Cultural Differences

[honeywolf7]

Okay, so I posted a thread the other day confessing that I have started to date my best friend. He happens to be African-American and I am finding that there are a lot of cultural differences between us (we listen to different music, we use different slang, etc.) I am dealing this by trying to learn as much about his culture as possible (listening to music that he would listen to, asking him to make me a CD with some of his favorite songs on it, etc.) So, here's my question.....how did/do those of you who date or have dated someone from a very different culture deal with these differences?

 

[becka]

I don't have any advice but if he is your best friend why didn't you know about these differences BEFORE you started dating?

 

[honeywolf7]

Oh, I knew about them but bridging the gap didn't seem as important.

 

[Steve H.]

I don't see why it's a big deal now and it wasn't while you were just friends??

 

[honeywolf7]

Steve, I don't know why but I just want to understand him a lot more now than I did than I did when we were just friends and his culture is part of him (obviously.)

 

[helenabear]

First of all Becki, something I have found is that different cultures (races, religions, whatever) don't necessarily make that much of a difference between people & what they like & listen to. I'll just say this. My DH is from, well he's an Army brat, who's parents were born & raised in Puerto Rico. So within all that, my DH has some very different food tastes, music tastes and words than I do. He likes his music, that's fine. I don't necessarily like some of it at all and I don't find the need to listen to it. He has a tendency to listen to some pretty crude lyrics and I don't like that so I choose not to listen. You don't need to like what he likes and you don't need to listen to what he listens to. You'll find music tastes will vary from person to person no matter what. The slang... actually my DH uses different words (probably picked up from different areas of the country) than I do and pronounces some things differently. I tease him about it and he teases me about them.

I guess my long drawn out point is that in the long run none of that will make a bit of difference. We have things we can tease each other about, but those are minor things in my book. I wouldn't even worry about any of that. It hasn't made a bit of difference to either of us and truthfully I am NOT about to bridge the music gap (unless he gets rid of the foul lyrics he listens to). I would spend more time dealing with more important issues like morals and values than those you mentioned.

 

[honeywolf7]

Helenabear, well we do share the same morals and values as well as quite a few of the same interests. Maybe I don't need to share everything in common with him....it just feels like I'm left out of part of his world. (Besides, now that I think about it...a lot of our differences may have just as much to do with our age difference-even though it's only 12 years-than us being from different cultural backgrounds.)

 

[caitycaity]

i agree with helenabear, dh and i have very different backgrounds, listen to different music, like different food, etc., but the important thing (to us anyways) is that our core moral values are the same and we love each other.

to name one of our big differences, dh is a republican and i am a democrat, but we still have a great marriage.

 

[Saffron]

Honeywolf, imho, it's best to embrace and celebrate the differences. I think that's in any relationship. I'm not sure how you do that expect to go with the flow, accept each other for who you are and learn about each other as you go.

I learn about my friends and they learn about me as we move through life. We accept and celebrate who we are as we go along. Learn about him, as an individual, as you move ahead and grow together.

Good luck in your new relationship.

 

[CBRorBust]

"You should never date your friends."

Best advice I was ever given!


I'm with Steve and Becka on this one. Why is this an issue now?

 

[Cindy B]

Well, I have a rainbow family.

I have friends come over from all races, cultures, creeds all the time!

As for exploring cultural differences/age differences, who's older? You or him?

I can tell you about age differences as well.

Well, I see where you are coming from, now that you are involved in a more than friendship. Personally I would have been doing that as a friend, I do with my non-romantic, non-same race friends. (In fact most are not my race!)


I do foods, customs, traditions... (Asian and Hindi cultures)
I go over there, and be a sponge...

Since he already American, you have half the battle done. Serioiusly you are more alike than you think. Sometimes thing

 

[honeywolf7]

CindyB, he's 38 and I'm 26.

 

[Beauty]

"You should never date your friends."

This isn't always the case though, I married my best friend and we have been happy for 13 years. I have never once regretted taking our relationship from friends to "more."