Daughter doesn't want to wash her hair?

[me again]

My duaghter is age 10. She has beautiful long brown/blonde hair, which she loves to fool with constantly, curling iron, flat iron, comb, brush, etc. but she hates to wash it. I mean, I'm lucky to get her to wash it 1x week, and it stinks!

I keep telling her that regardless of how beautiful her hair is it doesn't look right if not kept clean. Once I got so fed up with it I scrubbed her hair down myself--I swear it changed 3 shades lighter! But she just hates washing it. Its a constant battle. I want her to wash it 2-3 times week, which is not excessive for her oily scalp and length of hair, but the fights are hardly worth it. Each time that I want her to wash her hair it takes almost an hour just to get her in the shower, she goes and cries to Dad that she doesn't want to wash her hair, she'd spend less time washing it than complaining about it.

Like I said, it stinks! Its almost hilarious seeing her styling her hair but its so greasy no style would look right and the smell would knock you over. I just don't get it. when I grew up we had just one bathroom and I had to plot and scheme how I was going to get to wash my hair. We have 3.5 bathrooms, no waiting.

So I told her that for the summer she could do as she pleases. If she doesn't want to wash her hair she can go all summer for all I care. While she was in school I didn't want complaints/comments from the teachers (which I never got), but now that she's out for the summer she can let it grow long, stringy greasy and stinking. I don't see how anyone would prefer that, but she seemed pleased. She said "really? I don't have to wash my hair all summer?" Well, I figure when it get uncomfortable enough she will wash it, until then, if she's content with a stinky grease head her choice!

 

[CastleCreations]

What about taking away her styling products and dryers, flat irons, and things. Bargain with her. She'll get them back if she washes her hair. Or you can embarrass her in front of her friends. Mean, yes... but maybe if one of her peers tells her that her hair is on the nasty side, she might believe them...Can you tell I have toddlers? Good luck.. Lisa

 

[daisyduck123]

I would tell her that if she's not going to wash her hair often, that she'll then be in charge of washing her bedsheets and pillowcases.
Oh, her pillowcase must be gross!!
Tell her that she might end up with bad skin from sleeping on that oily pillowcase.

I would also tell her that she'll have to put a towel down on the headrest of the car every time she rides in it because you don't want the car getting greasy & it's not fair to other people who have to sit there. (And that she'll also have to do that when she rides in a friend's car...I bet she'll be too embarrassed & she'll finally agree to wash her hair).

Tell her that the same goes for the sofa also...towel on the sofa or she can't sit on it.

 

[ilovejack02]

My oldest is 18 and we went through a period that we had to practically physically put him in the shower. I finally stopped arguing and the SECOND he fought me on it, things in his room started disappearing and he had to earn it all back. It worked pretty quickly once he figured out I was serious. He def didnt like seeing his video games and toys and fav. clothes all go in a trash bag I wasnt playing that game and wasnt going to smell a stinky kid either LOL.

 

[isla bonita]

My DD is 6 and she does not like to comb her hair. If I even have the brush in my hand she will start.

I told her if she does not care for it she will have to cut it so thats what we did.

 

[I'mNoPrince]

DD was the same way for a few years would wash it every 4 days or so.

I would laugh and tell her I was lazy and didn't want to wash mine when I was a teen (it was long but in way back then).

But as we lived over DMs hairsalon (still do) I would just walk downstairs and get the shampoo lady to wash it for me. I in returned would tutor her girl in math .

Now I think she washes it too much but thats another story.

 

[me again]

if she doesn't want to wash her hair, she doesn't have to. I'm sick of fighting her over it.

But I do like the suggestions here, that I take away her styling items and she only gets them if/when she washes her hair. The idea of curl ironing greasy hair--ugh! also, I like the idea of making her put a towel down on chairs, in the van, etc, even in front of her friends. Just make it part of the routine''Ok, dd, we're ready to go. Get your towel to put on the van chair".

I did tell her tonight that if she didn't wash her hair often she would get pimples, washing her hair isn't enough. I also told her that I had terrible acne when a teenager, my parents took me to dermatologists, spent a fortune, but wouldn't let me wash my hair enough which I think was the problem. when I went ot college and lived in the dorm and could wash my hair as often as I needed, my acne cleared up! But I did tell dd that if she developed acne and didn't wash enough I wouldn't spend the money on a dermatologist unless I saw her make an effort, too. After all, a dermatologist just prescribes washing with special soaps, creams, etc. You still end up in the bathroom taking care of yourself.

So I told dd she could go all summer without a head wash if that's how she wants it. But come school next Fall if she can't comb it because its a tangled mess she might just have to cut it off. she will look right when at school!

Frankly, I don't get it. I love taking a shower, and hate that greasy, slimy feeling when I can't. I suppose dd would do great on a camping trip!

 

[powellrj]

there is something about that age that kids give up personal hygiene. I remember when my oldest was that age I just gave up fighting it and made him get his hair cut short so he didn't have to comb it, got slip on shoes so he didn't have to tie and mouthwash for when he didn't do a good job on his teeth.

I promise, it will change once she gets to middle school. They all seem to go the other way and douse themselves in body spray and shower a couple of times a day!

I would tell her that its fine if she doesn't want to wash her hair very often, but if she isn't going to keep it clean, she has to keep it short.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Pretty normal behavior but you have to decide where you stand and then follow through. You have to pick your battles but if this is one you choose to pick you have to follow though and be firm and consitant and be sure that you do win the battle. If you choose not to pick this battle, then you have to let it drop completly and no nagging or even mentioning the issue at all.

In the hair department our rule is that is has to be clean. It can be long or short but it has to be clean.(we have a DS).
We would (it is not longer an issue- he discoverd girls set the frequency of washes and there was no negotiation at all.

I would remind him it was hair washing night and if there was one word of back talk, he went straight to bed, no TV PS or whatever. We really had no issue after one or two nights.

My Sister choose not to fight this one and her boys at 12 and 14 have very poor hygene. Their hair aways looks and smells terrible. I could not handle that but it works for them I guess. She will on occasion insist on a hair wash.

I think the biggest thing is to not pick a battle that you are not willing to win.She is getting too close to those teen years to think she has that kind of power.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have to be honest here. I would give here a choice. Either wash your hair or you will be getting a very short haircut. This is not a pick your battle issue. This is personal hygiene! She's 10. She needs to wash her hair. Period. I am sure it is a pain to fight with her but I would not let up on this one. JMHO.

 

[tjmw2727]

I have to be honest here. I would give here a choice. Either wash your hair or you will be getting a very short haircut. This is not a pick your battle issue. This is personal hygiene! She's 10. She needs to wash her hair. Period. I am sure it is a pain to fight with her but I would not let up on this one. JMHO.

This is what I was going to post as well. I will add that I would take away all the styling products and accessories as they are only meant for clean hair. I would continue your dialog with her - as far as keeping clean and healthy. If she washes she gets product if not she dosen't.

In addition I would get her a book called "The Care and Keeping of Me" from the American Girl series. Each of my dd's has their own copy as its a great book on taking care of yourself, how and why. Perhaps even taking her to bath & body works etc to pick out some nice shampoo and body wash?

The only other thing I would consider is that if its too long it may just be tooo hard for her to wash and at this age she probably dosen't want your help so she may be a bit stuck. If she would consider cutting just some of the length it will be easier to wash and even easier for her to style herself.

Good luck - gotta love those "tween" issues.

TJ

 

[JoiseyMom]

How about threatening to cut her hair to a much shorter style. I fight with DD10 to shower, but she does, at least every other day. With the weather getting warmer she WILL be doing it every day. I have threatened her with cutting her hair if she doesn't take care of it. It works here, especially if I say it with sissors in my hands.

Good Luck!!

 

[Tigger&Aidan]

I'm guessing you've already tried, but what about letting her pick out some nice shampoo and body wash from someplace like Bath & Bodyworks? Maybe that might encourage her to wash?

I know my brother had this problem with his 10 yr old DS - never wanted to get in the shower, let alone wash his hair! My brother bought some teen-age type bodywash/shampoo combo that was strong smelling, so he'd know for sure that his DS washed his hair....

 

[meandtheguys2]

Hygiene isn't negotiable here. That is just too icky. I would personally just not allow privileges until she was clean.

OTOH, I love summer, because pooling it everyday makes hygiene pretty darn easy!

 

[ilovejack02]

Hygiene isn't negotiable here. That is just too icky. I would personally just not allow privileges until she was clean.

OTOH, I love summer, because pooling it everyday makes hygiene pretty darn easy!

LOL i was going to suggest, just go to the pool alot!!

She will get past this, ive watched all of my friends kids go through this around 10-13 ish. It doesnt last forever. I didnt fight with my ds about it, i just removed things from his room when he gave me trouble. Im NOT going to fight with a 11 yr old kid, thats just silly.
It is of course ok to let her not wash her hair if that is what you decide but you may want to make it a rule if she goes to play at a friends house she has to. My neighbor used to not make her oldest wash her hair and of course it was always so smelly. The little girl would come over to my house to visit, which i never minded she was so sweet and my youngest loved to play with her, but when she hit that stage, I used to make excuses and send her home because her hair was so stinky, I couldnt stand to be in the same room as her .

Please at least make it a rule that if she goes to visit a friend or someone is coming to visit her then she must wash it. No one likes a stinky child.

 

[blessedby3]

There would be no options in my home concerning this. Nasty hair is just that- nasty. There are some things that just have to be done whether kids want to do them or not. I would never say-"Its your hair, if you dont want to wash it over the summer than thats your business"! Other people have to be around her and if it stinks that is just gross. I would definitely cut her hair if she put up such a fuss about keeping it clean and still have her wash it every other day. It would just not be an issue in our home. No one wants to have to be around a stinky body or head!

 

[trennr]

If they don't take care of it...then they don't deserve it...so take it away.

HAIRCUT!!!!!

 

[2Kds2K9]

I feel your pain, but you must stick to your guns. If your DD is only 10, this is just the beginning. If she can wear you down on this issue, then you have a very long road ahead of you.

My DS is 13 and hates to take showers and wash his hair. He wants it in the longer style that most teens are sporting these days. We agreed, BUT, he must keep it clean and trimmed. We told him the day he does not wash, is the day we go back to the barber and buzz cut! He knows I don't give idle threats. Yes, it was a fight and argument everynight to get him into the shower, but we stuck to our guns and now he just grumbles and does it.

My DD is 11 and we argue about clothes and other issues. Again, it's not pretty, but I stick to my guns. I will not buy the short-shorts for her. I will not buy clothes that are revealing. (DD is developing quickly and looks like she's about 14/15)

You must remember that you are the parent and the one in charge.

Good luck and hang in there.

Leigh

 

[JerJan]

if she doesn't want to wash her hair, she doesn't have to. I'm sick of fighting her over it.

Are you kidding me? UMMMM...No offense intended here, but.......who's the parent??? If she's doing what she wants to do at age 10 and (obviously getting away with it) you are headed for some SERIOUS "Troubled Teen Years"! Good luck! Bottom line, you either do what your told without arguing with me or you lose ALL PRIVELEDGES, PERIOD!!!

Well, I figure when it get uncomfortable enough she will wash it, until then, if she's content with a stinky grease head her choice!

Not to sound harsh but she wouldn't be sleeping or putting her head on any furniture or linens that I purchased and the rest of the family uses, that's just plain NASTY! Make her buy her own pillows, linens and mattress....she might just think twice about washing that hair!

 

[seashoreCM]

Eewww!

But what about boys who put gel or butch wax or Bryl Cream in their hair to make spikes or have the 1950's greaser look?

In winter hair washing may have to be stretched out to 3 day intervals to avoid excessive dry skin and itching of face, scalp, and shoulders. Or you have to use lotion and back to the same problems of having to wash pillows and bedding. Been there done that.

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