Dealing With Meltdowns--- WDYD??

[serene56]

Not the melt downs that come with the heat and humidty in July & August.
But the kid kind--

I had my Grand Daughter over this weekend-- as I do every weekend. (she is 3years 4 months)

SHe literally flipped out because the ice cream truck was outside-- and I was putting dinner on the table-- this rant lasted 40 minutes with screaming and crying. (which I ignored)

I have 3 sons-- none of which ever did that EVER-- and this was a first for her with me. (its been over 25 years for me and maybe I forget---

Got me to thinking--- what if she did this at Disney== what would I do?

Do you ignore the people at the parks while your kid is like this?

Do you drag them kicking and screaming to take them out of the park...

Hints and suggestions are appreciated--- thanks

 

[worm761]

I think for a first offense you should find quiet spot to sit in time out. If it continues, then you take them out of the park. That is what I did with my DS when he was little. It took one time of going back to the room and sitting on the bed, no cartoons, no swimming, for him to never pull that again. And that was 8 years ago. Though kids melting down in Disney are usually because something is wrong, hungry, tired or thirsty. So talking to them often solves the problem.

How is she normally disciplined? I am one of those people that don't agree with ignoring bad behavior. To ME, that just says that there are no consequences for that behavior. I was very big on teaching DS that there are consequences for behavior, whether it was good or bad. So sometimes he got special somethings for being good.

 

[Resseda]

What worked in non-Disney life with my step-GD when she was slightly older than your GD, and actually with niece at that age as well, is to give them little goals/landmarks. Like, if I took either of the kids shopping, I would always say, "we're going here, here, and there, and when we get there, we'll get a cookie/bottle of water/apple/bag of candy"...whatever. Yeah, it was probably bribing them for good behaviour, but I will honestly say, my GD never melted down on me, and my niece did exactly once. (note: I have found this doesn't seem to work for full-time parents...probably something about the novelty)

So, in the DW example, if we were strolling by and ice cream stand and GD launched into a tantrum for ice cream, I would attempt to remind her that I had said we could get ice cream after we went on the next two rides. If that didn't work, I would remind her that if we got ice cream now, we wouldn't get it later.

Ress

 

[Big Daddy Incredible]

That's a tough one. Even more so because you are talking about a grandchild and not your own child.

Whether it's the WDW parks, a restaurant close to home, church, etc..., I always look my kids square in the eye and tell them my expectations for their behavior while out in public and why it is important they behave good. When I do this, they generally behave well. When I forget...

When it comes to WDW, we do two things that usually work for us. We tell our kids the game plan at the beginning of the day. We ask them what they want to do. But we also tell them what we want to do and then we try to tell them why they will like it. The second thing is we tell them they can have one special treat for the day. That may be a Mickey ice cream, Mickey rice krispie treat or maybe a toy. But we tell them they can't have just anything they want and that some things are too expensive.

However, if your grandchild wants an ice cream at WDW or else she will throw a temper tantrum, buy the ice cream. You will have invested a lot of money to go to WDW - I presume in order to have fun and create memories for yourself and your family. Don't pay all that money and then mess it all up over an ice cream (or whatever else may cause the problem).

Most of all, trust yourself. The ice cream truck was just a bump in the road. Every child has different buttons to push. When the time comes, you will know what to do.

 

[Sleepy]

Kids are very intelligent. In your case, she is reacting in a manner she knows works for her to get her way.

As far as ANY public place, if the child reacted this way and I was the only adult, I would be hauling her out the door or park or where ever you are. If I am vacationing with the child and her parents, if they do nothing to stop it, I would be pretending I did not know them and excuse myself to tour the park alone.

 

[Big Daddy Incredible]

What worked in non-Disney life with my step-GD when she was slightly older than your GD, and actually with niece at that age as well, is to give them little goals/landmarks. Like, if I took either of the kids shopping, I would always say, "we're going here, here, and there, and when we get there, we'll get a cookie/bottle of water/apple/bag of candy"...whatever. Yeah, it was probably bribing them for good behaviour, but I will honestly say, my GD never melted down on me, and my niece did exactly once. (note: I have found this doesn't seem to work for full-time parents...probably something about the novelty)

So, in the DW example, if we were strolling by and ice cream stand and GD launched into a tantrum for ice cream, I would attempt to remind her that I had said we could get ice cream after we went on the next two rides. If that didn't work, I would remind her that if we got ice cream now, we wouldn't get it later.

Ress

I am with you on the goal setting vs. bribery argument. We, as adults, set goals for ourselves everyday with rewards for ourselves when we accomplish our goals. For example, if I work hard and save up enough money, I'm taking my family to Disneyworld. Why wouldn't we try to implement the same goal setting techniques with children? I do realize that you can quickly go broke from doing this. But we are adults so we should be able to plan accordingly.

 

[disnut8]

When my son was that age, I just let him cry it out. He was either tired or just wanted to test me to see if I would cave. I never did and after a few times of getting nothing by crying, he simply quit the act all together. At Disney World, there are kids having meltdowns all the time. I don't have kids at home anymore but when I see a kid at Disney World having a tough time, I think I appreciate the parents that just let the kid get it out. Move them over to the side and out of a walkway and let them cry or scream or whatever. If it lasts way too long, then take some measures. But if it's just five or ten minutes, take a time out. After the tantrum, explain to the child that for that amount of time, they weren't doing anything fun.

 

[ksumn1]

Was your GD tired? I have a 5 year old (6 on May 23) who still has the rare meltdown. Usually she's overly tired, hungry or bored. With her, you have to calm her down before she can be reasonable. It's like the act of the temper tantrum itself winds her up. An example....

The other day she had a tball game. I'm pumping gas and when I finish I open her door and ask if she wants anything. She has an empty Chips ahoy pack in her lap and a mouthful of cookies. I ask her what she's eating.."Nothing" I tell her she's caught and now she doesn't get anything from the store since she snuck a snack and no dessert after dinner (She already had a snack at my Mom's after school around 4 and it's around 5:30 pm) She cries the entire way home (her game was cancelled) that she's hungry, starving (she's not) and wants something from the store. I fix dinner (quesadillas) as soon as we get home. It's very quick and within 10 minutes, we're home and dinner is ready. She's still crying in her room. She's tired from running around during an extralong recess and testing all day, so I let her slide a little. Still no dessert, and she has to apologize for her behavior but I don't push it.

We're big on emphasizing choices. She chose to sneak a snack, knowing it was wrong. She chose the action and I chose the consequences no dessert or snack from the store. She's old enough to make the right choices and how to behave. If she makes a poor choice, she knows there will be repercussions.

We only had to leave a park once at Disney with oldest DD, never with younger DD. It was a combination of too hot, too hurried, too commando and not enough downtime. I think not overdoing it, and planning lots of downtime will deter most meltdowns. Just be clear with her how she should behave and that if she doesn't, you'll (leve, go sit in time out for a minute, whatever) and then once it's over, move on to happier things.

 

[tinkerlisa]

Unfortunatly, what my friend does with her son is more difficult to do at Disney.

If she is in a store and her son has a tantrum, she asks the customer service desk if she can leave her cart with them for a few minutes. Then she goes oiut to her car with her son and lets him have at it. Only when he is calm do they go back in.
My SIL did this with her kids also.
I think to modify it for Disnet would to find a quiet place to sit(maybe the baby care centers) and try to get the child calm and then try to reason with them. If that doesn't work, take them out of the park.
I have 2 boys and my oldest(7) has never had a tantrum in public. However, my youngest(almost 2) has. I usually find some sort of distraction for him since reasoning with a 1 year old is impossible, but I never give them what they want should they have a tantrum.

Now my sister on the other hand was VERY spoiled when she was little. Every time she threw a fit when she was younger, my mom gave in to her and did what my sister wanted. So now that she is 14, she has never even grown out of tantrums and gets her way always.
She wants to go to Disney with us instead of driving down with my mom. I said that I need the money up front to pay for her and gave her the cost of what it would be to have her fly with us. She knows not to mess with me because I said "If mom says no you can't fly down with us, she means it. No fits because if I find out that you had a fit you cannot come with us because I don't want to deal with your rage."
Oh and as for me asking my mom why she gives in to my sister's fits my sister's response was "You're just jealous because I get what I want and you never did"
My response:
"Yes that's right I am jealous that I never made a fool of myself in public to get what I want".....

 

[labdogs42]

I try to prevent the Disney meltdowns by making sure my son stays hydrated and well fed. Low blood sugar can make him really crabby! If we do experience a meltdown, I usually find a quiet place to talk to him and help him calm down. Sometimes we do that, then he sits in his stroller for a while and we go for a nice walk. If he's tired, he'll often fall asleep in the stroller (my son's meltdowns are often a sign of overstimulation or tiredness).

I also know I'll be buying Mickey bars and popcorn for snacks and a few souveniers here and there, because that's part of a Disney trip! So, I try to work those in as rewards or breaks in the day (e.g. we'll get a Mickey bar when we get off X ride, we'll go shopping in the air conditioning after the parade, etc.). I also don't consider any of that bribing. It is planning and teaching kids to delay gratification. If they can behave for that length of time, they deserve a reward. Better than waiting until they throw a royal hissy fit and you caving to get them to calm down!! Way better, IMO!

 

[fla4fun]

I think for a first offense you should find quiet spot to sit in time out. If it continues, then you take them out of the park. That is what I did with my DS when he was little. It took one time of going back to the room and sitting on the bed, no cartoons, no swimming, for him to never pull that again. And that was 8 years ago. Though kids melting down in Disney are usually because something is wrong, hungry, tired or thirsty. So talking to them often solves the problem.

This is the way we were raised. We learned from a very, very young age that there were certain expectations regarding our behavior when we left the house. If we didn't abide by that, then we went home. Since this was started as soon as we were old enough to barely understand, there were never any meltdowns on vacation. All it took was one time having to leave a store, and we learned our lesson.

So it sounds like the training needs to happen before a trip to Disney is considered, and whatever training is in place prior to the trip needs to be upheld during the trip. Regardless of how much money you have spent on a trip, you don't want to reinforce the idea that if they just ramp up the temper tantrum they will get what they want. Most of the time a meltdown means they need a nap instead of a treat anyway, so a time out is the best thing for everyone.

 

[serene56]

This was her first time--ever.
Like i said--we have her every weekend. She wasnt tired- she wasnt hungry.
At our hour she has her schedule- every minute of the day is accounted for. She knows what is expected. and whats gonna happen.

Last week was her first encounter with the Ice cream truck---pop pop took her out and got her one-- but she was told ahead of time about the truck.

Pop Pop was not home when the truck came this time.

For disney she has her own money (pop pop was told she has to spend her own. or he can go broke getting her want she wants--

Something must have been going on with her because last night was the first time she cried to go home. (sigh)

 

[SuperTink]

Something must have been going on with her because last night was the first time she cried to go home. (sigh)

Yeah, you never know what's going on their little heads. Talk to her and give her an opportunity to express how she's feeling, if she can. Continue to be loving and gentle and try not to overreact. Keep your expectations clear and firm. She'll be over this stage soon enough.

 

[braydensmom]

I think that sometimes kid just test you. If you react by giving in, you are feeding in to what their game.
My son is still very small, but he has thrown a tantrum because I was making him walk instead of carrying him and I made him sit on a bench for a time out, he calmed down, and walked holding my hand through the mall.
Now when he is with his dad he gets away with everything and in turn he acts like a little brat with him.

 

[Buckeyemouse]

I think you handled the situation correctly. By ignoring her behavior you let her know that she will not get her way, but 40 minutes at 3 will be much easier to handle than when she turns 11.

 

[kymom99]

I mean no disrespect, but those of you trying to say you won't stand for a meltdown need to get a grip. My son is one of the best behaved, most easy going kids on earth. He has very rare meltdowns, but he has had a few. And they were doosies! You cannot talk a kid out of a meltdown. You can only wait for it to pass. A meltdown is different that just being a plain old brat!

On our first trip when my son was 4, he had one meltdown each day. One for each park! I still cringe when I think about Pizza Planet! There was literally no where to sit and we had to take our food outside on a bench. He had a royal fit. He was simply over stimulated. It happens. Just let them cry it out and afterwards tell them how upset it made you. They are NOT listening when they are screaming!

If you try to remove them from the park you will only succeed in physically wearing yourself out, trying to carry a kicking and screaming child.

 

[serene56]

Being overly stimulated is what I fear the most. I am thinking it might be too much. ( I was warned to keep my plans calm-- figure it breaks and rest along with swimming--LOL)

spoke to my son about this-- and he says she does this all the time at home although it does not get her what she wants and he fiured she woulda stopped by now-- what he does-- he picks her up and puts her in her bed and she has to stay there until she stops crying-- and she does stay put--(yeah right)

He says at disney-- we will go to the rest rooms- close the door and see what happens. (well what about everyone else in there--doesnt seem fair to those people.

what do you do when you see a melt down and parents correcting their child?

 

[MelanieC]

So glad mine are 11 & 17 now - those days are over till I have Grand Kids, lol.

When my kids were little, luckily Disney was a place it often did not happen because there was always something to keep them busy and occupied. If it did, I would just remove them from the situation we were in, including if necessary taking them out of the park - that never had to happen though. On our first trip in 1995, DD did have a melt down on the last day of our trip at an offsite gift shop. She wanted a Beetoven (the movie) dog stuffed animal.

We quickly took her out of the shop and after screaming in the car a bit, she stopped. Kids, lol!

 

[braydensmom]

I mean no disrespect, but those of you trying to say you won't stand for a meltdown need to get a grip. My son is one of the best behaved, most easy going kids on earth. He has very rare meltdowns, but he has had a few. And they were doosies! You cannot talk a kid out of a meltdown. You can only wait for it to pass. A meltdown is different that just being a plain old brat!

On our first trip when my son was 4, he had one meltdown each day. One for each park! I still cringe when I think about Pizza Planet! There was literally no where to sit and we had to take our food outside on a bench. He had a royal fit. He was simply over stimulated. It happens. Just let them cry it out and afterwards tell them how upset it made you. They are NOT listening when they are screaming!

If you try to remove them from the park you will only succeed in physically wearing yourself out, trying to carry a kicking and screaming child.

Thats fine, everyone parents differently and every child is different. I just don't think that by ignoring a child's tantrum you are teaching them anything, except that bad behaviour will be ignored, which isin't right.
I agree that over-stimultation can cause problems, but sitting at home and hearing the ice cream truck and not being allowed to have an ice cream is not a case of over-stimulation, it sounds like a case of a child not getting something they want.

 

[Schmeck]

He says at disney-- we will go to the rest rooms- close the door and see what happens. (well what about everyone else in there--doesnt seem fair to those people.

Ask him if he plans to take his daughter into the mens' restroom, because you don't plan on taking her into the ladies' one, LOL! I love it when the dad makes a plan that he doesn't have to be involved in.

Of course, if he planned to use the companion restrooms for his purpose, please make sure he doesn't. They are not 'time-out' rooms, (or changing into princess dress rooms, or breastfeeding rooms). They are rare, accessible bathrooms for those guests who cannot use the main public restrooms.