Daughter Failing Classes at College

[Crankyshank]

OP based on your most recent post, it really sounds like she's not cut out for college yet and maybe it would be for the best if she takes some classes at a local CC while she spreads her wings locally.
Not everyone is cut out for college, and not everyone who is cut out for college is ready right after high school. It sounds like your DD made choices to please everyone else, but not herself, which means she is lacking the motivation to do something because it's what she wants to do.

 

[Lynn CC]

Fortunately during freshman year I never had to deal with anything lower than a B with my DS in College and that was devastating to him, he's determined to get a high GPA.

Some first semester students don't realize how much work it takes. I remember during parent orientation sitting there while they were telling us that our students would probably have below a 2.0 average first semester, so they are used to this and I'm sure they can be of help to your DD if she wants to seek help.

If it were my son I would approach him calmly and try to help him. There are retention services, free tutors, or you could get a private tutor. Whatever it takes to succeed let her know you are willing to help. I would let her know that it's been a rough start, but she can turn things around. The question is does she want to? to you. I know your upset but if you approach her as an adult (even though you don't agree with how she's handled first semester) I think she will talk to you about it, she's probably didn't even realize it was this serious until now. It's really up to her if she wants to turn it around she can, we can't do the work for them, we can just support them financially and emotionally. Colleges want to hear from students not parents.

 

[KelNottAt]

Deleted post. I missed the OP's update. My suggestions wouldn't have helped.

 

[ASFCurly]

I would ask her to show you her grades for the semester when they come out, and if she did as bad as you think, talk about it. Tell her maybe that she has one more semester to pick her grades up, "has to have a certain GPA" and if she doesn't tell her that you aren't paying anymore, or that you want to be payed back, or whatever you decide. But I would talk to her, give her ideas on how to improve, and give her one more chance first.

 

[JPN4265]

My 2nd oldest started college this fall. She was an ok student in high school without really trying. Now that trying is required, it appears she will receive a failing grade for one class, possibly two. I know this from other sources and not because she has told us about it. To hear her tell it, everything is ok. Effort has never been her strong-suit and I am so angry about this, I don't know how to approach her without blowing my top. I know at 18 she is considered an 'adult' by the college, but this is OUR MONEY that is paying her bills and she also has a $5K yearly scholarship that will be revoked after this school year because of the effect of these grades on her GPA.

How do I handle this??? How do I approach her about this when she comes home Friday? I am at such a loss. I can yell all I want, but what then? This is not an issue brought about by any substance abuse or mental illness. It's just a matter of socializing and not studying/going to class. What kind of system can we put in place with her to monitor her grades/attendance?

I sure hope there is someone on this board that can help me know how we can try to get back on track. I am so upset and I just don't know what to say or do. I am sorry if any of you have ever gone through this, but hope you can offer me some words of wisdom.

Many thanks,
Carolyn

Not everyone should be in college. We seem to think that all of our kids should go to college. Maybe yours should try tech school or community college and then just get a job.

 

[DawnCt1]

I She has always been a homebody, and I thought it would help her sprout her wings, but I don’t see that happening as of yet.

DS#3 was always a homebody. He tends to be shy. When he went to university at the far end of the state he did okay in some things, better in others and we were generally pleased with his grades BUT he was miserable. He did three semesters and didn't complain until the end of the third then on winter break he said he couldn't go back. Everyone had moved into an apartment off of his dorm floor...again. It is one of the few state schools that have a surplus of dorm rooms and they get a lot of commuters. We hadn't paid the tuition so he came home and transferred to a four year college within 30 minutes commuting distance. We bought him a reliable car easy on gas for less money than a year in the dorm and a meal plan would have been. He is thriving there. He loves it. He was on the Dean's List last semester and I have no doubt that he will make it this semester or at least come darned close. He is far less shy than he used to be and is a delight by anyone's standards. Not everyone has to go away to college although I sure wish DS#4 would.

 

[Loverly]

She looked into the study groups, but didn’t stick with them.

I know she’s only going to college because it is expected of her,

but I so hoped she grow to like it once she got into it and Lord knows it’s a tough world out there now without a college education. .

Have you ever considered that even though your daughter is smart, that perhaps a general college degree is just not what she should be doing? Have her take aptitude tests. There are even books you can buy on this. Maybe she is more of a hands on person, as is my niece who is going to the Community college to get into the restaurant biz and possibly become a chef.