DD harassed @ school/what to do?

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I know that this is not going to be a popular post for me, but maybe it may give you a different way to solve the problem.

First of all, what this girl is doing is harrassment and I would get it written in her school files, demand the copies, and just file a complaint with the local police. Then DROP IT. I would have a talk with your daughter. She is going to have to take the high road and avoid this girl at all costs. And yes this means she can't speak ill of her at all. She needs to let this girl know that it will no longer affect your daughter. She needs to let this girl know she is going to go on with her life and thats final. If she needs to complain, have her do so with only you and or the school counselor. The more she ignores, the more it will bother this girl. Be prepared for confrontation. Make sure your daughter is not alone and that she has a shield that allows her to walk away. Also let your daughter have a recorder and any threats on her life should be directed to the police immediately. Be aware though if your daughter and or her friends are fighting or provoking back, the police will not take it as seriously than if your daughter is staying calm. I will definetely say a prayer for you and your daughter. This is a horrible situation and such a shame that she has to go through it.... Hopefully I haven't offended you with the suggestions, and good luck know matter what you do.

 

[NJtoATL]

Other posters made good points. I would suggest that you and/or your daughter keep a log/journal of every encounter positive and negative with the girl, ex-boyfriend, teacher, principal. You will be able to proof to the school that nothing has been done to help your child. Then you can press charges.

Make sure the journal is detailed. No personal comments/opinions just state the facts.

 

[mom2faith]

I have no advice (other than what has already been said).

But !!

Keep us posted please!!

 

[wii fit mama]

I am so sorry you are going through this. In your shoes I don't know what I would do about the other girl. However, I would ask my DD to take the high road and never discuss this with anyone at school except a counselor, teacher or principal. She should stop talking about this with her friends which is making a bad situation even worse and possibly dangerous. She should continue to make sure you know what it going on. If she learns how to get through this situation, she will be ready to handle difficult things in the future.

I pray that you can do what is needed to keep your daughter physically safe. Good luck.

 

[StephMK]

Go higher. Go back to the Principal with the new information about the audition. Refer to it as a "threat" because that is what it is. If he/she blows it off again, go higher. Go the the Superintendent of schools if you have to. Go to the Police. This is serious, I agree with you. How many times have we seen in the news that these crazy kids threaten and then carry it out. If you can't get them to protect your daughter you will have to pull her out of that school to protect her.

Hugs to you You are doing the right thing in fighting this.
Katy

Yikes, that is scary! ITA w/the above, you need to fight this and get as vocal as you need to protect your DD. Good luck.

 

[melancholywings]

I'd go up the chain, there's something wrong with a student who talks about killing another student 'fictional' or real. It's so easy for those things to turn into reality these days. Also if you're unable to switch schools I'd enroll your DD in some self defense classes.

 

[tjmw2727]

Unfortunately I was in your situation last year with my 8th grader -

It started in Feb and I pulled her from the school in April when the principal could not assure me he could keep her safe. My impression from my ordeal is that schools don't like to issue severe enough discipline because they don't want it to show on the records. So the bullies learn quicky that the school will only issue consequences that they don't have to report.

I would implore you to go to the school and put your face in front of whomever handles discipline (usually the VP) and if you don't get some type of plan of action then see the principal. Make sure they understand what is happening to your daughter. Make sure you communicate your daughters fears - advise your daughter to speak with her couselor. In our case the counselor was very helpful as the "bully prevention officer" was more interested in "why my dd was allowing herself to be a victim" Again - if you want results its best if they see you in person.

Make sure they know that there is a written record in drama class esp if it has your dd's name in it. I would communicate every day with whomever is in charge of discipline, a counselor or administrator.

My dd's situation was similar in that 2 older boys wrote a "screen play" that they were going to make into a movie that included the death of my dd. Then they started issuing a coundown - it was horrible. Luckily she had two great teachers and some brave friends that were on her side because the administration didn't want the negative attention that taking action would have caused.

Wow - in writing this I realize how raw my feelings are. My dd is now in private school and thriving - but I would have homeschooled, cyber schooled or moved to avoid her ever returning to that middle school.

Be strong - we can do things for our kids we never thought we could. Be proactive and speak with someone in person now. You will show your daughter that she dosen't have to be treated this way which IMHO is especially important as there is a boyfirend involved.

Hugs -

TJ

 

[McKelly]

Call the police, does the school district have a school liasion officer? If this girl is talking about killing people, there at least needs to be a report on file with the police and hopefully a copy should make it to children's court, and maybe social services/mental health will do something. This girl may have been in trouble with the law before and they might already have a file on her.

I am so sick and tired of schools looking the other way why these kids get away with this crap day after day. Oh the rules, the laws, schools are so reactive instead of proactive. If we ignore it long enough maybe it will go away.....blah, blah, blah. Geez, did anyone stop to think that the girl didn't use a name in the monologue because she is SMARTER THAN THAT, and purposelly did not, because then she would, and clearly did, get away with it!! These kids are smart and they know what they are doing, it is about time someone gives them some REAL consequences, sooner rather than later, before it is TOO late.

Best of luck to you OP, I do not envy you, it is certainly frustrating.

 

[tanyaandallie]

IMO this is no longer another child harassing your child. This is another student threatening the life of your child. If the principal will do nothing, move up the chain of command and demand that someone listen to you. If a student did a monologue and talked about bombing the school you can bet the school would jump into action. This is no different. THe school is very well aware that this situation is going on and they need to do something about it.

It the school will do nothing, I'd get an attorney and get the police involved. This is a threat to your child's life. Very scary.

 

[Colinsmom]

Frankly, IMO the school has proven that they plan to do nothing about this until it has escalated beyond where it should go. I would get on the phone tomorrow and find an attorney to represent you, and your next visit to the school (or school board) will be with an attorney at your side. All future correspondence to the school will be through the attorney. Yes, attorneys cost money, but you can't put a price on your DD's safety. People tend to pay attention when you have an attorney at your side, and I think that you'll get action much faster (or will move much more quickly towards a decision of pulling your DD from that school and enrolling her elsewhere).

It's a scary world nowadays; I'm sorry that your DD is going through this.

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

If I were in your shoes, and the school was not doing anything, I'd remove my daughter from the school. Whether it be homeschooling or another school- my daughters safety comes first.

Good luck!

 

[wdwmom0f3]

IMO this is no longer another child harassing your child. This is another student threatening the life of your child. If the principal will do nothing, move up the chain of command and demand that someone listen to you. If a student did a monologue and talked about bombing the school you can bet the school would jump into action. This is no different. THe school is very well aware that this situation is going on and they need to do something about it.

It the school will do nothing, I'd get an attorney and get the police involved. This is a threat to your child's life. Very scary.

This is exactly what I mean. The principle did not call me back today. My guess is, after I told him I would be contacting someone above him as well as the police if nothing was done, he is looking deeper into it. I sure hope so anyway.

I am very disappointed in the drama teacher. She is very young and naive. She should have stopped this girl and reported her. Like you said, if she had been talking about bombing the school, she would have stopped her.

A bit of news, DD said that the girl was sobbing all morning in Drama. Apparently the jerk boyfriend, who has caused all of this drama, broke up with her for some reason. My guess is that she went home and told him about what she did and it made him mad. I am only guessing. I am sure that they will get back together, that's his only way to keep up with my daughter. It's like they are obsessed with every move that my DD makes. What a nightmare. I seriously want to move far, far away from here and never look back.

My DD said that she did not speak to her today, although she normally doesn't anyway. She said that she acted like she was not even there. She IS trying to take the high road here, and she better continue to do that. We are just taking it one day at a time. Thank you all for your support and advice. I was beginning to think I was over reacting so it's nice to know that most parents would feel the same way.

 

[kafitty]

i'm so sorry your daughter is going through this! i've been harrassed on and off by my ex's wife for the last 4 years, but at least i'm in my 20's. To have to deal with that at her age must be especially hard.

i would advise that she write down EVERYTHING that happens, date&time and a description of any sort of harrassing behavior. Definitely take legal action against this girl!

 

[FunkyDuck]

I have to say after reading what this girl said and is acting...I would not wait to go up "the ladder or chain of people". I would go directly to the police. She is threatening your daughter, period. I would continue to "go up the chain" at school but if it was me...I would be filing a report with the police...no questions...in this day and age...I'm sorry...I would not wait for my daughter to be harmed. I also am under the opinion that...yeah...go up the chain at school (which should be done...something should be done with her there)...but TOO...this does not protect her out of school, at the mall, at the grocery store...you know what I mean...go to the police, file a report. I don't mean to freak you out...but it's just my opinion. The school walls I'm sure are not the only place she can harrass your daughter.

My thoughts are with you and I hope that your daughter can finally get the peace that every person deserves. (((HUGS)))

 

[wdwmom0f3]

My DH just said that we are going to have to go to the police. I hate to but it is looking like I am not going to have a choice. I am going to wait to see what the principle says tomorrow. I really need a copy of the monologue for the police.

I can't believe that our family is going through this. A stupid choice for a boyfriend, and three years later we are still dealing with it.

 

[kellyg403]

My DH just said that we are going to have to go to the police. I hate to but it is looking like I am not going to have a choice. I am going to wait to see what the principle says tomorrow. I really need a copy of the monologue for the police.

I can't believe that our family is going through this. A stupid choice for a boyfriend, and three years later we are still dealing with it.

Yes, I think that you should at least speak to the police and find out your options.

The thing to really understand is that you are correct when you say the boy is the real problem. The reality is that this girl is just his front, there will be others if his real goal is your dd. As a mom who is STILL dealing with a situation similar to yours the reality is that until he is stopped there is no stopping the cycle. Ours started in my dd's freshman year of high school..same thing bad choice who turned out to be a real doosey. DD stayed with him then broke up then went back because being with him was so much easier than the hell he put her/us through otherwise. We know that he is the person that vandalized or vehicles 7 times in the last 6 years, the vadalism always occurs after he and dd fight, we know that he is abusive towards her when she is with him, we know that when she gets away from him he drives by her apartment checking to see who is there, everything she does he knows about. Even with a restraining order it is difficult to do much. Two weeks ago he was finally arrested on a drug charge..a big one. Hopefully he will go to jail for awhile. The bottom line? The burden of proof is always on you. Always. Find a sympathetic person in the police department..and not that is not always a female. Take your dd down to your local women's shelter, here ours had free counseling. This helped my dd see that her life was being squandered because of the fear this kid had instilled in her. She was afraid he would harm our property, her brothers and sisters etc. So when he would tell her things would be better, she would go back knowing that she would be the brunt of his anger and problems not us. The problem then escalated into us being angry because we could not figure out WHY she would go back. Trust me, I almost laid jr out on my front lawn one night when he came here banging on the door. He called the police on me because I took a high heeled shoe and beat him off my dd. Was I wrong, according to the law yes. But, I didn't care. If my dd could not stand up for herself because of her fear, I would surely take care of it. The boy is who you need to take care of. This girl is wrong, she is also taken in by some whacko. Now that they have possibly broken up, he will move on to the next game to get your dd involved..good or bad. That is the point for him..to keep your dd involved in the game so that he has some connection to her. It doesn't have to be a positive one.

Kelly

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Yes, I think that you should at least speak to the police and find out your options.

The thing to really understand is that you are correct when you say the boy is the real problem. The reality is that this girl is just his front, there will be others if his real goal is your dd. As a mom who is STILL dealing with a situation similar to yours the reality is that until he is stopped there is no stopping the cycle. Ours started in my dd's freshman year of high school..same thing bad choice who turned out to be a real doosey. DD stayed with him then broke up then went back because being with him was so much easier than the hell he put her/us through otherwise. We know that he is the person that vandalized or vehicles 7 times in the last 6 years, the vadalism always occurs after he and dd fight, we know that he is abusive towards her when she is with him, we know that when she gets away from him he drives by her apartment checking to see who is there, everything she does he knows about. Even with a restraining order it is difficult to do much. Two weeks ago he was finally arrested on a drug charge..a big one. Hopefully he will go to jail for awhile. The bottom line? The burden of proof is always on you. Always. Find a sympathetic person in the police department..and not that is not always a female. Take your dd down to your local women's shelter, here ours had free counseling. This helped my dd see that her life was being squandered because of the fear this kid had instilled in her. She was afraid he would harm our property, her brothers and sisters etc. So when he would tell her things would be better, she would go back knowing that she would be the brunt of his anger and problems not us. The problem then escalated into us being angry because we could not figure out WHY she would go back. Trust me, I almost laid jr out on my front lawn one night when he came here banging on the door. He called the police on me because I took a high heeled shoe and beat him off my dd. Was I wrong, according to the law yes. But, I didn't care. If my dd could not stand up for herself because of her fear, I would surely take care of it. The boy is who you need to take care of. This girl is wrong, she is also taken in by some whacko. Now that they have possibly broken up, he will move on to the next game to get your dd involved..good or bad. That is the point for him..to keep your dd involved in the game so that he has some connection to her. It doesn't have to be a positive one.

Kelly

You are exactly right. I am sorry that you have gone through this too. The boy is now 18 and can be charged as an adult. He is awful. He does drugs, smokes & drinks and also steals from people. He has been arrested for smashing mailboxes and going into a school, not my DD's, without permission. He spent some time in jail in Florida for something, I am guessing drugs. His own parents give him drugs and alcohol. He is abusive and rude and I hate him. Why on earth my DD ever went out with him is beyond me. The more that she found out about him, the more she tried to help him and it didn't work.

I sent her to counseling. I drove her once a week for a few months to one almost an hour from our home. Our family has done everything we know to do to keep her away from him. She would sneak to see him, we would find out and ground her, again. She does not want to see him. He has messed her life up for over two years now to the point where we can't fully trust her & she knows it. I feel your pain with all of this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I talked to the principle today, nothing could be done. The girl did not have DD's name in the paper so they could not use it against her. The shocker here is that she told the principle that I have been following her around town on the weekends. I have known that she would lie about things with my daughter, but now she has started with me. I couldn't even tell you what that girl drives. I have been so mad about that today, but I have to consider the source. I also got a text from DD while she was in school. The girl came up behind her and called her a skank. I guess this will never end. DD does not want me to go to the police, but if this does not stop today, I am there next week to at least start a file for them to document the things that she is doing.

 

[mom2princessj]

You are exactly right. I am sorry that you have gone through this too. The boy is now 18 and can be charged as an adult. He is awful. He does drugs, smokes & drinks and also steals from people. He has been arrested for smashing mailboxes and going into a school, not my DD's, without permission. He spent some time in jail in Florida for something, I am guessing drugs. His own parents give him drugs and alcohol. He is abusive and rude and I hate him. Why on earth my DD ever went out with him is beyond me. The more that she found out about him, the more she tried to help him and it didn't work.

I sent her to counseling. I drove her once a week for a few months to one almost an hour from our home. Our family has done everything we know to do to keep her away from him. She would sneak to see him, we would find out and ground her, again. She does not want to see him. He has messed her life up for over two years now to the point where we can't fully trust her & she knows it. I feel your pain with all of this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I talked to the principle today, nothing could be done. The girl did not have DD's name in the paper so they could not use it against her. The shocker here is that she told the principle that I have been following her around town on the weekends. I have known that she would lie about things with my daughter, but now she has started with me. I couldn't even tell you what that girl drives. I have been so mad about that today, but I have to consider the source. I also got a text from DD while she was in school. The girl came up behind her and called her a skank. I guess this will never end. DD does not want me to go to the police, but if this does not stop today, I am there next week to at least start a file for them to document the things that she is doing.

Sounds like a bad situation is just getting much worse with this crazy girl. I'd definitely take this to the police, consult a lawyer, and PULL my child from this school. You hear too many stories about this kind of thing and the outcome usually isn't favorable. She's threatening your dd and the school doesn't want to help you...it's time for YOU to take the matters into your own hands and keep your dd safe. I realize the school can only do so much but like an poster said if the girl was writing about bombing a school they'd be all over that.

 

[Nie0214]

I'm confused why you keep saying you're going to wait until x day or y event before you'll go to the police. Even if you don't file a report, you can contact them for their opinion. You already have a restraining notice on one guy and his girlfriend is now harassing her... personally I don't see the reason to wait, you know it's not going to go away and you know the root of the problem is the boy.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Go to the police!!!
My 2 neighbors kids had problem at school and home. The school could only do so much.This kid twisted every story to make it look like it was my neighbors fault. The innocent one winded up moving and couldn't tell anyone where they were in case the other neighbor find out.