Dads Taking Care Of The Kids

[becka]

I was just talking to a good friend of mine who has a son who is only 10 days older than mine. We were talking about getting together sometime soon and somehow the subject came up about how much "help" with the kids our respective DH's provide.

My friend has never left her DS (now over 13 months old) alone with his Dad and she thinks that he could not possibly take care of him by himself for even an hour. She is shocked that I let DH handle the entire morning routine (I have to be at work by 6:30 so DH does breakfast, dressing, taking him to daycare, etc.) and also watches him while I run errands, if I have to work late, etc.. I may not always agree with the way he does everything but I trust him to at least keep him alive while I am gone. DH started watching him by himself when DS was only about 1 month old and I needed to run to Wal-Mart, etc.

I know her DH fairly well and I think that he probably could manage to take care of his DS for at least a few hours by himself. I know there have been some extra stresses on their marriage since they had the baby and I have to wonder if this is part of the problem. I can't imagine how it must make her DH feel to know that she doesn't trust him (or think he is capable) of taking care of their son.

I really think that I am probably too overprotective at times but I can't imagine going over a year and not relying on DH at least a little. I think it would really help them if she started to include her DH a little more in the baby-care department but I am really hesitant to say anything to her. I am still pretty new at this parenting thing but I know enough to know that I don't want to sound critical of her parenting style because that is one sure fire way to get someone on the defensive. I think she feels that I am kind of the 'odd one' here by trusting and even expecting DH to be able to handle DS. What do you guys think?

 

[snoopy]

My DH "mothered" his babies far more than I ever did. He was a natural from Day One.

I think there is a certain responsibility on the part of your friend to relinquish control to her DH - after all, this is his child as well, he should be expected to be able to take care of his own child without judgement from her.

 

[Patrick IL.]

When ours were prior to school age I worked second shift...4-midnite, DW worked days. That way one of us was with the kids most of the time. To be honest we could probably not have afforded daycare back then so it was not an option. I treasure the time I had with both of my two back then.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

My DH watches the girls regularly if I need to do something. In fact, I have gone out of town for up to 5 nights on a business trip, and both girls lived to tell the tale. Of course it took me about 5 days after I returned to find everything and put it back where it belonged, plow through the laundry, clean the house, etc. But the kids were just fine!

 

[Steve H.]

My wife's in Dallas this week -- while my parents took Cameron for the last couple days, so I could go to work a few days, from tonight to Friday, it's just the two of us.

It's sad to here about Dads who are completely uninvolved with their children to the point of their spouse worrying about leaving his own children home with him.

 

[trayletha]

WOW - I think she's got some real control issues, but it's not something I think you can do anything about. This is her DH's job to deal with, if he wants to.
My DH was primary (other than feedings) care-taker for DD do to complications I had.

HeHe I didn't change a diaper til DD was 4 days old

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

My DH has spent lots of time with the kids since they were little babies. We used to joke that he diapered the older one more than I did when she was a newborn. He has always been a wonderful and involved father.

I've gone away twice for 4 to 5 days and left him with the girls. He knows their routines and what they need when. Sometimes I might remind him about anything special coming up in their activities but that's pretty much it.

I do have a friend who's husband is very uninvolved. I sometimes think that she is almost a single mother. I know that it is hard for her.

I do think it is funny when people say daddy is babysitting. No they are his children, he is parenting!

 

[MICKEY88]

Wow, I was Mr. Mom for the first 2 years of my daughter's life, [I was unemployed]she went everywhere with me..it did amaze me at the number of women that were surprised that a man could take care of a baby.. I guess I did OK, she's now 21 and everyone tells me what a terrific young lady she is..I can't imagine NOT being involved.....

 

[Rock'n Robin]

My husband does the early morning routine since I leave at 6:30 or 7AM. Mine are currently 5, 8 and 11. The only downside is sometimes the clothes don't match or DD#2 doesn't bother to brush her hair and DH doesn't notice. DD#1 has filled in those gaps, but this year she's in jr. high and will be gone before the other 2 wake up. I leave clothes out for DS (5).
He really bonds with them although there are some days they are slow to wake up and they drive hm crazy. I know on days that they have "2 hour delays" (for snow, fog, etc.) he takes them out to breakfast, although he always gripes to me about his schedule. In fact the only tardy they have ever had is a "2 hour delay" day that he lost track of time and they were 2 minutes late.
Robin M.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

I do think it is funny when people say daddy is babysitting. No they are his children, he is parenting!

That is one of my pet peeves!! I HATE it when people say dad is babysitting so mom can run some errands, etc. It is not babysitting, it is fatherhood!

 

[Steve H.]

Originally posted by jwsqrdplus2
That is one of my pet peeves!! I HATE it when people say dad is babysitting so mom can run some errands, etc. It is not babysitting, it is fatherhood!

Me too!!!

 

[glo]

With first DH, first time I left hom alone with her, she fell and cracked her clavicle The worse part he did not tell me and she suffered for over a week, because he had been watching TV while she was on the bed and had rolled off

Second DH had no choice...We had twins and I could not do the two if them as infants alone, as they were 2.5 months early. I hardly slept because I was breast feeding, and he had to help with the other things....it was a bad time. Then I went back to work and my mom took care of them. They are now 7 and I do most of the kid stuff and he is back to the work guy...I work til 2:30 teaching, so I am the mother/chaufer/appointment/ballet class/etc person

 

[CEDmom]

I can relate to some extent to your friend because DH and I tried for so long to have a baby before we were blessed with DD that I wanted to do everything for her myself. I just couldn't imagine anyone taking care of her as well as I did. But believe me that feeling didn't last for long

I think your friend is doing a real disservice to her DS and DH by not letting DH handle things on his own for awhile. What if God forbid something happens to her or she's sick or something like that. If her DH doesn't know how to care for DS and DS isn't use to Daddy caring for him then there's going to be big problems there.

It took awhile for my DH to get comfortable with caring for DD and he still defers to me if I'm with them. However, he'll readily take her to all kinds of places that she doesn't go to with me. He also gets her ready a few mornings a week when I have to leave early for work.

Children really need to have that balance. They need to see that people do things differently but successfully.

 

[dcgrumpy]

DH has helped with the kids from day one. I went away for a girls weekend when DS was about 1 1/2. When I was in the hospital having DD, DH and DS were home alone. Of course I laid out 6 days worth of clothes beforehand, that's the one thing DH can't seem to get right. I can't imagine a father not being able to handle taking care of his own kids.


I do admit I've only left DH alone with the 2 kids for short errands. DS is a very active 2 1/2yo and DD sleeps great at night, but she is awake most of the day. She cries a lot, DS hardly ever cried . I find it overwhelming at times. I don't think DH has the patience to last a full day with the two of them yet.

 

[CamColt]

Another one here who hates Dads who babysit.

I have been very lucky with DH. he has always been wonderful with the kids. The first diaper that DS needed changing in the hospital, DH got right there and learned from the nurse. He was having so much fun practicing his new skill that when we got home and I had to change a diaper, I thought, gee, I havent had a chance to do this yet?
IMO, this woman is going to live to regret this in a few years when she needs an occasional break from the child and Dad has nothing to do with him. I dont mean that in a mean way(it sounds a little nasty but thats not how Im thinking it). Im just saying if they get in the habit of the child only being with the mother and not the father, it may be a tough habit to break.

 

[4greatboys]

One time I left my oldest ds with his father while I went out with a friend. I cared for ds ALL the time, worked full time, did what little housework was done around the house and I needed a break. Well when I came home our phone has been smashed to smithereens because oldest ds had been crying and x didnt know why, couldnt get him to stop and was very, very angry. I never left him with his dad again. I took him and ds #2 with me everywhere or left them with my mom. I didnt feel right leaving my baby with a grown man who couldnt control his temper. One BIG reason we are no longer married.

Okay now on to my second marriage. I leave the 2 little ones with dh all the time. He is great with the boys. He is so good with them and RARELY ever losses his temper. He plays with them, watches cartoons with them, gets up in the middle of the night with the baby when he wakes. And he is definately NOT BABYSITTING...lol.

 

[peg2001]

I am very lucky in that my DH is a SAHD. It was rough with the first DD as she was a fussy baby and I was terrified of leaving my DH all alone with her. I went back to work at 12-weeks and DH would frequently meet me in the driveway after work holding a screaming infant at arms length.

By the time our second DD came along, DH was an old pro. He "wore" her everywhere in the sling and everyone we met told me what a wonderful father he was.

Peggy

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

This is one of those subjects that hits home with me. My mother died when I was 2 leaving my father to take care of me by himself. It is real important that Daddy's get comfy taking care of the little ones heaven forbid something happen but sometimes it does.

Not to mention mom's don't have those babies alone why should they care for them alone. Dad's miss out on a lot of fun when they don't participate.

DH did his duty...kinda timid with #1 but in charge with #2!!

 

[Keli]

David was always a 'hands on' dad. He just liked to be with Ashli and was willing to do the dirty work when necessary in order to be with her.

 

[DVC-Don]

I was a full time Stay at Home Dad for 7 years. The last 3 1/2 years I've been working part time. I'm off for the summer now to be with my kids although I do go in to the office for 2 hours, 4 days a week while they are at their summer program.

Best career move I ever made.