DD12 Called Crying

[PatsGirl]

this afternoon. She is at her Dad's to celebrate Xmas (left Xmas morning) and is having difficulty with telling him she wants the receipt for her big gift because she doesn't want it. She called me and asked what she should do but started crying almost immediately because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings To make things worse, he bought her a few clothing items and everything was too small. But before you start feeling too bad for her, she got 75% of what was on her list and she is very happy with most everything.

Her dad bought her the new DSI to replace the DS stolen from his truck in August. He also bought several games and the starter kit and other members of his family bought her games also. So, many of her gifts had to do with the DSI which she doesn't really care to have. She took the time to write all the items down and figure out that it comes to more than $300. She asked me if it would be okay to talk to Dad and tell him she wants to return everything and get the Wii fit and a tablet? to replace the items.

I told her yes, it was okay because no one wants to spend hundreds of dollars for a gift the recipient isn't really happy with. What do you think?

 

[luvsJack]

I don't see anything wrong with her telling him as long as she knows to do it tactfully. I mean it sounds like he really tried to get her something he thought she would like (being that the one she had was stolen), so I would hope she would say something like, "dad I really appreciate all the gifts and the trouble you went to to get them. I know it all comes to about $300 and I don't want to waste your money. . . " I would hope that most parents would be glad she said something. I would hate thinking I spent that much on something and my child wasn't even going to use it!

 

[Rora]

I think he would rather her tell him (even if his feelings are hurt) then let $300 sit in her bedroom, you know? Maybe he can get her something else?

I'm not sure if there's a nice way to say what your daughter has to say other than "Dad, I really appreciate the DSI and all the games everyone got for me but I honestly don't think I'd use it anymore. I just wanted to see if it would be okay with you if I returned it (or let you return it) so your money doesn't go to waste". Clearly she can't ask for a new gift, let him offer. You're poor DD. This is a tough situation to be in but at least she realizes it's a lot of money that would almost be going to waste.

Good luck to her and you!

 

[torinsmom]

I feel your pain---my DS15 hates to tell his dad he doesn't like things too. He usually just thanks him and then returns it for what he wanted. You may have to talk to him for her if that's not an option.

 

[quasar4legs]

Doesn't help for this year but next year maybe her dad would like a christmas wish list.
I always ask my niece and nephews for a list and then select something in my budget and enjoy giving them something they will enjoy.

 

[PatsGirl]

I feel your pain---my DS15 hates to tell his dad he doesn't like things too.

Yeah, it's almost comical ~ she's never had a problem telling me when she doesn't like something, lol. I've been told its called "unconditional love"

 

[PatsGirl]

Doesn't help for this year but next year maybe her dad would like a christmas wish list.

Oh, she gave him a Xmas list allright and he filled at least half of it and I got the other half. She only had one expensive item on the list (Rockband2) which I got and I guess he felt he needed to get her a big gift at his house too. It's always a tradition for all the kids to get a "big gift" ~ maybe next year I'll let him get the biggie and I'll pass...the more I think about that, perfect!

 

[bumbershoot]

Yeah, it's almost comical ~ she's never had a problem telling me when she doesn't like something, lol. I've been told its called "unconditional love"

Yes, and feeling totally safe with you. I did it too with my dad- drove my mom nutty, but she knew the reasons behind it.

 

[torinsmom]

Yes, and feeling totally safe with you. I did it too with my dad- drove my mom nutty, but she knew the reasons behind it.

YOu know, that makes sense in my case. I know DS knows I love him unconditionally and that he is #1 in my life, but his dad is a different story. I think he feels like his dad could stop loving him, which in itself is very sad. :-(

 

[stitchaholic]

Yeah, it's almost comical ~ she's never had a problem telling me when she doesn't like something, lol. I've been told its called "unconditional love"

i can totally relate,i am a single mom of 2 and they have no issue asking me for what they want,ot whining when they don't get it,but they are so careful with their dad (and he doesn't deserve it)
it is a difficult thing to do,but seeing as it is alot of money,she should ask,I just hope that he will not make her feel badly about it.

 

[robinb]

I guess I am in a minority. She seems a bit spoiled adding everything up so she could get to the cash value of the present she really wants. It sounds like her dad really put a lot of thought into her present. I think it would be rude to throw the gifts back in his face, but I may be the only one.

 

[wdwfan16]

this afternoon. She is at her Dad's to celebrate Xmas (left Xmas morning) and is having difficulty with telling him she wants the receipt for her big gift because she doesn't want it. She called me and asked what she should do but started crying almost immediately because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings To make things worse, he bought her a few clothing items and everything was too small. But before you start feeling too bad for her, she got 75% of what was on her list and she is very happy with most everything.

Her dad bought her the new DSI to replace the DS stolen from his truck in August. He also bought several games and the starter kit and other members of his family bought her games also. So, many of her gifts had to do with the DSI which she doesn't really care to have. She took the time to write all the items down and figure out that it comes to more than $300. She asked me if it would be okay to talk to Dad and tell him she wants to return everything and get the Wii fit and a tablet? to replace the items.

I told her yes, it was okay because no one wants to spend hundreds of dollars for a gift the recipient isn't really happy with. What do you think?

She owned a DS that got stolen from her dad's truck. Her dad feels terrible and replaced it for her on Christmas. She is crying over the gift!

She obvious wanted it at one time. Why did she want it in August but not in December. She is ungrateful. Her dad did a very touching thing. She is 12 and this is a great lesson she can learn.

So many divorced dad, read the threads here, gave their kids jack squat or crap. Here is a divorced dad who really tired and she wants the money instead.

 

[GreatDaneMom]

I'm afraid I'm out of the group on this one, too. When my children have received unwanted or unuseable gifts we've expected them to graciously accept them and to be grateful for the fact that someone thought so much of them. I'd be horrified if one of my kids asked for receipts to return something after one of my family members purchased a gift. When we get something we can't use we always find someone in need somewhere that we can give it to. A gift is not necessarily what YOU want, rather it's something that someone else wanted you to have.

 

[Goofyzgurl]

I feel your pain. My dd used to keep stuff that we bought b/c she didn't want to hurt our feelings. After we saw the tags on her stuff that we would take to goodwill, we told her we'd rather her tell us and we exchange it for something she does want. Now she doesn't have any problems telling us what she wants and doesn't...lol.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I guess I am in a minority. She seems a bit spoiled adding everything up so she could get to the cash value of the present she really wants. It sounds like her dad really put a lot of thought into her present. I think it would be rude to throw the gifts back in his face, but I may be the only one.

She owned a DS that got stolen from her dad's truck. Her dad feels terrible and replaced it for her on Christmas. She is crying over the gift!

She obvious wanted it at one time. Why did she want it in August but not in December. She is ungrateful. Her dad did a very touching thing. She is 12 and this is a great lesson she can learn.

So many divorced dad, read the threads here, gave their kids jack squat or crap. Here is a divorced dad who really tired and she wants the money instead.

I'm afraid I'm out of the group on this one, too. When my children have received unwanted or unuseable gifts we've expected them to graciously accept them and to be grateful for the fact that someone thought so much of them. I'd be horrified if one of my kids asked for receipts to return something after one of my family members purchased a gift. When we get something we can't use we always find someone in need somewhere that we can give it to. A gift is not necessarily what YOU want, rather it's something that someone else wanted you to have.

I agree with all of you. I think he tried to really surprise her with the gifts. It seems like he put a lot of thought into it. He also made sure that you split her Christmas gift list. Sorry, but I think she sounds completely ungrateful.

 

[AshleyW]

I guess I am in a minority. She seems a bit spoiled adding everything up so she could get to the cash value of the present she really wants. It sounds like her dad really put a lot of thought into her present. I think it would be rude to throw the gifts back in his face, but I may be the only one.

I agree. It sounds like he felt bad that her DS got stolen from his truck, so he got her a new one - and even got the DSI instead of the DS. It sounds like a very thoughtful gift to me, and I imagine he'd be pretty hurt if she told him that she didn't want it. Plus, it sounds really spoiled to me that she's already decided what she wants to spend the money on.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

I guess I am in a minority. She seems a bit spoiled adding everything up so she could get to the cash value of the present she really wants. It sounds like her dad really put a lot of thought into her present. I think it would be rude to throw the gifts back in his face, but I may be the only one.

She owned a DS that got stolen from her dad's truck. Her dad feels terrible and replaced it for her on Christmas. She is crying over the gift!

She obvious wanted it at one time. Why did she want it in August but not in December. She is ungrateful. Her dad did a very touching thing. She is 12 and this is a great lesson she can learn.

So many divorced dad, read the threads here, gave their kids jack squat or crap. Here is a divorced dad who really tired and she wants the money instead.

I'm afraid I'm out of the group on this one, too. When my children have received unwanted or unuseable gifts we've expected them to graciously accept them and to be grateful for the fact that someone thought so much of them. I'd be horrified if one of my kids asked for receipts to return something after one of my family members purchased a gift. When we get something we can't use we always find someone in need somewhere that we can give it to. A gift is not necessarily what YOU want, rather it's something that someone else wanted you to have.

I agree with all of you. I think he tried to really surprise her with the gifts. It seems like he put a lot of thought into it. He also made sure that you split her Christmas gift list. Sorry, but I think she sounds completely ungrateful.

I agree with all of the above. Teach her to be greatful & tactful. It will serve her throughout her life. Now I'm sure you'll come back and say she is greatful but actions speak louder than words.

 

[solotraveler]

I guess I am in a minority. She seems a bit spoiled adding everything up so she could get to the cash value of the present she really wants. It sounds like her dad really put a lot of thought into her present. I think it would be rude to throw the gifts back in his face, but I may be the only one.

 

[pyrxtc]

I think she should be grateful for what she got. She is 12 and in two weeks, she will be glad that she has that DS cuz she can bring it everwhere and you can't do that with the Wii. Whatever you do, don't YOU talk to her dad, that is something she needs to do for herself since she definately has her own mind to even consider doing it.

If I were Dad though, I would listen and then take the DS and all the accessories and games and stuff and return it to the store and pocket the money or bring it down to the nearest shelter and give it to a person down on their luck for a great Christmas.

 

[disneymom3]

My main question is why she doesnt' want a DSi to replace the one she had before. Did she act upset when it was stolen? Did she ever want it?