Scene XIII - The Conclusion
Alex, mutters M.
Lex, mutters Bouncy.
More Nyquil. mutters Willy.
I guess we have to go Innoventions. - Kev
Noventions? asks Bouncy.
It is were techies hang out. - M
Can we get some kumquat-flavored soda from Kuala Lumpur at Cokes Ice Station Cool? asks Willy.
M and Bouncy look at each other and shudder at the thought of kumquat-flavored soda from Kuala Lumpur. Kumquat-flavored soda from Kuala Lumpur? thay ask at the same time and with the same incredulity.
Great mixer. Willy says holding up his Nyquil.
Okay well go after another round or three of drinks. M says ordering a double. His friends follow suit.
Dan remember Dan? This is a story about RoutemanDan.
Dan still smarting from the dope slap and Jens
glowering look marches up a metal stair case. They are in a very industrial looking setting. As they walk Dan notices an unusual metallic clink to the sound of their footfalls.
We will soon be on my private island in the World Showcase Lagoon, the Maniacal Megalomaniac says, stroking her gray cat.
Dan thinks back to scene VIII. Where he had noticed short hairs clinging the hem of elegant womans dress and scene IX where he saw a woman boarding the EPCOT baot in a wheel chair holding what looks like a plush toy tabby cat. He realized that it wasnt an old woman or a toy but a simple disguise.
Had he been a little sharper Bennet wouldnt have had to type all those other scenes. He tries to focus. He puts away his notes on the Tag Fairy. Be sharper Danny Boy, sharper, he tells himself.
You will be strapped in here. The Maniacal Megalomaniac gestures at a table with stirrups. Pointing at the floor below the table adds, The laser starts down there and works it way up. Dans feet are strapped in.
He takes the notebook and pen from his jacket pocket and tosses them onto the Maniacal Megalomaniacs laser control desk. Oh well I guess I will not be needing these after all. He braces for the dope slap he knows is coming and quips, Pity really.
Everyone knows it is coming and watches, wap, more of a farewell caress than a real dope slap. (Glo are we milking enough mileage out of the dope slap?)
The Maniacal Megalomaniac pockets Dans pen. I always like to pick up a souvenir when I visit EPCOT.
They are about to lock down Dans hands and he says, Well as this, I guess, is the end. Goodbye
Catsrule!
Yes Mr. Dan. Very clever. I am Catsrule. Replies the Maniacal Megalomaniac.
As I suspected. So that would be Simba. He nods at the cast walking across the floor to a sophisticated, titanium, kitty condo.
Yes Mr Da..
BOOM
Dans spy guy Sharpie pen detonated with a metallic ring.
Dan covers Jen eyes and looks over to see what he expects to be gruesome remains. He is shocked to see wires, pulleys and aluminum bones. Catsrule was animatronic. He says in disbelief, but who?
A paw steps on a button. The laser fires up. Dan is brought back to the immediate problem of freeing his legs. Just as the beam approaches a tender area, he frees his left leg and spins out of the way.
Because GE brings good things to life
Blast from the PA system.
We dont have much time. Dan says. Grabbing Jens hand. Illuminations will start soon. This island is a little too close.
You win this time Mr. Dan but Ill be back. a synthesized voice says. Simbas paw pushes anther button and the elaborate titanium kitty condo door and windows close with a hiss. The kitty condo is a missile. Simba is launched back into outer space from whence he came.
Ill get you Simba if it is the last thing I do. Dan swears. However the immediate threat posed by a maniacal megalomaniac of global domination by controlling Internet bandwidth with rockets and or satellites in space will be averted with the destruction of the island base.
He strategically re-aims a few fireworks to distroy the evil ones base on the island.
Jen takes up a Compaq iPac from the robo-Catsrules (editors note: not a real person, I didnt kill anyone in this story) hand. With sure signs of technical prowess she makes a few quick strokes with the handheld computers stylus.
Careful you dont know what you are doing! Dan exclaims pulling Jen away and starts her running for the boat. They push off and head towards Great Brittan.
What were you doing? Dan asks, You could have blown us up, you dont know anything about computers!
Oh but you are mistaken. She replies. I am quite very proficient with PCs. I let you live in your little online fantasy world to get you prepared for our off-line interfacing.
Well my dear, says Dan wryly I think it is time to make a connection.
Their boat bumps into a riotous corporate Illuminations party going on between the UK and France. The host stops down to say hello.
Oh.. a.. hi.. Dan. Just started
figured you were
Care to Join us? M stammers in embarrassment at being caught throwing another big bash that Dan wasnt inveighed to. Would have inveighed you but the party just came to gather a few minutes ago. It was strange Acme Enterprises called and offered us their time slot. And well I wasnt going to take it but then they sowed up. M points at a hot tub full of kumquat-flavored soda from Kuala Lumpur, Nyquil and babes in lime green wonder woman suits.
Dan is about to get up shooting when Jen says, It is OK I sent them a message through Catsrules Tag Fairy network to be nice to Kev, I heard he was out of batteries.
Dan smiles, aroused by these new powers of Jens and pushed the boat out into the dark water.
They embrace.
The camera pans up to exploding fireworks.
The closing credits roll.
Members of the Academy cast their votes for best Screen Play.
DAN ROUTEMANDAN
THE END