Dealing with a Groomzilla...

[TLSnell1981]

Men are not detail oriented.

 

[scrapquitler]

Men are not detail oriented.

You obviously aren't married to an engineer.

 

[NFLDERS]

Deleted

 

[NFLDERS]

Deleted posted in incorrect thread topic.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

You obviously aren't married to an engineer.

Or an accountant.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

i

You obviously aren't married to an engineer.

LOL! I AM!!! At the beginning of school one year it took him 4 hours to cover the kids books. He had a t-square out, pencils, several rulers, CALIPERS(?!?) and some bone folder craft thing to insure proper creases. He wasted more bags making everything perfect for every book for all 3 kids. I buy those stupid sock things now.

ETA: We had a big wedding and my parents paid for 100% of it. DH had opinions that were taken into consideration. When we had a difference of opinion we compromised. He loves heavy metal too and wanted at least one song - I told him I didn't care as long as a majority were more wedding appropriate My mom had some opinions as did my dad and we listened and adjusted some things to go with what they wanted. They paid and nothing they wanted changed anything we wanted, it just added to it. (Mom wanted an extra course at dinner, Dad wanted a string quarter at the cocktail hour and wanted to hire a bus to transport all out of town guests. He paid so what did I care?LOL)

 

[mr.bungle]

Any updates from the OP?

 

[NewmanFamily6]

I don't believe that family should ever offer to pay if it is not truly a gift. We actually ditched the wedding and married at the JOP on our day off because family members on both sides started taking over the wedding planning. If that is what comes with your money keep it. After 5.5 years your daughter knows exactly what she is getting. She knows this man way better than you do. While I do not like his musical tastes it is his wedding and you not paying is always an option.

 

[tina.tina]

Even though your DD has been with her fiance for 5.5 years & the PP says she should know what she is getting, I think you never truly know someone until you live with them for a while. I would say they are both going through some adjustments since they have only been living together a few months. DH and I dated for 6.5 years before we got married. We moved in together after we got married and it was probably a harder adjustment for me than for DH. Before we got married, I was sure that he would have issues and I would be fine. Maybe some of the wedding planning struggle is just a symptom of some behind the scenes issue the MOB isn't aware of.

 

[NewRVLady]

any updates, OP?

My brides Mom was telling me all about the music for the mass yesterday-soloist will sing Latin song at some point and responses in mass....and a Violinist... and maybe a trumpet

 

[leebee]

The issue here is actually handled by traditional etiquette rules: he who hosts decides the style of the party. If the invitations are going out with the parents as hosts (Mr. and Mrs. S request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter Nancy S, to Mr. Y ...) then the parents get to decide, because contrary to all the nonsense of it being "the bride's day", etc., the bridal couple are in fact guests at the reception, not the stars of a Vegas lounge act. The CEREMONY is all about their commitment to one another, but the reception is all about sharing joy with people who are close to them -- which kind of doesn't happen when a substantial percentage of the guests are uncomfortable and/or unhappy. Wedding receptions are multigenerational events, so compromise is central to making them enjoyable.

It's simple, really, and pure common sense: you never throw a party in your own honor. Never. And that goes triple on occasions when guests are expected to give gifts. No matter who hosts, the party is supposed to focus on making as many of the guests as happy to be there as possible within the means of the host. If the groom is the one who is most invested in that outcome, then it's great that he is; but regardless of gender, selfishness in a party host is a bad thing. (Which is not to say that one should go bankrupt pleasing the guests; you decide what you can reasonably afford, and then you provide the best experience that you can within that budget.)

So, what happens with the music is that you set it up so that the first part of the party (when the majority of the food is being served) has music that ALL OF THE GUESTS can live with and enjoy to some extent, and then let it change to something that may not suit the tastes of the older contingent, who can be expected to leave early. The bride and groom change out of their wedding clothes before that happens, which is a signal that it is shifting over from wedding reception to young people's party.

Oh, and if you are asking when is it that the bride and groom get to please themselves completely and do whatever they want? The honeymoon, of course!

PS: re the religious aspect of the service? Never push that. The vows are serious business; and it's hypocritical for a person who is does not believe to stand up in a church and pretend otherwise just to please another person. Basing a marriage ceremony on a sham isn't a good basis for getting the marriage off to a healthy start.

I was going to post something similar but just didn't have the energy! NotUrsula, I bet you know how to butter and eat a roll, too!!