"Cool Straight People"

[nliedel]

I must have edited this a thousand times now. Thought and re-thought this post. I am just letting it go. It may get me berated but it is what it is.

I'm a CSP with, what I suspect, is a gay son. Oh I don't know for sure. Heck, truth here, if he is not gay I will eat dog food. I don't care either way but I think I have always known. How can I be anything but a CSP for my boy? If he is straight then fine, I will happily eat my dog chow and move on. I am for him no matter who he is (don't ask me how I know, I just do). If he is gay then the world is not going to be all for him. He is going to have enough stress from the outside so he is not going to get any from me or his Dad.

BTW, he does not know how I feel (my husband also believes I am right on this). It's just an interesting thing we are watching to see how it develops and no, I will not tell you which one it is.

I know this may make no sense to some people and again, I could be wrong as wrong can be. He might grow up to the the only straight one but again, I am willing to eat dog food for a reason.

We shall see.

 

[T&KHayes]

I do not think you are weird for thinking this, nor do I think you should be berated for this comment. I am also a mom who thinks her son could very well be gay. Fortunately I am also gay so hopefully with him growing up knowing first hand that we are ok with it will help him, if he is, to be able to just be himself. Of course, I am not labeling him, or saying any of this to him, but when he gets older if it becomes more apparent, I will definately talk to him and let him know that we love him just the same and that it's ok to be yourself! I wonder if my parents ever had an inkling, I wish if they did they would have old me it was ok. It sure would have helped me to come out of the closet and live my life a lot sooner.

 

[True North]

Really?? No flames here, just more a fair bit of suprise. Both of you think you can tell from this early age? I never would have guessed! I guess I always had mostly female friends from a very young age. Hmmmm.... You learn something new every day!

nliedel, I also wanted to say I love the quote in your signature! Stuff like that usually doesn't do anything for me, but I saw a post from you on another board, and I even wrote it down. I think I have had a boring streak going on, and it was a small motivation. Thanks!

 

[toto2]

Wow ! Lot's of nice people here !


I dont check for a few days , and sudenly , all these CSP and CGP !

nliedel, dont worry ! No flames here either ! But I will just add that , we ( even us gay people) expect boys to behave a certain way and girls another , and when they dont , we ask ourselfs tons of questions. When we will one stop asking our sons and daughters to be "boys" and "gilrs" , maybe more straight boys will be more sensitive , less competitve , closer to there feelings and not afraid to show them , cry watching movies and be expert cook ! And more girle wont think twice about becoming plummers ( the pay is soo good , I wonder not more single mothers do it !) (..and who said I was not a victim of preconceived ideas )

When the less "feminate" gay ( I hate the word and my command of english doest not permit me a lot nuance !) will start to be trully out in the world , the definitions of masculinity will change drasticly.


My sister in law often tell me in conversation "...but with you it does not show !" and mean it as compliment ! And I get mad at her ( I should tell her someday !) because I did not do anything to be like this. I have the luxury of going about my life without stares. But it is the more effeminate man , the transvestites , the transexuals , the really "butch" lesbians who paved they way for us. They didnot have the luxury of invisibilty, they are ones who got to prison , or were beaten , or killed because of who they were , and ultimatly , they were the ones who said : ENOUGH. Without there suffering , and there strengh , I would be nowere today with my same-sex marriage etc.


How did I got so far in my toughts?

 

[Tinky]

Just two things...
BIG to all Cool Staight People and Cool Gay People who JUST LOVE their children, families and each other!!! YEA!!!

Also...True North... that little guy is adorable!! I have a 8 month yo DS who has cheeks for days as well! Goodness, your little one is cute!

Enjoy!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Hugs to the moms wondering about their little guys!

I stated earlier that DS9 is a CSP in training, but in fact I don't know that at all, do I? He could easily be gay. My friends tease me that their parents all shook their heads and said "Where did we go wrong?" when they found out their child was gay. They say I will shake my head and say "Where did I go wrong?" if my DS is straight. I will be sad for him if he is gay because the U.S. is so hateful towards our GLBT citizens. But that is the ONLY reason I would be sad. Beyond that, I would upgrade my HRC membership to Federal Club, start my own chapter of PFLAG, and forge ahead!

DS is so lucky to have dozens of outstanding gay men in his life! If he is gay I hope he won't think twice about coming out.

The VAST majority of my gay friends (the guys, at least) tell me they knew they were gay by the time they were 9. Even if they couldn't put a word to it, they knew. I imagine DS knows already if he is gay or straight, he just hasn't ever mentioned it to me. Really he doesn't show much interest in girls or boys. He is too busy making home videos of his action figures battling each other - usually suspended with fishing line for that realistic "flying" effect!

 

[nliedel]

tot2, if it was his playign with dolls (no big deal) alone I would be all understanding that kids go through stages. A crossdresser does not a gay person make. It's not that. It's something. I cannot define it. Not that he is attracted to same sex people already (he is. he wants to marry his friend Levi when he grows up) it's.. I cannot put my finger on it and I knew it from the first time I held him. Sound nuts? Maybe it is. Again I am all good, and so is my husband either way. The older he gets tho the more I am getting confirmation. Not the gender roles, but something else. He plays with action figures and will try on my shoes and clomp around. All pretty normal for a kid his age.

I have long envisioned this kid possibly coming out to Gene and I. He will probably agonize for ages then have a hard time telling us and we will say, "Oh, well that's great son, what can we do to help you be happy?" I just want to see his jaw drop. Just once. Nothing else phases him!

 

[nliedel]

Really?? No flames here, just more a fair bit of suprise. Both of you think you can tell from this early age? I never would have guessed! I guess I always had mostly female friends from a very young age. Hmmmm.... You learn something new every day!

nliedel, I also wanted to say I love the quote in your signature! Stuff like that usually doesn't do anything for me, but I saw a post from you on another board, and I even wrote it down. I think I have had a boring streak going on, and it was a small motivation. Thanks!

Thanks.

I knew I was straight when I was 6. I was all about boys from a VERY early age, much to one of my kindergarten classmates dismay since I developed a hopeless crush (he was my BF for a week but dumped me for Travy Byce. Horrible!)

I have several gay friends and they knew from early ages. My son has already asked me a lot of questions about if it's OK to "like" boys... that was not what it was. I don't know how I know, or *if* I know. He might be straight. I am frequently wrong, but not usually about my boys (to my credit). I can go down the line, Straight, straight, gay, straight. Sounds like I am trivializing it and I am not. Again it does not matter to me, as my mom said "Gay, straight, whatever, just find love, it's all pretty rare". The only thing that worries me is if he is, well it's a hard life. I have lost gay friends to Aids (yes I know it's in all communities now but not in the 80's when I buried several close friends, including a HS boyfriend) seen them abused verbally and physically, watched people hurt people because of who they are attracted to. So much fear for something you are, I believe, born being. I never want anything to hurt my boys. OK crying Mommy is going to make dinner now.

 

[True North]

Awwww Nliedel, you sound like a wonderful mother!

I have trouble knowing what to say, becuase our two countries are so diffrent regarding gay rights. I do want to say though that things keep getting better. Social change does not happen fast, but things are changing quickly for the GLTB community. When I was in highschool it would be pretty tough to be out and I was there only ten years ago, but in that quick amount of time Gay-Straight alliances emerged, same-sex marriage became legal, and TV shows started featuring gay characters. In another ten years things can only keep getting better. I haven't had to fight the same fight those even 10 years my senior did. If your son is gay, there will be tough times, but you don't have to think his life would be the same as that of your gay friends in the 80s. I can only hope he has a open wonderful life!

 

[Saxton]

Nliedel - your boys are adorable! That's why this thread is so wonderful - people coming together over an issue that should be a non-issue. Hopefully when all of today's kids grow up we'll be able to say "what was the big deal?" ... but until then we have to teach the next generation to be more open and accepting.

Funny story - someone I know thinks her son might be 'light in the loafers' as she puts it (she's a lesbian so she's fine with it). Well a few years ago he was obsessed with license plates from various states and when they would be out driving somewhere he would always point them out. For some reason known only to himself he came to a realization that there were gay people in Texas - who knows where that came from. One day they were driving around and he saw 2 guys in a car and he got all excited and said "Look Mom, they must be gay!!!". She didn't see the license plate so she asked him why and of course he replied "because they're from Texas!" I'm sure Bush wouldn't be too happy to hear that!

 

[PhotobearSam]

I am from a really small town on the east coast of Canada...it has 640 people...I told you it was small.

I have know many gay people but none who are "OUT" and none who have ever said to me that they were gay. It's still very closeted here. When 2 men or 2 women are together for decades, you asume but not one person says so.

My best example is my aunt Diana...She and Linda have been together for 20 years. Nobody in our family actually says anything but Linda comes to Christmas Dinner and family functions. I think it's great. I actually like her more than my aunt...

Well, last year my nieces were given the job at X-mas to hand out our family's presents to our guest. Well, when it came time for Linda's gift, I told my niece that it was for AUNT LINDA...Linda was shocked but all smiles. When I go to see her at the hospital where she works, I ask to see my aunt Linda.

I know that we are a small community of many small minds, but to me it is the respect between 2 people that is important in a relationship not the sexes of the partners.

I hope that someday, people would feel free to be themselves.

I have to admit that I really envy people who are out and proud as I think it's must be so freeing. I think LOVE is beautiful in all it's forms.


edited to add: A lot of people are shocked when they see our box sets of the queer as folk DVD's we have but I am soooooo addicted to Brian Kinney that I have them out all the time... I like the fact that it always starts a conversation even if it's a weird one...

 

[RickinNYC]

Hey Sam!!! Good to see you back on the boards!

 

[debster812]

I hope Rick will vouch for my CSP status!

My dearest cousin was inadvertandly 'outed' when his partner's father passed away and my cousin was mentioned in the obit. To say the 'stuff' hit the fan in my family is an understatement (his mom is a conservative, elderly, Irish Catholic). I got some great advice from Rick, had a great dinner and conversation with my cousin, and I am now getting a card from him about once every 3 weeks or so, thanking me for my love and understanding. (everyone, all together now, awwwww)

 

[RickinNYC]

I hope Rick will vouch for my CSP status!

My dearest cousin was inadvertandly 'outed' when his partner's father passed away and my cousin was mentioned in the obit. To say the 'stuff' hit the fan in my family is an understatement (his mom is a conservative, elderly, Irish Catholic). I got some great advice from Rick, had a great dinner and conversation with my cousin, and I am now getting a card from him about once every 3 weeks or so, thanking me for my love and understanding. (everyone, all together now, awwwww)

Hey Deb! Haven't seen you on the DIS in a while.

And yep, I can vouch for her CSP status in spades!

 

[debster812]

RIck--it's been crazed, and I just had to 'suffer' through a 13 day vacation in WDW and Ft Meyers.

 

[DisneyDotty]

Try to live my life as a CSP (also agree that there is some discussion over whether I am "cool!") Constantly challenge neighbors/friends with their hurtful/disparaging comments about homosexuality. Was really disappointed with 2004 Presidential campaign on both sides--time is NOW for a Presidential candidate who is in strong support of Gay Rights! Am nervously (what do I wear? I am such a suburban schlub of a mom!) and eagerly awaiting attending a friend's commitment ceremony next month in a posh downtown club. Lovingly support my gay family members.
And DH and I are doing our best to raise two CSP (again, who knows about the "S" part at this stage of the game?!) children. It is our duty as parents to do so.

 

[brerrabbit]

Try to think of myself as a "CSP". Or should I say I try to act like a "CSP". I have had Gay friends since college and knew quite a few through my wife in college as well. Society trys very hard at times to keep people from being accepting. I am active in my church and there are times when I hear comments from other members that really make me wonder if they really do "get it" when it comes to God's message to us about acceptance and true love for our fellow humans. My views and theirs don't always agree but I just smile and say God loves us all.

 

[mannasn]

<---formerly a CSP... until I decided I don't like "labels."

 

[majortom]

I've been lucky: most of my best guy friends are straight men. When I came out five years ago the reactions ranged from "Oh, okay..." to "Get over yourself. We KNEW!" I was 24, which should indicate how my generation (and the next one) views homosexuality as a non-issue.

This is so true. None of my friends kids care about this issue at all. The daughter of a friend who lives in Naperville (a Western suburb of Chicago) is a CSP that is active in her High School's Gay Straight Alliance. That there is even a Gay Straight Alliance there (Chicago's own bible belt) says how much things have changed.

/carmi

 

[Rachael Q]

I agree so much with what has been said on this thread. I am straight and happily married to my husband of 6 1/2 years.

One of my closest girlfriends is lesbian, and in August 2005 I flew to London, UK for her commitment ceremony. It was so great to see her (and her partner) so happy - they waited a long time to find each other. Their ceremony was beautiful. There was a lot of thought and personal touches in their ceremony. I was also so happy to see over 100 people there to help them celebrate and each guest so genuinely thrilled for them.

I think back to over 10 years ago when we first met, and a mutual friend of ours no longer keeps in touch with either of us, because she is not comfortable. It's sad that we both lost a friend, but we both respected her choice.

I admire gay or lesbian couples or adopt or have children, a same sex family can face so many more challenges. My local friends, have adopted a boy and a girl, and both children and parents have faced some tough times, but they have also had very wonderful times. Both kids are proud of their two mums (13 and 6) and deal with prejudice or discrimination graciously for a pair so young.

Love is so hard to find and keep, that I think it should be celebrated no matter if its straight, gay, lesbian or transgender love.

TrueNorth, I wish you, Will and Mark many, many years of happiness, laughter and love.

Mister Disney - I have been reading all your dining reports for days now. I just found them recently. Now I just have to talk DH into dining with an imagineer in April.