Dealing with a Groomzilla...

[SirDuff]

Also possible that the bride is onside with the groom's choices but is "blaming" him because she is scared to tell her mother.

Many possibilities here - including the groom-to-be being a complete jerk (but that isn't the only possibility).

 

[LilyWDW]

As a guest, I would be leaving the reception very early on if the only music was death metal. AND I actually listen to metal, just not death metal. It gives me a headache!

When you host an event like this, you DO have to take into account the guests. It's etiquette.

 

[hereyago]

But seriously, I would laugh my butt of if my fiancee wanted to have the last vote of what I would wear. I would ask if he fell and hit his head.

With that said, I.could care less if he wanted to wear a clown suit. People get caught up in the show of the wedding, when the marriage is the real celebration.

 

[NewRVLady]

I would be mortified to invite relatives and friends to my son's wedding and that music was playing.
However-I 'know" the kind of music they like-modern hits and country-so I know that wouldn't happen

 

[LBIJim]

Is he making a fuss over the music because it's the only thing that he feels he can control?

Now.. that said.. I regret not standing up to my mother on certain things. There were people there that I didn't want or even know, but I had to invite them because she was paying. Please don't do that to your daughter. I honestly wish that I had eloped, or even just had an even smaller wedding.

Sure, the man should have some say, plenty of say in the plans. But if it's as the OP is describing, he wants virtually the ONLY say.

If Mom pays, she gets a say in who gets invited....too bad, so sad for you. If that wasn't OK, you always had that other option you chose not to take.

 

[SaraJR]

OP: Is it possible that she doesnt want to upset you and has asked him to be the strong one? I know my partner often uses me as an excuse when dealing with family, example he has a very demanding uncle who always wants him to come over for hours so he will says he has to come home to me because i want him or something so of course to that uncle i look super needy but in reality i know im his escape plan. So i think its totally possible that she wants the same sort of wedding as him and just doesnt want to be the one putting the foot down

 

[hereyago]

OP: Is it possible that she doesnt want to upset you and has asked him to be the strong one? I know my partner often uses me as an excuse when dealing with family, example he has a very demanding uncle who always wants him to come over for hours so he will says he has to come home to me because i want him or something so of course to that uncle i look super needy but in reality i know im his escape plan. So i think its totally possible that she wants the same sort of wedding as him and just doesnt want to be the one putting the foot down

If your theory is true. I hope the dd realizes she has used him as an excuse and now and possibly long affect negative feelings made towards him because she didnt want to put big girl pants on and say she agrees with him.

 

[cabanafrau]

I think most mom's have a general grasp of many of their children's preferences. Mom isn't fussing about the no church or chapel, merely outlined its status in the wedding plans and expressed his overall attitude about organized religion in general, which may or may not prove to be problematic later in the marriage. Shame on the DD if she's not clear with him about her attitudes here.

The DD doesn't like his dress choice from my understanding, so it sounds like mom has that pegged.

The music issue isn't clear. I'm going to guess either the bride enjoys death metal or is willing to tolerate his listening to it. I'm betting there aren't a lot of death metal loving brides who are diehard fans enough to want that played at their wedding reception. I have to give the mom benefit of the doubt here.

 

[SaraJR]

idk from all the wedding shows i watch it seems like a lot of moms want to control their kids weddings regardless of what the kids wants and i think its really common for couples to discuss stuff privately and be ok taking the blame for situations that would be more awkward for the other one

 

[cabanafrau]

idk from all the wedding shows i watch it seems like a lot of moms want to control their kids weddings regardless of what the kids wants and i think its really common for couples to discuss stuff privately and be ok taking the blame for situations that would be more awkward for the other one

I don't doubt that's true from the way parenting is handled as if it's being scored and trophies will be handed out these days. I simply laid out each of the issues OP raised and applied the facts as I know them or what I think is a common sense evaluation as it stands. Personally I suspect it's a little bit a case of a groom getting carried away and losing touch with reality -- becoming a bit of a groomzilla because he's power drunk on being special all of the sudden.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That would be a hill I would die on. My family would in no uncertain terms put up with that. That being said, my dd would know this from the get go and would not allow it.

 

[SaraJR]

I liked the idea idk who said it about starting the night with lighter music and slowly getting harder, i personally dont like metal but i know a lot of girls who love it, like i said i personally dont love it but i expect there to be at least 1 metal song at mine but id save party and / or metal until after dinner. Its totally possible hes just being bossy I was just showing another possibility

 

[SaraJR]

I liked the idea idk who said it about starting the night with lighter music and slowly getting harder, i personally dont like metal but i know a lot of girls who love it, like i said i personally dont love it but i expect there to be at least 1 metal song at mine but id save party and / or metal until after dinner. Its totally possible hes just being bossy I was just showing another possibility

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Isn't anyone even entertaining the idea that we're only hearing from mom and that she's just frustrated that she's not getting HER way and exaggerating just how bad it really is? Everyone seems to be jumping on the bandwagon of how dare the groom act like this. Poor mom is just trying to make sure her daughter gets the wedding she really wants -- but who really wants it? Maybe daughter is afraid to express her opinions to her mom.

 

[SirDuff]

Isn't anyone even entertaining the idea that we're only hearing from mom and that she's just frustrated that she's not getting HER way and exaggerating just how bad it really is? Everyone seems to be jumping on the bandwagon of how dare the groom act like this. Poor mom is just trying to make sure her daughter gets the wedding she really wants -- but who really wants it? Maybe daughter is afraid to express her opinions to her mom.

Hey, what am I, chopped liver?

Also possible that the bride is onside with the groom's choices but is "blaming" him because she is scared to tell her mother.

Many possibilities here - including the groom-to-be being a complete jerk (but that isn't the only possibility).

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Are you sure they are compatible? How long until the wedding.....any chance it's long enough for her to change her mind?

This.

My guess is this isn't the only time he is like this. I would have a hard time not saying anything to my dd so I get it but what does she say? Is she unhappy about it?

 

[Dizlvr]

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting music you like at your own wedding, and its really unclear if he is saying he wants only death metal, or if he wants some just mixed in. I do think its an odd choice for a wedding reception but who knows, maybe all his guests love that kind of music too and he wants them to enjoy the party.

I don't know any of the back story about the dress, it may not be common for a groom to care but I don't get the whole "he's so controlling" comments. There are plenty of brides that want their grooms to dress a certain way on the wedding day, and that is totally acceptable?

OP, if it really bothers you maybe just sit down with them and explain that you don't think that type of music is appropriate for a wedding. Have you talked to them about it, or are you just assuming that there is no room for compromise?

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Hey, what am I, chopped liver?

Okay, so...most people aren't entertaining...not no one!

 

[SaraJR]

Okay, so...most people aren't entertaining...not no one!

i said the same thing as you guys too lol

 

[SirDuff]

Okay, so...most people aren't entertaining...not no one!

It's all good (should have included a smilie in my post to make it clear that I was joking - though the "chopped liver" should have made that obvious.