Dating Advice needed...is it a red flag?

[JerseyJanice]

He has been sober for 9 years and I think that is great and I feel in giving people second chances. He also has held down a good job for the past 18 years.

You're a good person to see that side of him.

The fact that he's asking you to chauffeur him around and has no teeth would be enough for me to bail. I'd be telling him that my long-lost love came back from Iraq and I was getting married.

 

[aristocatz]

Hmm...each thing individually would not strike me as a red flag, but everything together does make me a bit uncomfortable. And taking the teeth out? Yeah...that alone would make me rethink! Table manners aren't too much to ask for! Taking out your teeth in front of a date is just weird.

I agree completely!

 

[alexandria674]

I suggest you invest in some running shoes and run away NOW! This guy is trouble and you have to shake him off somehow, do anything, tell him you have a jealous ex-lover who is a ECW fighter, anything just get away.

 

[curious3069]

Run quickly and don't look back. Break it off and have no more contact because he's not going to go away easily. It's the moving too fast that's the dealbreaker. (though the teeth thing would have done me in!) With all he's asking I will almost guarantee that the next thing he asks of you is money. He's done absolutely everything to get you to feel sorry for him...dead mother, recovering addict, can't drive, can't write, autistic. He's totally manipulating you right down to the not telling you what his problems were in the initial e-mails. I'm really interested in this job he's had for 18 years.

And I will be the bad guy and say that he's not a recovering addict at all.

 

[Keli]

My other challenge is he told me that he sent away for a birthday gift for me already! My birthday is about 2 weeks away and I don't know what to do about that.

If I were you I'd be backing out of this whole thing right now, too many things I wouldn't like, especially the requests for rides to places far away after three or four dates. (and taking his teeth out at the table?!!! Ew!!! )
So, other than not accepting the gift you do nothing about it. He's moving way too fast and you aren't responsible for that and you shouldn't accept any of the responsibility.

 

[MickeySP]

Umm, I think you have actually answered your own question. You see it but just don't want to SEE it.

I have a friend in the reverse role, she met a man on a dating site. They have been involved for almost a year. She has told me & my DBF that he is not the one, but she has no car and lost her job and he is convenient. As a matter of fact last weekend I asked why she just didn't break it off since she can't see her spending her whole life with. Her exact words "not this weekend he just got his commission check"
BTW we don't socialize with them anymore, I just feel so bad for him.

Now other than the money, yet - you may just be his ride until.........

Leave now - & hopefully he has no idea where you live. I have learned since being back in the dating world noone comes to my house until 2 or 3 months into dating. Some weirdos are very good at hiding things but most sow their cards by then.

 

[Magic Mom]

This.....

 

[handinpocket]

Are you serious? Dude is more than likely a huge drug addict, and he has NO TEETH!!

 

[paintnolish]

No. Just...no. I don't mean to be insensitive, but that is a lot of baggage and responsibility thaat you don't need. I met dh online. There are many niceguys out there without a huge list of problems.

 

[wenrob]

Run quickly and don't look back. Break it off and have no more contact because he's not going to go away easily. It's the moving too fast that's the dealbreaker. (though the teeth thing would have done me in!) With all he's asking I will almost guarantee that the next thing he asks of you is money. He's done absolutely everything to get you to feel sorry for him...dead mother, recovering addict, can't drive, can't write, autistic. He's totally manipulating you right down to the not telling you what his problems were in the initial e-mails. I'm really interested in this job he's had for 18 years.

The bold. My best friend had a boy friend like this and he always had a diamond tennis bracelet coming for her except there was always something wrong with it, a stone was loose, it needed to be cleaned....needless to say it never materialized. I suspect the same will happen with your "birthday present." Guess what disappeared? All her money, her jewelry, anything of value she had. "Coincidentally" her sister's car was broken into and things went missing around her mom's house. To this day she doesn't believe she was taken for a ride it was all misunderstandings. You're guy doesn't sound half as smooth. He is out to take you for a ride though. Cut your losses and untangle yourself from this soon to be train wreck NOW.

 

[Bluestars]

Please don't even consider going out on one more date with this guy without doing a background check. And I would NOT go on a two hour road trip with him.

I would not only stop dating him, I would consider changing my phone number if he kept calling. The guy sounds creepy.

 

[LOVEDISNEYLAND]

I would HIGHLY suggest that you walk away now! Sounds like a user to me.

 

[dawn1620]

You're 31,which is ENTIRELY too young to settle for some guy who sounds like he's already lived a hundred lives.Cut your losses and walk away.

Could not have said it better. It's good he is getting his life together but I agree with the rest..too many red flags. I understand he may be a very nice man but pity is not an excuse to stay in a relationship you really don't want to be in. He sounds like he is very needy and wants to move at the speed of a bullettrain in the relationship department. You can't feel guilty for ending it if you really don't want him...it's not fair for either of you.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Are you serious? Dude is more than likely a huge drug addict, and he has NO TEETH!!

You know, there could be several reasons a person is missing his teeth. Perhaps the OP is missing some or all, as well. Are you suggesting a person who lost his teeth should never be involved in a relationship?

 

[christineann]

That's not a red flag, it's a BILLBOARD.

Go with your instincts, which are telling you no. The longer you see him, the more difficult it is going to be for him to accept your ending the relationship. He doesn't sound very stable.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

Thank you everyone, I myself don't like being rejected BUT he is not the one. I try to see the good in all people but this is something that won't work for me. I would rather be told upfront and let it sting than for a guy to never call me back. I don't like it done to me and I won't do it to him.

He also had a stroke and many other health problems due to his drug/alcohol past.

He told me that he had to get false teeth due to all of the drugs. I do beleive he was an addict, he has the medalians that you get every year after being sober. I have seen them before.

He does'nt call me all the time, he calls when he says he will. I am also quite sick and told him I have no voice and we can't talk and he has been fine with it and I really have no voice.

But, I can't always be the nice person because then I get walked all over and miss the right person that could be the one for me.

I know what I have to do, even though its going to not be good news for him.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thank you everyone, I myself don't like being rejected BUT he is not the one. I try to see the good in all people but this is something that won't work for me. I would rather be told upfront and let it sting than for a guy to never call me back. I don't like it done to me and I won't do it to him.

He also had a stroke and many other health problems due to his drug/alcohol past.

He told me that he had to get false teeth due to all of the drugs. I do beleive he was an addict, he has the medalians that you get every year after being sober. I have seen them before.

He does'nt call me all the time, he calls when he says he will. I am also quite sick and told him I have no voice and we can't talk and he has been fine with it and I really have no voice.

But, I can't always be the nice person because then I get walked all over and miss the right person that could be the one for me.

I know what I have to do, even though its going to not be good news for him.

You're absolutely right. You sound like a lovely person. I'm sure the guy for you is right around the corner.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

Thank you Liberty Belle, that was so very sweet of you.

I just wanted to try dating someone that I usually would not. He is very attractive, but we didn't have all that much in common except for a few things. But at this stage in my life I do need to have more and I know that he won't be able to give that to me.

I just hate being that person because I am usually on that end of it....getting dumped and I don't like it, but I am an honest person and feel that is the right thing to do.

 

[AlleyKat]

Run quickly and don't look back. Break it off and have no more contact because he's not going to go away easily. It's the moving too fast that's the dealbreaker. (though the teeth thing would have done me in!) With all he's asking I will almost guarantee that the next thing he asks of you is money. He's done absolutely everything to get you to feel sorry for him...dead mother, recovering addict, can't drive, can't write, autistic. He's totally manipulating you right down to the not telling you what his problems were in the initial e-mails. I'm really interested in this job he's had for 18 years.

And I will be the bad guy and say that he's not a recovering addict at all.

I'm also interesting in knowing what job he's had for 18 years.

curious3069, I also think this guy is not a recovered addict.

OP, google his name and scour the internet, see if there is any possible information on him!

 

[christineann]

I agree with Liberty Belle. You have very good intentions, but please be careful.