Dealing With Meltdowns--- WDYD??

[figmentgirl]

I mean no disrespect, but those of you trying to say you won't stand for a meltdown need to get a grip. My son is one of the best behaved, most easy going kids on earth. He has very rare meltdowns, but he has had a few. And they were doosies! You cannot talk a kid out of a meltdown. You can only wait for it to pass. A meltdown is different that just being a plain old brat!

On our first trip when my son was 4, he had one meltdown each day. One for each park! I still cringe when I think about Pizza Planet! There was literally no where to sit and we had to take our food outside on a bench. He had a royal fit. He was simply over stimulated. It happens. Just let them cry it out and afterwards tell them how upset it made you. They are NOT listening when they are screaming!

If you try to remove them from the park you will only succeed in physically wearing yourself out, trying to carry a kicking and screaming child.

I agree with this. I would only add that you watch your child for signs that he/she is beginning to be too overstimulated. A child does not know how to pace themselves. They go and go and go until suddenly they've pushed too hard for too long and they snap. It is the parents responsibility to notice when it's time to go back to the room for a nap or some downtime. The younger the child, the more important this is.
In addition, do this for yourself. Notice when YOU need to go back to the room for a break. Permit this to be a vacation, not a death march.

 

[ksumn1]

I mean no disrespect, but those of you trying to say you won't stand for a meltdown need to get a grip. My son is one of the best behaved, most easy going kids on earth. He has very rare meltdowns, but he has had a few. And they were doosies! You cannot talk a kid out of a meltdown. You can only wait for it to pass. A meltdown is different that just being a plain old brat!

If you try to remove them from the park you will only succeed in physically wearing yourself out, trying to carry a kicking and screaming child

I totally agree that kids will sometimes have meltdowns, no mater how well behaved they are. But talking to my DD calmly, repeating her name and "Calm down" does work most of the time. If nothing else, she quiets down a little to hear what I'm saying. And as a parent, you know if it's overstimulation, hunger, boredom, or just bad behavior and can act accordingly. If DD is tired, and I know it's not a major all out tantrum that will blow over and be handled quickly, we go somewhere out of the way and calm down. Then we'll go back to the resort and take a nap. However, if she's in hypertantrum mode and just being a brat and being ugly, DH WILL carry her out kicking and screaming. It may make a scene, he may be tired later but to me, staying in the park and letting her have a good time is just reinforcing that her behavior is OK and that there are no consequences. I also don't think it's fair to inflict her tantrum on others who are trying to enjoy their vacation.

what do you do when you see a melt down and parents correcting their child?

I usually try to hide a grin. Been there, done that and then I cross my fingers and be glad that it's not happening to me. Hey, WDW is full of kids and you're going to come across kids having tantrums and acting up. I would simply ignore it or maybe say a kind word to the parent.

Unless it's a case of the child having a major temper tantrum that is not being addressed by the parents at all and it's really out of control. At Coral Reef last trip, a little boy had a loud, ugly temper tantrum for over 30 minutes and the parents did absolutely nothing except enjoy their meal, ignore the boy and then order dessert. The boy was lying in the floor and kept kicking the back of my chair so I asked the parents very nicely to either make him stop or move him so we wouldn't keep kicking my chair. The Mom shrugged and said "Sorry, can't do anything with him when he's like this" and did nothing. DH asked our server to move us (we had just gotten our entrees) or to please say something to the parents. The manager(?) came out with new desserts in a to go box and brought it to the couple and very nicely asked them to leave, that the boy was bothering other diners. They were very upset but did leave. It really bothered me that the parents did nothing. The Mom only told the boy to calm down, neither parent said anything else to the chid, or tried to take him to the restroom for a talk...nothing at all. I felt bad for even saying anything but it really was an out of control situation. I actually had such a bad headache afterward from the screaming and crying that we went back to the resort instead of back to the park.

 

[Sleepy]

I agree with this. I would only add that you watch your child for signs that he/she is beginning to be too overstimulated. A child does not know how to pace themselves. They go and go and go until suddenly they've pushed too hard for too long and they snap. It is the parents responsibility to notice when it's time to go back to the room for a nap or some downtime. The younger the child, the more important this is.
In addition, do this for yourself. Notice when YOU need to go back to the room for a break. Permit this to be a vacation, not a death march.

For the most part, I think parents are well aware of their children's mental and physical state. Problem is they spent all this money and only have 5 days, so the solution is to rent a stroller and keep going. As a result, not only do the kids have a meltdown, but bystanders have to listen to it because the parents ignore the child or announce to everyone that there is nothing they can do to stop it. They forget that it could have been avoided if they had just gone back to the room.

 

[labdogs42]

spoke to my son about this-- and he says she does this all the time at home although it does not get her what she wants and he fiured she woulda stopped by now-- what he does-- he picks her up and puts her in her bed and she has to stay there until she stops crying-- and she does stay put--(yeah right)

He says at disney-- we will go to the rest rooms- close the door and see what happens. (well what about everyone else in there--doesnt seem fair to those people.

what do you do when you see a melt down and parents correcting their child?

See, that's when I use the stroller. That's like my DS's "room" on a trip. He can sit in there, pull the shade down and get away from it all. He can choose to sit in there nicely and pout/cry, or if he gives me a hard time, he has to wear the seatbelt. I rarely have to use the seatbelt, even if he's melting down. This way, I can wheel him away from the crowds and let him calm down. The bathroom is NOT a good place to take a child who is melting down. They are so loud and echo-y, it would be an awful place to try to get your kid to calm down, IMO.

 

[Sleepy]

However, if she's in hypertantrum mode and just being a brat and being ugly, DH WILL carry her out kicking and screaming. It may make a scene, he may be tired later but to me, staying in the park and letting her have a good time is just reinforcing that her behavior is OK and that there are no consequences. I also don't think it's fair to inflict her tantrum on others who are trying to enjoy their vacation.

BRAVO mom and dad!!!!!

I would much rather hear and see a kicking and screaming child rush by me for 10 seconds than be subjected to that in line for 20+ minutes.

 

[NutzaboutDisney]

For the most part, I think parents are well aware of their children's mental and physical state. Problem is they spent all this money and only have 5 days, so the solution is to rent a stroller and keep going. As a result, not only do the kids have a meltdown, but bystanders have to listen to it because the parents ignore the child or announce to everyone that there is nothing they can do to stop it. They forget that it could have been avoided if they had just gone back to the room.

We have taken six children from ages six months and up to WDW several times. The most important thing for me and my sanity is to be aware and respectful of what my kids can and cannot handle. We spend lots of money at Disney, even having to get two rooms for all of us, but the money is better spent by the "quality" of time we have and not quantity!!! We do not do parks from dust until dawn. We'd be asking for it if we did. My best advice is to outline and prepare the child for the day, in small increments, and take breaks for naps, rest time, chilling at the pool, etc. It makes our overall vacation so much more memorable when we don't overdo it with our kiddos!!! And worth every penny that we spend NOT in the parks!

 

[Leajess99]

Kids are very intelligent. In your case, she is reacting in a manner she knows works for her to get her way.

As far as ANY public place, if the child reacted this way and I was the only adult, I would be hauling her out the door or park or where ever you are. If I am vacationing with the child and her parents, if they do nothing to stop it, I would be pretending I did not know them and excuse myself to tour the park alone.

This is what I did when my youngest DD had a meltdown at DTD. I left my older dd with my sister and took the youngest one out and to a quiet corner. She was not allowed to return to the store until she was able to bring herself back under control. She hated that she missed out on the store because of her meltdown.

 

[WantToGoNow]

On our last trip, my ds(was 5.5 at the time) had 3 meltdowns - one in the room, one at DTD and one at Snow White's Scary Adventure. The DTD was because he dropped his brand new $18 box of crayons and the tops broke off of a couple - luckily a CM saw it happen and took him and got a new set. The one in the room was over POP for breakfast - he wanted POP and I got him COKE - who knew there was a difference - he actually wanted SPRITE. We stayed in the room and the rest of the family left for the park - he snapped out of that real quick. The Snow White was because he was afraid - a CM asked him what he wanted to ride. He walked us over to Dumbo and took us to the front of the line - I was actually glad for that meltdown.

DD was almost 3 - 3 weeks away and we had no tantrums from her - she was the one I was worried about.

At home though we handle things a bit differently. They don't get ignored or bribed and we don't use time outs with ds because they simply don't work. Dd does get time outs though.

 

[rentayenta]

My son had a total meltdown during our last trip to WDW. It was blazing hot at almost 100* with as much humidity. We were in MK and almost to the front of the Laugh Factory line when he decided to lose his mind. I calmly removed myself, his sisters, and my DS from the line. He was hot and tired and needed a break. I had more than one parent flash me looks of support on the way out. We grabbed a few frozen lemonades and a shady spot on Main St. and chilled. We were just in time for the afternoon parade. He truly needed that break. After the parade he decided he was ready to go on. I would have had no issues leaving the park if need be.

 

[MinnieTink]

I didn't read throught all the posts, so sorry if I am repeating....

First of all, don't sweat other people. Many parents will completely understand the situation, and a few dopes may "Tisk tisk"----ignore those. I have great kids. Some of their friends' parents have told me that I could take my kids to the White House and be proud. Hello!? Kids are kids. Most will wig out at some point, and what better place than Disney? I mean, the music and visual stimulation are nonstop....not to mention the other kids wigging out! It happens.

My DS2 had a rough time at MK one day last trip. I took him to the Baby Center. He cooled off, had a quick change, then sat and had a little snack and watched a movie on the TV they have set up there. We stayed about 20-30 minutes and he came out a changed little dude! The baby centers are really good for this. I think Casey's also has a back room where there are old cartoons playing.

 

[Kathymcbain]

I totally agree that kids will sometimes have meltdowns, no mater how well behaved they are. But talking to my DD calmly, repeating her name and "Calm down" does work most of the time. If nothing else, she quiets down a little to hear what I'm saying. And as a parent, you know if it's overstimulation, hunger, boredom, or just bad behavior and can act accordingly. If DD is tired, and I know it's not a major all out tantrum that will blow over and be handled quickly, we go somewhere out of the way and calm down. Then we'll go back to the resort and take a nap. However, if she's in hypertantrum mode and just being a brat and being ugly, DH WILL carry her out kicking and screaming. It may make a scene, he may be tired later but to me, staying in the park and letting her have a good time is just reinforcing that her behavior is OK and that there are no consequences. I also don't think it's fair to inflict her tantrum on others who are trying to enjoy their vacation.


I usually try to hide a grin. Been there, done that and then I cross my fingers and be glad that it's not happening to me. Hey, WDW is full of kids and you're going to come across kids having tantrums and acting up. I would simply ignore it or maybe say a kind word to the parent.

Unless it's a case of the child having a major temper tantrum that is not being addressed by the parents at all and it's really out of control. At Coral Reef last trip, a little boy had a loud, ugly temper tantrum for over 30 minutes and the parents did absolutely nothing except enjoy their meal, ignore the boy and then order dessert. The boy was lying in the floor and kept kicking the back of my chair so I asked the parents very nicely to either make him stop or move him so we wouldn't keep kicking my chair. The Mom shrugged and said "Sorry, can't do anything with him when he's like this" and did nothing. DH asked our server to move us (we had just gotten our entrees) or to please say something to the parents. The manager(?) came out with new desserts in a to go box and brought it to the couple and very nicely asked them to leave, that the boy was bothering other diners. They were very upset but did leave. It really bothered me that the parents did nothing. The Mom only told the boy to calm down, neither parent said anything else to the chid, or tried to take him to the restroom for a talk...nothing at all. I felt bad for even saying anything but it really was an out of control situation. I actually had such a bad headache afterward from the screaming and crying that we went back to the resort instead of back to the park.

Oh my gosh...I used to have a friend that would allow her daughter to throw temper tantrums out in public all the time, that's exactly what she's say, "I can't do anything with her when she gets like this." Seriously? She's three...you're 30.

If any of my kids throw a fit in public, we leave where ever we are immediately. I've sat in the car during entire restaurant dinners, I've left full carts at the grocery store, we drove home from Michigan Adventure about 30 minutes after getting there one day. The daughter that cause that commotion had to pay me back her allowance for a long time for the tickets I wasted.

If they throw a temper tantrum at WDW, my DH or I will take whoever does it to the room for the rest of the day. I don't care if it's the day we are supposed to go to the Halloween party.

Mean? Maybe I am, but I've done this since they were little, so it's highly unlikely that any of them will have a temper tantrum at Disney because they KNOW I'm mean!

All that said, I think a meltdown is different than a temper tantrum. If my daughter broke her brand new crayons, like one poster mentioned, I could understand some tears. As parents, we know our kids, so we know the difference between a meltdown because there's too much going on or whatever and a temper tantrum because they aren't getting their way.

 

[ksumn1]

I have to say that I think *most* parents really make an effort to deal with a tantrum in some way...talking to the child, moving them to a calmer or quiter area, leaving the park etc. The parents I described earlier dodn't seem like they could be bothered to even try to correct the situation, or deal with the little boy. I don't know what started the meltdown but if the parents always ignored the child like they did during the tantrum he probably did it for the little scrap of sttention they gave hime. I felt like the PARENTS needed a time out, not just the little boy.

If they throw a temper tantrum at WDW, my DH or I will take whoever does it to the room for the rest of the day. I don't care if it's the day we are supposed to go to the Halloween party.

My DD actually tried to throw a "fit" this afternoon (around 4:00) because she ignored me when I told her to pick up her empty candy wrapper that wa lying in the floor. The puppy was out and could have swallowed it. 5 times she ignored me, I usually give her the 3 strikes you're out rule but I was feeling a little lenient. So I took the candy away and told her when she could learn to listen and do as she was told the 1st time, she could have it back. She finally got it back around 8:30, after dinner. You really have to get her attention, with no distrctions or it goes in one ear and out the other.

SO we had a good talk at bedtime about how I expect her to behave on our WDW trip this August. Pay attention and do as you're told the 1st time because she coud lag behind and get lost, and because Mommy and Daddy want to have fun on vacation, not nag at her all day. So told 1 time, then a second chance (if we're being nice) and if no response she gets to sit on a bench and take a time out while Sissy gets to continue touring with Mom or Dad. If she gets loud or ugly...we leave the park and go back to the room. End of story. I'm sure it'll only take one time and she'll see that we're serious. She's a smart girl, and missing a ride should do the trick

 

[Kathymcbain]

SO we had a good talk at bedtime about how I expect her to behave on our WDW trip this August. Pay attention and do as you're told the 1st time because she coud lag behind and get lost, and because Mommy and Daddy want to have fun on vacation, not nag at her all day. So told 1 time, then a second chance (if we're being nice) and if no response she gets to sit on a bench and take a time out while Sissy gets to continue touring with Mom or Dad. If she gets loud or ugly...we leave the park and go back to the room. End of story. I'm sure it'll only take one time and she'll see that we're serious. She's a smart girl, and missing a ride should do the trick

Kids are smart, that's for sure! My husband and I are divorced and he recently moved to another state so instead of having lots of short visitations, he now has longer periods of time because of travel. My DH and I were really worried about how the kids would act when they got back from his house, because he is FAR, FAR more lenient than I am. But, as soon as they got home, they fell right back into their routine with me - they know what they can get away with and with who!!

I have to giggle when he complains about them doing something they would never dream of trying with me. I've tried to tell him that it's all about consistency, but he just doesn't get it.

 

[Aliceacc]

I haven't read the other responses, but here's how I approached a toddler in meltdown:

- For starters, don't get angry. It's no good for either of you.

- Realize that, at 3, she really doesn't have a lot of self control. So she's going to need help.

- Go to a relatively calm place-- a bench or a quieter corner.

- Hug her if she'll let you. Put her in your lap and just hold and hug her until she can re-gain control. I tend to repeat something along the lines of "it's OK" over and over- the repitition seems to help calm.

- When she has control of herself, get her a drink of water or wash her face. Then explain why it's NOT OK to have a big meltdown.

- NO WHERE in the process do you reward the tantrum with whatever she wanted.


Older kids are different; they have tantrums as a tool to get what they want. But toddlers simply can't always get control of themselves, so I'm a whole lot kinder with them at that age.

 

[bookwormde]

Aliceacc

Great process, these types of meltdowns come from 2 “causes”. First is that some combination of factors such as being overtired, over stimulated, limitations in self-regulation and so forth. Second is it a “learned behavior” (reinforced by a caregiver) which has when used the past to “gotten results”.

These 2 must be dealt with very differently. Also the caregiver must move focus to the needs of the child not their own discomfort and embarrassment.

In both cases the child must be given time and a proper environment to “decompress”, if this takes an hour, so be it.

If the situation is the second then breaking the reward cycle is all that is needed (allowing decompression time is not considered part of a reward). Depending on how deeply this behavior has been reinforced it may take many repetitions of non-rewards to accomplish this. It is my belief that “punishments” for this are generally inappropriate since this most often is a behavior that has been reinforced (taught) by a caregiver.

If it is the first situation then a “social autopsy is needed”. After decompression, review all the factors that were influencing the child’s environment. These can include the above, sensory issues, difficulty with a task or understanding instructions of any of hundreds of other possibilities. If you take the time to understand the situation from the child’s point of view by talking to them with a non-accusatory methodology it is amazing what you can learn. Then you can apply this knowledge to improve the child’s skills and regulate the situations (like not overloading or allowing the child to get overtired etc)

The problem with the above is that is take a lot of time and effort compared to the “go to your room” method, but is actually deals with the causes not just the symptoms.


bookwormde

 

[TinkOhio]

Kids are very intelligent. In your case, she is reacting in a manner she knows works for her to get her way.

I haven't read the other responses, but here's how I approached a toddler in meltdown:

- For starters, don't get angry. It's no good for either of you.

- Realize that, at 3, she really doesn't have a lot of self control. So she's going to need help.

- Go to a relatively calm place-- a bench or a quieter corner.

- Hug her if she'll let you. Put her in your lap and just hold and hug her until she can re-gain control. I tend to repeat something along the lines of "it's OK" over and over- the repitition seems to help calm.

- When she has control of herself, get her a drink of water or wash her face. Then explain why it's NOT OK to have a big meltdown.

- NO WHERE in the process do you reward the tantrum with whatever she wanted.


Older kids are different; they have tantrums as a tool to get what they want. But toddlers simply can't always get control of themselves, so I'm a whole lot kinder with them at that age.

Beautifully said! If you aren't going for a long time, she will probably try this stunt again, as it probably gets her what she wants with someone else. Try to maintain this approach every time it happens between now and the trip, and she will become conditioned to know that she won't get what she wants by behaving this way. This problematic behaviors might subside by the time your trip comes up.

 

[CyndiLooWho]

And going back to the original post, if this was the first time she's done this at your house, and she wasn't overstimulated or sleepy, she might have been getting sick. Esp if she was crying to go home. That's something I see with my boys still, and they are now 8 and 10.

You've gotten great advice, and I hope that some of it works for you.

One suggestion I haven't seen yet is to be at the park when it opens or soon after, leave around lunchtime (lunch will be cheaper elsewhere anyway), let her have her normal afternoon nap and a swim, and then go back around 5, when the crowds are thinning out (all those parents taking their own overstimulated / tired kids back to the hotel).

My dh is not a Disney guy, and he isn't expecting to have a great time on this trip (our first in 20 yrs). To let me and the boys have fun, we're doing rope drop and staying late. To keep dh happy, we're coming back to the condo for a swim and a nap and some relaxation. I think we will all be happier for it.

 

[Tomh]

Every kid is so different, I think it really comes down to knowing the kid. My DD14 had a couple of melt downs when she was in the 8 - 10 YO range (too old for that if you ask me). The last one she had, I sat her down on a bench in a shopping mall, in the middle of our vacation, and physically held her there. She put up quite a fight, and plenty of people looked at me like I was killing her. I'm actually a bit surprised that no one called the police, or reported it to CPS, she was putting on quite a show.

Once she realized that the ONLY way it was going to end was for her to knock it off, she quieted down, and we went on with our business. That was really about the end of the meltdowns for her.

DS5 has never really had a meltdown. Even through seven days of August heat in Disney World last summer, waking him up at the crack of dawn, and keeping him out until he literally passed out on rides, or in the stroller, he still did fine.

I think with him, the difference is that I've learned to pay better attention to him. I try to know how he's doing, and head things off before they get to be a problem. The thing with those meltdowns is that usually the little thing that apparently triggers them is NOT the real reason for it. Most of the time, something else happened earlier, or there is some underlying issue that needs to be dealt with, like you didn't have time for something that they wanted to do earlier in the day, or they are hot, or thirsty, or tired etc. By really paying attention to what was going on with my son, and heading off things like him being thirsty, or tired, or hungry, we managed to avoid the scene of a meltdown in Disney World (which by the way, is no more fun for the kids than it is for us).

If we should have a scene, the first thing I would do is find a quiet place to stop and sit the kid down. Then, I would try to find out what the problem really is, and deal with it. The kid doesn't really want to melt down either, they just want their needs to be met, but sometimes it is hard to figure out exactly what needs are causing the problem.

My son would have to be having a REALLY bad day for me to take him out of the park in response to it. Really, I think that is about the last thing I would want to do, and I'm pretty sure it's the last thing he would want as well.