Dating Phobia... help.

[irrational]

I really need some input... It's such a silly issue and yet now I can't get it out of my head. I'm going to state the irrational issue and then explain everything that makes me feel that way and hope that maybe others have felt this way.. I just feel a little lost and I'm not sure where else to turn.

My issue: I feel like I am afraid to date. Not necessarily go out with a guy, but just really starting to date like " Oh mom I'm going out with this guy tonight..."

Just stick with me here...

When I was 14 I got to choose what high school i wished to attend I chose the school that my father worked at and played a major role at because most of my very close friends were going to that school. It never made sense to me to go to a different school just to get away from my dad. In fact it's never really bothered me that he was there. I was extremely involved in school in the arts program and in my school work. I had a lot of guy friends but I always figured with my dad being there no guy really wanted to ask me out or at least that is how I always rationalized it in my head. I went to homecoming with a guy friend and a group of friends. I hung out a lot with friends and still do.

There was a point that I was really close to a boy but I was scared in turned away. Granted this particular boy didn't have the guts to ask me out let alone talk to me much in public so I know I made the right choice it was never going to go anywhere.

So I get through four years of high school with no boyfriend.

My parents and I are close in some ways but not so much in others. If I have a problem with friends I feel like I can talk to my mom about it if its something serious, but other then that I talk to my best friends. My parents have never given me the major discussions. I think because I'm the really responsible kid who wouldn't do anything that I wouldn't want to do. I've seen to many horrible things result from doing drugs and drinking and I think because we've never had any of those types of conversations we just have a different relationship. Not even so much a different relationship but I think it just makes me embarrassed to bring things up because I just don't know how they would react. It sounds completely immature, but at some points it's how I feel. I know my parents obviously want me to get married one day and that they would be thrilled if I had a boyfriend but I'm scared to get to that point.

At my job my boss thought this boy and I would be the perfect pair and said we should date. I'd talked to him one time and was around him with a group of people a week before but that was it. From that I'd basically learned that he could get peer pressured into going to a party and that he drank from time to time. Not saying any teen doesn't drink but I don't. I don't party. And so I told my boss I really didn't see him in that way. But I still think my boss would try and set us up, although I hope not. Not only that but he is going back to college out of state and I'm staying here in state where I am supposed to have all of these new opportunities to find a guy that i really can relate too. This situation is what really made me start thinking about how what if I was just scared of dating, of telling my parents that I'm going out with a guy that night. It just sounds so ridiculous and irrational even to me, but It's there. Although I know I have real reasons for not wanting to go out with this guy even if he did ask me.

I'm scared that I am going to meet some amazing guy when fall rolls around and I wont be able to be an adult and tell my parents I have a date. It's the most ridiculous thing. I just don't understand myself. I keep thinking that when I find someone I am completely crazy about I won't be scared I'll just be able to do it, because that was the way it was for homecoming. I had wanted to go so badly and my friend asked me to go with him and I just told them and it was fine. I think maybe what scares me is my parents making a big deal out of it ( in a good way ) I guess I just don't like that kind of attention. Or maybe I am just scared about it period. I don't know whatever happened at my job just really made me think about this. And I still think when I actually have the chance to meet an amazing guy that is as interested in me as I am about him maybe it won't seem so scary to me...

Anyways I know this is like a novel so go ahead and comment on this if you actually read all the way through.

Thanks

 

[Sparx]

i understand how you feel. that first step is really awkward and hard. i remember the first time i got a boyfriend, i was terrified to tell my mom, but she kinda just figured it out, since we were on the phone all the time. once she did, it was no big deal. i broke up with him, and dated other guys, and every time it got easier to say, "i'm going out with so and so" or "so and so and i broke up"

i don't exactly know what i was afraid of those first few times, but it was completely a made up fear. there's nothing to be afraid of.

dating also gets easier the more you do it. the first relationship is always awkward, and probably won't last too long, but don't let it break your heart. every relationship is a learning experience. there is someone you are meant to be with, and things will fall into place.

i hope that helped. pm me if you need to talk.

 

[kelly7ak]

I'm wondering you think your parents might make a big deal out of a date, even if it's in a good way. Do you really believe that they would, or are you just afraid that they'll jump to conclusions ("she has a boyfriend!"), even though a date doesn't necessarily translate into a gf/bf relationship?

Finding someone you can relate to will just happen. Some people seem to just try too hard to make something happen ... but it will happen.

Dating should be fun!

 

[DramaQueen]

I don't really think I've ever felt that way because I've been boy crazy and had a lot of boyfriends from quite a young age. I was never afraid to go on dates, or tell my parents about my BFs, or even kiss a guy...but I like attention lol, so I'm sure that helps a bit.

Like Shelby said though, dating does get easier with time, and practice makes perfect.

But my sister was exactly like you, she never really had a boyfriend until she was in grade 12, she had crushes on boys, but she was too scared and nervous to do anything about it, because she was afraid of what everyone (my parents included) would think. Her self esteem was not the highest, but I guess she was just sick of being alone or something, because she lost a lot of weight and became much more confident. She found out a guy liked her, and at first she had no interest (because again, think she was scared of what everyone might think) but eventually he won her over and they've been dating for over a year now.

That's obviously not the case for everyone, everyone develops and matures and evolves at a different pace. All I can say for you is that I hope you get over your fear and go out there are have FUN! College is supposed to be a time where you meet tons of new people and date and all that. So I really really hope that you can stop being afraid of what your parents might think and just....Carpe Diem!

if you ever want more in depth advice or anything, feel free to PM me, I have more to say on the subject, but won't post it all here. hehe

 

[JulielovesDisney]

I was EXACTLY like you are.
I never had a boyfriend in high school, because I was never into the guys at my high school. Plus, they only went for the popular girls, and I was more into just having fun and staying single and flirting.

Then I went to college, and I found this really amazing guy..atleast I thought he was amazing. It was awkward telling my parents that I like a guy and I kinda dated him. It was nothing official, but we would hang out a lot. Turns out he was a total player and was weird.

Then I met a truly amazing guy a few months later, but we were just friends. Eventually that turned into something more, and we are now a couple.

It was very hard telling my mom that I had feelings for him. And even harder telling my dad that we were together. I'm the youngest and the only girl, so my dad has ALWAYS given me a hard time about dating and boys. PLUS I have 2 older brothers who are protective of me. I was more scared for my poor BF than me. Haha.

But the akwardness goes away. This is my first serious relationship, and my dad and brothers gave me a hard time the first couple of months, but now they are very accepting of him..well atleast my brothers are. My dad likes him, but is having a hardtime accepting the seriousness of our relationship..lol

Don't be afraid of dating. It's fun, and it's a natural thing to do. The awkwardness will stop, and you're parents will be very accepting of the guys you date. No worries!