Dealing with a Groomzilla...

[slo]

Absolutely agree. As MOB I'd want to have a chat with my daughter to assess her stand on things and find out if there in fact may be a problem where your daughter is sublimating her opinions or preferences to his as general practice.

Generally DH & I tend to run a lot of things as territories according to our interests. He may want to weigh in on a piece of furniture functionally, but he really wants me to deal with the aesthetics of color, fabric, etc. As I'm shopping for a new stove he leaves it to me to select my top choices and then he wants to investigate them in depth to see if there are any quality issues we don't already know about that should be considered. We work as a team and rarely wind up wrangling like gunfighters at the OK Corral when we both strongly disagree on something.

My DH and I are like this too.
He makes sure it works and I make sure it looks good - it's a perfect arrangement

 

[Redbudlover]

You don't get a vote in this. It's between the bride & groom. Your only say in the matter is if you pay for it, or not.

I agree strongly with the above. It is NONE of your concern - it is only between the bride and groom. She may feel comfortable letting him take the lead and speak for you. Unless you want to be problematic in-laws who don't often get visits from your daughter and new son-in-law, I would butt out. - And I would guess his friends like - and dance to - his music!

 

[NewRVLady]

I agree strongly with the above. It is NONE of your concern -

- And I would guess his friends like - and dance to - his music!

Really?
People dance to-DEATH Metal Music???

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...&mid=2E28EDAD9C5FE18F69712E28EDAD9C5FE18F6971

 

[JanaDee]

No music, really.

But, whatever. Everyone has their opinion.

I still would never call my reception a party.

Ours wasn't a party, either. It was a reception in a church basement.

 

[georgina]

Maybe people should just hire a harpist and a violin player for background music, like the last wedding I went to. Yikes!!! I MUST be getting old if I said that.

We had a harpist at our wedding reception. No DJ, no dancing, afternoon reception with meal and socializing. Of course my mom made my sister get up and sing some of the old Irish favorites. I do not like the traditional wedding 'party', and now my DD is planning to have one! I'll just keep my wine glass filled and keep smiling.

 

[LBIJim]

We had a harpist at our wedding reception. No DJ, no dancing, afternoon reception with meal and socializing. Of course my mom made my sister get up and sing some of the old Irish favorites. I do not like the traditional wedding 'party', and now my DD is planning to have one! I'll just keep my wine glass filled and keep smiling.

Yes, it was an afternoon reception with just the meal and socializing. The harpist and violinist would alternate, and a few times they played together for a while. It was very nice.

 

[mr.bungle]

Really?
People dance to-DEATH Metal Music???

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...&mid=2E28EDAD9C5FE18F69712E28EDAD9C5FE18F6971

I'm sure some people "mosh" to it or slam dance or move their bodies in some strange manner (all dancing to me). Regardless, you can't discriminate against what this dude likes. I'm sure he or I would have similar opinions about the music you enjoy as you have for death metal. However, as my previous posts have stated, it is definitely not wedding music. I, for one, despise wedding music. I mean, the ****ing chicken dance? Who's idea was that? Give me a break. Or Kool and the Gang tunes etc...

Edit: also, they're adults, it is their wedding. Let them sort it out. Can't helicopter around them forever.

 

[TLSnell1981]

My first impression...the groom is controlling and self centered. Is this the norm for him in day to day life? If so, I would be very concerned for my DD because this is unlikely to change. It will ALWAYS be "all about him".

We have two married children. My DS and DSiL could've cared less, what their bride wore. They would have thought them beautiful, if they'd walked down the aisle in a potato sack. It was all about the girl, not the dress.

The guys also, pretty much, left the wedding planning to their future wives. They agreed on the location, religious ceremony and/or theme, but weren't worried about the details. Well, except for their cigars and bourbon.

I guess, we've been quite fortunate...with the weddings AND our children's choice of spouses. :

 

[Turn the Page]

My ex told me point blank that he wanted to pick out the dress so that I didn't choose something ugly. Yes, I was dumb enough to go through with it after that. He didn't see the dress before the wedding and ended up thinking what I chose was acceptable.

I have my dress all picked out for my upcoming wedding. In fact, it's at the seamstresses house being altered right now. DFi doesn't want to know anything at all about it. "No dressy pictures" he says, Not even pictures of dresses that were a definite no. He won't even look at my shoes. He says he knows I will be beautiful no matter what and he doesn't much care what I wear when I walk down the aisle just so long as I actually walk down the aisle.

I think I picked better this time.

 

[NCDisneyMom]

I have just read through this entire thread, and I've got one vision in my head:

Future son-in-law hanging out with his buddies, death metal blasting in the background. They are screaming to each other, to be heard over the music:

"Dude, you would NOT believe my future mother-in-law. She thinks she can dictate what kind of music is played at OUR wedding!"
"WHAT? How DARE she? This isn't HER day!"
"No kidding! She wants us to play all dance and country music"
"If that happens, dude, I'm leaving"

 

[LBIJim]

I have just read through this entire thread, and I've got one vision in my head:

Future son-in-law hanging out with his buddies, death metal blasting in the background. They are screaming to each other, to be heard over the music:

"Dude, you would NOT believe my future mother-in-law. She thinks she can dictate what kind of music is played at OUR wedding!"
"WHAT? How DARE she? This isn't HER day!"
"No kidding! She wants us to play all dance and country music"
"If that happens, dude, I'm leaving"

"So she made ME pay for it....What a B she is."

 

[castleview]

I get not wanting the service in a church, but his request for his style of music is pretty selfish. I actually find it weird that the groom cares so much about the wedding planning. When my DH was asked how the wedding preparations were going, he said "Great as far as I've been told". Slight exaggeration but most guys I know were perfectly happy to just show up at their wedding. Sounds like your daughter is marrying a very immature person. I hope that gets better.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

"No kidding! She wants us to play all dance and country music"

(Injecting my end)

Friend..."Well you do have to respect the family that is there dude. It is not all about you. You have to think of your guests."

Groom..."Maybe you are right. I think I should talk it over with her and try and reach some sort of compromise."

 

[Dizlvr]

I get not wanting the service in a church, but his request for his style of music is pretty selfish. I actually find it weird that the groom cares so much about the wedding planning. When my DH was asked how the wedding preparations were going, he said "Great as far as I've been told". Slight exaggeration but most guys I know were perfectly happy to just show up at their wedding. Sounds like your daughter is marrying a very immature person. I hope that gets better.

He's immature because he cares about the planning? Personally I think the ones that don't care and don't want to be involved in what is oneof the most important days of their lives are the immature ones.

 

[NCDisneyMom]

While in an ideal world, this would be lovely, I just had the vision of the "other side". Here we have the Mother of the Bride giving her side, and that would be him giving his side to his buddies.

ETA: This is in reply to The Mystery Machine's addition to my little scenario of the future son-in-law. I'm still trying to get the hang of everything on these boards, since I don't get here very much.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't think him requesting his type of music is any more selfish than the OP requesting a certain type of music or the bride requesting a certain type of music.

As for their guests, maybe they are thinking more about the people they hang out with and will enjoy partying with at the reception.

I would try to compromise, maybe dance and/or country music until a certain time (when the aunts and uncles and grandparents will likely be leaving) and then after a certain time, all his kind of music. And at that point it can be all about the bride, groom and friends?

 

[frndshpcptn]

I was married a year ago (this weekend!) and my DH was very involved with parts of the wedding planning. He has specific thoughts on the music he wanted to hear (we created guidelines for the DJ to take into account our tastes, our guests tastes and what we thought would keep the crowd up and dancing). He also weighed in on the menu options, event flow and photography shot list.

We are in our mid-30's (for reference). It made planning a lot more fun to have him engaged.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

He's immature because he cares about the planning? Personally I think the ones that don't care and don't want to be involved in what is oneof the most important days of their lives are the immature ones.

Most grooms aren't involved because they are resigned to the fact that none of it will be the way they'd want it. And they're not going to die on that particular hill - mostly because at the end of the night, they get to see the bride naked.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

Huge red flags. Can you get your daughter alone to gently ask her how she is feeling about being married to this guy? Someone we love was in this situation, never had the talk, and everyone realized later that no one actually was comfortable going forward with the marriage. If you do talk with her and she definitely wants to get married, at least you can look back and know you tried. Don't let wedding planning get in the way of making as sure as you can that the next 50 years will be ok.

 

[cabanafrau]

I was married a year ago (this weekend!) and my DH was very involved with parts of the wedding planning. He has specific thoughts on the music he wanted to hear (we created guidelines for the DJ to take into account our tastes, our guests tastes and what we thought would keep the crowd up and dancing). He also weighed in on the menu options, event flow and photography shot list.

We are in our mid-30's (for reference). It made planning a lot more fun to have him engaged.

Sounds like a fabulous way to have a great wedding celebration.

Honestly, if DH & I were to have had the kind of a reception that required real wedding planning it would have probably resulted in us pushing each other out of the way to run away first to leave the other one stuck with the planning. He has zero interest and little skillset for entertaining in that way. I no way wanted a wedding anything like that, no way, no how. I think my dreams of a fantasy wedding ended by the time I was about six years old.