Dads Taking Care Of The Kids

[Shannon G]

DH is self-employed, and his work is seasonal. So, when I went back to work 2 months after DD was born, he was a SAHD for the winter. Now, he does the morning routine, since I leave earlier than he does. (DD is now 10 months) I had to travel on business for 5 days when DD was 4 months old, and I then went away for a girls' trip to Disney when she was 5 months, while she stayed home with DH.

I think your friend is not only setting herself up for difficulties in the future, but I also think she's doing a disservice to both her husband & child - they need to spend time together and get to know each other without her running interference. I know that when DD was a newborn, I had to bite my tongue to prevent myself from "telling" DH how to do things. I realized he had to figure out his own way, and just because he might do things differently from me doesn't mean that he was doing them wrong.

Not only do I hate it when dads call what they do babysitting (ugh!!!) I also hate it when people talk about Dad "helping Mom". To me, that implies that it's Mom's responsibility, and dad is just giving her a hand with it. Duh - it's just as much his responsibility as hers!!!! As much as I appreciate all DH does (and I truly do), I must admit that I sometimes get annoyed when people are so impressed with it, and go on and on about it. I mean, when we women do it, no one seems to notice, because it's expected of us. But when the guys do the same thing, everyone acts like they should get a medal or something! Oh well, at least that finally seems to be changing.

 

[Pembo]

Another one here that hates "dad is babysitting". My DH really hates to hear that. It took 2 of us to bring them into the world and it takes 2 of us raise them.

My dh is a hands-on dad and I never have to worry about leaving him alone with any or all. In fact he seems to handle them better than me sometimes! (Just don't leave them all day ).

Kudos to all of the SAHD's and Active Dads!

 

[believe]

DH started watching DD#1 (now 5) on a regular basis at 4 months old. That is when we switched to opposite shifts. DH had a lot to learn, he was never around babies...but he learned and both DDs have survivied, to date.

 

[Kermit]

My DH is very capable of taking care of the baby, and he enjoys doing it, but he doesn't do it on his own too often. I do leave the baby with him occassionally while I go to the grocery store, or he'll be the only one watching him while I work out, but nothing much more than an hour. But that's because of a mutual decision. We both like for Jacob to be almost exclusively breastfed, to the point that we rarely give him bottles. He's had less than 10 bottles his whole life (probably closer to 5), and he was almost 4 months old when he got his first one. I do leave the baby after I nurse him occassionally when I think it will probably be a while before he wants to nurse again, but never for long. He's not on a schedule with his feedings, so there's really no way to know for sure.

I do think it's very important for the parents to be in agreement. If DH really wanted to be able to feed Jacob, then I guess we'd do something else. But DH is as dedicated to nursing as I am, so this works for us.

 

[Fizban257]

First, I hate to hear of fathers who aren't involved in their kids lives, it perpetuates bad stereotypes. My DW and I have the same view on this issue: there's absolutely nothing about being a woman that makes you better at child-rearing. There's nothing outside of breast-feeding that our boys need done that I can't and shouldn't do just as well as her. I just about went nuts waiting those first four weeks until the pediatrician thought it was o.k. to bottle-feed the baby without upsetting his breast-feeding. Four weeks to the day I finally got to feed my little boy and I cried. Because I have an older son to a previous marriage, when my youngest was born, DW actually looked to me during the first few weeks because I'd been there. Becoming a Dad was the best thing I've ever done.

 

[binny]

I think my dh takes better care of the kids than I do!


I cant imagine not being able to depend on him for that!

I go out every Saturday morning usually to breakfast with friends or yard sale-ing (or both) This is my weekly gift from dh. He cleans the house, plays with the kids, and does so many things that the kids "save" for him.


I love it!


But then my dh is a Prince among men

 

[jfulcer]

I really have a hard time with people who think that child rearing is a woman's responsibility. Although I had only one little small part in creating our children, being an involved and caring parent is the only way that I can make up for that.

That involves doing anything and everything that I can to help out with the kids. Like modifying my schedule so I can be home on Wednesdays (alone!) with the kids. Yeah, it saves us on Day care, but I like to think of it as "MY TIME" with the girls. I get them up, get them dressed feed them, play with them, put them down for their naps, give them baths, clean up their messes (and other parts of the house) all day long and DW never has to worry about it.

Oh, she sometimes gets upset at me when I'm 'TOO' busy playing and didn't get that load of laundry, etc. But for the most part, I try as hard as I can to be a contributing member of the 'parenting team'. DW could go away for a week or longer and I have no problem saying I would be OK with them and they wouldn't be worse for the wear.

I like being an involved father.

 

[Pete's Mom]

True story. When Pete was about 8 months old my ex husband was watching him at his house. He said, "I am going to drop him off a daycare and then come back home and shower and then go into work." I said, "Well, instead of going all the way to daycare and coming home, and then going right back by the daycare on the way to work, why don't you just shower and then drop him off?". He said, are you ready for this,

"Now how am I supposed to take a shower and watch him at the same time?"

 

[Sonya]

I can't even imagine a man not being involved in his child's life! DH and I share equally in everything and even though he tries to get out of some of the worst diapers we are truly a partnership.

 

[MerryPoppins]

Our kids are 12 and 16. DH has changed diapers and helped out all along the way. He didn't always do things my way, but his way never caused any permanant damage.

Although I once came home and found DS 5 dressed in DD 1's pj's. The long pants came down just past his knees and the long sleeves were short. The poor child looked poured into the the clothes. I still can't believe he didn't notice. I should have taken photos. It was a small thing to change the outfit. They'd had a fun evening together.

 

[katerkat]

I can imagine being slightly paranoid with the first baby -- for about a month. After that, DH better be ready to help!

However, one of the reasons I know he's not ready to have "real" kids yet is his failure to help me much with the "practice" kids. It's a hardship for him to feed the cats at night.

 

[SnowAngel]

My dh has always been an equal parent. When the oldest dd was born he worked nights and I worked days. He watched her during the day and I did nights. We continued this for a long time. He recently lost his job and he is now a SAHD to all three kids.

He may not always do things I like and we don't always agree on things, he's a great Dad.

 

[Mskanga]

My dh was scared to death of touching an infant, he thought he was going to break dd1 , but he learned real quick that doesn't happen by changing a diaper. While he didn't wake up in the middle of the night for feedings because I was home and he worked, he did wake up at times over the weekend and also took care of her if I needed to go somewhere, sometimes I would just go out and visit a friend , just to get out. He did fine.
With dd2, he was a pro by then, and I started working weekends 2 years before dd2 was born , he has been taking care of them since then and they are very well alive and kicking.
I think many times is also the fear that some mothers have about fathers not doing things right or at least the way we want them. I had to bite my tongue many times, but I gave him credit for doing the best he knew. My pediatrician told me once, babies do not come with instructions, you learn how to handle them as you go. DH did pretty good at figuring out a way that worked for him and I must say he did a good job. Now I came home, the house was a mess but the kids were always taken care of.
I don't think I would be sane if he had not helped, the only thing he really did have a problem with , was when they were sick , giving them meds, he could never remember how much to give them, I had to leave it written down on a piece of paper ( although it was written on the medication.