes, I get that everyone dies and we miss them when they do. Both of my parents are gone. But that doesn't mean that they were perfect.

 

[goofinoff]

Dear MIL,
When you see or hear of my kids doing chores around the house, please stop saying that you NEVER made your children do chores, that you did ALL their laundry and made their beds every day. Believe me, I am fully aware and it has taken me twenty years to undo what you did for your son!!!

 

[sets14]

Dear MIL,

A bikini trimmer, shampoo, and hairbrush are not gifts that make me feel warm and fuzzy. Keep your money and spend it on your son- he would appreciate something other than deodorant.

* And yes, these were all true gifts*