Confirmation- jumping through hoops.

[Jeafl]

I am so happy to have found kindred spirits! My son is making his confirmation May 3, and he HATES going to the classes. They are every Sunday night from 6:30-9:00. What a pain in the you know what.

What irritates me is the meetings that the parents have to go to. I went to one a few weeks ago. They passed out a packet of information, and then proceeded to READ IT TO US for the next 2 hours! JUST SEND THE STUPID THING HOME FOR US TO READ ON OUR OWN!!!!

The poor sponsors don't fare any better. They have to write a letter to our pastor telling him WHY my son should be confirmed, WHAT he wants for my son as far as religion goes, and WHY he thinks my son is ready! At this rate, no one is going to want to be the sponsor for my daughter when it is her turn. Incidentally, my son has to write a letter to the pastor answering the same questions. He is smart though, he searched through old Microsoft Word documents until he found the one my older wrote 3 years ago. He made a couple of changes and then printed it out.

 

[NikiM20]

DH went through RCIA a few years ago and that in itself was a PITA, classes all the time, mass at a certain time. DD is in catholic school and what ever they do they do. I would not be the parent who made DD go to CCD if it was required. She went 1 year and they sent the lessons home with the kids to do then checked them in class. I am basically fed up with the Catholic Church as a whole, everytime I turn around they are asking for money, if I dont give this much then I have to pay more tuition etc etc.

So basically its not just Confirmation you have to jump through hoops, to me its the whole religion and FTR I am catholic

 

[LimeGreenEd]

I attended Catholic school and made my confirmation in 8th grade (more than 30 years ago). No fuss, no muss, no extra work. When my daughter made her confirmation (also attened a Catholic school) in 11th grade they made the kids do weekly prep class for 3 years along with several retreats. No wonder teens don't want to bother with church anymore. With declining attendance at Mass you think the Church would make it easier, not harder.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I am dealing with that with my daughters first communion coming up. I will be so glad when it is over.

As for Confirmation she can do that as an adult if she likes..

 

[maelstrom]

She's more concerned about the fact that she chose Hedwig as her name (yes, because it's Harry Potter's owl) than anything else - apparently she didn't realize the names are announced to the church!

I chose Lucy as my confirmation name after the song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (after the director of the CCD program turned down my first choice of Wolfgang because I'm a girl; psssssh). The only reason I even completed my confirmation classes and made confirmation was because my mother bribed me with Ringo Starr concert tickets. She just felt that since she had to suffer through Catholic school, that I at least had to make confirmation. Nevermind that I'm an agnostic atheist and very much dislike the Catholic religion. Whatever, I got to see Ringo! This was when I was in 8th grade, so quite some time ago.

*Despite the Beatles references, I'm only 22, just not a *normal* 22 year old.

 

[mamamary]

So here's a question for you...

How many of you had to jump through all these hoops when you were confirmed?

I was confirmed in 7th grade (I'm 44 now). I don't remember having to do anything other than choose a sponsor and show up (and I think there was a rehearsal the day before). I did attend Catholic school, so maybe they covered stuff there and I just don't remember it? But there was no community service, no writing letters, no special classes or meetings, nothing like that at all.

Yep, I was in 7th gr. too and also went to Catholic school. I think we just covered everything in our regular religion class. I do remember that we had to dress up. I also remember we had to wear this scarf kinda thing around our necks with the name on it that we were choosing. I think there was one practice in church so we all kinda knew what we were doing. My kids are in public school and from what I read in our bulletin at church it does seem more complicated now. My son is in 5th gr. so I think I have a few more years to go.

 

[OhMari]

I would so love to print up some of these comments and give it to my co-worker and boss, who is a priest and DRE.

Basically these DRE's (Director's of Religious Education) for Catholics have made a job for themselves. When I was in the Catholic School in grade school, the nuns taught CCD and the Catholic school kids and CCD kids all made our Confirmation by 7th grade. Things changed about 15 years ago, when "lay people" and a coordinator was hired to over see the CCD program. Hence, the over seerer become a Director of Religious Education.

Our new Archbishop, actually wanted to change it back to 8th grade when he came 5 years ago, and one of the biggest reasons why they didn't change it? "Highschool DRE's would be out of a job."

The DRE's have monthly meetings and I think the just find out from each other, how to make our lives more miserable, by adding more and more and more things to do, to get our kids confirmed.

 

[rie'smom]

We don't have fundraisers. However, all of the kids being confirmed, including those in Catholic school who have daily religion class, are required to attend 2 years of confirmation class.

 

[wowsmom]

She's more concerned about the fact that she chose Hedwig as her name (yes, because it's Harry Potter's owl) than anything else - apparently she didn't realize the names are announced to the church!

I chose Lucy as my confirmation name after the song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (after the director of the CCD program turned down my first choice of Wolfgang because I'm a girl; psssssh).

We were told we had to choose a saint's name. My sponsor was my oldest sister and her name happens to be a saint's name, so I chose that.

 

[Figment22]

I feel your pain. My youngest son was confirmed last year in eighth grade following a two year Confirmation program. Meetings galore, fundraising, community service. Parents even had to attend six instructional classes with the kids and be involved in the assignments. At one of those sessions, they played a quiz game, parents vs. kids, asking the parents questions. Now I had eight years of Catholic school under my belt so I did fine but I felt it was really wrong for the priest to put parents on the spot like that.

They make it such a pain in the *** that it detracts from the joy. Each time, I'm more glad it is over than just plain glad.

My kids are getting nothing out of this, yet, if they don't attend they have the potential of not making their confirmation. It is a total waste of their time, IMO.

That's just so sad, because IMO all they do is turn more people away from the church & their teachings.

These two quotes are just so true and it's very sad.

She's more concerned about the fact that she chose Hedwig as her name (yes, because it's Harry Potter's owl) than anything else - apparently she didn't realize the names are announced to the church!

First off, Hi Kylene! I haven't seen you in forever! Are you sponsoring the girl that you helped with the Harry Potter party all those years ago?

Anyway, I was at first astonished that she'd be able to pick Hedwig as a Confirmation name. Then I did a quick search and realized that there is a St. Hedwig. The name was the thing that absolutely ticked me off the most about my son's Confirmation. My son had chosen Jesse as the name he wanted for Confirmation. All the kids had to write a "Saint report" about the name they had chosen. My son did a nice job on his report and although he was given credit for completing the assignment, he received a note on the report from the DRE that said that Jesse was a good and religious man but he wasn't a saint and my son would have to choose another name. My son was very disappointed. I was LIVID! I went right over the DRE's head (and the pastor's). I wrote a three page letter to the diocese telling them that how could my son not be able to have the name of an ancestor of Jesus, the father of King David as his Confirmation name? Basically, I told them that it was nonsense like this that causes the Catholic Church to lose its young people. Trust me: They got a real piece of my mind. Anyway, a few weeks later I got an e-mail that my son could have Jesse as his Confirmation name. The DRE stepped very carefully around me from that point on!

I hope it gets better for you and for your child. This should be a happy occasion; not one where you're constantly feeling that you have to jump through hoops.

 

[wowsmom]

Anyway, I was at first astonished that she'd be able to pick Hedwig as a Confirmation name. Then I did a quick search and realized that there is a St. Hedwig.

Go figure...I had no idea! Guess I'm not so up on saints' names anymore.

 

[Pigeon]

I have 19 nieces and nephews who are late teens or older, 16 of whom are being raised Catholic. Confirmation has become a hugely divisive issue with my brothers and sisters who are still Catholic. Of those kids, 10 refused to go through the ordeal.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I gave up on my DS being confirmed. We are Lutheran and our minister has made zero effort to get my son involved in the church. Granted we don't go every Sunday and my son is not at all thrilled about going but a simple direct conversation probably could have gotten him on board. When he was a freshman in highschool he received a post card in the mail with the date, time and location. No other information, no phone call - nothing. The date happened to be on a night when the freshman football team had all of their games. They did later change the date when they found out at least 4 other boys were also not able to make it. It's a small church and I think the whole group of kids only numbered about 7 or 8. That was 3 years ago and our pastor has never spoken to us about it.

I've seriously considered changing churches, this one is dying. They have now stopped doing Sunday school and instead have a meeting on Wednesday nights for the youth. Attendance is seriously down and they are operating in the red every month

 

[LisaNJ25]

I forgot to add.. another reason my ds is going to wait till an adult.. I tried to sign him up for classes last year when hr was 14. Since his last CCD class was second grade when he did his communions he was told he would have to make up 6 grades worth off classes.. that was so not going to happen.

 

[cruisnfamily]

DD made her 2 years ago....7th grade.

DS will make his next year.

There were probably 3 or 4 parent meetings. There was the dreaded "red folder" which listed all the requirements. There was a weekly class from 6-8pm every Sunday night. They did weekly lessons(thankfully they did those in class) they had a retreat. She had to do 10 hours of community service. She had to do a report on the saint's name she chose. Confirmation itself was on a Tuesday night(our bishop refuses to come on weekends). 2 rehearsals with the sponsor present. Ummm, that might be it but it sure seemed like a huge amount of work at the time.

No fundraisers at all thankfully. Reading about that in some of the posts concerns me, that certainly isn't what it should be about! As a matter of fact, in all the years that my kids have attended Catholic Religious education we've never, ever been asked to fundraise at all. The kids have been in CCD for about 10 years. We do get the annual request for a donation to the church but I imagine we'd get that even if the kids were not in classes. They do have to bring a toy every December which is donated to kids from a parish of migrant workers not too far from us. But absolutely no fundraising.

 

[wilderness01]

Can I make you all jealous for just a minute?

My child was confirmed yesterday so we are DONE!!!!!!

At our church we also have to do the community service hours, the letter to the bishop asking for confirmation, the saint report, etc. etc.

Yes it was alot of work for both the child and parents with all the meetings. But may I tell you I wouldn't have had it any other way after what we just saw with the Confirmation.

It was a beautiful service that I wouldn't have changed at all.

Believe me, I was just like you all just a few short months ago, crabbing about all the prep work.

It is worth it, take my word for it!

 

[barkley]

i was the reason the catholic church i attended as a young adult decided to evaluate and revisit their confirmation process (ultimatly they upped the minimum age and put more religious instruction into the process).

my bothers were all raised in the church, attended catholic schools, got confirmed...but by the time i was done with first communion my parents were not in regular attendance (i was a later in life child) so i did'nt look into confirmation until i was 18 or 19. by the time i did i had taken a couple of comparative religion classes in college and so in meeting with the parish priest for instruction i always came armed with questions to ensure i fully was understanding of the church's teachings and the full magnitude of the committment agreeing to be confirmed in the church meant. i understand that the priest after encountering me discussed with his superiors his concern that younger confirmation candidates did'nt even know to ask these questions, and perhaps did'nt fully grasp what confirmation meant.

in my mind, confirming onesself in any church infers that the individual is fully knowledgable of that church and is agreeing to uphold and practice it's teachings/beliefs/principles. in my opinion too many churches permit confirmation or membership without sufficient education and training-or in some it's very basic and does not fully disclose the totality of that faith.

i am struggling now with dd (13) because the church affiliated with the school she goes to (dh is a member, i am not) does not permit people to even be baptised within it until they are 'adults'-however they define an adult as someone who is old enough and mature enough to fully understand the totality of the faith's teaching and agree to practice the faith as they set forth. despite being educated in that faith since 1st grade i know my dd in is even aware of all of the church's teachings-or their (in my opinion) rather rigid practices that a member is supposed to follow in their everyday life. dd sees her classmates being baptised and wants to do so as well-i am the 'bad guy' for telling her unless she can demonstrate to me that she knows the faith, is willing to follow the practices-and moreso CAN follow the practices she will have to wait until she is 18 at which time it is her decision.

some would say i am discouraging her faith, but i look to all the 'kids' that got confirmed when i was in jr and senior high-few saw the event as more than a church ceremony with a family celebration (many more saw it just as something they 'had to do' because it was their parent's expectation/tradition) and i don't see that it helped to cement their committment to the church-most fell away, only to return because they felt like they 'had' to have their kids go thru the same process. i am simply encouraging her to be fully aware of her faith-and when she is able to embrace it knowingly-to do so aware and without reservations.

 

[maelstrom]

We were told we had to choose a saint's name. My sponsor was my oldest sister and her name happens to be a saint's name, so I chose that.

Lucy and Wolfgang are both saints.

 

[rie'smom]

We were told we had to choose a saint's name. My sponsor was my oldest sister and her name happens to be a saint's name, so I chose that.

You do have to choose a saint's name. There are tons os saint's name, including Wolfgang.

 

[allison443]

I forgot to add.. another reason my ds is going to wait till an adult.. I tried to sign him up for classes last year when hr was 14. Since his last CCD class was second grade when he did his communions he was told he would have to make up 6 grades worth off classes.. that was so not going to happen.

I'm not criticizing you, but I am just curious, if you haven't had him in CCD for the last six years, why you wanted him to be confirmed?
In our parish I see so many people who get annoyed that the kids being confirmed in eighth grade have to go to Sunday Mass every week and write a short paragraph on what the gospel was. I mean, that is one of the requirements of the religion-you're supposed to be going every week. I see so many people who just have their kids make communion and confirmation because it's expected, or the grandparents would freak out if they didn't have the kids confirmed, etc.
I think the service hours are a good idea, and not too burdensome, but someone mentioned fundraising-what the heck was the fundraising for??