DD hates me

[luvmy3]

I think she was calling the cell hourly not her work phone. All Mom wanted was "Yep, I'm fine, stupid cell is busted- I'll call you when I get it fixed!" How hard is that?

Pretty hard when the cell IS broken

maybe she was planning on it and just hadn't gotten to a phone but was still planning on getting ahold of her. We have no idea what her plan was for getting ahold of her mom, all we know is she found out her mom was calling people at her work, and she gets mad and calls her mom and has a tantrum.

 

[Mermaid02]

You are right, it was her cell, not work phone...which is still overboard.

Maybe DD felt suffocated and wants OP to back off. I wouldn't blame her.

Awesome, if she wants to be treated like a grown up, she better start acting like a grown up, which means taking other peoples feelings into account and not throwing a hissy fit and screaming "I hate you!" like you're 13 years old.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

I am flabbergasted at those that believe it's perfectly normal for a mother to harass her grown DD at work, by calling every single hour until she talked to her.

In what world is that ok and normal??

By the original post it sounds like she called her DDs cell every hour and then called her work place where her boss answered and it sounds like the boss put her through to a supervisor and then a 2nd supervisor.

 

[SaraJayne]

And how does her place of employment know why mom is calling? How do they know it could have been an emergency as someone else stated (someone in hospital, etc). OP didn't have to say "I am calling b/c I haven't heard from her". KWIM? Why is it any of their business why mom is calling?

If I talked to DD everyday and I didn't hear from her at all and then I called her cell and no answer, as a parent I think that you automatically think the worst has happened. And as a parent you NEVER stop worrying about your kids, no matter how old they are.

If I call someone and don't get an answer, I just assume they are busy and will call me back when they get a chance.

Maybe I'm abnormal.

 

[Mermaid02]

Pretty hard when the cell IS broken

maybe she was planning on it and just hadn't gotten to a phone but was still planning on getting ahold of her. We have no idea what her plan was for getting ahold of her mom, all we know is she found out her mom was calling people at her work, and she gets mad and calls her mom and has a tantrum.

There are NO other phones in THE WORLD? Where was she? On Survivor?

 

[SaraJayne]

Awesome, if she wants to be treated like a grown up, she better start acting like a grown up, which means taking other peoples feelings into account and not throwing a hissy fit and screaming "I hate you!" like you're 13 years old.

It seems to me that OP encourages that type of behavior by being co-dependant on her child.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If I call someone and don't get an answer, I just assume they are busy and will call me back when they get a chance.

Maybe I'm abnormal.

No you are not. That is how it works in my family.

 

[Mermaid02]

It seems to me that OP encourages that type of behavior by being co-dependant on her child.

Sounds like it.

 

[kamik86]

And how does her place of employment know why mom is calling? How do they know it could have been an emergency as someone else stated (someone in hospital, etc). OP didn't have to say "I am calling b/c I haven't heard from her". KWIM? Why is it any of their business why mom is calling?

If I talked to DD everyday and I didn't hear from her at all and then I called her cell and no answer, as a parent I think that you automatically think the worst has happened. And as a parent you NEVER stop worrying about your kids, no matter how old they are.

If say I called my husbands work where I would have to talk to at least one possibly more other people to get to him as he works retail and not a position with a phone (like he did when he was in electronics so I could get him directly) and then made it clear that I expected them to find out if he was there and get him on the phone if possible the next time they did see him they would be concerned and ask what happened. Say the same happened to the daughter... now she has to either lie to her boss about some emergency or admit that her mom was kind of psycho and was calling over and over I wouldn't want to have to do either of those either.

 

[horseshowmom]

I don't think you were in the wrong. She calls you every day and then missed two days. You tried to call her multiple times. She knew you were calling her and should have used her office phone to call you and let you know that she was fine and that her phone was broken.

I'd just let her cool off. It will be okay. (((hugs)))

Your DD acted like a spoiled brat and owes you an apology. I would not tolerate that from a child of any age.

Hogwash.


Just the other day, Today had on a story about a lady who ordered a Dominoes pizza every day for 3 years...EVERY DAY. Same time, same order. Then she stops ordering, for like 3 days. Well the DELIVERY driver worried and ran out to check on her. Knocked on door...no answer. Went to neighbors house and they didn't seem to know anything. So she called 911 and paramedics found the lady on the floor, having fallen and unable to get to the phone (she's 82).

So it is absolutely understandable to worry and even panic when someone you hear from daily stops calling without any word.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41734324/ns/today-today_people/41737514

Wonder what she would have said if she had been in an accident (down an embankment, out of sight, and injured), and the OP hadn't called or tried to locate her. I suspect she would have been hurt and outraged saying that they talk every day and didn't the mother wonder what had happened to her (and I would have agreed with her). She should be ashamed of her behavior, and you don't owe her an apology.

I don't get the issue with talking to your parents every day, mother/child can't communicate on a daily basis? Why shouldn't you talk to your mom each day IF you have a good relationship with her. I don't believe it has anything to do with cutting apron strings. When someone is a big part of your life, you typically keep in touch with them a lot.

I don't get it either. Either her dad or I hear from DD regularly - usually at least once a day, sometimes every couple of days. I can guarantee that if we hadn't heard from her for 3 days, we would be checking because it is out of her normal behavior range.

 

[kamik86]

There are NO other phones in THE WORLD? Where was she? On Survivor?

Well she wasn't at work. So where was she? I'll give two scenarios:

1. She was home and doesn't have a landline (I don't so if my phone broke and hubby isn't home I don't have a phone and since probably has the car doesn't have that either) I'm not close enough to my neighbors to ask to use their phone. So I wouldn't call back until my husband got home. I would have probably sent an email or just gone on facebook to get one of my sisters or nieces to tell mom what was up though but maybe she didn't think of that.

2. She was out shopping. There aren't really pay phones anymore (not where I live anyway). Again wouldn't ask a store to use a phone to call mom. So I couldn't call until I got home (if I had a landline) or until situation 1 happened if I didn't.

Now if I was at work or out with friends or my husband yeah I would have just used their phone. But maybe she was alone.

 

[PixieCamper]

Even a stranger would become concerned if a well established pattern of contact was broken...it could save a life or at least help someone in need.

http://www.kplctv.com/Global/story.asp?S=14079358

I doubt the daughter's reaction would have been the same had she been in need, hoping someone would find her.

IMO this could have all been avoided with the daughter sending a text/email or call from another phone to her mother.

Screaming hateful things at anyone is not the best way to resolve an issue.
The daughter is an adult and is responsible for behaving like an adult regardless of how anyone treats her.

OP, calling her work numerous times was probably overkill but I don't think it's anything to beat yourself up over either. If I had to pick the "lesser offense" between:
A) Calling someone's work multiple times because you haven't heard from them and are overly worried- maybe for nothing or,
B) Telling your mother you hate her because she called your work multiple times looking for you.

It really isn't an unclear choice is it? At least I don't think so, then again everyone has different opinions on these things.

I guess if it were me, I would wait to talk to her until she calms down and then sit down together and set some clear boundaries regarding what is and is not acceptable in dealing with each other- especially in regards to calling each others' work as well as saying "I hate you"

 

[ols386]

I am flabbergasted at those that believe it's perfectly normal for a mother to harass her grown DD at work, by calling every single hour until she talked to her.

In what world is that ok and normal??

Good grief. Calling someone if you think there is the possibility that something may have happened to them isn't harrassment. Additionally, if the dd could see her missed calls on the cell phone, and knew the mom was trying to reach her, the dd should have been mature enough to call the mom back.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Good grief. Calling someone if you think there is the possibility that something may have happened to them isn't harrassment. Additionally, if the dd could see her missed calls on the cell phone, and knew the mom was trying to reach her, the dd should have been mature enough to call the mom back.

Now I agree with this however the fact the dd was ignoring the calls means that OP needs to fess up more of the story imo.

 

[SaraJayne]

Good grief. Calling someone if you think there is the possibility that something may have happened to them isn't harrassment. Additionally, if the dd could see her missed calls on the cell phone, and knew the mom was trying to reach her, the dd should have been mature enough to call the mom back.

Calling someone once an hour certainly is harassment...whether you are related or not.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

If say I called my husbands work where I would have to talk to at least one possibly more other people to get to him as he works retail and not a position with a phone (like he did when he was in electronics so I could get him directly) and then made it clear that I expected them to find out if he was there and get him on the phone if possible the next time they did see him they would be concerned and ask what happened. Say the same happened to the daughter... now she has to either lie to her boss about some emergency or admit that her mom was kind of psycho and was calling over and over I wouldn't want to have to do either of those either.

Then OPs daughter would have to be an adult and explain the situation. "talk to my mom everyday. She called my cell numerous times this morning but my cell is broken. I could see incoming calls but could not answer. Instead of being an adult and calling her back to see what was up, I acted like a child and ignored it which in turn made her worry that something may have possibly happened to me." She was quick enough to pick up the phone and tell her mom that she hated hated hated her, but couldn't be that quick to call her back to let her know she was ok @ work and her phone was just dead.

See where I'm going with this one?

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

Calling someone once an hour certainly is harassment...whether you are related or not.

I think its harassment if you are calling to get someone to subscribe to a magazine, or pay bills, or just to ask how the weather is.
But she was calling to make sure the person is alive and well.

 

[Mermaid02]

Well she wasn't at work. So where was she? I'll give two scenarios:

1. She was home and doesn't have a landline (I don't so if my phone broke and hubby isn't home I don't have a phone and since probably has the car doesn't have that either) I'm not close enough to my neighbors to ask to use their phone. So I wouldn't call back until my husband got home. I would have probably sent an email or just gone on facebook to get one of my sisters or nieces to tell mom what was up though but maybe she didn't think of that.

2. She was out shopping. There aren't really pay phones anymore (not where I live anyway). Again wouldn't ask a store to use a phone to call mom. So I couldn't call until I got home (if I had a landline) or until situation 1 happened if I didn't.

Now if I was at work or out with friends or my husband yeah I would have just used their phone. But maybe she was alone.

She's home with no land line and her Mom is trying to get her- There is NOBODY in the world whose phone she could use? Sorry, not buying it.

She's shopping- for TWO DAYS? Still not buying it.

If the girl cared AT ALL about her Mom's worry, she would have found a way to get in touch with her.

 

[ols386]

Calling someone once an hour certainly is harassment...whether you are related or not.

Under normal circumstances, yes.

But not if you think something may have happened to them.

I remember the story a couple of years ago about the female news reporter who called her mom every night after she returned home from work. One night she did not call. Her mom became concerned, because of the fact that she and the dd did talk every night, and I believe the mom went to the dd's house, and she had been attacked by an intruder, and a few days later she died.

 

[luvmy3]

She's home with no land line and her Mom is trying to get her- There is NOBODY in the world whose phone she could use? Sorry, not buying it.

She's shopping- for TWO DAYS? Still not buying it.

If the girl cared AT ALL about her Mom's worry, she would have found a way to get in touch with her.

Why aren't you buying it? Its not uncommon to not have landlines, especially the younger generation. I can't say the last time I have seen an actual payphone Maybe since it was a weekday, all of her other adult friends were at work and she wasn't comfortable asking a stranger to use their phone so she could check in. Maybe she just expected her mom no top go crazy with worry since it really isn't a normal reaction