Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[*KeepMovingForward*]

DisneyDreamin-Good luck today. I always got way overstressed when I had to come face to face with my ex. I couldn't even imagine if I had to deal with a girlfriend he brought along too. I don't think a girlfriend or boyfriend has any place in that type of thing, but thats JMO. I never brought DH to anything like that when we were just dating and even now, I've gone it alone because I think bringing DH into the fold only inflames an already bad situation. While I could care less about the ex's comfort, I don't feel like causing myself any more trouble because the ex gets all PO'd. I hope everything goes well for you today.

 

[disneydreamin247]

Can you take a friend? When my daughter was in a similiar situation she took her father for support. He is an old stone face and makes her ex very nervous. Dad doesn't say a thing, he just completely ignores the person he dislikes. It is like wiping them out of his personal existance. It is very uncomfortable for the other person. He looks right through them like they were invisible. It gave her some relief to her anxiety to watch the transformation in her ex from cocky smug to whipped puppy when he saw her father standing beside her.

Practice the invisible stare!!!

DisneyDreamin-Good luck today. I always got way overstressed when I had to come face to face with my ex. I couldn't even imagine if I had to deal with a girlfriend he brought along too. I don't think a girlfriend or boyfriend has any place in that type of thing, but thats JMO. I never brought DH to anything like that when we were just dating and even now, I've gone it alone because I think bringing DH into the fold only inflames an already bad situation. While I could care less about the ex's comfort, I don't feel like causing myself any more trouble because the ex gets all PO'd. I hope everything goes well for you today.

My dad is coming with me . Donor is terrified of him but that little witch is something totally different. She came to my house with cops to serve me papers and cursed me out in front of DS. I know this story sounds totally one sided to people, but it really is true. They are the lowest class of people out there. I didn't even know people like this really existed until I found myself in this situation. My father said he would take DS today, but I really don't feel comfortable not being with him, you know? I'm sure it will be hard enough on him and I'd rather be with him. I'll let you all know how it goes!

 

[blanq]

So should I transfer the case to Florida where I live or to Maine where he lives? Also another question, about lawyers.........do I hire one in Florida or Maine? Thanks for help, I learn soooo much on the DISboards

Okay, I can help you with this. I manage a county child support office in Minnesota (please, do not hate those of us who do this work for a living. It is more complex than you can imagine and most who commit to it as a career do so because we sincerely care about your kids and feel passionate that both parents should support their children. Sometimes we can't help it that your ex is a loser). In the 17 years I have worked in child support, I have NEVER met a private attorney who knows two hoots about interstate child support law. But, if you decide to go that route, I would hire an atty in the state your ex lives and have him register your MA court order for enforcement under UIFSA (Uniform Interstate Family Support Act), the federal act adopted by all states as law to deal with interstate child support legal issues. The atty could then file contempt charges against your ex in MA. It will likely cost a bundle.

I personally think that having your local child support office assist you is your best and least costly alternative, but as I can tell by reading this thread, many here view me and those of us who do this work as the enemy so it's up to you. Do you currently have an open child support case in MA ?(that you opened before you moved to FL and failed to close?) Your answer to that question would direct what steps I would tell you to do next. If you want to PM me instead of post publicly, feel free. I am happy to help in any way I can!!

 

[blanq]

When I worked for the Passport services you would not believe the (mostly) men who called so angry that they were being denied a passport because they owed back child support. (Dept of State will not allow anyone owing back child support a passport)

We would get so mad the people because these people called ranting and raving that they just paid 2, 4, 10 thousand dollars for a vacation and now they cant go because they owe Child support!!

On the good flip side I bet a lot of Moms and dads got a big healthy check because they their ex;s were not giving up a trip LOL

The passport denial process can be a very effective enforcement tool, but it only works when someone goes to apply for a passport, renew an existing passport, or needs new passport pages. We have had some interesting cases where NCPs (non-custodial parents) have been in a foreign country and sought new pages for their passport and their passport was seized on the spot, disallowing them from leaving the country. Let me tell you, people can sure come up with a boatload of money when the are stranded in another country with no prospect of returning home unless they pony up to the child support office.

 

[Gina]

I personally think that having your local child support office assist you is your best and least costly alternative, but as I can tell by reading this thread, many here view me and those of us who do this work as the enemy so it's up to you. Do you currently have an open child support case in MA ?(that you opened before you moved to FL and failed to close?) Your answer to that question would direct what steps I would tell you to do next. If you want to PM me instead of post publicly, feel free. I am happy to help in any way I can!!

You definitely seem likethe exception to the rule, and I thank you for the hard work you do. You seem to actually *care* about the kids who aren't receiving the support they deserve. I wish you worked here in Texas!!


-gina-

 

[disneydreamin247]

Okay today went a lot better than expected. The witch didn't come with him..he showed up alone! I was shocked. His mommy usually doesn't let him go anywhere alone. But anyway he walked in and walked right past DS without a hello or anything (really shows how much he cares!) and DS was upset for a few minutes about having to see him, but it went okay.

 

[eeyorefan67]

Okay, I can help you with this. I manage a county child support office in Minnesota (please, do not hate those of us who do this work for a living. It is more complex than you can imagine and most who commit to it as a career do so because we sincerely care about your kids and feel passionate that both parents should support their children. Sometimes we can't help it that your ex is a loser). In the 17 years I have worked in child support, I have NEVER met a private attorney who knows two hoots about interstate child support law. But, if you decide to go that route, I would hire an atty in the state your ex lives and have him register your MA court order for enforcement under UIFSA (Uniform Interstate Family Support Act), the federal act adopted by all states as law to deal with interstate child support legal issues. The atty could then file contempt charges against your ex in MA. It will likely cost a bundle.

I personally think that having your local child support office assist you is your best and least costly alternative, but as I can tell by reading this thread, many here view me and those of us who do this work as the enemy so it's up to you. Do you currently have an open child support case in MA ?(that you opened before you moved to FL and failed to close?) Your answer to that question would direct what steps I would tell you to do next. If you want to PM me instead of post publicly, feel free. I am happy to help in any way I can!!

Thank you sooo much for you input . It's nice to know that there are people employed at CS that do care about their job and the children.
Regarding my case... my daughter is now 21 and as far as I know(not sure) when she turned 18 the child support order has stopped. I've never closed the case. I've been trying to receive the arrears that he owes me. I'll PM you the details.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I can tell by reading this thread, many here view me and those of us who do this work as the enemy

I don't think thats the case, of course I can only speak for myself, but I hate the system...not the folks like you that work in the probation department. You can only work within the guidelines that the laws allow. The system itself is in dire need of an overhaul.

Okay today went a lot better than expected. The witch didn't come with him..he showed up alone! I was shocked. His mommy usually doesn't let him go anywhere alone. But anyway he walked in and walked right past DS without a hello or anything (really shows how much he cares!) and DS was upset for a few minutes about having to see him, but it went okay.

Woooohooooo! I'm so glad you didn't have to deal with the crap today. Sad that your ex ignored DS, but maybe that is a blessing in disguise-at least it would be in my position as my ex can destroy my kids with one sentence and it takes forever to undo the damage.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Hi all. My Ex has been out of my DD's life since he took off when she was six months old. I could try to track him down but never had. I want him no where near her. I met my DH when she was two and he jumped into being her Dad figure. We married when she was three (right after the wedding he asked her if it would be okay if he was her Dad- crying just thinking about it) and while it took some work we are all happy now and have a son who is 15 months. I know she remembers not having a "dad" but she has never been told about her bio father.

Right now we are taking steps to get him (bio) removed from her birth certificate (since he has pretty much abandoned her for the past 6 years) and my DH wants to legally adopt her. He wants to make sure that no matter what happens he is her dad and is in her life (he was raised my a step father he adores).

I am just really nervous about the whole thing. Since they have to try to contact Bio I am afraid they will find him and he will want to be involved in her life. I am hoping if that happens the idea of child support will keep him away. She is doing so well, and is so sure of her place in this world I would hate for anything to destroy that.

-Becca-

Dreamer-Glad to see you here. I hear you about the adoption thing. DH wants to adopt DS and DD from the ex, but of course my ex won't allow it. Both kids are counting the days until they are 18 so they can go ahead without his consent.

Hopefully in your case, since your ex has stayed out of the picture all this time, he won't bother now. I'd be a little worried about stirring up anything, but I'd definitely try. Considering he hasn't wanted to contribute emotionally or financially, maybe he will view it as being off the hook and welcome signing the papers. I hope it works out for you.

 

[disneydreamin247]

Woooohooooo! I'm so glad you didn't have to deal with the crap today. Sad that your ex ignored DS, but maybe that is a blessing in disguise-at least it would be in my position as my ex can destroy my kids with one sentence and it takes forever to undo the damage.

If they didn't have to be together for about an hour today I would agree. If it was up to me they would NEVER have contact...but that is a whole other story. Actually that's why we had this appointment today. I filed a petition to stop visitation over a year ago and we have been going back and forth for it. I really don't understand what he gets so pissed about. I'm the one who has to go to a million different appointments because of it with an advocacy center, a law guardian, visitation, and this forensic psych. on top of all our other everyday things.

Tomorrow I have to take DS to the doctor because he's sick and it will be out of pocket because we no longer have medical insurance. I'll have to add it to the support bill...you know the one I will never see .

 

[TomLovesBecky]

Wow... what happened while I was gone If I can be soo bold, without stepping on toes and please this my opinion about jail . I think CS should go after everything that the non-paying person owns land, house, car. Take away the boat,watertoys,motorcycles,snowmobiles,campers and every other toy that we single Moms and Dads do not have the pleasure of owning. Why is it that single Moms and Dads have to suffer knowing that this donor has all everything, while we are trying to pay the bills and put food on the table. I would rather have my donor loss everything he has ever owned than go to jail. I don't see how going to jail is going to help me get the arrears that are owed to me.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! That is exactly what I was saying, and no I don't care if some don't want me to post here, I am as entitled as anyone else here. I think the losers should have their wages garnished, tax return seized, house liened, car repossessed, clothes taken off their back, every last dime taken until they have to live in a cardboard box if they won't WORK and voluntarily SUPPORT THEIR KIDS. Yes they are scumbags who deserve to lose every penny they ever had, but I too feel jail helps no one, that is my personal opinion and I do agree in some cases (like people posted) maybe it does make people cough up the money, but in my case it wouldn't have helped a bit, plus I did wonder about the legal side but someone was kind enough to explain and not just call me SICK because I don't agree. Thank you to that person!
One thing I have learned that is useful but also sad is that it doesn't matter how many years pass, even if the children are 18 the state will still try to collect, garnish, etc., it's pretty bizarre to still be getting checks for an adult but it's for back support owed since they were 7, gee thanks what a lot of help it is now!!!!!!!!!

 

[disneydreamin247]

No one told you not to post here . I also explained the legal matter of why the get jailed but you informed me you already knew so I'm a little confused.

 

[eeyorefan67]

They can put my donor in jail if they like ::cop: and while he's in jail... CS should take everything he owns and sell it. There..........problem solved

 

[beckanoah]

They can put my donor in jail if they like ::cop: and while he's in jail... CS should take everything he owns and sell it. There..........problem solved

yeah, that!

 

[eeyorefan67]

Hey blanq...............thanks for the PM. I will definitely call CS and ask those questions about my case. . You are very informative and needed on this thread.

 

[disneydreamin247]

They can put my donor in jail if they like ::cop: and while he's in jail... CS should take everything he owns and sell it. There..........problem solved

I think our donors should share a cell . Jail scares the crap out of my ex. Seriously. He's highly racist too (which is just ridiculous because he's freakin middle eastern) so he will do ANYTHING to not go. Which is why jail time is the only effective way to get him to pay up.

 

[eeyorefan67]

CS should have one of those big sting operations ,like the cops ::cop: ,where they say that the donor won a "big prize" like a car or HD TV and arrest them when they come to came their prize.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

CS should have one of those big sting operations ,like the cops ::cop: ,where they say that the donor won a "big prize" like a car or HD TV and arrest them when they come to came their prize.

Actually, I was thinking we should lobby Chris Hansen from To Catch A Predator to do a new show called To Catch A Deadbeat. I know I'd watch!

 

[eeyorefan67]

Actually, I was thinking we should lobby Chris Hansen from To Catch A Predator to do a new show called To Catch A Deadbeat. I know I'd watch!

Snerk, evil laugh, this would be sooo fun. KMF has a very good idea here. Seeing the reaction from donors when a camera crew shows up in their faces with CSE and the::cop: and take everything that they own. Have everything they own put into a moving truck and tow whatever won't fit. I so want to be there when my donor tries to answer questions on why he didn't pay child support for 18 years. Boy, I really would like to know the answer to that question. .

They could watch him for a couple of days driving around and do some surveillance, donor in his or her nice car, going out and having fun on his boat, taking care of someone else's children (just examples)something like the show "Cheaters". Then the TV crew bust him and ask why he or she has all these nice things but cannot support their child. Boy, this show would really help in some court cases, where donor says he can't afford to pay child support,and then this magical tape appears, showing donor living the high life.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Yeah, the tv show would be a total fantasy of mine. Who knows if it would work in my case...every time the ex gets picked up by the sheriffs department, they publish his name in the local newspaper for being a deadbeat and you'd think that embarrassment would be sufficient, but no.

DD was once doing a current events assignment in school and one of her friends saw her dad's name in the newspaper and pointed it out-DD was humiliated, but I think it was also the turning point of changing how she felt about her father. She came home that day and told me her father was a loser and there was no reason he couldn't work in McDonald's or something instead of sitting home. Up to that point I never even shared with her or my DS that their dad didn't pay his support for them. DD confronted my ex about it on a visit and he gave some lame excuse. DD and DS came home and mind you they were in 5th and 7th grades at the time and even they knew he was full of crap. Embarrassing his children didn't even get my ex to pay. Its really kinda sad. I felt bad that my kids found that out, but sooner or later it was going to come to light.