DD12 Called Crying

[declansdad]

Time to tell her to suck it up, buttercup. Dada got her a great gift and she should be grateful.

 

[Holly]

I agree with all of you. I think he tried to really surprise her with the gifts. It seems like he put a lot of thought into it. He also made sure that you split her Christmas gift list. Sorry, but I think she sounds completely ungrateful.

I agree.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I'm actually impressed that dad got her a new, nicer DS to replace the stolen one. I wouldn't have the heart to return it.

 

[minkydog]

I don't get all the posters who say your DD is spoiled. As a parent, I would not take offense if my DD came to me and said,"You know, mom, the digital camera you gave me is great and all, but I really, really need a laptop." Of course, i'd be disappointed but I would rather my DD be happy with her gift than just "suck it up" and keep the gift she didn't want for my sake.

I think it's perfectly okay for your DD to gently, with care, tell her dad that although she once liked her DS, she's kinda outgrown that now and she'd really like to take her DSI and games back and get the Wii Fit. Do you think he would respond nicely or would he be a butt about it?

 

[ginna74]

well I think you can't always get everything you want. She has gotten a lot of stuff and her "big" present wasn't exactly what she wanted. Although crying to you isn't such a bad thing, EXPECTING him to give her something else or money isn't ok to me. JMO there though.

 

[sunnyday123]

Is she crying because she's afraid to tell him about the DSI?

And for what it's worth, if my DD called me crying because she didn't get *exactly* what was on her list from her Father and wanted to tell him and all the other relatives that she wanted to return it, she'd be donating it to the local Goodwill. You don't always get everything you want, and if she did anything other than accept a gift graciously, it wouldn't be pretty. In 4 months she outgrew a DSI? Do you not see on this thread how many dads don't give a rats patootie about their kids and randomly give them stuff
without putting thought into it? It took my X about 3 years to get his stuff together, and I'd still probably weep with joy if he put that much effort into a present for her. IE: When I told him I didnt' get her Pictionary Man for Xmas, his response was, "Oh well I guess she doesn't get it!", chock full of attitude.
We've been divorced for about 6 years, and he got laid off the end of November and wasn't able to get her alot of stuff that she wanted. I scaled way back, because I didn't want him to feel bad about not being able to give her stuff. My Dad gave her a box of sculpey clay ( we're not sure why ) and a set of colored pencils, markers and stuff-the same kind he gave her last year, they year before and well, every year since she was about 4. Guess what? She hugged him and told him she was going to make him something super special for him from it. She said it's cool because she doesn't ever have to sharpen a colored pencil, she gets new ones every year.

This just really strikes a chord with me, and it's not good.

 

[camlace]

I don't get all the posters who say your DD is spoiled. As a parent, I would not take offense if my DD came to me and said,"You know, mom, the digital camera you gave me is great and all, but I really, really need a laptop." Of course, i'd be disappointed but I would rather my DD be happy with her gift than just "suck it up" and keep the gift she didn't want for my sake.

I think it's perfectly okay for your DD to gently, with care, tell her dad that although she once liked her DS, she's kinda outgrown that now and she'd really like to take her DSI and games back and get the Wii Fit. Do you think he would respond nicely or would he be a butt about it?

I agree, I would not say she is spoiled...she is 12. What was cool and wanted yesterday instantly can become uncool and unwanted today. In my opinion it sounds like she knows her dad put a lot of thought (and money) into the gift and she is just not interested in the game anymore, but knows it will hurt her dad's feelings to say she doesn't want the gift. I would have her explain the situation to her dad and NOT ask for something in exchange, that is Dad's choice if he would like to offer another option.

Good luck!

 

[PatsGirl]

She owned a DS that got stolen from her dad's truck.

She obvious wanted it at one time. Why did she want it in August but not in December. She is ungrateful. Her dad did a very touching thing. She is 12 and this is a great lesson she can learn.

So many divorced dad, read the threads here, gave their kids jack squat or crap.

She did want one at one time, three years ago when she got it. I absolutely do not think that she is ungrateful ~ she is upset because she doesn't know HOW to tell her Dad that she has outgrown the DS systems. I agree that her Dad put thought into her gift though. As for lessons, this is a child that works many many hours with me collecting gifts for children within the local social services system during the holidays. She is VERY involved with the community projects helping others. FWIW, DS doesn't get jack squat from his Dad and we are all aware of the difference between what DS gets and what DD gets from their individual fathers and it has always been a difficult issue in my house.

 

[PatsGirl]

I agree with all of you. I think he tried to really surprise her with the gifts. It seems like he put a lot of thought into it. He also made sure that you split her Christmas gift list. Sorry, but I think she sounds completely ungrateful.

MHM: I read alot of your posts and think I'm getting to know (and like) the "virtual you" He did try to surprise her and he did put alot of thought into his gift, no question. We have a great relationship and spend weeks talking about gifts that we are each buying her for Xmas. Did I forget to mention that he spoils her rotten? He never mentioned the DSI or I could have told him that she hadn't "played" with her old DS for years (except on long road trips with him) ~ he was definately trying to do a good thing but, like me, he is losing touch with what she likes and doesn't like, the closer she gets to 13....

 

[Mom21]

Yeah, it's almost comical ~ she's never had a problem telling me when she doesn't like something, lol. I've been told its called "unconditional love"

That is so strange. My ex loves our dd, but she will never tell him anything. She is exactly like this. I thought she was one of the few unless the other parent was abusive which my ex isn't. In fact his girlfriend is very good to her. I don't get it.

 

[AC7179]

First of all, I think the child was not crying because she got a gift she didn't want, but rather because she didn't know what to say and was uncomfortable trying to verbalize that to Dad.

That being said, I'd advise her to just suck it up. If Dad is far away and would never notice, I may take her to try and exchange the DSI and games for a WII at a game store. But if Dad is around a lot and would wonder where the DSI was, I'd have her keep it and be gracious.

 

[PatsGirl]

I think she should be grateful for what she got. She is 12 and in two weeks, she will be glad that she has that DS cuz she can bring it everwhere and you can't do that with the Wii. Whatever you do, don't YOU talk to her dad, that is something she needs to do for herself since she definately has her own mind to even consider doing it.

If I were Dad though, I would listen and then take the DS and all the accessories and games and stuff and return it to the store and pocket the money or bring it down to the nearest shelter and give it to a person down on their luck for a great Christmas.

Wow! I was going to delete portions of this post before I responded but..

l) Because she is 12, in two weeks she will not be glad she has the DS, she does know that one is portable and the other isn't, she isn't a small child who isn't capable of "analyzing" the gift

2) Rather rude of you to tell me not to speak to her Dad, with whom I have a great relationship.

3) Yes, she has her own mind and she will take care of this issue herself, she was simply asking for some guidance ~ I think this was a good thing for her rather than some preteens who might not ask

4) DD has done more than her share for those down of their luck their Xmas, never assume just because a preteen seems self-absorbed (yeah, I agree that this is on the line) that they have not been brought up to realize what they have and what they have to give.

Your post just p'd me off for some reason. I try not to let virtual dialogues bother me and yes, I asked for opinions: whether it was okay for her to talk to her Dad about this, not whether she should be more grateful, whether I should get involved and speak with her Dad about it, and how exactly we should fix her selfishness!

 

[Mom21]

I agree with all of you. I think he tried to really surprise her with the gifts. It seems like he put a lot of thought into it. He also made sure that you split her Christmas gift list. Sorry, but I think she sounds completely ungrateful.

I don't think the child seems ungrateful. I honestly look at all the money my ex puts into gifts for dd. I hate seeing that "money" sitting there not being played with simply because he didn't take the time to know his kid. My ex is like this. How many have grandparents that do the same thing and you complain you wish they would just give some thought to the gift rather than wasting money? Not saying he didn't give thought, but still since it was an expensive gift it would be a shame to let it sit.

 

[PatsGirl]

My main question is why she doesnt' want a DSi to replace the one she had before. Did she act upset when it was stolen? Did she ever want it?

Thank you for asking. She had her original DS for many years, I think at least 3 years, maybe 4, and always took it on long trips with her Dad. He, of course, would assume she'd like the new, better model for Xmas. She was very upset when the SUV was broken into during a trip the weekend before school started in August: she lost all her electronics: her DS, camera, portable DVD player, Ipod and most of all, her entire suitcase which had a few of her new school outfits in it. I'm not sure that she was upset about the DS, but she is a drama queen and was upset by the whole thing!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Thank you for asking. She had her original DS for many years, I think at least 3 years, maybe 4, and always took it on long trips with her Dad. He, of course, would assume she'd like the new, better model for Xmas. She was very upset when the SUV was broken into during a trip the weekend before school started in August: she lost all her electronics: her DS, camera, portable DVD player, Ipod and most of all, her entire suitcase which had a few of her new school outfits in it. I'm not sure that she was upset about the DS, but she is a drama queen and was upset by the whole thing!

So why would he think she didn't want a new one since 4 months ago she used it on trips all the time? I still think that she should say nothing and neither should you.

 

[PatsGirl]

I don't get all the posters who say your DD is spoiled.

Do you think he would respond nicely or would he be a butt about it?

Thank you, she is spoiled but I hope in a way that others don't notice

He'll be a bit hurt but he'll never let her know that! She is his

 

[PatsGirl]

So why would he think she didn't want a new one since 4 months ago she used it on trips all the time? I still think that she should say nothing and neither should you.

She goes on two or three long road trips each year and we are talking about $300 of electronics here. Yes, if she decides not to speak with Dad about returning the items, she'll most likely use it but personally, I'd rather have my $300 spent on something she really wants. But, I thank you for your response ~ I asked for opinions and I am open to all of them, I am not really sure what she should do either Boy, it's hard being the parent sometimes, lol...

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I guess I am in a minority. She seems a bit spoiled adding everything up so she could get to the cash value of the present she really wants. It sounds like her dad really put a lot of thought into her present. I think it would be rude to throw the gifts back in his face, but I may be the only one.

No, you're not the only one.

 

[okeydokey]

If she were mine Ii would advise her to to graciously thank him for the gifts and not say a word about how wrong they were. She is old enough now to handle that.

 

[DMickey28]

I read through this whole thread so far. Obviously, I may not know what I am talking about here and I do not come from a divorced family, nor am I divorced, nor am I close to anyone to know the dynamics involved with divorced families.

However, here is my 02 cents. Multiple parents have mentioned that if this was their child they would want them to be honest with THEM and tell them that they would prefer something else. I also would not want my DS (when he is old enough to tell me!!) to keep an expensive gift that he would not use that much even though I put thought into it just because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I have also been there with my own parents.

The difference seems to be that this is a divorced family situation and that she should just be grateful that he cares enough to do this. Well, in my opinion, isn't that what dad's are suppose to do. Isn't that the parental role? I understand, all too often, it is not that way especially when divorce is concerned but maybe this is the exception to the rule. This seems like the same situation that so many posters would want their kids to be honest with them, just with the divorced dad stigma on it we are tiptoeing around it.

I am all for teaching kids to be grateful and appreciate the thought that others have put into their gifts. I also think that this applies outside of the parents ... aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends ... yes you accept graciously and move on. As a parent, we only want them to be happy and while it might hurt our feelings it would probably feel a lot better that they wanted to tell you and didn't want to waste your money. At least it would to me ....

That's my .02. I don't think there is anything wrong with the OP talking to her ex on her daughter's behalf IF that is what the daughter wants. I think that talking with her dad about the DSi and working out a solution would be the best. I WOULD NOT go around and ask other family members for the reciepts, I would return those to the stores un-open for a store credit.