Could I be an Aspie?

[ecki]

And if I am, what's the benefit of getting it diagnosed?

Both my kids are "on the spectrum", so I've done a fair amout of reading on the subject. I just found it eerie to read stuff that applies to me!

*Hyperlexia - I learned to read at age 2. But when I read, I have a very hard time "picturing" the characters or understanding their motives. I still love to read, but after participating a several book groups, I realized that I don't "see" the characters like others do.

*Eye contact - I honestly did not know you were supposed to look people in the eye when you talk to them. It wasn't until therapists came in to work with my kids that I realized that you are supposed to to this. I have to remind myself every time I talk to people face to face.

*Tone of voice - My goodness, all through my life people have said "you are talking too loud" or "I don't like your tone" and I have no idea what I'm doing "wrong"!

*One track mind - When I'm in "the zone" all I want to do or talk about is whatever I'm into at the time. I didn't realize everyone else finds this boring, LOL.

*Social awkwardness - Ugh. All my life I've never "fit it", unless it was with a group of people sharing my current obsession. I was always perfectly comfortable at a Star Wars convention, LOL. Thank goodness for the Internet or I can't imagine how I would have managed trying to date with all those subtle social cues!

*Inability to work in a group - Looking back I realized that either everyone had to do it MY way or else I just did not contribute. And now I understand why I absolutely detested business meetings!

The one thing that really worries me about my older DD (gifted with PDD-NOS) is looking for a job when she gets older. I know from personal experience that I always took jobs WAY below my abilities because I could never face the job interview. Sigh. Maybe when she's old enough they'll do a lot more of the interview by email or Internet. That would've been great for me!

So, could I be an Aspie?

 

[Ms_Butterfly]

And if I am, what's the benefit of getting it diagnosed?

If you get a diagnosis, it feels good to know what you have. I have SPD (amoung other disabilities) and didn't know it, had never heard of it 'til I was an adult. There's not much I can do about it now, but getting the diagnosis (and I wasn't even looking for it! Hadn't heard of SPD 'til the doc said it) really brings on the, "Oh, so THAT's why I do this/am like that," and the, "Other ppl aren't that way?!" discoveries. It just makes your whole life make a lot more sense. I guess just knowing the reasoning - as well as knowing you can get help/accommodations and aren't just odd or crazy or immature - is a comfort.

*Eye contact - I honestly did not know you were supposed to look people in the eye when you talk to them. It wasn't until therapists came in to work with my kids that I realized that you are supposed to to this. I have to remind myself every time I talk to people face to face.

This is also a symptom of at least one other thing (Social Anxiety Disorder), so that's another reason to get diagnosed (or at least look up the symptoms to see what other disorders they are part of) - you could have something different from what you're thinking it could be. Or, it could just be that you didn't ever learn from anybody that you should look ppl in the eye, but that you're capable of doing it.

*Tone of voice - My goodness, all through my life people have said "you are talking too loud" or "I don't like your tone" and I have no idea what I'm doing "wrong"!

With my SPD I can't tell how loud or soft I'm talking, either. It is always a surprise when somebody says I'm too soft or too loud 'cause I thought I was talking just right! In high school I had to give a class presentation and I purposely made myself talk loudly and clearly and was proud of myself for being able to do that ... 'til I found out that I DIDN'T actually do that, as right after my presentation one of the teachers said I was talking too softly! At that time, I had no clue why they thought that when I'd purposely tried talking loudly.

In college, it started hitting home - my speech class (required class) professor asked me, after I thought I'd done another good, loud job, "Can you tell the volume of your own voice?" I told her, "No," 'cause I thought, "Gee, apparently not if she's telling me I was too soft and all through my life I've heard things about being too soft or too loud when I had no clue about it." (Even though she asked the question, she was surprised at the answer, LOL. I still don't get that!) It wasn't until years later that it all came together for me, when I was diagnosed.

*One track mind - When I'm in "the zone" all I want to do or talk about is whatever I'm into at the time. I didn't realize everyone else finds this boring, LOL.

I don't think they find it boring - just overdone. If it isn't an interest of theirs or they're not as into it as you are, they'll get sick of hearing about it quickly. But don't worry - YOU are not boring! Ppl just are tired of hearing the same topic over and over.

The one thing that really worries me about my older DD (gifted with PDD-NOS) is looking for a job when she gets older. I know from personal experience that I always took jobs WAY below my abilities because I could never face the job interview. Sigh. Maybe when she's old enough they'll do a lot more of the interview by email or Internet. That would've been great for me!

See, that's the thing about having a diagnosis. She knows (or will know, when she's old enough, since I don't know how old she is) that she has PDD-NOS and how it affects her. Because of this, she can not only find a job where the tasks, settings, ppl, etc. suit her, but she can also request accommodations that she'll need in order to do the job. For the interviews, she can prepare however she knows she'll need to prepare for her own needs and also request accommodations (i.e. explain why she can't look them in the eye). Sure, some ppl illegally discriminate against disabled ppl, but who'd wanna work for those ppl anyway?! I think this work example is a good example on why having the diagnosis is helpful.

 

[debbi801]

We're going through a lot of the same contemplation with my Dh right now. Youngest DS is 6 and was just diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. DH has always said that DS is a carbon copy of him personality and idosyncracy wise. Odds are, DH is an aspie too. But, at 40 years old, why bother going for an official diagnosis?

DH is taking stuff we're learning for DS (in OT and sensory therapies) and using some of the tips for himself.

 

[bookwormde]

I guess the final question is when you are in a non family or very close friend social situation (or talking about an area of interest) do your social skills come somewhat “naturally” or do you have to put a great deal of intellectual effort into it? Are there a lot of times when socializing is just “not worth the effort”. If so that sort of clinches it.

Here is my take on it. I have never bothered because my adaptations to society have allowed me to function without any of the maladaptive co-morbidities (clinical anxiety, ocd etc) so I would not meet the DSM-iv standard. That is why I consider myself a sub clinical aspie.

If you are being actively treated for any co-morbidities it would be appropriate to go for an evaluation so that more appropriate therapies might be possible. Otherwise just read about the neurovariation (as you are for you children) but extend your reading to the books on adults and relationships.

As for “employment concerns” there is significant progress being made on this. In the IEP process employment social skills should be part of the curriculum. On the employer end I now that in NJ they have just created a DVD for employers which outlines in depth all the advantages there are to hiring an aspie and what “types" of jobs they are best suited for, along with the minor accommodations that are need to “keep” them. I have not seen it yet but a specialist in post secondary aspergers education told me it was quite good

bookwormde

 

[kirbydog48]

FYI...I recently read the memoir "Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's" by John Elder Robison. It's an excellent read of this very bright guy's experience and how he's dealt with developing a professional life and his personal relationships. Parts are hysterically funny as well!

 

[mechurchlady]

i just cry and cry and cry lately. I am told that I am a copier and what ever others have then I have it but I am so much like about. Today I have two majore meltdowms with mother demanding I do things her way. I bit myself so hard you would not believe I could do that to myself and not care about the pain.

I am so old that I do not know what is what. I have hid the self abuse from many. I adapted like being right instead of left handed. I have every sign of Aspie and ODD and probably also ADD (not checked lately). It is too late for me as the help I should have gotten will never come. I will always be scarred with people saying I am talking too loud or weird. I will be called a micker and told it is my imagination. Maybe I would have had a better life if I had labels and help, maybe just maybe I would not live in a horrid house with a mean old lady.

I cry as I do not want to be aspie or ODD as I was taught young by the media that Autism is only the kid who is in constant meldow or in a corner in world of their own. I want answers but know that it is too late for answers. I adapted as best I could and learn to realize that I was inferior and worthless, not fit to be a receptions or work for Disneyland.

I will live in my little world with my "quirks" and try to hid the past and even the present as I cannot handle the past ever. The social pariah i am in real life.

 

[SNFamily]

It could very well be that you have it. Between my husband and myself we have six boys and one girl. All six boys are diagnosed on the spectrum and for awhile we wondered why. (The girl's mom refuses to have her tested, although I belive she may have it too.) Then when our last two were going through the autism clinic the therapists explained to my husband and myself that they thought my hubbie was an aspie and that I showed major signs of high function Autism and aspergers also. We had that aha moment where we finally clicked with the "that's why!" thing. The funny thing is that we were both actually relieved to find out we were also most likely on the spectrum. People would give us the "I'm sorry" look when they found out the kids were on the spectrum but we actually enjoy them more for it. We get along with our kids even better than most parents because we understand them more. When my son is flapping his hands and people ask why, I can tell them why because I did it too! (Still do when I get excited or nervous) I just got in trouble for it when I was a kid because it was embarrasing to my parents. They would smack my hands and tell me it was bad, and don't even get me started on the eye contact thing! And when one of the kiddos has a meltdown I can immediately tell if it is because of a certain change in routine, or simply a tag in the shirt (very annoying)! My mother constantly tells me she is so sorry because of what she and my father did to me growing up, since they didn't understand why. I tell her all the time that no one knew so how can she say she is sorry? It makes our family more interesting though to tell you the truth. We are all different so while some of us can eat some things, others cannot stand the texture or color! Same thing with clothing my husband can take shirt tags along with four of the kids, but the others and myself cannot stand tags or seams or anything but cotton! I went out the other day and had t-shirts made saying proud family of auties and aspies, and one really cute one with a family of bumblebees that reads 'our hive is filled with pride, love, and autism!' Sure it makes somethings harder than others, (absolutely no social life except on computer where I don't have to meet people) but it makes our relationship with our kids better and when we go to the asa meetings, we can socialize with others on the spectrum better. Remember everyone, that autism doesn't mean we don't want a social life, just we don't know how to do it or maintain it very well.

 

[Forevryoung]

I was misdiagnosed when I was 16 as having bipolar disorder. I honestly think that I'm a closet aspie

I am emotional. I am loud. I tell jokes that don't make sense to the rest of the world (and then I'm stuck trying to explain why it's funny). I am socially inappropriate and don't even recognize it until someone points it out WAY after the fact. I'm pushy. I have a one track mind that is difficult to follow.

I've gotten better at it but I will start a thought halfway into the middle of it and then wonder why everyone else doesn't get it. I used to stand too close to people. I was a social outcast for a very long time. Now I have a select number of friends who enjoy my quirkiness.

During interviews, my social inappropriateness is masked by what others think of as "nervousness"