*Considering* homeschooling my son

[kimmyann]

First off, this consideration is in the very infant stages. I have not researched very much other than my state laws & city requirements. I would like to hear from anyone that has any experience with homeschooling or just can share some good/bad points. Like I said this is only a consideration right now and I will explain a little why.

My 14 year old DS is in the 8th grade. He was held back in 2nd grade due to struggling in pretty much all areas. He did have ADHD, then as he got older diagnosed as ADD. He no longer takes medication simply because he no longer needs it like he did. Meds or not it never changed his learning problems. He did have a 504 plan, which the middle school last year pressured me to stop it because they don't really utilize it anyway. One thing I have learned through all of these years of him struggling is, if your child is not technically learning disabled or an easy learner (including gifted or just smarter) then they can easily fall through those invisable cracks you always hear about. I have gone against teachers and schools trying to get him the help I think he needs only to become frustrated with the entire system. He has totally shut down this year and I can't change it. His teachers are fed up because he gets frustrated and then gets an attitude because they don't have the time to help him one on one. He tells his sister he gets picked on, but refuses to discuss it with me. I can't even get him to bring home his homework anymore, he just doesn't care any longer. His teachers won't post his homework on the webpage, so I never know what is even due. He is just so frustrated and tired by the end of the school day that he is totally shut down to even think about homework.

With that said, I know what he needs and I know how to get through to him. I myself did not go to college. I only have my high school diploma and trade school. I am aware there are programs available. Is this reason enough to homeschool him? I am so scared that I may hurt him more than help, but then again I see what path he is on and I refuse to lay down and do nothing. Our school system here is good. I have my oldest DD who breezed right through advanced classes and my youngest DD who is in the gifted class. My son is totally different and has always had a hard time. I mentioned to him just in passing and his reaction was "PLEASE, I can't take it anymore". I just feel like crying, just as I have for years over him. I can't really discuss this with my friends because I know that they don't have any problems with their children and school so they just wouldn't understand.

Kim

 

[hereyago]

Hello my fellow "7 cities" neighbor ,I live in Newport News. I don't homeschool DD, but there was a year I wanted to, but I felt like I wasn't smart enough, especially math.

Even though I know people on this board can help, there is a bunch of homeschool parents on the family board that can also help.

Good luck to you, if you do decide to homeschool, there is much support on the disboards and in the homeschool community. You can do this!!!!!!!!!!


And what is up with his teacher not posting his homework on their website?

 

[dimimi]

Our state has a computer on-line program. It is free, paid for by the state. My neighbor did it for her children and liked it. Her children did end up returning to public school because they missed the other students. Your son may enjoy it. From what you have written, it sounds like he needs a break/fresh start. Is there a different school he can go to?

Also, with a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD he should be able to have his 504 plan. (I am a special education teacher) As you know, his 504 plan is for accommodations that he needs in the classroom. He could have extended time on assignments/tests/projects, a reader, notes provided, etc.

Remember, the 504 plan and the information in it, is a TEAM decision. You can't be passive, you need to be prepared for you feel your son needs. Each state also has parent/student advocates that you can bring with you to your 504 meeting.

Good luck, you are correct in doing something about this now. An unmotivated high school student is not a good thing.

 

[GAGirlInVA]

Only you can decide if homeschooling is for you.

Personally it was the BEST decision we ever made. Our oldest was being bullied and it was leading to her getting behind and feeling intimidated.

She has blossomed in such a wonderful way! It's brought our family together because we spend more time with each other. We have more time to explore her interests and we can choose curriculum that works for HER instead of one size fits all.

www.hslda.com will tell you your state requirements. The state is who sets the requirements not counties/cities.

In Virginia, we notify the counties in the beginning of the year and children over 6 at the start of the year, take a standardized test and we forward the results by a deadline. It's up to the parents to decide which test they want to use.

Conventions are AMAZING places to get information on struggling learners. I think that Lainey has some attention stuff going on, but for now, we just work around it and we are teaching her coping mechanisms and using processes that we learned about at the convention. The conventions are also a great place to really look through the different programs and decide what you want to use. PM me if you'd like some more links to other homeschool oriented boards.

Hope to help!

 

[MiniGirl]

With that said, I know what he needs and I know how to get through to him. I myself did not go to college. I only have my high school diploma and trade school. I am aware there are programs available. Is this reason enough to homeschool him? Kim

It is as good a reason as any. It sounds like homeschooling could be a wonderful option for him. We are in out 3rd year, and we are having a blast. It can be a lot of hard work at times, but it has been very rewarding.

Since you are just starting to do your research, I would suggest finding a copy of Lisa Whelchel's book "So You're Thinking About Homeschooling?" It mentions just a few reasons why people homeschool and also talks about the many different types of homeschooling. I also suggest visiting the homeschooling thread on the Disney for families board here on the DIS. You could also join your local yahoo homeschooling group (if there is one). It would show you some of the social opportunities available to you.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[laurie31]

Wanting to homeschool is reason enough. You don't have to justify it to anyone.

As you said, children are different. I homeschooled DD#1 while her sister stayed in public school for 3 years. Now they are both home. I'm not anti-public school; in fact DD#1 went to public school for 3 years (also private school for 3 years - so I've tried it all - lol).

You do NOT need a college degree to homeschool your own child. You aren't going to be trying to teach 25 kids with different abilities, just your own son. No one knows what he needs better than you do.

There is a recent study, which showed that parental level of education did not affect the success of homeschooled children.

Dr. Ray found no significant statistical differences in academic achievement between those students taught by parents with less formal education and those students taught by parents with higher formal education.

http://www.hslda.org/docs/nche/000010/200410250.asp

As an aside, our newly crowned Miss America was home schooled.

Remember, that any decision you make now isn't permanent. You can try homeschooling and you can always return to the public school in a year or two if you wish.

 

[Agri]

I think that age is just a rough age for some kids. It was for me. Once I made it through 8th grade, though, (by the skin of my teeth) and onto HS, I was a much happier student. There are more kids in HS and more groups to become a part of - I made several close friends that I am still close with today.

Even if you pull him out this year, I would let him try HS. You can always pull him out if it doesn't work out. HS is just so different from the crap you deal with in MS.

I literally almost failed 8th grade, which put me in normal classes for 9th grade. My first 9th grade report card was all A's and B's - a big improvement from the D's and F's of 8th grade. (I was diagnosed with ADD as well, and I had untreated seizures that caused me problems in school as well.)

 

[kimmyann]

I have got to figure out how to do multi quotes on here. Anyways, it blows my mind that his teachers basically refuse to post homework on the website (which this is the first set of teachers at this school who have done this) and the counselor just says that it is up to the individual teacher to do this, it is not required. It is frustrating when you don't even have support from the same people who are with him all day.

Thanks for the book & website recommendations, I have checked out the HSLDA, that was the first thing I did to see if this could even be an option to begin with. I have to submit a letter to the super here to explain why and how I would intend to homeschool. Do they have to approve or disapprove this? I'm not clear yet on if they have a say in it or if this is just a formality.

Thanks again for just being understanding, I'll start scoping out the family forum.

Kim

 

[laurie31]

Multi quotes: there is a little square next to the "quote" button, with quotation marks and a + sign. Go through the thread and click that button on every post you wish to quote, then when you click "reply" they will all be there.

As for homeschooling, different states have different rules about how you must notify the public system but I don't think ANY of them have the right to approve or disapprove. You are simply notifying them that the child is being homeschooled and is not truant. YOU are the parent. They don't have the right to choose how you educate your child any more than they can choose where (or if) you attend church.

Good luck!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Honestly if the teacher's have written him off, I would homeschool him as well.

However my first thing would be to get counseling for him. He sounds like that he has been beaten down so much he may be suffering from some depression issues.
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[kirstenb1]

I have no experience with homeschooling so I can't speak to that.

But besides ADD, were you able to figure out what type of learning disabilities he has? I can't tell from your post if you know exactly what's going on or not? I understand his frustration---I'd be frustrated too!!

Just as an example. DH has pretty severe dyslexia. There wasn't a lot of help when he was your son's age. However, we have a couple of friends who's sons go to a private school here for learning disabilities. It isn't cheap by any means, but their kids learned so much!! One of the kids returned to public school in middle school, the other will return to join his peers in 9th grade, next year.

DH finally did get help in college, btw, so his story has a happy ending!

 

[disneygma11]

Hello. I am a veteran homeschool mom. My husband is a retired minister and we homeschooled all three of our children. I loved the flexibility that it allowed us. Two of our children were special needs children as well so it was harder for them to function in the public school environment so that influenced our choice to homeschool as well.

I am a firm advocate in homeschooling, however I will tell you that it can be quite time consuming. Most states do not require a parent to have anything other than a High School Diploma or GED. There are many, many options if you feel that you are not qualified to teach a certain subject. Homeschool groups can be a Godsend, sometimes other parents offer classes in certain subjects that they might be more qualified or knowledgeable about, check into those. The Homeschool Legal Defense association (hslda) as another poster recommended above is a wonderful place to find out about your state laws. There are many programs that allow you to just let the computer do the teaching and they grade the material themselves and send you feedback on it. If you want more control over your childs education there are programs out there that also allow that. Homeschooling does not necessarily have to be a package deal, you can pick and choose from several suppliers if you like. There are Christian Programs and then there are those that are equivalent to Public School programs with no religious instruction required. We began homeschooling when our youngest was in Kindergarten, he will be 18 in March and we are through. I have two granddaughters, but their mother has chosen to send them to public school and that is fine with me. It isnt the choice for everyone, but as long as you have the time to be committed to it you can accomplish it and it is a wonderful way for your family to connect. I learned so much just from teaching my own children, I enjoyed every minute of it. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

 

[Nayan]

I say go for it . There are quite a few different styles of homeschooling, from the 'school-at-home' type to unschooling (which is what we do). Consider how your son learns. Is he a hands-on type? A reader? More visual? Answering these questions can help you decide which path you'd like to take.

As much as folks here might say to check out HDSLA, I'd avoid them like the plague and instead check your state for support groups and help with laws and legalities. A couple sites I use are

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/index.htm

http://www.sandradodd.com/unschooling

http://www.lessonplanspage.com/

 

[susykt4]

I've never homeschooled, but if you can work it out, go for it. I have a coworker who had similar-sounding problems with her ADHD son. He hit high school and just lost it. He got kicked out of his private school for not having enough credits and just recently got kicked out of the public alternative school for excessive tardiness and absences. He's now almost 18 and talking about dropping out and getting his GED. The problem is, he's fallen so behind he may not be able to just go pass the test.

This is a good kid from a good family. His older sister just finished her Master's. His teachers refused to work with him and he got to the point where he couldn't take it anymore and stopped doing his work. Then he fell farther and farther behind until he's now overwhelmed and feels like school's not worth it. (And at age almost 18 with as much work as he needs to make up it's probably not worth it to finish traditional high school...)

I agree with everyone who said don't worry about your own education! There are tons of resources to help you. You can do it!

 

[Kat77]

Middle school is a hard age. I just spoke with a mother (DD's spending the night) who pulled her kid out of school and is now cyberschooling. They are about two months in and she says it's the best thing she could have done. Her DD is so so so much happier!
Join HSLDA! http://www.youcanhomeschool.org/starthere/default.asp?bhcp=1
They should have sample forms for withdrawing your child per your state law. They will guide you through it and advocate for your family should you have any problems from the district in the future (very rare).

 

[disneymarie]

He no longer takes medication simply because he no longer needs it like he did. Meds or not it never changed his learning problems. He did have a 504 plan, which the middle His teachers are fed up because he gets frustrated and then gets an attitude because they don't have the time to help him one on one. He tells his sister he gets picked on, but refuses to discuss it with me. I can't even get him to bring home his homework anymore, he just doesn't care any longer. His teachers won't post his homework on the webpage, so I never know what is even due. He is just so frustrated and tired by the end of the school day that he is totally shut down to even think about homework.

"PLEASE, I can't take it anymore". I just feel like crying, just as I have for years over him. I can't really discuss this with my friends because I know that they don't have any problems with their children and school so they just wouldn't understand.

Kim

Kim I can sympathize with your situation. My dd was gifted, but socially challenged and bullied from being so shy and quiet. The school did nothing to help and I was so frustrated as it went from climbing on the bed dressing her and dragging her to the school doors, to her not even going into the school doors.

I demanded a 504, she ended up home schooled 5 hrs a week to get through the school year. I hired an Advocate that demanded the enforced 504, the testing and plan to follow. To not follow a plan is unacceptable and causes undue emotional duress.

Your son deserves what ever accommodations he needs to get through the material. TOO bad if the teachers do not use it, the LAW states they must. At the point the school did the steps dd would not go back. She is diagx school phobic anxiety panic disorder.

This is the 3rd year for her online school experience. Her socialization is mainly older students, very focused on vocational things, dance, art, music photography and her interest in Nail art.

I would demand a 504, state you were unacceptably pressured to stop, and the ramifications are unacceptable to your child’s growing needs. One thing that may help, is to take on period and make it a study/needs period. They would provide him a free teacher or TSS to review the material to see what he needs to understand the assignments, tutor, let him work on the material right then with support. Take a test, finish a test, review a test...etc. Read with him, work with him, mentor him....

If this does not work, remember in a public school system you as a parent have a lot of power, the tax money being spent for your sons education is to help him succeed not easier for the teachers......
There are Education attorney's out there and often can refer an advocate or sue the school for the rights of your son.

Keep us posted and let us know if there is anything you need.
Hugs to your son.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Multi quotes: there is a little square next to the "quote" button, with quotation marks and a + sign. Go through the thread and click that button on every post you wish to quote, then when you click "reply" they will all be there.

As for homeschooling, different states have different rules about how you must notify the public system but I don't think ANY of them have the right to approve or disapprove. You are simply notifying them that the child is being homeschooled and is not truant. YOU are the parent. They don't have the right to choose how you educate your child any more than they can choose where (or if) you attend church.

Good luck!

If OP is in Virginia as her posting information states, VA cannot deny. I'm not too well versed yet in VA law though to quote requirements and all that. I do know that I had to submit what I was using (but still not sure if I could have stated less than I did), and shot records by a certain date at the beginning of the year.

One can decide to homeschool during the year, but I'm not sure of the details.

 

[punkin]

I have been considering home schooling since last year. I still haven't made the plunge. My DD has not been written off by the teachers like OP's child has. She has written off all the teachers. She believes that she is smarter and more knowledgeable than all of them and focuses her time on social activities (the real problem is she's not far off in her assessment).

I am loathe to take her out because she has so many friends and loves her school, she just has no time for academics. She does the bare minimum to get Bs and Cs and is perfectly happy. I know she can do better with just a modicum of effort (she's testing off the charts, particularly in English) but she stubbornly refuses. There are no learning issues, just extreme lack of interest and stubbornness.

The other reason she is still in school, is orchestra. The school is one of the best in the state and DD really loves it (straight As in that class and the teacher can't praise her enough).

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I have been considering home schooling since last year. I still haven't made the plunge. My DD has not been written off by the teachers like OP's child has. She has written off all the teachers. She believes that she is smarter and more knowledgeable than all of them and focuses her time on social activities (the real problem is she's not far off in her assessment).

I am loathe to take her out because she has so many friends and loves her school, she just has no time for academics. She does the bare minimum to get Bs and Cs and is perfectly happy. I know she can do better with just a modicum of effort (she's testing off the charts, particularly in English) but she stubbornly refuses. There are no learning issues, just extreme lack of interest and stubbornness.

The other reason she is still in school, is orchestra. The school is one of the best in the state and DD really loves it (straight As in that class and the teacher can't praise her enough).

Is there a youth symphony orchestra that she could audition for to do instead?

Where I came from, they had that and someone else had formed a homeschool orchestra/band. (the latter was too far from my home and my kids were too young so I don't know how that worked.)

 

[punkin]

Is there a youth symphony orchestra that she could audition for to do instead?

Where I came from, they had that and someone else had formed a homeschool orchestra/band. (the latter was too far from my home and my kids were too young so I don't know how that worked.)

I honestly don't know. Every time I bring up homeschooling, DD freaks out. She LOVES LOVES LOVES her school, just not the school part.