DD wants a purity ring

[Momvic5]

Again, you are making it seem like people think its ok for preteens to have sex. We don't, we all think they are too young for sex and for purity rings. Acknowledging it happens is not sayong we think its ok. We no more think its ok for them to choose to have sex than we think its ok for them to make a longtime commitment to not having sex.

Either way preteenage is too young to make decisions about sex.

There was no general consensus that 11 years old was old enough to have sex, not one person said that.

That kids are having sex at young ages is not an opinion, it's a fact. That kids are too young to have sex at 12 and/or too young for a purity ring is an opinion.

Chobie, I am not saying people are ok with preteens having sex. I am just looking at what has been discussed. The reasons why people do or don't support purity rings are personal and too many to list. - but in my general conclusion of this discussion, we believe preteens are too young to understand the concept behind purity rings, but they are not too young to experiment with sexual activities.

 

[chobie]

Chobie, I am not saying people are ok with preteens having sex. I am just looking at what has been discussed. The reasons why people do or don't support purity rings are personal and too many to list. - but in my general conclusion of this discussion, we believe preteens are too young to understand the concept behind purity rings, but they are not too young to experiment with sexual activities.

You are wrong. No one stated the opinion that preteens were old enough to have sex. Only the fact was stated. It is a fact that there are some preteens having sex.

One thing is an opinion, that 11 years old are too young understand purity rings. The other is a fact, that some 11 year olds are experimenting with sex.

You can't compare the two things.

 

[luvmy3]

Chobie, I am not saying people are ok with preteens having sex. I am just looking at what has been discussed. The reasons why people do or don't support purity rings are personal and too many to list. - but in my general conclusion of this discussion, we believe preteens are too young to understand the concept behind purity rings, but they are not too young to experiment with sexual activities.

I'm reading this as you are saying we believe that they are not to young to experiment. Is that what you are saying?

 

[luvsJack]

Chobie, I am not saying people are ok with preteens having sex. I am just looking at what has been discussed. The reasons why people do or don't support purity rings are personal and too many to list. - but in my general conclusion of this discussion, we believe preteens are too young to understand the concept behind purity rings, but they are not too young to experiment with sexual activities.

Are you saying that you think, if an 11 year old is old enough to think about having sex then they are old enough to be discussing it?

I think I see what you are getting at. I mean how can we say that an 11 year old is too young to be included in a discussion about purity rings but then turn around and say that they are old enough that they may be experimenting with sex?

 

[Momvic5]

You are wrong. No one stated the opinion that preteens were old enough to have sex. Only the fact was stated. It is a fact that there are some preteens having sex.

One thing is an opinion, that 11 years old are too young understand purity rings. The other is a fact, that some 11 year olds are experimenting with sex.

You can't compare the two things.

What? I stated that it was discussed that preteens are having sex. You are splitting hairs with my words. I never said anyone was ok with it. That was what you assumed. Maybe this will be more to your liking. they are too young for purity rings but since some are having sex, we need to provide them with condoms.

 

[Momvic5]

I'm reading this as you are saying we believe that they are not to young to experiment. Is that what you are saying?

No, I am saying that it was discussed that they are experimenting - thus they are not too young to choose to engage in the behavior - regardless of how we feel about their age.

 

[Momvic5]

Are you saying that you think, if an 11 year old is old enough to think about having sex then they are old enough to be discussing it?

I think I see what you are getting at. I mean how can we say that an 11 year old is too young to be included in a discussion about purity rings but then turn around and say that they are old enough that they may be experimenting with sex?

Exactly!

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I think I understand what Momvic5 is saying. Mom, feel free to correct me if I am wrong here. I believe this is what she is saying:

Many are saying that 11 is too young to make a decision to abstain for the rest of her single life and that is why they are opposed to purity rings at such a young age. However, there are many statistics out there, as well as posters on this board, stating that young preteens are experimenting with sexual activities. These acts will follow them around for the rest of their lives, as well. Studies do show that the younger you are when you have your first sexual experiences, the higher your chances of suffering from things such as depression. Also, if you make the decision to engage in sexual activity at 11, 12, or 13, that is not something that can ever be undone. As such, it is very important to talk to our children and talk to them often about sex. They need to know all of the basics, as well as some very key details. They need to know about the risks associated with sex such as teen pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and other STDs. They need to know the proper steps to protect themselves and in many cases, the proper step is to abstain. If we are going to discuss all of this with them, why would we not also discuss abstinence as an option? And, if we are discussing abstinence and are also a religious family, why would we not discuss abstinence until marriage? Furthermore, church groups have been discussing biblical topics pertinent to people's ages and walks in life since the church exists. Since we see that children are experimenting at 11 years old, why not have the church also discuss what the bible says on such a topic?

 

[chobie]

Jenna, I think you explained it well. I think momvic5 said it way that seemed like those of us who were against purity rings at 11 were ok with them having sex. Especially in the context she first made the comment.

Also, there is a difference between people thinking 11 year olds need to know about it and thinking they should be making a decision either way about it.

Those who think preteens should know about sex don't think they should be pressured to have sex or make a promise to engage in sex. However, many feel that they way the purity rings are being presented to kids is trying to make the decision not to have sex until they are into adulthood.

It's one thing to teach kids about sex and abstinence, it's another to pressure them to make a commitment either way before they fully understand it.

No one is saying not to talk to kids about abstinence, it's the pressure surrounding the whole purity ring ceremony that people find objectionable.

 

[Momvic5]

I think I understand what Momvic5 is saying. Mom, feel free to correct me if I am wrong here. I believe this is what she is saying:

Many are saying that 11 is too young to make a decision to abstain for the rest of her single life and that is why they are opposed to purity rings at such a young age. However, there are many statistics out there, as well as posters on this board, stating that young preteens are experimenting with sexual activities. These acts will follow them around for the rest of their lives, as well. Studies do show that the younger you are when you have your first sexual experiences, the higher your chances of suffering from things such as depression. Also, if you make the decision to engage in sexual activity at 11, 12, or 13, that is not something that can ever be undone. As such, it is very important to talk to our children and talk to them often about sex. They need to know all of the basics, as well as some very key details. They need to know about the risks associated with sex such as teen pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and other STDs. They need to know the proper steps to protect themselves and in many cases, the proper step is to abstain. If we are going to discuss all of this with them, why would we not also discuss abstinence as an option? And, if we are discussing abstinence and are also a religious family, why would we not discuss abstinence until marriage? Furthermore, church groups have been discussing biblical topics pertinent to people's ages and walks in life since the church exists. Since we see that children are experimenting at 11 years old, why not have the church also discuss what the bible says on such a topic?

Yes, and I think Chobie and Luvmy3 understand too but they are enjoying the discussion.

I just thought it was ironic that at one point we discussed our preteens were just too young to fully understand purity rings. Then it turned into a discussion that our preteens are indeed having sex. Regardless of how we feel about their age and its appropriateness, they are choosing to experiment. The discussion went from preteens are too young to choose purity rings but not too young to choose sex -meaning that they are choosing sex at that age.

 

[chobie]

Yes, and I think Chobie and Luvmy3 understand too but they are enjoying the discussion.

I just thought it was ironic that at one point we discussed our preteens were just too young to fully understand purity rings. Then it turned into a discussion that our preteens are indeed having sex. Regardless of how we feel about their age and its appropriateness, they are choosing to experiment. The discussion went from preteens are too young to choose purity rings but not too young to choose sex -meaning that they are choosing sex at that age.

Not really the same thing. Because, preteens are choosing purity rings and they are having sex. Those are facts.

The general opinion is that 11 is too old for either of those things.

I think you were trying to make it seem we are ok with them having sex, but heaven forbid they wear purity rings.

We didn't discuss the fact that 11 year olds are, in fact, getting the rings, because no one was in denial of that fact.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, and I think Chobie and Luvmy3 understand too but they are enjoying the discussion.

I just thought it was ironic that at one point we discussed our preteens were just too young to fully understand purity rings. Then it turned into a discussion that our preteens are indeed having sex. Regardless of how we feel about their age and its appropriateness, they are choosing to experiment. The discussion went from preteens are too young to choose purity rings but not too young to choose sex -meaning that they are choosing sex at that age.

I cant speak for Chobie, but the way you were stating things did make it seem like you were saying that we believe its okay that they are having sex.

 

[Momvic5]

Not really the same thing. Because, preteens are choosing purity rings and they are having sex. Those are facts.

The general opinion is that 11 is too old for either of those things.

I think you were trying to make it seem we are ok with them having sex, but heaven forbid they wear purity rings.

We didn't discuss the fact that 11 year olds are, in fact, getting the rings, because no one was in denial of that fact.

Again, I think you are being very sensitive with my words and wanting to discuss again the whys of all the opinions. I don't want to discuss the whys again. They are listed all throughout the thread. I was just giving a simple conclusion that reflects how I feel this thread concluded.

 

[Momvic5]

I cant speak for Chobie, but the way you were stating things did make it seem like you were saying that we believe its okay that they are having sex.

Lol.... You would not be the first person that I have confused.

My Internet service went off on my computer and now I am sitting here on my phone. I am blind and can't be sure of what I am posting. I hope auto correct is being kind to me.

 

[chobie]

Again, I think you are being very sensitive with my words and wanting to discuss again the whys of all the opinions. I don't want to discuss the whys again. They are listed all throughout the thread. I was just giving a simple conclusion that reflects how I feel this thread concluded.

Well, I'm not the only one who thought that. But be that as it may there was no one conclusion to anything.

Some people think 11 years old are too young for purity rings and some thought that opposite. Some thought that preteens were not having sex, and some posted facts that indicated they were.

 

[chobie]

Lol.... You would not be the first person that I have confused.

My Internet service went off on my computer and now I am sitting here on my phone. I am blind and can't be sure of what I am posting. I hope auto correct is being kind to me.

Autocorrect is no one's friend.

 

[luvmy3]

Lol.... You would not be the first person that I have confused.

My Internet service went off on my computer and now I am sitting here on my phone. I am blind and can't be sure of what I am posting. I hope auto correct is being kind to me.

And there have been times where I have made a fool of myself when the poster's point was crystal clear.
I just wanted to make sure I knew what I was talking about here before I opened my mouth

 

[Momvic5]

Autocorrect is no one's friend.

I am a little afraid to go back later this evening and read how my posts turned out. It is probably best that I just move on and not look back.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Chobie, I am not saying people are ok with preteens having sex. I am just looking at what has been discussed. The reasons why people do or don't support purity rings are personal and too many to list. - but in my general conclusion of this discussion, we believe preteens are too young to understand the concept behind purity rings, but they are not too young to experiment with sexual activities.

I think an 11 or 12 year old is too young for many things. While I know that some 11 and 12 year olds are experimenting with sexual activity, I think it's too young. I think that 11 or 12 year olds are developmentally not ready to understand sex, the implications of having sex or the implications of waiting.

I think that introducing the concept of purity rings, or promises, or pledges to 11 or 12 year olds implies that having sex or not having sex is a decision that they should be making.

My approach with my DS13 has been to provide him with information. This includes factual information such as: this is how a woman becomes pregnant, these are diseases you can contract through sexual activity, here are some ways you can reduce the risks of those things happening. It also includes information about my values and expectations. One of those expectations is that he'll wait until he's older and more mature to make any decisions, including the decision to start having intercourse.

I think that one of the problems with purity rings is that they imply that the choice that preteens and young teens is making is between having sex now and waiting until marriage. Frankly, I don't particularly want my teen doing either of those things. I'd like to see my son delay marriage until he's had a chance to finish college, live independently, get a foothold on a career, and take the time to have a long term relationship with his future wife or husband. I think that if I successfully convinced him to wait for marriage would also create a fair amount of pressure to marry early. But, that doesn't mean that I think he shouldn't delay sex now. I think that there are many benefits to waiting while he's in HS. I think it's better to start as a Jr. rather than as a freshman, and that waiting until college would be ideal.

To me, one of the issues with the purity ring/pledge, and one of the reasons why I think it doesn't work, is that it implies to kids that the decision they should be making is whether or not to have sex before marriage. I think that it's easy for a 14 year old boy facing temptation to think, "well, I'll never make it to marriage, I'm not going to be pure, so why not now?" Instead of setting or breaking a long term promise, I'd rather my kid focused on waiting a little while longer. To me the question that young teen should be asking is "yet or not yet" not "now or never".

 

[Momvic5]

I think an 11 or 12 year old is too young for many things. While I know that some 11 and 12 year olds are experimenting with sexual activity, I think it's too young. I think that 11 or 12 year olds are developmentally not ready to understand sex, the implications of having sex or the implications of waiting.

I think that introducing the concept of purity rings, or promises, or pledges to 11 or 12 year olds implies that having sex or not having sex is a decision that they should be making.

My approach with my DS13 has been to provide him with information. This includes factual information such as: this is how a woman becomes pregnant, these are diseases you can contract through sexual activity, here are some ways you can reduce the risks of those things happening. It also includes information about my values and expectations. One of those expectations is that he'll wait until he's older and more mature to make any decisions, including the decision to start having intercourse.

I think that one of the problems with purity rings is that they imply that the choice that preteens and young teens is making is between having sex now and waiting until marriage. Frankly, I don't particularly want my teen doing either of those things. I'd like to see my son delay marriage until he's had a chance to finish college, live independently, get a foothold on a career, and take the time to have a long term relationship with his future wife or husband. I think that if I successfully convinced him to wait for marriage would also create a fair amount of pressure to marry early. But, that doesn't mean that I think he shouldn't delay sex now. I think that there are many benefits to waiting while he's in HS. I think it's better to start as a Jr. rather than as a freshman, and that waiting until college would be ideal.

To me, one of the issues with the purity ring/pledge, and one of the reasons why I think it doesn't work, is that it implies to kids that the decision they should be making is whether or not to have sex before marriage. I think that it's easy for a 14 year old boy facing temptation to think, "well, I'll never make it to marriage, I'm not going to be pure, so why not now?" Instead of setting or breaking a long term promise, I'd rather my kid focused on waiting a little while longer. To me the question that young teen should be asking is "yet or not yet" not "now or never".

I agree!!