Just popping in -
all around - sounds like a lot of us could use it right now!
Elizabeth - just my 2 cents, but I think it might be really helpful to you to have someone else to talk to/support you as you go through this stuff with your mom.
Not to go into a huge story (I can do that on Sat. if you like
), but my maternal grandfather was an alcoholic, and your mom's approach to life sounds a lot like my grandmother's approach to things in her later years. Ironically, she was the one that held things together while my grandfather was in the throes of his alcoholism, but when he gave up alcohol shortly after I was born, it became increasingly difficult for her to make decisions, see the future ahead, etc. (I'm sure there's something in there about her needing to be "needed", but I won't go off on that tangent.) As she aged, she had demensia as well, and it just made the fussing/vexing worse.
My mom is an only child, and so had to shoulder the burden of taking care of both of her parents as they aged. It would have been difficult even if her realtionships with them had been picture perfect, but she had a lot of similar feelings about her mom and dad that you do. Although he "reformed" for about the last 15 years of his life, my mom could never entirely forgive my grandfather for all that he put them through all those years, and she was at the same time protective, but then also angry, at her mom - she begged her to leave him and she wouldn't, etc., etc.
Unfortunately, my mom didn't get any sort of counseling until about 7 years ago, and she feels she would have really benefited from it earlier, and might have made those last years with her parents easier to bear (dealing with the guilt/burden of their care, etc. - both ended up in nursing homes - grandfather died 1st of emphesema, and my grandmother about 3 years later of demensia/Alzheimer's and pneumonia). What prompted her to seek counseling was dealing with my brother, who unfortunately seemed to inherit the alcoholism of my grandfather. She can now see how her life with an alcoholic father, and her thus unique relationship with her mother living in that daily battlefield, had really colored a lot of aspects of her life. She is now very cognizant of how it still affects her, and is doing a remarkable job of learning to trust those around her not to hurt her, dealing with codependency issues, etc.
So, long story short, but it might really be helpful to you. It's hard to not want to go in and "rescue" someone, even when there are clearly consequences for you, no matter what happens. Lots of
as you guys get things worked out.
I am horrible with boundaries and I need to stop trying to force my mother to do things because she will just be more determined to resist. I have the knowledge, I just can't seem to figure out how to apply the practices to this particular situation. I will see how things go over the next several days.
My kids loved both of those. I am glad we did the Jr Chef thing last year (they had never done it before) & they all still talk about how the cookies "magically" cooked in the over so quickly & how perfectly round they were! Katie just giggles,
the other 2 are believers. Any news on whats going in there next?
I was taking the lid off of Princess's Play Doh and forgot what I was going to post.
