Confirmation- jumping through hoops.

[McDISer]

Can I make you all jealous for just a minute?

My child was confirmed yesterday so we are DONE!!!!!!

At our church we also have to do the community service hours, the letter to the bishop asking for confirmation, the saint report, etc. etc.

Yes it was alot of work for both the child and parents with all the meetings. But may I tell you I wouldn't have had it any other way after what we just saw with the Confirmation.

It was a beautiful service that I wouldn't have changed at all.

Believe me, I was just like you all just a few short months ago, crabbing about all the prep work.

It is worth it, take my word for it!

I believe you and congradulations. This is what we all look forward too. I think everyone else and the OP are stating, the Catholic Church Priests and DRE's are making it so difficult, (JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS) to get to this day. The Catholic Church teaches we are one Community of God. They teach the 10 Commandments, The Beatitudes and most 8th graders get it. It seems when they then get into highschool, they cram service projects, moral teachings, fund raising, 2 retreats a year and paper work and class time of 2 hours each Sunday, plus church participation-which still doesn't seem like it is enough, if you listen to what the DRE is saying. After going to these parent meetings, it just seems like they keep adding on and on and on and on and they make you feel like your child will never be worthy to receive Confirmation.

If you have a question or a concern, as an example-my ds was a server at Mass. He started when he was in 2nd grade. He still is serving. It is quite difficult to get servers in our church. We asked the DRE if his past Serving could qualify as having his "service hours" for the church completed. He needed to do 8 a year since he was a Freshman. Her answer was no, "he needed to find something else to do." We felt like it was a slap in the face. It was her way and we needed the slip signed that he actual did a service for the church for the organizer or liturgist. This is what we call "jumping through their hoops".

I think that is why we as parents and our children want to say, "when is it enough." Me and my son both felt like we are going to be stricken down if we don't follow every little guideline.

 

[Fantasmic303]

We were told we had to choose a saint's name. My sponsor was my oldest sister and her name happens to be a saint's name, so I chose that.

As was I, although they allowed us to genderize them if needed (mine is Gabrielle). I did some research for the kid I'm sponsoring and suggested several names based on her personality (Cecilia, Lucy, Sophia), but she chose Hedwig. Who, incidentally, is the patron saint of orphans...like Harry Potter.

 

[Camicar]

We were in 5th or 6th grade when we were confirmed. I did attend a catholic school, and it was covered in our religion class. But that was it! Rehearsal in the church, got the white gown with red strips running down, and showed up in church with my sponsor. That's it!

That's exactly how it was for me except it was 4th grade and our gowns were red with red skull caps. What I remember most about it was that being from NY, we were all confused about why we were wearing yamulkes!

 

[Fantasmic303]

First off, Hi Kylene! I haven't seen you in forever! Are you sponsoring the girl that you helped with the Harry Potter party all those years ago?

Anyway, I was at first astonished that she'd be able to pick Hedwig as a Confirmation name. Then I did a quick search and realized that there is a St. Hedwig. The name was the thing that absolutely ticked me off the most about my son's Confirmation. My son had chosen Jesse as the name he wanted for Confirmation. All the kids had to write a "Saint report" about the name they had chosen. My son did a nice job on his report and although he was given credit for completing the assignment, he received a note on the report from the DRE that said that Jesse was a good and religious man but he wasn't a saint and my son would have to choose another name. My son was very disappointed. I was LIVID! I went right over the DRE's head (and the pastor's). I wrote a three page letter to the diocese telling them that how could my son not be able to have the name of an ancestor of Jesus, the father of King David as his Confirmation name? Basically, I told them that it was nonsense like this that causes the Catholic Church to lose its young people. Trust me: They got a real piece of my mind. Anyway, a few weeks later I got an e-mail that my son could have Jesse as his Confirmation name. The DRE stepped very carefully around me from that point on!

I hope it gets better for you and for your child. This should be a happy occasion; not one where you're constantly feeling that you have to jump through hoops.

Hi Lisa!! Yeah, I've been around, but I've been so crazy busy my posting has been less frequent. But yes, great memory!! It's the same kid - I can't believe how old she got (not to mention how tall...she's beat me by atleast two inches already... ) but she still loves her Harry Potter! When she asked me if they actually announce your name in church, I asked her how they did it at her sister's a couple of years ago. "Yeah, they announced it," she told me. So I was like, "Well, then I think they'll announce it this time too, don't you?" and she says to me, "yeah...let's hope this Bishop is a mumbler..." She's actually got a new obsession though - Jonas Brothers. I took her to her first concert last night, and we had a great time!

Getting back on topic though, I'm glad you fought for "Jesse". I'm an active Catholic, but that's mostly to the credit of our church and pastor. He's not pushy, he doesn't beg for money, and, I think, he's very respectful of how people's lives have changed and how those changes impact their religion. He doesn't preach about political topics or criticize certain groups - he basically says, look - none of us is perfect...just do the best you can. I think it's sad that so many people turn away from the church, but I also understand why. Inflicting rules and regulations - instead of illustrating the spiritual side of the experience - makes the whole process a chore for families instead of instilling an appreciation for it.

 

[aprilgail2]

, but someone mentioned fundraising-what the heck was the fundraising for??

more money for the catholic church.....

 

[Figment22]

more money for the catholic church.....

In fairness, our kids raised money for two wonderful causes: First, a scholarship fund that had been set up several years ago in memory of a local teen who had died of leukemia. Second, and I really loved this one, they adopted the religious education program of a parish in Mississippi that had been devastated by Hurricane Katrina and helped get their program going again.

 

[Glenn]

My how things have changed. Im mid 50s & went to catholic school. We covered confirmation during our regular religion class that yr. Our sponser got a booklet to read about what it was to be a sponser. And that was about it along with picking a saints name. I did have to wear a coat & tie for the confirmation. The idea of making kids do fund raisers is wrong. It sounds like a way of using them to make money. Community service is nice but what does that have to due with anything? With all Ive read here it seems like they are probably driving more folks away from church than to it.

 

[SandraVB79]

So here's a question for you...

How many of you had to jump through all these hoops when you were confirmed?

I was confirmed in 7th grade (I'm 44 now). I don't remember having to do anything other than choose a sponsor and show up (and I think there was a rehearsal the day before). I did attend Catholic school, so maybe they covered stuff there and I just don't remember it? But there was no community service, no writing letters, no special classes or meetings, nothing like that at all.

I also went to Catholic school

For confirmation, we had to attend special classes (on Saturday or Wednesday afternoon - in Belgium school is out then) for two years, but it was once every two weeks and not during the vacations.
No community work nor fundraising.

 

[Pin Wizard]

We asked the DRE if his past Serving could qualify as having his "service hours" for the church completed. He needed to do 8 a year since he was a Freshman. Her answer was no, "he needed to find something else to do."

I wouldn't expect that they would allow for any past service. If he's currently an altar server, his current time sure should count!

 

[Diznygrl]

When I was in 2nd grade, someone had the brilliant idea of having us kids Confirmed at the same time we received our First Holy Communion! Now this totally defeats the purpose of Confirmation in the first place, doesn't it? I don't know what they were thinking, other than assuming we were all going to commit to Catholicism when we got older so why not just get it out of the way?

So it was, and aside from our Eucharist classes, us little 7 year olds were asked to pick a saint name. When the day came, we did the Communion thing, simultaneously getting a blessing by the bishop, and BOOM! Confirmed! I don't think any of us had any idea what it was all about. When I think back on it, I can't believe the parish actually did that.

 

[cruisnfamily]

When I was in 2nd grade, someone had the brilliant idea of having us kids Confirmed at the same time we received our First Holy Communion! Now this totally defeats the purpose of Confirmation in the first place, doesn't it? I don't know what they were thinking, other than assuming we were all going to commit to Catholicism when we got older so why not just get it out of the way?

So it was, and aside from our Eucharist classes, us little 7 year olds were asked to pick a saint name. When the day came, we did the Communion thing, simultaneously getting a blessing by the bishop, and BOOM! Confirmed! I don't think any of us had any idea what it was all about. When I think back on it, I can't believe the parish actually did that.

This is still going on here in my town. Not at my church, my kids were/will be confirmed in the 7th grade but the other big church here in town does it in 2nd grade along with first communion. I think it's crazy!

 

[OhMari]

When I was in 2nd grade, someone had the brilliant idea of having us kids Confirmed at the same time we received our First Holy Communion! Now this totally defeats the purpose of Confirmation in the first place, doesn't it? I don't know what they were thinking, other than assuming we were all going to commit to Catholicism when we got older so why not just get it out of the way?

So it was, and aside from our Eucharist classes, us little 7 year olds were asked to pick a saint name. When the day came, we did the Communion thing, simultaneously getting a blessing by the bishop, and BOOM! Confirmed! I don't think any of us had any idea what it was all about. When I think back on it, I can't believe the parish actually did that.

They do this in the Diocese of Marquette Michigan. They confirm 2nd graders with their First Communion. I remember reading in their bulletin telling the parents that they still needed to send their children to religous education classes. My dd went to college at Northern, in Marquette MI. I couldn't believe what I was reading. My daughter told me, the week before, the Priest gave a big speach how the parents had to send the kids to CCD. Just because they were confirmed, didn't mean they were done with classes.

 

[skoi]

I was confirmed Lutheran a long time ago, when I was in 9th grade (I'm 41 now). We had three years of classes every Saturday morning for 2 hours where we had to memorize and be able to summarize and show an understanding of: Luther's Small Catechism, several Psalms, the books of the Bible (not only the names but how they were categorized/what their purpose was). We did an in-depth study of the Gospel of Luke, and Bible and church history from the early church to the present. Then, we had examination Sunday, where they sat us in front of the church and the pastor asked us questions. The pastor before him actually "flunked" people.

We've since converted to Russian Orthodoxy and the kids get baptized and chrismated at the same time. We have no equivalent to confirmation, but have first confession at 7 or 8. That's when the kids have to start obeying fasting rules (no animal products including dairy and eggs), wine/alcohol, or olive oil on most Wednesdays Friday, 42 days before Easter, 40 before Christmas, first two weeks of August, and during the fast of the Apostles (sometime in June, varies). We're also supposed to do monthly private confession with our priest, and fast from all food and drink from midnight the night before we take communion.

Our kids would probably prefer the confirmation classes. The big ones do eat dairy and eggs during the longer fasts, because there are really only so many lentils non-vegetarians can eat.

Also, we almost never have the same Easter as everyone else. Ours is always the Sunday after Passover starts, so we're the end of April this year.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

My confirmation will happen this Saturday. We had 16 weeks of Classes, a retreat and special servicies to attend. Yes it was alot, but I feel like doing this as an adult I got so much more from it.

Congratultions to all the families that children going thru this process.

 

[disneyrun]

I gave up on my DS being confirmed. We are Lutheran and our minister has made zero effort to get my son involved in the church. Granted we don't go every Sunday and my son is not at all thrilled about going but a simple direct conversation probably could have gotten him on board. When he was a freshman in highschool he received a post card in the mail with the date, time and location. No other information, no phone call - nothing. The date happened to be on a night when the freshman football team had all of their games. They did later change the date when they found out at least 4 other boys were also not able to make it. It's a small church and I think the whole group of kids only numbered about 7 or 8. That was 3 years ago and our pastor has never spoken to us about it.

I've seriously considered changing churches, this one is dying. They have now stopped doing Sunday school and instead have a meeting on Wednesday nights for the youth. Attendance is seriously down and they are operating in the red every month

I mean no offense here but why is it up to your pastor to get your son involved in the Church? You say you don't go every Sunday, etc. but it's somehow his fault your child didn't go to the classes.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

Community service is nice but what does that have to due with anything?

What does it have to do with anything? Community service is an excellent way to follow in Jesus' footsteps. I think that this is one of the best components of the various confirmation programs discussed.