Could you give your Mother's eulogy? Update - post #51

[minniecarousel]

My Mom passed away last week & we'll have her Memorial Mass in 12 days. None of my 7 siblings are willing to do the eulogy. My oldest sister-in-law has offered to read what we write. Her DS has said he'll also read. (My oldest DS and another nephew want to speak, but not give the actual eulogy.)

I've been thinking that I could actually get up at my Church and do this. Since she lived with DH & I for the past 9 years & I have spent the most time with her, that I'm the logical choice.

I guess I want to hear from anyone who has done this, and gotten through it. And from people who have been to funerals where the speaker either got through it or fell apart. I need to know the pros & cons. I think I can do it as a last way to honor her.

 

[MickeySP]

I gave my Dad's and I am glad I did. It was very hard and I did have to pause but I made it through.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm an only so I'm going to have to. I'll be a trainwreck, but it's something I have to do.

 

[Abbie]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I think you either can or you can't. If you think you can, go for it!

Personally, I just know I couldn't, even though I wish I had that kind of strength. At my dad's funeral, my brother got up and with great poise read a beautiful tribute that had us alternately crying and laughing. None of the siblings had any idea he was going to do that and for me, I was just so grateful. I have always admired him for so many reasons but I was just so very proud of him that day and so thankful that he was able to talk about Dad so clearly.

Don't be afraid to add in some of those "family stories" that make you laugh, it is always a good thing to be able to remember someone with joy!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

No, I don't think I could. I'm just a very emotional person. In fact, I doubt I could do anyone's eulogy. God bless people who can, but I'm just not one of them.

 

[Patricia]

I somehow managed to give my sister's when she passed from breast cancer at 42. I still do not know how I found the strength to do it, just got up there and put my faith in her and God. I am SO happy that I did it though. I really felt it was a story I needed to tell myself. That being said, I had a back up person ready to read my words. She looked at me and said," You will not need me, you can do this." I really relied on that faith of strength she had in me. Good luck and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom and dad as well... there is light at the end. One day at a time....

 

[Anna114]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my parents last year 3 months and 18 days apart. There was no way in Helsinki that I could have done either. My cousin did my father's and did a beautiful job (he even managed to "tastefully" bring up the passing of gas that brought both laughs and tears). We didn't do one for my mother, she wouldn't have wanted one. Remember, if you think you can do it then do it. If by chance you did break down and couldn't finish no one would think less of you, how could they? If you want to honor your mother, do just that.

 

[TerriP]

Two weeks ago my dear friend spoke at her mother's funeral. The day before, when planning who would speak, she realized that her mom's friends were speaking about her as a friend and her pastors were speaking about her as a Christian and life-long member of their church, but no one was speaking about her "as a mom". So she decided to. She is the youngest of six. I was so impressed with her speech. She was calm and dignified. Sure there was emotion in her voice...and she paused a few times to collect herself, but it was just beautiful. After she was finished, her son (20 yrs old) decided to get up and speak as well...about his Grandma. It was beautiful and so touching.

I think this is one of those things in life that you will never regret doing. People will understand when it gets difficult and you need to pause. I encourage you to do it. And please accept my condolances on your loss.

 

[Praying Colonel]

I gave my father's eulogy and it was about the most painful thing I ever had to do, and I don't think I did a very good job. I don't think I'd do it again, if that makes any sense.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

so sorry for your loss. I am sure its such a very personal decision.
\
Dh did his moms.

I think I wrote my moms and had dh read it.

I also wrote my dads and I think I did my sisters too. I personally could not read any of them out loud, just too emotional for me.

Sending you deepest sympathy and prayers for peace and comfort during this most difficult time.

 

[auntie]

I see you mentioned a "mass". I'm not sure if this applies..but my dad died in November. He was Roman Catholic.
We were told that there was to be no eulogy during the mass. There were two of us that did a reading..but no eulogy. They indicated they didn't have time for it during the mass. I thought it was odd, as I'm not a Catholic (Presbyterian)...but I did also hear from other Catholic relatives, that they have been told the same thing. I don't know if that's a change in policy or
if it's left to the discretion of the parish..but just wanted to mention it.
We were encouraged to speak during the wake.
I know in our church, Eulogies are permitted, and encouraged during a memorial service. I simply see you mentioned "mass"..and thought I'd tell you our experience in that regard was different.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I gave my mom's eulogy. I'm an only child and felt like I needed to do it. It was very difficult, but I was so glad I did. I couldn't forumlate words to describe my mom and her life, so I just prayed, out loud, and thanked God for her life and for everything I loved the most about her, I thanked him for all the things she'd done, all the friends she made, for the kind of mother, sister and aunt she was, for her kindess in her charity work, for her faith and leadership in the church, etc. I cried through the whole thing, didn't try not to, but I'm so glad I said everything I needed to say about my mom before letting her go.

If you feel like you want and need to do it, you should. I know you can get through it.

 

[Magix]

I talked at my mother's memorial service. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I did make much of it humorous, which is what I think she would have wanted and expected. If you feel it's something you should do, then definitely do it. Even if you do break down, you won't regret that you stood up and spoke of her.

 

[dislaney]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know if I could do it or not. I think it is a very personal decision and if you feel you should- that you will get through it. I didn't give my Dad's when he passed away, but my brother did and I know he was a little nervous about it. There were times when he got a little choked up but I think he did an amazing job.

 

[Robinrs]

I never thought I could until a co-worker told me his uncle spoke at his grandmother's funeral.

"Wasn't she his Mom?" I asked. "Yes", he said, "and who knows her better?"

I remember saying I coudl NEVER do that, I'd be too torn up!

Well my Mom died a few months later and I remembered his uncle. If he could do it, so could I!

I spoke at hers and then at my Dad's 6 months later.

I know it's hard but allow the words to flow. When someone who truly loves the departed speaks about them, everyone else relaxes because it gives them permission to.

Hugs... and I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[kirstenb1]

I'm getting teary-eyed just reading some of the beautiful thoughts and experiences here, so I'm pretty sure I couldn't! OP, I'm sorry for your loss. If you do it, I like the suggestion by a pp to have someone who could step in, if you got overwhelmed.

 

[Anna114]

I see you mentioned a "mass". I'm not sure if this applies..but my dad died in November. He was Roman Catholic.
We were told that there was to be no eulogy during the mass. There were two of us that did a reading..but no eulogy. They indicated they didn't have time for it during the mass. I thought it was odd, as I'm not a Catholic (Presbyterian)...but I did also hear from other Catholic relatives, that they have been told the same thing. I don't know if that's a change in policy or
if it's left to the discretion of the parish..but just wanted to mention it.
We were encouraged to speak during the wake.
I know in our church, Eulogies are permitted, and encouraged during a memorial service. I simply see you mentioned "mass"..and thought I'd tell you our experience in that regard was different.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm catholic and had masses for both of my parents. We had no problems with eulogies. Like I had said we didn't have one for my mother but we could have.

 

[suezpqt]

My sister was the one that read at our fathers service. She wrote a beautiful tribute about him . I also did a small reading and it was very difficult but glad that I was able to after a few pauses complete it. I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[RachelEllen]

When my father passed away, both my brother and I read at his memorial. I hesitate to use the word eulogy because it was a secular memorial. This may sound strange, but I don't recall it being particularly difficult. He died suddenly in an accident and the shock and grief was so omnipresent in those first few weeks that reading just didn't add to it. In fact, after that experience (it was a large memorial, about 1000 people) I no longer have any fear of public speaking.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.