Dealing with The Loss of a Son

[pfishgirl]

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I can't imagine what you must be going through. Being a single mom of an only child, a boy 18yo, I especially feel bad for you. I am assuming they are doing an autopsy. The only thing worse than loosing a child would be not knowing why. Perhaps they will have an answer for why it happened. Maybe he had an undiagnosed heart problem. I work in cardiac surgery, and used to work in cardiac surgery at a childrens hospital. It is amazing how many pediatric cardiac disorders there are out there, and many don't surface with well defined symptoms until its a crisis. I am imaging that is what happened to him. Again, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Im sure its quite devastating. Maybe you will at least get an answer why to help with closure. Peace be with you.

Thank You for your thoughts.. He passed away a year ago, so the autopsy was done already.

and Actually, No, I was left with a lot of unanswered questions.

The autopsy report said Accidental Death, caused by Acute Pulmonary Congestion. His lungs filled with liquid and blood and he suffocated.

Problem with that is...... NO other organs were effected, He wasn't sick with a cold, a flu or even a headache.. Nothing.. Toxicology report affirmed No Drugs, No Alcohol, No Chemicals.. Nothing, not even aspirin..

 

[pfishgirl]

I came over to check in..
Having a bad few days again..

Missing my son a real lot, since he is not attending the bbq parties we would go to each year. and the trips we would be planning right now for a September DCL cruise with friends and family

 

[JoiseyMom]

I came over to check in..
Having a bad few days again..

Missing my son a real lot, since he is not attending the bbq parties we would go to each year. and the trips we would be planning right now for a September DCL cruise with friends and family

Hugs Stacy

 

[pfishgirl]

Hugs Stacy

Thank You
Its been a rough few days mentally

 

[tnkr mom]

Checking in on you! We are heading to Cape May this summer.

 

[pfishgirl]

Checking in on you! We are heading to Cape May this summer.

Ohhh I haven't been to Cape May in Years... Loved It!!

I'm hanging in there
Thank You

Hope all is well with you and yours

 

[MyMagicKingdom]

I can't even possibly imagine what you have been/still are going through. I wish you all the best and every prayer possible. May you find strength in unexpected places and may you continue to have beautiful dreams of your smiling son.

My DS will be 2 on July 16th, and this is truly a worst fear. The day after his first birthday party last year our home was destroyed by a fire. Luckily we weren't home but the fire chief said that if we were, and our son was in his bedroom that there's no way we would've been able to get to him because the fire started in the kitchen, right under his bedroom and was so violent and spread so quickly. That alone makes me ill anytime I think about it and I thank God every single day. Again, I can't imagine what you're going through but I sincerely hope you're as well as can be. Many, many hugs for everyday!! You and your son are very much in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[mdvlprof]

pfishgirl-

Just found this thread. So sorry about your son.

Hope you are having more good days than bad days.

 

[turnerx6]

First of all...

Im terribly sorry for this unexpected journey you have been put on. Though I cannot completely understand how you are feeling right now - I can offer my listening ear and support.

My dh and I lost our 5 month old daughter in Oct. 2007. She was our second child...she spent 4 of her 5 months in the hospital with a very rare genetic disorder. The dr's thought she would be just fine - that she would never have any severe problems or delays - that she would just be petite. Unfortunately they were wrong. Our dd was very, very ill. It was so terrible to sit by her bed side every single day - unable to do anything. We couldn't even really hold her without her crying in pain. She spent the last month at home with us, on hospice care. Of course the entire time we prayed for a miracle..but trusted in Gods decision as we knew He loved her even more than we loved her - He created her. She ended up passing away the night before my birthday. I have had a rough time dealing with her death... there are days the pain seems unbearable - like I simply cannot take another breath. On those days I do my best to run to our Lord and also to my husband. If I have learned anything over the past 2 1/2 years it is that everyone grieves differently. We have struggled with our families - and their lack of support. It was like our dd was never here..they never mention her name, have taken most if not all pictures down, etc. This has been so hard. They have gotten mad at us for the way we grieve..and in turn we have gotten mad at them for they way they dont seem to be grieving at all. I think it all comes down to the fact that we all do it differently. I have only seen my dh cry a few times..but I know that he feels he has to be strong for me and our three other kids. I know he misses his baby girl just as much as I do. We used to go to support groups - but no longer do because we dont have a sitter available to watch our other children..so we really feel like we have to deal with it all alone. It has been so trying on our family and our marriage...

I certainly wish I had some good advice for you - or better yet, I wish I could take away all of your pain. I wish NOBODY ever had to walk such a horrible journey like this...unfortunately I cannot do any of this - however I can offer you a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes it just helps to know that you are not the only one hurting..you are not the only one learning to live again. Feel free to send me a message if you want my persnal email. I would love to hear from you...until then, please know that all of us on the Disboards are praying for you and your family!

Many hugs!
Kelly

 

[ChipnDaleRule]

Coming across this thread for the first time really puts everything into prospective.
Just wanted to pass on my heart felt wishes

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Thank You for your thoughts.. He passed away a year ago, so the autopsy was done already.

and Actually, No, I was left with a lot of unanswered questions.

The autopsy report said Accidental Death, caused by Acute Pulmonary Congestion. His lungs filled with liquid and blood and he suffocated.

Problem with that is...... NO other organs were effected, He wasn't sick with a cold, a flu or even a headache.. Nothing.. Toxicology report affirmed No Drugs, No Alcohol, No Chemicals.. Nothing, not even aspirin..

I am so sorry about your son.

Did the autopsy mention an enlarged heart or a condition called cardiomyopathy?

 

[pfishgirl]

I am so sorry about your son.

Did the autopsy mention an enlarged heart or a condition called cardiomyopathy?

No. Only his Lungs were effected

 

[pfishgirl]

Thank you all for sharing your stories and for the kind words and thoughts prayers and blessings.. I really do appreciate each hug, every story and all the kind loving thoughts..

I have good days, bad days and very bad days.. I'm feel very lost and lonely most of the time and even the things I once enjoyed so much are no longer enjoyable because "we" did them as a "family"

Today I went to the monthly support group meeting with compassionate friends and they do truly help. My feelings and thoughts don't seem so crazy and unusual when I am there and I know we all feel comfortable enough to take our masks off and totally be ourselves

I'm hanging in there the best I can, I'm still not divorced, but the paperwork has been started.. I still wish he'd change his mind and want to work us out but no such luck. I know I need to let go, he moved on long ago without me but I just can't seem to get my heart to move on.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

No. Only his Lungs were effected

Have you tried speaking with a pulmonologist and/or cardiologist to get some idea of what might have happened; why his lungs filled with fluid? If you bring the autopsy report with you, they might be able to see something in there that might help make more sense of it for you. Not trying to belabor the point, just trying to help as I know I would have to have answers.

 

[mdvlprof]

Sometimes even the 'specialists' don't know. You just don't want them to find your case 'interesting'.

DS (now 20) case was. I watched/worried/prayed as a gifted 17-yr old suffered series of catasatrophic illnesses that left him unable to move anything other than facial muscles. I prepared myself to say goodbye at least 3 times.

 

[Heidict]

Thank you all for sharing your stories and for the kind words and thoughts prayers and blessings.. I really do appreciate each hug, every story and all the kind loving thoughts..

I have good days, bad days and very bad days.. I'm feel very lost and lonely most of the time and even the things I once enjoyed so much are no longer enjoyable because "we" did them as a "family"

Today I went to the monthly support group meeting with compassionate friends and they do truly help. My feelings and thoughts don't seem so crazy and unusual when I am there and I know we all feel comfortable enough to take our masks off and totally be ourselves

I'm hanging in there the best I can, I'm still not divorced, but the paperwork has been started.. I still wish he'd change his mind and want to work us out but no such luck. I know I need to let go, he moved on long ago without me but I just can't seem to get my heart to move on.

Oh sweetie, my heart just breaks for you. To lose a child has to be one of the worst things in life but then to have a husband that does what he did just gets me so angry!! I still can't wrap my mind around why he would do that.

I can imagine you not wanting to let go, or not being ready to let go is perfectly normal. It is going to take time.

 

[tnkr mom]

Thank you all for sharing your stories and for the kind words and thoughts prayers and blessings.. I really do appreciate each hug, every story and all the kind loving thoughts..

I have good days, bad days and very bad days.. I'm feel very lost and lonely most of the time and even the things I once enjoyed so much are no longer enjoyable because "we" did them as a "family"

Today I went to the monthly support group meeting with compassionate friends and they do truly help. My feelings and thoughts don't seem so crazy and unusual when I am there and I know we all feel comfortable enough to take our masks off and totally be ourselves

I'm hanging in there the best I can, I'm still not divorced, but the paperwork has been started.. I still wish he'd change his mind and want to work us out but no such luck. I know I need to let go, he moved on long ago without me but I just can't seem to get my heart to move on.

Hi, so glad you checked in with us. I have been thinking about you!!)

 

[SPENCER AA]

I have never posted here before. I never even paid close enough attention to see this thread existed.. I just really needed somewhere to turn. I am having a very hard time trying to be strong for our family and friends.

My Story:

On May 6th, our son, our only child turned 19 years old. On May 13th he passed away and it's been 9 weeks and we still don't know exactly why..

He was an EMT for our hometown and attending college to be a Respiratory Therapist.. He went through 2 years of Vocational School and graduated with High Honors for Medical Assisting.. Graduated HS in 2008...

He spoke to his girlfriend at 11:30am, never said he didn't feel well, no headache, nothing.. He told her he was going to take a shower, and get ready for his last final exam of the semester.. but, When I got home around 1 pm from grocery shopping and errands, he was already gone.. I found him on his bed, unconscious, pale as can be and cold.

I've been to a support group, but it only meets once a month. I've been to 2 so far. It helps, I guess, a little, knowing They know my pain of losing a child.

I cry every day, even though I don't let my husband see me cry, I know he knows I do. He puts up a brave front for me as well. We have cried together maybe 3 times since it happened.

I just miss my son so much and I feel helpless because I can't fix this. I can't take everyone's pain away and make it okay again..

thanks for listening

So sorry for your loss, God bless you and your family. I will say a prayer for your son and your family tonight.

 

[pfishgirl]

 

[quasar4legs]

Hi pfishgirl,

Sending you a big hug

Honestly, there are no words that can ease your pain but if you feel like chatting we are hear to listen.

So sorry that you have had to live through every parent's worse nightmare.

Quasar