Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[*KeepMovingForward*]

For my case, I am all for jail. My ex does not own a thing. He is sponging off his mom. He claims to have no job and the court tells me I'm out of luck to collect anything because he refuses to work.

Amazing fact here is that when the ex is picked up by the sheriffs department and threatened with incarceration, he suddenly has access to unlimited funds. Go figure! Suddenly he can pony up plenty-but ONLY when threatened with jail. I find it hard to believe that this is all just coincidental and that he's only picked up when he happens to have money in his pockets. Jail is a great incentive sometimes. If I could go after assets, then maybe I wouldn't feel this way...but my ex is a loser and has nothing and probably never will.

 

[disneydreamin247]

For my case, I am all for jail. My ex does not own a thing. He is sponging off his mom. He claims to have no job and the court tells me I'm out of luck to collect anything because he refuses to work.

Amazing fact here is that when the ex is picked up by the sheriffs department and threatened with incarceration, he suddenly has access to unlimited funds. Go figure! Suddenly he can pony up plenty-but ONLY when threatened with jail. I find it hard to believe that this is all just coincidental and that he's only picked up when he happens to have money in his pockets. Jail is a great incentive sometimes. If I could go after assets, then maybe I wouldn't feel this way...but my ex is a loser and has nothing and probably never will.

Same as mine. Threaten taking away his license or to jail him and suddenly there's a payment in my account! Otherwise DS and I are SOL.

 

[eeyorefan67]

For my case, I am all for jail. My ex does not own a thing. He is sponging off his mom. He claims to have no job and the court tells me I'm out of luck to collect anything because he refuses to work.

Amazing fact here is that when the ex is picked up by the sheriffs department and threatened with incarceration, he suddenly has access to unlimited funds. Go figure! Suddenly he can pony up plenty-but ONLY when threatened with jail. I find it hard to believe that this is all just coincidental and that he's only picked up when he happens to have money in his pockets. Jail is a great incentive sometimes. If I could go after assets, then maybe I wouldn't feel this way...but my ex is a loser and has nothing and probably never will.

For all the losers sponging off their Mommy's shame on them .Too bad you couldn't go after their Mommy's money and assets. That would put a flame under Mommy's butt . Maybe Mommy would make them grow up and get a life and a job.

 

[mistymouse5001]

While I feel sorry for you, is this really a budget board post? Sounds like a CB post to me!

What is CB ?

 

[suevee]

I don't know if you are aware but a lot of reservists who are not able to afford child support due to reduced wages are facing jail time when they get back from Iraq.

I don't think that is true. The military will garnish his wages and since they supply housing and rations, they will garnish 100% owed, not just a percentage. The military is very strict about child support. The only way an active duty reservist will face jail time for non support is if his command is not aware of the court order. If the court order is made apparant to his command then the CS will get paid. That is the only enforceable order in that can served while on active duty in a foreign duty station.

My ex- sil was in the military and the ONLY time the child support was regular was when he was in the military. My husband was also a reservist and I was raised military. As well as my daughter, brother-in-law, nephew, and father-in-law were and are military.

My daughter also served in Kosovo and Afganistan and with non-taxable income(housing, child, uniform, ect allowances), extra combat pay, and the tax relief from taxable income her wages were very livable. Now the stress factor cannot be weighed or reimbursed.

I am sorry if my answer is off topic. I hadn't read the pages after this quote when I wrote this. I just feel that there are no circumstances short of unmanagable illness or death that can justify not supporting your child. I don't understand how anyone can just decide not to be a parent especially after holding their baby.

 

[pyrxtc]

ok, heres an issue for some of you,

I am a bio-mom and step-mom. My DD sees her father very couple of weeks mostly but only talks to him then and he doesn't pay CS on time ever. my DH pays his CS on time every time and sees his DD every weekend and whenever else her mom will let us.

So, what I want to know is a WWYD situation....

DSD's mother is usually a Pain in the butt, she calls my DH on Thursday telling him that he needs to call her husband and arange to pick up their DD and drop her off to her mother. Apparently, DH's ex and her DH got into a fight and he kicked her out and wants a divorce. ex wouldn't explain but DH told her to deal with it and ex said she couldn't go back there cuz it got ugly. My DH called her DH to find out what was going on and her DH said that Ex(caller her M) told him she wanted a divorce that morning, unexpectedly to him, and when he tried talking to her she freaked out, smashed her phone and started hitting him relentlessly. It got so bad he called the cops on her and yes, she had to leave. M's DH is a nice guy, he'll do anything for his DD's that M will let him do. I suggested to my DH that we let DD ride out the rest of the school year at her mom's and then nicely suggest to her mom that we take her for the summer while she straightens out her life, figures out divorce and where she'll be living.

Even if she doesn't get divorced, they lose their house at the end of June and have no place to move to. M will probably try to live with J friend, of who my DH dispises and doesn't like their DD around. There is no way he wants her living there for months.

ok, now for the WWYD ? if you were M and your life was heading this way, would you be nice and leet your DD go live with dad for a while?

Neither of us like her living conditions now and she doesn't need to be in all this messed up stuff. M says she never talks in front of her but we know that's not true since DD has been telling us her mom wants a divorce for months now but just told her DH Thursday. M's DH (soon to be Ex, maybe) wants custody of their DD. Dh is really one to let things drop but I fell really bad for the situation DD is in. DD is almost 14. DH has been divorced since she was 3 and we got married when she was 8, but I have been in her life since she was 4.

if you were me, would you leave it alone or would you prod DH to do something? I wouldn't want my DD around if I was having problems like that. She would be better off living with her Nonny for the summer. (yes, not father, Nonny)

 

[summerrluvv]

aaa

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

What is CB ?

It's where you are right now-on the Community Board. FYI...this thread had originated on the Budget Board and was moved...HTH.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

ok, heres an issue for some of you,

I am a bio-mom and step-mom. My DD sees her father very couple of weeks mostly but only talks to him then and he doesn't pay CS on time ever. my DH pays his CS on time every time and sees his DD every weekend and whenever else her mom will let us.

So, what I want to know is a WWYD situation....

DSD's mother is usually a Pain in the butt, she calls my DH on Thursday telling him that he needs to call her husband and arange to pick up their DD and drop her off to her mother. Apparently, DH's ex and her DH got into a fight and he kicked her out and wants a divorce. ex wouldn't explain but DH told her to deal with it and ex said she couldn't go back there cuz it got ugly. My DH called her DH to find out what was going on and her DH said that Ex(caller her M) told him she wanted a divorce that morning, unexpectedly to him, and when he tried talking to her she freaked out, smashed her phone and started hitting him relentlessly. It got so bad he called the cops on her and yes, she had to leave. M's DH is a nice guy, he'll do anything for his DD's that M will let him do. I suggested to my DH that we let DD ride out the rest of the school year at her mom's and then nicely suggest to her mom that we take her for the summer while she straightens out her life, figures out divorce and where she'll be living.

Even if she doesn't get divorced, they lose their house at the end of June and have no place to move to. M will probably try to live with J friend, of who my DH dispises and doesn't like their DD around. There is no way he wants her living there for months.

ok, now for the WWYD ? if you were M and your life was heading this way, would you be nice and leet your DD go live with dad for a while?

Neither of us like her living conditions now and she doesn't need to be in all this messed up stuff. M says she never talks in front of her but we know that's not true since DD has been telling us her mom wants a divorce for months now but just told her DH Thursday. M's DH (soon to be Ex, maybe) wants custody of their DD. Dh is really one to let things drop but I fell really bad for the situation DD is in. DD is almost 14. DH has been divorced since she was 3 and we got married when she was 8, but I have been in her life since she was 4.

if you were me, would you leave it alone or would you prod DH to do something? I wouldn't want my DD around if I was having problems like that. She would be better off living with her Nonny for the summer. (yes, not father, Nonny)

I'd definitely let things go until the end of the school year. Not everyone who has rough times and separates gets divorced, so the ex and her DH may still work things out in time. Jumping right into a bad situation may not help anything in the long run. I would wait to see just what living accomodations she has after the house is gone. Obviously if she is loafing on someone's couch, that is not acceptable. But I don't know what good prodding your DH is unless you and he are prepared to take in his DD yourselves and it sounds like you would rather see someone else (nonny) take her in, although I'm not sure if I'm misunderstanding you on that point or not. Rough call IMO.

I had an issue with my ex a good 5 or 6 years ago where he had an apartment of his own and then was evicted. He was sleeping on friend's couches (whoever would have him that week) and he was taking kids for visits (overnight). After a month of putting up with this scenario, I did talk to him-to no avail. I did wind up having to file a motion with the court asking that his visits be limited to day visits since he had no acceptable accomodations and I was granted my request. I would think that your best bet if the situation deteriorates is to go to court and get an order to change things. I think if you've given the ex plenty of time to work things out and not jump all over her, then the court will look favorably on that. I know the judge asked how long I gave my ex to find suitable accomodations before I decided to file and the fact that I didn't harrass him right away worked in my favor.

 

[pyrxtc]

I'd definitely let things go until the end of the school year. Not everyone who has rough times and separates gets divorced, so the ex and her DH may still work things out in time. Jumping right into a bad situation may not help anything in the long run. I would wait to see just what living accomodations she has after the house is gone. Obviously if she is loafing on someone's couch, that is not acceptable. But I don't know what good prodding your DH is unless you and he are prepared to take in his DD yourselves and it sounds like you would rather see someone else (nonny) take her in, although I'm not sure if I'm misunderstanding you on that point or not. Rough call IMO.

I had an issue with my ex a good 5 or 6 years ago where he had an apartment of his own and then was evicted. He was sleeping on friend's couches (whoever would have him that week) and he was taking kids for visits (overnight). After a month of putting up with this scenario, I did talk to him-to no avail. I did wind up having to file a motion with the court asking that his visits be limited to day visits since he had no acceptable accomodations and I was granted my request. I would think that your best bet if the situation deteriorates is to go to court and get an order to change things. I think if you've given the ex plenty of time to work things out and not jump all over her, then the court will look favorably on that. I know the judge asked how long I gave my ex to find suitable accomodations before I decided to file and the fact that I didn't harrass him right away worked in my favor.

We are prepared to take in my DH's DD14, it's my DD11 who would be better off wiht her Nonny than father. DD14 has her own room and space here whenever she wants it. I think it would be good instead of having to listen to them fighting or talk about each other all the time. And yes they will be crashing on people couches once June is over, at least for the summer.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

We are prepared to take in my DH's DD14, it's my DD11 who would be better off wiht her Nonny than father. DD14 has her own room and space here whenever she wants it. I think it would be good instead of having to listen to them fighting or talk about each other all the time. And yes they will be crashing on people couches once June is over, at least for the summer.

Okay...that's why I said I wasn't sure if I understood or not. If DH's ex doesn't have a plan for housing and she's told this to your DH...I definitely would file a motion with the court. It's sad. You hate to kick someone when their down, but as long as she is made to understand that its only temporary until she has something in place, that may light a fire under her to get her life in order. Keep us posted on how this works out. Ultimately, you want to make sure your step DD has a stable home and it sounds like you truly have her best interests at heart.

 

[PaulaSB12]

I don't think that is true. The military will garnish his wages and since they supply housing and rations, they will garnish 100% owed, not just a percentage. The military is very strict about child support. The only way an active duty reservist will face jail time for non support is if his command is not aware of the court order. If the court order is made apparant to his command then the CS will get paid. That is the only enforceable order in that can served while on active duty in a foreign duty station.

My ex- sil was in the military and the ONLY time the child support was regular was when he was in the military. My husband was also a reservist and I was raised military. As well as my daughter, brother-in-law, nephew, and father-in-law were and are military.

My daughter also served in Kosovo and Afganistan and with non-taxable income(housing, child, uniform, ect allowances), extra combat pay, and the tax relief from taxable income her wages were very livable. Now the stress factor cannot be weighed or reimbursed.

I am sorry if my answer is off topic. I hadn't read the pages after this quote when I wrote this. I just feel that there are no circumstances short of unmanagable illness or death that can justify not supporting your child. I don't understand how anyone can just decide not to be a parent especially after holding their baby.

CHICAGO, Oct. 31 /U.S. Newswire/ -- Divorced or separated fathers who are reservists and guardsmen called to active duty could face arrest or jail time for non-compliance with unmodified, court ordered child support.

Plucked from civilian lives and jobs at much higher pay, these servicemen for the most part earn substantially less on military pay, yet carry the same monetary child support obligations when deployed to serve their country.

With a lack of time to retain counsel and immediately file a motion for support modification reflective of their impending or current circumstances, upon their return these reservists and guardsmen face a heavy economic burden, stiff penalties and interest, and the very real possibility of jail time for non-payment or insufficient payment of child support.

A first meeting on an initiative for reform was held in Wheaton on Wednesday, Oct. 22, with representatives and officials from the States Attorneys and Attorneys General, Illinois Department of Public Aid offices, representatives from Lt. Governor Pat Quinn's office and the Citizen's Advocacy Center, military officials from Washington, and noted fathers' rights attorney and author Jeffery M. Leving participating.

A second meeting of this task force is scheduled for Wed., Nov. 5 at 2 p.m. with these and Pentagon officials expected in attendance.

Initially, says Leving, the task force is trying to initiate an administrative procedure that would allow reservists and guardsmen to contact the Attorney General's office, acting on behalf of the Department of Public Aid, to file for child support modification retroactive to their date of deployment. "Currently, a motion for child support modification can only be retroactive to an actual date of filing," says Leving. "And when that ability to file has inherent constraints and obstacles, there's an obvious unfairness to these reservists and guardsmen, who are truly among America's heroes, men who are putting a lot on the line for their country and our principles of freedom and democracy. When they come home we can't be saying to them, 'Thank you for serving your country. You're under arrest.'"

While this initiative is a good initial measure, Leving plans to draft legislation that would make such retroactivity automatic. "Our Illinois reservists and guardsmen have enough to contend with, focusing on their mission and avoiding hostile fire," says Leving. "They shouldn't have to worry about this 'friendly fire' of what amounts to a ticking time bomb waiting for them back home."

 

[suevee]

CHICAGO, Oct. 31 /U.S. Newswire/ -- Divorced or separated fathers who are reservists and guardsmen called to active duty could face arrest or jail time for non-compliance with unmodified, court ordered child support.

Plucked from civilian lives and jobs at much higher pay, these servicemen for the most part earn substantially less on military pay, yet carry the same monetary child support obligations when deployed to serve their country.

With a lack of time to retain counsel and immediately file a motion for support modification reflective of their impending or current circumstances, upon their return these reservists and guardsmen face a heavy economic burden, stiff penalties and interest, and the very real possibility of jail time for non-payment or insufficient payment of child support.

A first meeting on an initiative for reform was held in Wheaton on Wednesday, Oct. 22, with representatives and officials from the States Attorneys and Attorneys General, Illinois Department of Public Aid offices, representatives from Lt. Governor Pat Quinn's office and the Citizen's Advocacy Center, military officials from Washington, and noted fathers' rights attorney and author Jeffery M. Leving participating.

A second meeting of this task force is scheduled for Wed., Nov. 5 at 2 p.m. with these and Pentagon officials expected in attendance.

Initially, says Leving, the task force is trying to initiate an administrative procedure that would allow reservists and guardsmen to contact the Attorney General's office, acting on behalf of the Department of Public Aid, to file for child support modification retroactive to their date of deployment. "Currently, a motion for child support modification can only be retroactive to an actual date of filing," says Leving. "And when that ability to file has inherent constraints and obstacles, there's an obvious unfairness to these reservists and guardsmen, who are truly among America's heroes, men who are putting a lot on the line for their country and our principles of freedom and democracy. When they come home we can't be saying to them, 'Thank you for serving your country. You're under arrest.'"

While this initiative is a good initial measure, Leving plans to draft legislation that would make such retroactivity automatic. "Our Illinois reservists and guardsmen have enough to contend with, focusing on their mission and avoiding hostile fire," says Leving. "They shouldn't have to worry about this 'friendly fire' of what amounts to a ticking time bomb waiting for them back home."

All I can say is that these guys must be making killer salaries in the civilian market and paying alot more in child support than the norm. Also if they are making so much in the civilian life then they are probably not the kind of dads we are talking about in this thread. After all good jobs usually mean good credit, something delinquent dads/moms don't have.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

All I can say is that these guys must be making killer salaries in the civilian market and paying alot more in child support than the norm. Also if they are making so much in the civilian life then they are probably not the kind of dads we are talking about in this thread. After all good jobs usually mean good credit, something delinquent dads/moms don't have.

The same thought crossed my mind. When I talk about a deadbeat parent, I'm referring to someone who is a habitual non-payer, not someone who has a temporary change in circumstance that prevents them from paying.

 

[disneydreamin247]

I have to go for an appointment tomorrow for a forensic psychiatrist. My donor and his winner gf will be there. I am very nervous about having to sit with her in such close quarters. The waiting "room" is a short hallway with 4 seats that are on top of each other. I hope she doesn't start any trouble. I don't think I'd be able to handle it. She's bipolar like he is and she doesn't take medication. Winning combo right there folks!

 

[GabbyMom]

I have to go for an appointment tomorrow for a forensic psychiatrist. My donor and his winner gf will be there. I am very nervous about having to sit with her in such close quarters. The waiting "room" is a short hallway with 4 seats that are on top of each other. I hope she doesn't start any trouble. I don't think I'd be able to handle it. She's bipolar like he is and she doesn't take medication. Winning combo right there folks!

bring headphones and a book, work, anything to keep you buisy. make the winner and the loser work for your attention.

the key is ignore them, then laugh at their antics later.

 

[disneydreamin247]

I plan on reading and texting...but it won't stop my anxiety!!!

 

[SereneOne]

I don't know if you are aware but a lot of reservists who are not able to afford child support due to reduced wages are facing jail time when they get back from Iraq.

I said most cases, hon. Like my ex husband and my husband's ex wife. They did not pay purposely and had the money to do so.

 

[suevee]

I plan on reading and texting...but it won't stop my anxiety!!!

Can you take a friend? When my daughter was in a similiar situation she took her father for support. He is an old stone face and makes her ex very nervous. Dad doesn't say a thing, he just completely ignores the person he dislikes. It is like wiping them out of his personal existance. It is very uncomfortable for the other person. He looks right through them like they were invisible. It gave her some relief to her anxiety to watch the transformation in her ex from cocky smug to whipped puppy when he saw her father standing beside her.

Practice the invisible stare!!!

 

[dreamer17555]

Hi all. My Ex has been out of my DD's life since he took off when she was six months old. I could try to track him down but never had. I want him no where near her. I met my DH when she was two and he jumped into being her Dad figure. We married when she was three (right after the wedding he asked her if it would be okay if he was her Dad- crying just thinking about it) and while it took some work we are all happy now and have a son who is 15 months. I know she remembers not having a "dad" but she has never been told about her bio father.

Right now we are taking steps to get him (bio) removed from her birth certificate (since he has pretty much abandoned her for the past 6 years) and my DH wants to legally adopt her. He wants to make sure that no matter what happens he is her dad and is in her life (he was raised my a step father he adores).

I am just really nervous about the whole thing. Since they have to try to contact Bio I am afraid they will find him and he will want to be involved in her life. I am hoping if that happens the idea of child support will keep him away. She is doing so well, and is so sure of her place in this world I would hate for anything to destroy that.

-Becca-