DD hates me

[sbell111]

If my mom had done this I would be pretty darn annoyed.

 

[Feralpeg]

When DD was away at college, she called me every day. Sometimes, we'd talk more than once a day. She initiated the majority of the calls and we enjoyed talking to each other.

One Friday, she did not call. I thought it was odd, but assumed she had something to do. When I did not hear from her by Saturday night, I tried calling. My call went to voice mail. I left a message asking that she call me. By Sunday evening, I was really beginning to get worried. I wasn't upset with her, I was just worried because she always called. I can't begin to tell you the thoughts that went through my mind.

Finally, late Sunday evening, DD called me. She was really upset that she had worried me. She had decided to go to her boyfriend's house in a rural area of Georgia. She had no cell reception there. They did not have a land line phone. Her boyfriend's phone was broken and the parents were gone for the weekend. Weird? Yes!

We had a discussion and I ended up getting the phone numbers of a couple of DD's closest friends who would most likely know where she was if something like this happened again. I didn't care that she went to Georgia. I just wanted to know that she was okay because she always called.

I totally understand where the OP is coming from and think her daughter is being totally unreasonable.

 

[SaraJayne]

I'm not looking to start a big war about how people should relate to their parents but this......makes me sad Maybe, GoldieSaysMeep, you don't have a close relationship with your parents; or maybe you were brought up to believe growing up means seperating yourself from your family to prove your independence; maybe you really don't like and enjoy speaking to your folks........obviously I don't know the particulars. But thinking that that is the kind of parent/child relationship most people should aspire to is rather far reaching.

IDK....seems like some here think that parenthood is not much more than a science experiment that lasts for 18 yrs and then......it's on to bigger and better things, for both parties. Like I said, sad.

I normally talk to my mother every 2-3 days...and when it's 5 or 6 days between calls, it means one or both of us are busy. She has a career, I have a busy family to take care of.

Nothing to freak out about or panic over, calling everyone the person knows to hunt them down.

 

[mhsjax]

If they have the type of relationship where they spoke every day, mom certainly knows her friends.

Sorry, but my mom really didn't know my friends very well. I lived in another part of town and she certainly didn't have their phone numbers. I don't see how people can just know so much about posters. Some people here just blurt out facts like they know exactly what they are talking about, when they don't.

 

[sparks19]

yeah my mom and I talk everyday... sometimes more than once a day and she doesn't have my friends phone numbers nor would she know where to even look to find the numbers.

yeah life gets busy... but I know my mom is expecting my call everyday because thats the precedent I set so I am NEVER EVER to busy to ease her mind. Even if I just call to say "hey sorry I can't really chat tonight but I just wanted to let you know I am fine we are just going to *insert place here*" or shoot her an email or a message on facebook.

I am NEVER EVER EVER EVER too busy to let her know I'm alive. when you talk to someone every single day and then suddenly you can't... it's RUDE to not even consider letting them know you are ok with even just a quick message.

if there is no way you can let them know then you should at least be apologetic about making them worry... if you have half a functioning brain cell you KNOW theyw ould be worried about you if you always talk every single day and then suddenly you can't.

but most people seem to only care about themselves and their wants and needs and feelings and not anyone elses these days

 

[wvjules]

When DD was away at college, she called me every day. Sometimes, we'd talk more than once a day. She initiated the majority of the calls and we enjoyed talking to each other.

One Friday, she did not call. I thought it was odd, but assumed she had something to do. When I did not hear from her by Saturday night, I tried calling. My call went to voice mail. I left a message asking that she call me. By Sunday evening, I was really beginning to get worried. I wasn't upset with her, I was just worried because she always called. I can't begin to tell you the thoughts that went through my mind.

Finally, late Sunday evening, DD called me. She was really upset that she had worried me. She had decided to go to her boyfriend's house in a rural area of Georgia. She had no cell reception there. They did not have a land line phone. Her boyfriend's phone was broken and the parents were gone for the weekend. Weird? Yes!

We had a discussion and I ended up getting the phone numbers of a couple of DD's closest friends who would most likely know where she was if something like this happened again. I didn't care that she went to Georgia. I just wanted to know that she was okay because she always called.

I totally understand where the OP is coming from and think her daughter is being totally unreasonable.

They have no land line in an area where there is no cell phone reception? And if there is no reception it wouldn't matter if his phone were broke or not, would it? Maybe your daughter wanted some space like others are suggesting to the OP?

 

[sparks19]

They have no land line in an area where there is no cell phone reception? And if there is no reception it wouldn't matter if his phone were broke or not, would it? Maybe your daughter wanted some space like others are suggesting to the OP?

maybe if that's the case daughter should have enough respect for others feelings to tell her mother that. you don't just drop off the map and expect no one to care.

why would you do that to your mother? why would you needlessly make her worry... you know she would? how could anyone think that going from talking every single day to not talking at all for a couple days and not being able to get a hold of you for a couple days wouldn't worry someone? it's just disrespectful to the people that care about you

of course I don't mean YOU specifically

If you need space... tell people you need space and that you will be out of touch for a couple of days

 

[wvjules]

maybe if that's the case daughter should have enough respect for others feelings to tell her mother that. you don't just drop off the map and expect no one to care.

why would you do that to your mother? why would you needlessly make her worry... you know she would? how could anyone think that going from talking every single day to not talking at all for a couple days and not being able to get a hold of you for a couple days wouldn't worry someone? it's just disrespectful to the people that care about you

of course I don't mean YOU specifically

If you need space... tell people you need space and that you will be out of touch for a couple of days

I totally agree with that!

I just found it odd that boyfriends cell was broken (there is no reception so why would it matter), parents aren't there (which again doesn't matter since cell phones don't work anyway), and there is no landline (which seems odd since there is no cell reception). It didn't make sense to me.

 

[sparks19]

I totally agree with that!

I just found it odd that boyfriends cell was broken (there is no reception so why would it matter), parents aren't there (which again doesn't matter since cell phones don't work anyway), and there is no landline (which seems odd since there is no cell reception). It didn't make sense to me.

Yeah sorry I meant about the part where you mentioned others suggested to the OP that maybe she just wanted some space

 

[my3sonsagn]

I totally agree with that!

I just found it odd that boyfriends cell was broken (there is no reception so why would it matter), parents aren't there (which again doesn't matter since cell phones don't work anyway), and there is no landline (which seems odd since there is no cell reception). It didn't make sense to me.

My guess would be that her daughter's cell carrier has crappy reception there, but her boyfriend's carrier works fine there - many has been the time when I can get reception (AT&T) but my Mom can't (Sprint) and vice-versa.

As for the OP - I think maybe the Mom went a smidge overboard by talking to multiple people at the daughter's work; as another poster mentioned just asking if her DD had been in the last few days would have been enough to reassure her that she was safe. OTOH, I think the daughter was beyond rude in how she handled it - she knew her Mom expected to hear from her daily (precedent) and she was clearly able to see that her Mom was getting worried based on the number of missed calls which she could see. Others have suggested that Mom could have emailed or called friends, well so could the daughter, and that would have been all that was needed to reassure her Mom. To know her Mom was getting concerned enough to call that frequently and still do nothing to let her know she was okay is just completely rude and shows an utter lack of care for her Mom's feelings. As for the tirade she went on? She owes her mother a huge apology for that. She isn't 6; she shouldn't act like she is.

 

[IdesOmarch]

Sorry, but to use the word "hate hate hate" to her mother just for calling her at work, that seems to me to be...........harsh to say the least. I would never tell my mother I "hated" her even if she did something really bad, save abusing my child or something that would never happen. Seems like she's the one with the problem, not you.

 

[wvjules]

My guess would be that her daughter's cell carrier has crappy reception there, but her boyfriend's carrier works fine there - many has been the time when I can get reception (AT&T) but my Mom can't (Sprint) and vice-versa.

Ahh that makes sense.


OT, I'd be nervous being away somewhere without a phone for an entire weekend. God forbid there is an emergency of some sort.

 

[pacrosby]

I normally talk to my mother every 2-3 days...and when it's 5 or 6 days between calls, it means one or both of us are busy. She has a career, I have a busy family to take care of.

Nothing to freak out about or panic over, calling everyone the person knows to hunt them down.

Not to dicker but you 'assume' it means one or both of you are busy. You hope it means that one or both of you are busy. And hopefully it will always be because one or both of you are busy.

Again it's all about the pattern.

By the way, just out of curiousity, at what point WOULD you start to worry?

There are so many factors that need to be taken into consideration anyway, facts that haven't even been established here. Does the OP's dd live alone? Are they living far away in different cities/even states. Does dd have great judgement or has she been known to find herself in less than desirable circumstances? The judgements being made here, when no one really knows the ins and outs of the situation, are really unnecessary.

 

[nowellsl]

I would definately call my DD 26's job if I hadn't heard from her in 2 or 3 days. First I would check facebook as she posts there pretty regularly, then her BF, then friends I know, then work. I would be VERY worried if it were me, as we are used to talking, texting or facebooking each other every day!!

I really don't think it would bother her either....

 

[mjkacmom]

OP (wherever you are), does your dd resent havnig to call you every day? Do you have a good relationship? Honestly, I can't think of a single thing my mom could do to make me say I hate her. However, we don't have any boundry issues. Maybe she thinks you are too involved in her life and resents it? My mom, BTW, is very involved in my life (walks into my house unannounced several times a day, as does my dad), but it doesn't bother me, because I'll take all the help I can get.

 

[SaraJayne]

Not to dicker but you 'assume' it means one or both of you are busy. You hope it means that one or both of you are busy. And hopefully it will always be because one or both of you are busy.

Again it's all about the pattern.

By the way, just out of curiousity, at what point WOULD you start to worry?

There are so many factors that need to be taken into consideration anyway, facts that haven't even been established here. Does the OP's dd live alone? Are they living far away in different cities/even states. Does dd have great judgement or has she been known to find herself in less than desirable circumstances? The judgements being made here, when no one really knows the ins and outs of the situation, are really unnecessary.

I would start to worry at about the 9-10 day mark.

And both of us are still alive, so yes, we're just busy.

 

[SaraJayne]

Sorry, but to use the word "hate hate hate" to her mother just for calling her at work, that seems to me to be...........harsh to say the least. I would never tell my mother I "hated" her even if she did something really bad, save abusing my child or something that would never happen. Seems like she's the one with the problem, not you.

I said this earlier in the thread, but it seems to have been skipped over.

Just because this is what the OP "heard" isn't necessarily what the DD said.

 

[ols386]

I said this earlier in the thread, but it seems to have been skipped over.

Just because this is what the OP "heard" isn't necessarily what the DD said.

It would be pretty hard not to hear "I hate hate hate you".

 

[sparks19]

I would start to worry at about the 9-10 day mark.

And both of us are still alive, so yes, we're just busy.

but see that's the norm for you. it seems to be normal that you go a few days without talking.

but if you set the precedent of calling every single day you have to know that if you suddenly stopped after all that time... that someone might worry? as that would be out of character.

it just comes down to a matter of respect for other peoples feelings. you know your mom wouldn't panic if you didn't call for a few days because that's normal for you. but when you talk EVERYDAY you don't think it might dawn on you that if you didn't call for a few days that maybe someone might notice and care? especially when she could see that her mother was calling her over and over.

she's 26 years old... she should be grown up enough that if she feels like she needs a break or that mom is butting in too much to at least say "Hey I need a few phone free days"

it's just disrespectful on the part of the daughter. she knew what the expectation was as far as phone calls... as it seems she's the one that set that expectation by calling everyday.

I hope she calls you with a big apology OP.

 

[SaraJayne]

It would be pretty hard not to hear "I hate hate hate you".

Maybe she's like my DH and seems to hear something totally different from what I'm actually saying.