Dating Advice needed...is it a red flag?

[hereyago]

Hun, you may want to be like a Nissan commericial and ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM away from this guy.

As women, we usually want to "save", nurture someone and no one is all that.

 

[nancys]

I'm thinking that maybe he hasn't been able to get his license back because of fines and court costs that have to be paid before reinstatement. That could be a BIG bundle of money that he might ask you for in the future.

 

[Ciciwoowoo]

Maybe I'm mean or insensitive, but I was totally ditch this guy!!!

 

[kathie859]

But I would vote to lose the guy The teeth out at the table is the deal breaker for me. That is just not acceptable. Though, God knows, the baggage that he carries around must weigh a TON

 

[laurie31]

He sounds DESPERATE to be in a relationship, and he has leeched onto you like...well, a leech!

I applaud him for being honest up front about his prior drug use, but yeah, HUGE HUGE red flags, red flags bigger than some countries! Sadly, drug addiction is VERY hard to overcome, and meth is almost impossible to quit (it sounds like meth, from the shaking and the no teeth bits). He may be clean now, he may stay clean for another year or maybe even two...but the day will come when he will start using again, and you want to be NOWHERE near the guy when that day comes, trust me.

Run far, run fast. And don't look back!

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I'm sorry but this made me laugh. The teeth out on the third date is something else.

He doesn't have baggage...he has cargo!

It's too early to even call it a relationship. You owe him nothing more than a "sorry, but I am not interested".

 

[tileman]

Heck I am a guy and would not want him around me.

Run fast and far.

Ron.

 

[mistymouse5001]

Or am I overreacting?

2 weeks ago I went out on a date with a very nice man. He is 35 and I am 31. We met off a dating website. When we emailed or chatted online at first, he did not type well at all and kept saying when he saw me he would explain why. Then he told me that he doesn't drive, not thrilled but I had an idea of why he didn't.

I pick him up, we go to dinner, it was very nice. However as soon as we sat down he said he always wanted to go on a Disney Cruise, maybe if things work out we could do that together. I thought wow, great a little weird but nice. He didn't know how much I loved Disney so I thought it was a good sign.

Then he started to tell me about his life. He is a recovered addict (drugs and alcohol) 9 years. Good for him. That was why he did not have his liscense. He can get it back soon he told me.

He also said that because of the drugs he has trouble writing.

That was a Saturday, we saw each other again Tuesday and then Thursday that same week.

My concern is that I am going to be his driver, he has asked me to take him several places over the course of the next few months. His mother will be dead 6 years this Feb. my birthday is in Feb. as well. He already wants to meet my family ( he knows my stepfather, they used to work together ) taking all of us out for my birthday.

He then asked me to drive him about 2 hours to visit his mother's grave. This is where my issue starts. WE don't know each other well enough and I think its weird. We talk often enough and I am happy about that but I am finding out more things about him and on our last date together we just went out for a quick bite of Pizza and well he took his teeth out in the restaurant.

Then he told me that he can't read or write well because he is Autistic. He wa also married 9 years ago but had it anulled because he was too high and drunk.

I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but maybe its me I am overthinking things and everything will be fine. Should I just see where things go or should I be concerned?

You know you should send him a nice basket of canned tuna and be done ! Love is finding someone who completes you....not someone who is looking for a driver/mother/nanny what have you. There are lots of OTHER nice ppl on that site I bet ! Try try again....and don't forget the tuna.

 

[tennvalgirl]

You said you picked him up, so he doesn't know where you live right? My advice is to E-Mail him, no more face-to-face visits.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

yikes.. if it were me, I would've been done with the first date.

 

[MickeySP]

I would do the email too, as much as I hate that route but you have no relationship so who cares.

I would however use a different email address than your regular one, unless you can close that one with ease.

I knwo when I first starting dating I had one email address just for that one, when anyone got creepy - closed it and notified any normal guys I was talking to.

May I also suggest if you can afford it a throw away phone. I am no Pam Anderson but I have had my share of whackos and the last thing I want is any of them having my real number.

Also when you meet anyone take a photo of their license plate and send it to a friend. Regular guys understand the safety issue, if they don't you don't need them.

My current BF(19 months) even told me to take a pic of his liense and send it to my son. I felt nothing but secure & safe from thestart - that is how you should feel.

 

[NC State]

You said you picked him up, so he doesn't know where you live right? My advice is to E-Mail him, no more face-to-face visits.

I agree, you met on line so you can break it off on on line. I have worried about you since I read your thread. Please break it off and don't respond to any of his emails. You need to let the dating service know what happen too. I see too many red flags.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

While I did end it yesterday, I am actually quite surprised at how quickly rumors actually start haha.

I never said anything about him taking Meth or Shaking.

My stepfather told me that he did do drugs but went to rehad and is now sober. He didn't know for how long, but he also said he has lots of money. Last year he got in touch with my stepfather because he was looking to buy a house. He told me that on one of our dates as well.

I don't feel this person is a stalker but he does not know where I live and I am not changing my email address or buying a throw away phone.

I sent him an email last night and have not heard back from him since. Done and over with.

I do appreciate everyone's input but its done now.

 

[lillygator]

He does maintance in the Town Hall Building where he lives, so he can walk to work.

It's very political so he knows people, which is how he keeps his job.

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read the thread and help me make this choice.

hmm, pretty scary him doing maintenance during his addiction years. Is this a county/city job? (just curious)

 

[jenrose66]

I wouldn't pursue this. Just not my thing. Do you have children? If you do you definately need to end this relationship.

 

[disneymarie]

Or am I overreacting?

2 weeks ago I went out on a date with a very nice man. He then asked me to drive him about 2 hours to visit his mother's grave. This is where my issue starts. WE don't know each other well enough and I think its weird. We talk often enough and I am happy about that but I am finding out more things about him and on our last date together we just went out for a quick bite of Pizza and well he took his teeth out in the restaurant.

Then he told me that he can't read or write well because he is Autistic. He wa also married 9 years ago but had it anulled because he was too high and drunk.

I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but maybe its me I am overthinking things and everything will be fine. Should I just see where things go or should I be concerned?

OMG, no one could be that lonely to have a 100+ lb back pack on their back. This man sounds exactly like my ex when I met him 35 years ago. Down to the teeth on the table. You sound like an nice compassionate woman. Taking on the person needs a social worker that wants to take on a project.

This is not waving a flag, unfortunatly it is a sinking ship and he is using you as his life line.There is so much more to life then a companion. Find some one as you equal, not that you need to hold up and hand hold.

I would tell him that you have left your options open in dating and have been making arrangements in your life to go forward, wish him all the luck and give him a sheet of AA or narcon meetings in his area. There he can meet people that will be up to the challange of his past. Admit you are not equipt for his needs.

To update, the ex of 30 years, is still a control freak over me and still tries to make him self look better by trying to discredit me.
We have been divorced since 1979!!!!!

 

[Liberty Belle]

It was obvious from the details given that the dude lost his teeth due to drug use. Do I suggest a person who lost his teeth should never be involved in a relationship...no. Would I date a person who lost all his teeth due to drug use...no. I probably wouldn't date someone who had lost all their teeth for a good reason. Just one of those things I am particular about.

And you have that choice. I may make the same choice, but we don't know OP's situation or how she feels. Or we didn't with the first post. It just seemed rather callous to me for you to say that. Perfectly nice people have lost their teeth and they still deserve affection.

 

[cheermom1]

While I did end it yesterday, I am actually quite surprised at how quickly rumors actually start haha.

I never said anything about him taking Meth or Shaking.

My stepfather told me that he did do drugs but went to rehad and is now sober. He didn't know for how long, but he also said he has lots of money. Last year he got in touch with my stepfather because he was looking to buy a house. He told me that on one of our dates as well.

I don't feel this person is a stalker but he does not know where I live and I am not changing my email address or buying a throw away phone.

I sent him an email last night and have not heard back from him since. Done and over with.

I do appreciate everyone's input but its done now.

I was wondering about you ...so glad you are ok and that you are still on the path to finding the right one for you!!! thanks so much for the up date..

 

[Bluestars]

Mickey, thanks for the update. It's always a good thing to step back and look at things from all angles when you first start dating someone. It's much easier to walk away at the beginning.

Good luck to you in your future. You sound like a very compassionate person.

 

[KramBerries]

OK, first, this guy sounds so out there that it was amusing to read the description.

Second, I agree with everyone else that it's probably not a good idea to date him.

Finally, I have to say that I find it a bit depressing. Imagine that this guy really is working hard to turn his life around. We are all basically saying that he is undeserving of being in a relationship. I'm certainly not saying that I recommend anyone take the chance, but I do find it sad that he has put himself into a situation that is, at least for a considerable period of time, hopeless. I guess it just shows that our choices have consequences even long past when we regret them.

I wish you both the very best - separately, of course.